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Mental health

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Original poster

Out socially when off work with anxiety

69 replies

Sheepymooves · 17/09/2015 21:01

Would you do it?

I've been invited out and would love to try and get out but not sure if it's appropriate?

OP posts:

WatchWithMerlot · 17/09/2015 22:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

daisydalrymple · 17/09/2015 22:41

Is it appropriate for you to drop your manager an email as part of keeping in touch, and say you've been advised to try and keep life as normal as you can out of work.? This may include some social outings with family, which you are actually struggling with, but need to keep trying to do as part of getting better and back to normal as soon as you can?

AgentCooper · 18/09/2015 08:20

I think the fact that you're keen to go is a very good sign, and it would be a shame for you to miss out. If I were you (and I have generalised anxiety disorder), I would go (even just to the restaurant if that feels more comfortable) and be prepared to explain to your boss that graded exposure back into environments with lots of people is an important part of recovery. But of course that's only if it even comes up.

When I've been at my worst, I couldn't leave the couch so feeling calm enough to go out and see people is a massive step. I'm sure this is advice you don't need, but be careful with the drink if you go to the pub. If I was feeling really bad, I'd guzzle it to calm down and the next day would be hell. Equally if I was feeling good, I'd knock them back, thinking 'yay, I'm normal again.' Nowadays I bodyswerve alcohol 99% of the time.

Good luck with whatever you choose to do - go easy on yourself and be proud of yourself

Original poster

Sheepymooves · 18/09/2015 08:45

Yes to the alcohol - I had so much at the Christening as I'd felt that bad that it stopped the feeling - and then I had more in 'celebration' of feeling normal. NOT good. And I suppose tonight the intention for me would be to have a few and get that 'normal' feeling.

I'm going to sadly give it a miss and go out for a meal tomorrow with family and DH when it's not an issue.

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Original poster

Sheepymooves · 18/09/2015 08:52

And yes the day after was hell.

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PressTheAButton · 18/09/2015 09:42

I would do the same thing. Morally you would be completely justified going to both but I think it's a good idea to be seen to be doing the right thing. Iyswim

SignoraStronza · 18/09/2015 09:50

Years ago in my ft first, job age 18, I worked with a girl who, shortly after passing her probation, went off work with what was then known as 'stress'. We worked in a customer facing role at a bank but, other than dealing with the general public, it wasn't a particularly stressful role.

When she came back two weeks later, accompanied by her fiancé, she was clutching a sheaf of estate agents' house details and walked straight into the branch manager's office to discuss a staff mortgage for their first home.

I remember being slightly surprised.

Yourface · 18/09/2015 10:19

Actually rachelzoe and to anyone else judging me and finding me wanting....the event was more than 10 years ago and I was wanting to provide the op with a brief anecdote of a similar event which ended badly. Did it ever occur to you there could be a lot more to the story than the average time poor mumsnetter can be arsed to write up??

I personally suffered with more than 10 years of anxiety and insomnia and for most of that period slept little more than 3 nights out of 7. Although I am no expert on everyone else's condition I am able to empathise to some degree.

In respect to what happened I had a conversation with my best friend who was, like me a senior manager, covering a geographically different area to me. I said...oh by the way I was at my friend's private party on Saturday. I saw Omar there. He had blagged his way into the pub for the free drink and was asked to leave. Friend says ....oh really he's off on sick leave with depression at the moment. Too ill the day before too speak to me, etc, etc.

I instantly regretted mentioning it, unaware he had been signed off, and indeed reminded her that depression should not preclude him from enjoying a night out. My friend went on to discuss the wider picture, none of which I can remember now. He did not get the sack on the basis of going out and am not sure he got the sack at all, but rather 'managed out.' We worked for a company that was so scared of it's own shadow that staff members were rarely sacked or even managed out and consequently, we managers were stuck with some pretty terrible staff teams. He must have been pretty bad to be forced to go.

So, in conclusion, this situation is unlikely to have any bearing on your's op. I feel sad that you have decided not to go, as I can only see the benefits. However, if you are soon there is a chance big or tiny, that you may find you are viewed differently. This shouldn't be the case, in an ideal world but we don't live in an ideal world. I would say, do what you can cope with and a bit more than that! As a fellow sufferer I believe it is good to get outside your comfort zone as that will then become your new comfort zone...eventually!! You will get there! I promise! I have but it takes work.

Yourface · 18/09/2015 10:20

seen not soon!!

Original poster

Sheepymooves · 18/09/2015 10:57

I suppose it would only be in my comfort zone as it's evening and at the pub and I've convinced myself because I can have a drink it'll be okay. That's not right.

