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Original poster

Life, please let me go

33 replies

FlowersAndShit · 29/11/2015 16:25

I don't want to feel like this anymore. I hate my mother for bringing me into this world. Every tiny bit of hope gets taken away from me. I've had a fucking titful. My life is shit an every attempt to make it a bit better fails because i'm at the mercy of people that don't give a shit about me. Landlord won't even let me have a cat for company, to give me something to live for. It would help my depression immensely, landlord is a family friend too and knows of some of my issues. I've kept it spotless and made it my home, but he doesn't care. I'll likely never be able to get a mortgage because i'm too fucked up to work, so i'll never even be able own a pet. Just hope i die in my sleep, it would be a blessing from the constant misery and disappointment of life. I really really really hope I die in my sleep tonight, I truly don't want to live anymore. I've had enough

OP posts:
Toomuch2young · 29/11/2015 16:32

I am really sorry to hear that flowers.
Can you talk to someone it real life?
Do you have any friends or family you could call?
If not or if you are feeling actually suiciidal please go to a and e.
Or contact the Samaritans.
www.samaritans.org
I am sure in the future it would be possible to have a cat. How about for now you could do some voluntary work at the local rescue and spend some time with all those needy kitties? I am sure the rspca, cats protection etc would be great full of a pair of hands.
Flowers

mmgirish · 29/11/2015 16:34

I think you should call the www.samaritans.org

Good luck

emotionsecho · 29/11/2015 16:36

I'm sorry to hear you are feeling so low but please don't wish your life away. Is there nothing about life, even something seemingly insignificant like hearing birds sing in the morning, that you like/enjoy?

I understand what you are saying about the comfort an animal can bring and the responsibility for an animal can indeed give people something to do and it seems rather mean of your landlord to refuse outright hen he is a family friend and is aware of what's happened to you. Would it help you to volunteer for an animal shelter/charity do you think?

Weathergames · 29/11/2015 16:39

Please speak to someone in RL - now xx

Original poster
FlowersAndShit · 29/11/2015 16:41

I'm not suicidal, just wish I could go peacefully in my sleep. I only have my mum really but i live alone and she doesn't know what to do with me.

I'd love to volunteer but i'm agoraphobic so can't get out and about much.

OP posts:
londonrach · 29/11/2015 16:42

Flowers...do you have a nearby friend you can phone now. If not give the Samaritans a call. please read the other mntters advice as everyone cares about you xxx

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 29/11/2015 16:43

Could you have a smaller pet OP. A hamster or guinea pig?

Original poster
FlowersAndShit · 29/11/2015 16:45

i dont have any friends.

through I don't think so, he's a bastard

OP posts:
MNHQ
BeccaMumsnet · 29/11/2015 16:45

Hello FlowersAndShit, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Best wishes from MNHQ Flowers

emotionsecho · 29/11/2015 16:47

I've heard of a charity that brings pets to people for a couple of hours at a time, would that be something that may help in the short term? As the animal isn't staying it shouldn't cause issues with your landlord.

Is your agoraphobia being treated at all?

Could you have a look to see if there are any charities or organisations in your area that offer a befriending/visiting service so you don't feel so alone?

TheoriginalLEM · 29/11/2015 16:47

Does it have to be a cat? what about a rat? Your landlord can't object to that surely doesn't have to konw and they are really intelligent, loving creatures. You sort of have to take care to pick one that is friendly to start with but that wont be difficult. I had a lovely little rat that had the run of the house but obviously had her own little house and i was stunned at how interactive she was (much more so than many cats actually who can be really aloof).

ARe you on medication? do you need a meds review?

I wish i could give more helpful advice but am in a pretty bad place myself today.

celtictoast · 29/11/2015 16:47

Have you seen the GP and received treatment for your depression?

OddSocksHighHeels · 29/11/2015 16:48

Are you sure AIBU is the place for this? Maybe ask MNHQ to move it?

I'm sorry you're feeling bad at the minute, I understand. Are you alone tonight or do you have somebody that can be with you?

Would your landlord allow another pet? A small furry thing like a rat, they're lovely as pets.

Original poster
FlowersAndShit · 29/11/2015 16:48

The elderly cat I had my heart set on was called flower too

OP posts:
OddSocksHighHeels · 29/11/2015 16:49

X post with MNHQ and the rat suggestion!

