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Original poster

anxious and imagining awful things-is it just me?

65 replies

anxiousmama · 01/12/2006 23:46

Am looking for some reassurance/advice/others who feel the same so know is not just me going mad! I have always been an anxious person-I worry about EVERYTHING and this seems to be getting worse. I keep imagining awful things are about to happen to my family and play out the scenarios in my head until I start crying almost as if its fact. I convince myself that what I think is going to happen is some kind of "premonition" and so is inevitable. My latest panic is about my Dad- I am convinced he is about to die- before he sees his grandson for the first time (ds is 2 mths-we live abroad and are due back in uk for xmas hols). At the beginning of the year I had a really strong feeling one of my family would die before the end of the year and now I feel as if clock is ticking and its inevitable. I know its irrational but these thoughts are starting to consume me. Then I start worrying about ds- I love him so much and am terrified something is going to happen to him. For example I visualise walking with him in his sling, tripping and falling and squashing him. I was having a lovely play with him after bath tonight then the thoughts started and I ended up in tears. My dp is out tonight and I am convinced he will be in a car crash-if not tonight then another time. I feel like I'm going mad. Does anyone else feel like this ever? (please say yes!!!). Just to clarify I dont think these thoughts are connected to pnd - have always been like this to an extent but I want it to stop now I have ds-I dont want it to get worse or affect him.

OP posts:
cutekids · 07/12/2006 16:22

i'm another one.
i find i'm worse when i'm pre-menstrual.
anyone else?

Original poster
anxiousmama · 07/12/2006 18:14

am up for the idea of an anxiety thread cori. My dp is out this eve so am having usual car crash thoughts......

OP posts:
imaginaryfriend · 07/12/2006 19:04

I'd be up for the thread too. Can you link to it on here if you set one up?

OLIVEBRANCH · 07/12/2006 19:07

Imaginaryfriend the book helps you understand in an easy to read way why you are having these thoughts and how to combat them. It has quick and simple exercises to do as you go along where you jot things down as and when they happen. It is amazing how just seeing something written down and then being able to cross it through, when of course it doesn't happen, has on your stress levels. The relief is unbelievable, I was very sceptical I can assure you at first, as I really felt how on earth can this help when my thoughts are like a runaway express train full of disastrous situations with no brakes. I was pacing the floor at 3 in the morning, I had weird physical symptoms and imagined everything wrong with me. My Dad died when I was 16 but my mother could never deal with talking about it, so my siblings and I just carried on as though nothing had happened in a weird kind of way, and I learnt to deal with it. That was until I had a miscarriage and it opened a whole can of worms with bereavement and death that was when the anxiety started. I felt the same about the spoken relaxation tape that the HV provided I would have laughed at the HV had I not been so Stressed!! But yet again I had to eat my words the soothing voice and the exercises really did have an impact on me. However, one thing I must say is that you have to catch the anxiety before it gets too much of a hold because once you cross that line from being mildly stressed to heart pounding thoughts, nothing will clam you down and you just have to go with the flow as hard and as difficult as that may seem. At extreme periods of stress like this I take a herbal tablet called Natracalm which takes the edge off those intense feelings. The book may not be every one's cup of tea but when your desperate I think you'll try anything. Good Luck. Very Very sorry anxiousmama I really haven't meant to go on but I felt I needed to explain my situation to show how the book helped. Do hope your not too cross.

Original poster
anxiousmama · 07/12/2006 19:34

course am not cross-poor you-sounds like you've had a real time of it. Such a testament to you that you are not letting it beat you but that you're trying to get control of it. book sounds great. am going to hunt it down on amazon ((hugs))

OP posts:
drosophila · 07/12/2006 19:40

Similar thoughts here. I have thought about hypnotherapy but never seem to have the time.

imaginaryfriend · 07/12/2006 21:01

I'm going to look for that book tonight olivebranch. I've tried so many things and nothing's worked, it's really worth a try. Your experience, by the way, sounds very similar to mine. And you really do generally feel less stressed these days?

OLIVEBRANCH · 07/12/2006 22:38

Thanks anxiousmama your a Star. I'd say these days I'm very much more aware of the triggers so I try to stop them before they can get a hold. However, in all fairness a lot depends on how you are generally feeling and if I'm over tired my resistance is low and these negative thoughts are very good at flying under the radar!! I have months when I'm doing just dandy then out of the blue its there again - I'm sure you must know that feeling? I'm no expert by any means but I'm determined not to allow this to ruin my life.

drosophila · 08/12/2006 07:56

DO youfind it links in to phobias like fear of flying etc. For me it has. I have irrational fears of flying and driving. This is why I thought of hypnotherapy as it seems to be very successful in treating phobias.

OLIVEBRANCH · 08/12/2006 09:37

Yes definitely, there are different types of anxiety and this falls under one of them.

drosophila · 08/12/2006 10:32

DP is wary of hypnotherapy which just feeds into my anxiety. Funny thing is when a real crisis does occur I can be strangly calm.