The other thing is my work have been so understanding and I wouldn't want to risk that going forward - so even in a perfect world I should be able to go out it's not sitting right which is why I started this post.

Thank you for all your comments. I start CBT at the end of the month although it his ludicrous fear I have I can't see me operating again in the job I love.

OP posts:

Original poster

Sheepymooves · 18/09/2015 10:59

What the hell! Sorry for typos! You get the gist!

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Original poster

Sheepymooves · 18/09/2015 11:05

Also I really agree that it shouldn't be an issue but my heart tells me it still is.

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ThoseAwfulCurtains · 18/09/2015 11:14

I think a lot depends on how you're viewed at work. It shouldn't but it does. If you're known to have a great work eithic and aren't a piss taker around having time off for every cough and sneeze I think you'd be fine but there are people who have sick leave for every little sniff and I think it's those lead-swingers who are judged severely.

ThoseAwfulCurtains · 18/09/2015 11:15

Ethic

NewBallsPlease00 · 18/09/2015 11:17

Honestly, I would be somewhere more gentle
If one if my team were off sick with anything I would be surprised to see them in a pub/ bar surrounding

Mellifera · 18/09/2015 11:20

OP, I wouldn't go to the pub. As many before have said, it is a step in the right direction to go out socially, but it could backfire, sadly.

People who know nothing about anxiety/depression just see you out and about drinking and assume you are fine. They cannot see into your head.

Please watch the alcohol, it is very easy to self medicate, the immediate effect is good, but alcohol is a depressant. It will make your anxiety a lot worse.

Look after yourself.

mummytime · 18/09/2015 11:30

If you can go out without "drinking alcohol" it is probably part of getting better. But if you will drink to make yourself "feel better" then you are crossing a dangerous line.

I think that is far more fundamental than how it will look to others.

The worst thing for depression/anxiety etc. would be to not go out incase someone sees you. However sometimes people will judge if they do see you - we need more thought and education.

TheoriginalLEM · 18/09/2015 13:50

i am so angry on behalf of the op! if i saw an employee of mine in the pub whilst signed off with anxiety i would be pleased. I would think they were making some positive steps towards recovery.

op - you do not need permission from people on the internet who know nothing about you.

please try and go. Its not a night if debauchery it's a night with pta mums. you'll be home by 10 my bet! the pta really helped me regain my confidence when i lost my job due to anxiety.

i know how difficult it is to go out when suffering anxiety. But it's a million miles away from being at work!!

don't let your illness isolate you any more - I'll virtually hold your hand.

Wryip11 · 18/09/2015 13:59

Guess I was lucky - when I was off with depression my boss told me to go and do stuff! Mind you, I wanted to work and she refused to let me so she clearly had some decent knowledge of the issues

Original poster

Sheepymooves · 18/09/2015 16:53

Thank you TheOriginal!

I am still umming and ahhring over it as have been laid in bed all day feeling sorry for myself.

OP posts:

TheoriginalLEM · 18/09/2015 17:20

ive lost count of the times anxiety has stopped me from going out. so if you do feel up to it you go and don't worry about work. The worst that ever happened to me when I went out was that it was actually a bit boring.

are you on any medication?

NameChange30 · 18/09/2015 17:24

"The worst that ever happened to me when I went out was that it was actually a bit boring."
LOL, this is so true!

I hope you decide to go out OP. Even if it's just for an hour.

StanSmithsChin · 18/09/2015 17:33

My GP and MH support team are encouraging me to go out socially. I am currently off work with stress and anxiety and tbh if I had my way I would never leave the house again. However isolating myself will not help according to the professionals so I am encouraged to go out socially as well as to the shops, school run at least once per week. It is a struggle and I spend hours preparing myself before hand but afterwards I do feel better and each time out is an achievement.

Original poster

Sheepymooves · 18/09/2015 18:17

The school run is the worst! Anything where I don't feel I can immediately escape if I want to.

I am going after the encouragement (easily persuaded after initially deciding not ).

If someone grasses me up for being with a group of PTA women in a negative way then so be it.

I have always been such a hard worker producing results. I can say that as this is anonymous - and have never swung the lead.

I know in my head that I'm telling the truth about my anxiety and if I could drop DS off at school without a total freak out that'd be nice.

Not building it up in my head yet so that's good.

OP posts:

NameChange30 · 18/09/2015 18:23

Yay! Good for you! I'm sure you'll have a lovely time and feel proud of yourself for going

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