I have depression, on meds, having therapy (cbt, not helping). a lot of this was triggered by money worries, stressful job, huge move 200+ miles, legal issues, and, the biggie - I thought dp was cheating, he was and is marrying ow next year. (she was texting me anonymously) to say she was seeing him, he denied everything) I am dwelling on:
whether I will ever not have depression (I have had many episodes, often with suicidal impulses)
why we are all here/meaning of life (and keep thinking I want to do a Ouija board to contact someone who will help me and tell me I will see dm again - I know pathetic)
why she was better than me, he told me I was disorganised and messy, so that is part of it, she is younger and prettier too.
how the hell I am going to cope on the "big day".
I keep telling myself I AM being unreasonable, I have got lots going for me compared to many, I do believe in woo, but not Ouija boards, by the time of the wedding I may not care. I get the most support from here, I have name changed as I don't want to be outed but also posted on relationsips under this name and got some good advice (thank you RiceCrispieTreats) but I have woke today and I am wallowing. He told me I was messy, and I am sitting in a messy house feeling like a failure.
He was my first proper relationship for 18 years, since the father of my children dumped me while pregnant and kept our house.
please talk some sense into me. thank you.