anxious and imagining awful things-is it just me?

[anxiousmama]

Am looking for some reassurance/advice/others who feel the same so know is not just me going mad! I have always been an anxious person-I worry about EVERYTHING and this seems to be getting worse. I keep imagining awful things are about to happen to my family and play out the scenarios in my head until I start crying almost as if its fact. I convince myself that what I think is going to happen is some kind of "premonition" and so is inevitable. My latest panic is about my Dad- I am convinced he is about to die- before he sees his grandson for the first time (ds is 2 mths-we live abroad and are due back in uk for xmas hols). At the beginning of the year I had a really strong feeling one of my family would die before the end of the year and now I feel as if clock is ticking and its inevitable. I know its irrational but these thoughts are starting to consume me. Then I start worrying about ds- I love him so much and am terrified something is going to happen to him. For example I visualise walking with him in his sling, tripping and falling and squashing him. I was having a lovely play with him after bath tonight then the thoughts started and I ended up in tears. My dp is out tonight and I am convinced he will be in a car crash-if not tonight then another time. I feel like I'm going mad. Does anyone else feel like this ever? (please say yes!!!). Just to clarify I dont think these thoughts are connected to pnd - have always been like this to an extent but I want it to stop now I have ds-I dont want it to get worse or affect him.

anxiousmama,i could so be you it's unbelieveable!

Snowleopard, that looks really interesting. Will definitely be having a read when I get chance. I didn't know there was such a thing as a Chronic Worrier.

I think I need to take a look at that link too. I'm getting myself into some awful panics about dd starting school full time in January. Ranging from her becoming unwell at school to me dying / being rushed to hospital unconscious and her left at school with nobody knowing where I am. I think today it's actually been making me feel unwell I've had stomach cramps and been terribly irritable. Does anybody else feel ill with worry sometimes?

Hi Imaginaryfriend Yes I've often had this problem . So much so I can bring on a migraine, nausea and stomach problems. It's just how my body reacts to the stress. Which then triggers the theme "I've got something wrong with me" and then I really panic!!!

OB I have got some genuine stresses in my life at the moment so I know I'm extra anxious. We're possibly moving and dd is starting full time school. The bizarre thing is that even when I've got 'real' worries, or maybe because of it, the other 'unreal' worries get so much worse at the same time! So I'm currently haunted by fears of various cancers and other ailments in my body. This morning I woke at 5am and lay there listening to my heart and feeling such pressure on my chest I thought something had to be wrong. And now of course I just feel knackered and unable to get on with the real worries I need to clear.

it's so frustrating. And I've been like this all my life. Grrrrr ..............

Hi IFriend sorry to hear how upset you are at the moment. Was there ever in your life a particular event that you can pin point your anxiety back too? I can completely sympathise I really do know what these awful sensations feel like. You just want them to stop so you can feel ..well normal. Hang on in there, you do seem to have a lot on your plate at present. I find problems tend to stack up on this never ending pile that just gets bigger and bigger, so to you there's no end in sight. For what its worth you are Very Normal so keep posting if it helps. I have found that the more stressed I feel the more stressed I become its a catch 22. If it helps to talk about your feeling and symptoms then do so as I'm sure one of us MN will have experienced the same at some point. Try not to be so hard on yourself, be kind to yourself, give yourself a break, you deserve it. What is bothering you regarding your dd going to school F/T?

Thanks for being so kind, OB. I worry incessantly about dd to be honest and her going to school is my latest fixation! She goes there at the moment in the mornings only but will be there all day after Christmas. Part of my worry is totally due to my nature as a compulsive worrier, another part is to do with the nature of my dd who is very shy, socially awkward and finds school generally busy and difficult. I sometimes just want to protect her all the time but I know exposure to the things she finds hard is the best cure. I worry about specific things like her being ill or hurt at school and feeling 'alone' and frightened. Then I worry about nutty things like gunmen taking over the school, fires happening, you name it I've worried about it. Not to mention meanness and bullying. She's such a sweet little girl my heart goes out to her all the time.