I agree with LEM though, I've had both cats and rats and rats really are more loving and interactive.

Cattington · 29/11/2015 16:52

Sometimes when you are in the grip of depression, it's hard to ever imagine that you won't always feel life is so hopeless. One of the worst aspects of depression is the horrible tricks and messages it comes up with.

I've wished the same as you on more than one occasion. But, I am now well and while I can't work (due to other health problems) and am in rented accommodation, I'm happy to be alive.

Having someone, anyone to talk to is helpful. Is your GP good? If so, I'd really recommend you see them tomorrow and tell them what you've said on here. It must be rotten not to be able to have a cat. As Through says, would a smaller pet be something you'd enjoy? I know they aren't to everyone's liking but pet rats are very intelligent and friendly. The one I used to have knew his name and would sit on my shoulder!

Please speak to someone. It's a desperate feeling to not want to be here. But how things are now, aren't how they will always be. Flowers

unicornspooprainbows · 29/11/2015 16:56

I for one would happily share my dogs with someone in your situation, you would be a godsend for me, as I sometimes find it difficult to give them the love and attention they deserve, they'd love someone else to love them, who wouldn't? Borrowmydog.com might be a good place to find someone close to you who could do with a helper with their dog.
This shitness will pass OP, stay strong, some chapters in life are shit, just wait for the good bit, it will be there, sooner than you think probably.

itsmine · 29/11/2015 17:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elementofsurprise · 29/11/2015 18:01

My life is shit an every attempt to make it a bit better fails
I was thinking about you earlier, and being envious about your degree. I know you're younger than me too...

I'll likely never be able to get a mortgage because i'm too fucked up to work, so i'll never even be able own a pet

Plenty of landlords do allow pets... I understand the fear of never being able to work though. But there is time.

Sorry, that's all a bit cold and logical but you're obviously feeling so shite right now your brain is making up untrue worst-case scenarios.

Believe me I know how you feel, have had a hell of a week myself. No idea what to say to make it better but try to hold on a bit longer.

The animal rescue thing is a good idea if you were eventually able to manage that; I know they often want people to just come in and cuddle cats and things just to get them used to humans for re-homing. So all very ad-hoc rather than regular - I'm sure you could explain your position and that you'd have to pop in rather than set times. I am looking at doing that myself. I've heard good things about guinea pigs as pets, they are affectionate and have their own personalities, so in the long run you might find some animals in need like that which your landlord needn't know about won't mind about.

I know it all seems like a mountain to climb though, I'm standing right there next to you...

TheoriginalLEM · 29/11/2015 19:29

thats a lovely post elements Flowers

Original poster
FlowersAndShit · 29/11/2015 20:22

Thanks all, i've calmed down a bit now.

I do have a support worker and I've been out with her once but I need to meet her in town somehow next week.

I'm going to write to my landlord and ask him to reconsider the cat, wish me luck.

OP posts:
TheoriginalLEM · 29/11/2015 22:00

good luck. Write that you are willing to repair any damage caused by the cat and will keep it flea free. Glad you are feeling a bit brighter.

elementofsurprise · 29/11/2015 22:47

Yes and mention its an elderly cat living it's twilight years... sounds very sedate and not like a destructive kitten.

Cattington · 29/11/2015 22:50

Glad you are feeling a bit calmer now. Get all thesupport you can get your hands on. Writing to your landlord is a really good idea. Fingers crossed he listens. If you write what TheOriginalLEM says about repairing any damage and making sure the cat is properly and regularly given flea-prevention stuff and just how important having a cat is for you, esp at the moment, then hopefully he will re-think.

Things won't always feel as crap, honest. I know it's virtually impossible to believe that when you feel really down. Keep on keeping on. I know what it's like when you can't even see the tunnel, let alone the light at the end of it. Try not to think ahead. Just concentrate as hard as you can on the day ahead and getting through it in the best way possible and getting as much support as you can.

Madnson · 29/11/2015 22:56

Id ring him rather than right. Ask him what he is worried about and reassure him, re furniture/wallpaper.

I am a landlord, I have no issues at all with pets but do take an additional deposit in case of any damage they cause. I've never had an issue