I don't know what to do

[Goingtobeawesome]

I need help but haven't been able to get it as the counsellors have often made things worse. All I want is someone to understand my feelings and not belittle them. I think I've bored my friends and they really don't get it as move on, keep busy, are their stock replies. Medication doesn't work for me. I just want to acknowledge I'm going through something really painful at the moment along with heartbreak and I want that to be allowed without being told to move on. If I knew how, I would!

Hi
Sorry to hear you're so down. How long have you been like this?

On and off, a while.

PND/depression wise I had that for quite a while as it came on after every baby and I had a few in four years.

I know I'll always have issues as I can't get over childhood horrors but right now I'm in emotional pain as much for the fear I'll never be fine as the reason itself. Does that make sense?

Anyone want to talk to me please?

Have you tried calling any mental health helplines? Or charities? I have depression and have found a lovely local charity who treat me with respect and listen to me even though I'm sure I don't make sense.

I haven't as I've never had any luck with previous attempts. Face to face they don't understand and when I called one they said immediately, you can only call once and you have 20 minutes so I left it as I immediately felt unwanted.

I managed to find a counsellor privately, for similar issues, after years of being very badly let down by NHS mental health services, especially when it came to PND. (I hugely admire the NHS in all other respects).

This therapist was exactly as you describe you need someone to be. If she hadn't been, I would have just walked away.

Hope you find someone you can speak to. It really helped me after so many years of not being able to.

I'm just so annoyed I can't just give up. I don't belong here.

Found you.
Your feelings do matter, they're yours. They matter a heck of a lot to you.
If your friends have never felt like you do, they will struggle to understand. Doesn't mean they don't still love you.

You need the right counsellor, and they can be a bitch to find. It might help to look for someone who does, BPD and DBT. Putting effort into accepting and validating how you feel is part of their remit.

Childhood horrors are awful, they alter the whole way you grow up. You are brave, this is MN, someone could pop up and flame you at any moment.

Big hugs, do you have anyone in RL who you could go and snot all over their shoulder?

Samaritans let you phone as often as you like

Seeing you posted has just sent me into floods of tears. My oldest friend has not replied other to say get rest when I said I was having a hard time and I can't think of one person I can contact. I've never had anyone and I still don't. I'm just in agony.

Samaritans

You seem to be grieving a bit of your life that has been lost. Crying is ok (apart from the red blotchy face).

Blub you eyes out to them and see if they have some good advice on RL help. Your still being brave.
When you popped up on the other thread, I could feel your pain.

and now the naggy bit SAMARITANS (they are there for when the shit hits the fan and you can't cope)

Remember, turfing up at a decent sized A&E is acceptable, if it is all too much. They have direct access to lovely mental health nurses. A bit like queue jumping, acceptable if you need it.

big hugs

I'm grieving for what could have been if certain bad stuff hasn't happened and we'd been mature enough to talk and be honest. I've spent half my life and a few recent years intensely thinking one thing when it's the complete opposite. There's a lot of what ifs but on an enormous scale. Cried twice more. Hurt DH. Looked at a couple of help websites but don't know where to start. Tablets won't help as I've tried before. I have two friends who know a lot but they are not local, both v busy and both v tired of me as this is not a new thing. It's worse this time and one of them has really let me down so I've decided to have a tantrum back right off. I've gone silent before. Never noted though. I'm only living for my DH and DC at the moment but my whole life has been one of not being wanted and right now I want something for me .

I've just been through an horrific police situation and ^ has floored me.

You have DH and DC, they want you and need you.
SMARITANS get the hint
The something you need for you is a future. Get help to build it, demand help. There are people out there who can help, throw a directed, effective tantrum.

It makes perfect sense to me why I feel the way I do but it is dismissed as ridiculous so I can't let it go.

The Hoffman Process? worked for me

What is that please and is it something I can find out about online?

It makes perfect sense to me why I feel the way I do but it is dismissed as ridiculous so I can't let it go I hate to be an internet diagnoser but this sounds like PTSD. It is not ridiculous, it effects you, you matter.
How is your health visitor, a mine of all local information or likely to send you on a parenting course? Could be a place to start.
Or [[http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/drugs-and-treatments/dialectical-behaviour-therapy-dbt/#.Vj-a7bfhC00 mind]] can help you find local help.
What works for you will be unique because you are.

I don't have a HV and when I did she was rubbish.

I'm currently really up and down at the moment but the fact I have to get out tomorrow hopefully will help. I know I'll have a huge drop tomorrow though.