Imagineryfriend, if it helps I was quite concerned about DS starting school too. He is quite shy and a bit awkward too.(wonder where he gets that from) I dont think he really liked nursery very much. There have been a few blips but he has settled in quite well, I have also overcome a bit of my anxeity about this by volunteering in the classroom one afternoon a week. Took me a while to get up the courage to enquire but it has been worth it and I think it has helped his confidence.

Imaginaryfriend you sound how I felt when my daughter had to start school F/T. Like your DD she was very timid (being an Aug baby) and socially awkward - and still is at 11yrs! However, I was so upset at the prospect of her not being with me the whole day that I decided to write a letter to vent all my feelings. I felt so strongly about this that I kept her back from starting in the Sept and she started in the January. Also my DS was born in the Sept so I felt the timing wasn't right either. She took to F/T school like a duck to water - I worried and over worried about everything and all my worries were unfounded. Please don't be too hard on yourself, please don't worry too much, our children are much tougher than we give them credit for. Your not alone if that helps?

Imaginaryfriend Cori's right do see if you can help with the reading or arts/crafts and your mind will be put to rest.

It really does help to not feel alone, OB, thanks. This is nothing new, I've really spent my life being a total wreck and worrying incessantly about everything.

cori, it's a wonderful idea and I have thought about it but the school has a policy that mothers cannot offer to be volunteers in the class where their child is a pupil. I'm pretty sure too that if I were there dd would give up totally on any attempts to socialise! She's a bit of a mummy's girl.

Enough me - how are you guys doing?

Got my first flights with ds out of the way. Went really well. He met my Dad which was wonderful. So thats 2 fears that havent materialised into anything. So I should be feeling good about that. Instead I feel like I'm using up my 9 lives until some disaster happens, am somehow cheating fate by what I imagined happening not happening and so fate is going to come back tenfold with what is going to happen in future!!
Am so annoyed at myself but can't get rid of these thoughts-always there niggling away. Also my dp and I have decided to start our own business. Most part of me is really excited as if it goes well will mean amongst other things flexibility to spend time with ds. The other part is terrified of the risk. Already arrived at homeless scenarios in my head. Is SO exhausting being like this isnt it. At least there is comfort in the amount of people who have added to this thread- we're not alone!!

Hi anxiousmama so glad to hear everything went well with the flights. When something I've thought is going to happen and it doesn't, I feel just as you do thinking the worst and my DH says "your looking for something to happen" and of course he's right because that's how the mind works with anxiety playing on our fears. So after he says this I just think to myself "I know your right" because he is, I am looking for something to go wrong, so I try to distract myself either through music, reading or having a bath until I've calmed down. Try and find what works for you and give it a go.

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Hi, I know this thread is about 2yrs old but I was on here searching for the topic because I am terribly worried all the time about DP and DS. Anxiousmama and Olivebranch, if you are still online on here please can you tell me if you are feeling any better in the 2yrs since the last post on this thread??! I really hope so!
Its nice to see that I'm not the only one with such a hideously vivid imagination but at the same time its awful to think that there are so many of us feeling like this. It really is exhausting. My DP's out tonight so I'm having the same kind of worried thoughts as I always do.
I can't even leave my son with my mum without being awfully worried that they'll be run over or crashed into or something.
There was a thing in the news about a driver being jailed for ploughing into some people. Its rare but there's been a few things like that since I've had my DS and it really freaks me out every time he's out without me to the point where i just feel sick.
I think there is a bit of a stigma attached to feeling like this too, i am almost embarrassed to feel like this. I really wish i could be carefree but i have always been like this to a certain extent and my mum was and she got it from her parents.
I would just hate to pass this on to my son, its horrendous to feel like this, you can't enjoy anything!
Anyone still out there feeling like this?? x