Original poster
anxiousmama · 08/12/2006 11:07

am exactly the same-in fact am the person that all my family and friends lean on in a crisis. Am also very good at advising people and rationalising their own anxiety-just my own I can't deal with!Part of my problem is the fear of something happening I wont be able to cope with I think. That fear starts the anxiety and speculations off. Am taking first flight with ds soon and am dreading it-there isnt a disastrous scenario I havent imagined.
By the way, despite my concerns last night dp returned safely! I need to get a grip-am sick of this dominating my life

OP posts:
thebecster · 08/12/2006 11:27

Don't know if you ladies are aware of PNA (post natal anxiety)? I suffered quite badly the first few months of DS's life. It has lifted now that he is 6 months but it can last up to 2 years after the birth. PND is very well known, PNA is only newly recognised, so often not diagnosed. Symptoms are: obsessive unrealistic worries ie. not just the usual 'what if I die?, what if DH dies? What if my baby has incurable disease?' which all new mothers think about, but actually believing that this is about to happen and feeling all the anxiety as if it was real. Also obsessive behaviours like compulsively making lists, obsessive checking 'is he breathing, is he breathing, is he breathing...' all night - that kind of thing. Your GPs might not even be aware of it - it just happened that I had my baby at John & Lizzy's where one of the founders of the Birth Unit is a specialist in PNA. Otherwise I would have just thought I was going mad! There isn't really a treatment available, but I did have counselling which helped a lot. Hope that my experience is helpful.

cori · 08/12/2006 20:02

thebecster, i thought anxiety was part of PND not a seperate condition as such.

I find it really interesting that a number of us have experienced loss during our adolescence. Dh also lost a parent when he was young. Dont think he suffers from anxiety though.

I have tried hypnotherapy but it didnt really help at all. I dont have any phobias though, but I think I also suffer from social anxiety a bit. I always thought that I was just a bit shy, but it is more than that. Does anyone else suffer from social anxiety as well?

beaner07 · 10/12/2006 21:50

Hi, hope you don't mind me joining in but I am also a worrier and am sure I have some form of Social Anxiety.

I have often thought it was just me that is like this as DH is great but just doesn't understand what it is like - he doesn't worry about ANYTHING.

Recently I am convinced something is going to happen to me/dh or ds and that someting will end up in death. I never used to be that bothered about death but when DS was 9 weeks old my dad died very suddenly, then in June my mum's dad was diagnosed with cancer and died 6 weeks later, then in September I had a m/c and since then I am convinced this means there is something wrong with me.

I am just glad to know I am not alone.

cori · 12/12/2006 12:24

hello beaner
You are welcome to join in , it seems helpful to find out that you not alone. Some of seem to have a similar loss to the one you describe.
What do you think might be wrong with you?

I dont find my anxiety over powering me but do feel that I need help in learning how to deal with things. Went to see my GP yesterday and have been referred for CBT. So am quite please about that.

beaner07 · 12/12/2006 13:26

Hi Cori, I know this sounds silly but since the miscarriage I think that something will be wrong with me being able to conceive again as I have had a few niggles (been to docs and he said it is nothing to worry about).

But recently I read something in work about a woman who had died of ovarian cancer at the age of 36 (who had two young children) and I get fixated on things like that, that any little pain/feeling etc is going to be something like cancer - a big part of me knows it is stupid but I can't help myself thinking about it.

Reading it back here now sounds ridiculous!!

cori · 12/12/2006 19:53

I know how you feel. I worry about these similar things when I have read a tragic story. Usually i can out it behind me though, I dont find the anxiety overwhelming more like a constant niggle.

It is normal to worry about concieving again after miscarriage. There is an execellent thread on Mumsnet for women who TTC after miscarriage.

MWH · 13/12/2006 19:10

Hello, joining in quite late--This is my 1st time posting. Glad to know I'm not the only one who feels like this!
I have always been anxious and anticipated disasters, went to many a counselor who said it's protecting yourself. Previous tragedies have make you wary of more. One told me when my mind goes off on frightening scenarios to stop and find a nice thing, like MrsChristmasboo, say to yourself, "That's a beautiful flower' or something similar, to sort of change the subject in your head.

Problem is I get so consumed in the bad thought I forget to shake myself out of it.

beaner07 · 13/12/2006 20:54

Hi MWH (and welcome) - that sounds like a good idea about distracting yourself but I am like you and get so caught up in the bad thoughts - will have to try and remember.

Cori, think I have seen that thread on TTC, thanks for mentioning.

cheeryface · 13/12/2006 21:15

probably sounds odd but when i start togo of on one imagining all sorts i say to myself in my head 'cancel it' as though to cancel out the negative thought pattern. sometimes works.
dh is driving to scotland tomorrow and i am worried about him. my main worries though are all centered around my kids getting very ill or something bad happening to them. i am really ott, i often check ds when he asleep to see that he doesn't have a temperature
i also get very stressed about going on a night out for the same reasons so it spoils that aswell.

MrsChristmasboo · 13/12/2006 21:37

I find it hard letting anyone other than my mum look after my two boys as i just can't relax and let someone else worry for a min!

And i know this sounds stupid but not only have i been waiting for lightning to strike my house (a house in an area near to me was struck on ds1s birthday) but i keep waking up thinking theres a tornado heading toward us. Hmm reading it back makes me look nuts! Poor dh just rolls his eyes whenever theres a storm as i flap about turning off tellys/plugs/microwave etc etc then grab the kids and sit in silence.

So my fear is completely irrational but as i tell dh 'it can happen'

I am still writing things down and it really is helping. It was the last port of call before the tablets and so far i won't be needing them! Which is great as last time i was so out of it i didn't feel like me iykwim.

MrsChristmasboo · 13/12/2006 21:39

Oh and Cheery, i have an ear thermometer that poor suffering dh has hidden as he would hear it in the middle of the night beeping only to find me taking the kids and his temp! Luckily he sees the funny side....
But i know where you are coming from, its an awful way to be.

snowleopard · 13/12/2006 21:53

I'm a huge worrier too and have found this thread very reassuring! I do exactly the samme thing, getting convinced something terrible will happen to DS, me or DH by turns, having morbid fantasies and getting myself very upset.

I have been meaning to look at this properly for ages. It's a kind of series of leaflets to help you cope with worrying. Stupidly I haven't started it yet because I haven't had tme, so I don't know how good it is, but it might help...

MrsChristmasboo · 13/12/2006 21:59

Will have a look at that when i have a few spare mins. Looks interesting.