Is this a terrible idea to try to help my suicidal sister?

[maryclarey]

Hi everyone

I hope it's ok to post in the topic, it's my sister who is very ill at the moment (although I have my own issues goodness knows) and I am quite desperate to help her.

She is hopeless at the moment and has that certainty that things will never get better and will not improve. She already made a serious attempt a few months ago.

I want to try to give her some hope and some focus for when she comes home (she's in a crisis house at the moment) and I was thinking of getting her a pet. Is this a terrible idea? She lives in an apartment so it would have to be something suitable for that, a house kitten or a small furry or two. Just something who she can love and maybe provide some hope and love to her.

I'll accept this might be an awful idea and I shouldn't do it, but you see nothing else I do seems to help really so I'm a bit desperate. She has that look behind her eyes and it really scares me. You know the look.

So what's the consensus? Awful or good idea?

It's a nice idea OP, but I personally know a few people who have been suicidal and/ taken their own lives and they had family, children, pets, good jobs etc unfortunately having all these things didn't stop them feeling their life was 'hopeless'
Your sister needs help, therapy, to help her to see that her life is not 'hopeless'..this usually means tackling these very negative, destructive thoughts head on, which are causing this hopeless feeling.

Unfortunately these thoughts can torture anyone from someone who is unemployed to someone who seems to 'have it all', someone who has lots of pets and loved ones and someone who lives alone can be equally affected.
If you are prone to depression you can make anything seem terrible, even a seemingly 'perfect' life! Having been there myself!
Can you get your sister to a Cognitive Behavioural Therapist? You would really help her with this, this is an excellent therapy for overcoming suicidal thoughts/feelings of 'hopelessness'.

Hi, thanks everyone

Yes she has had CBT and psychotherapy but neither helped.

Unfortunately she took another overdose this weekend as I feared would happen so we are back to square one and she has been admitted. Feel so helpless.

At my lowest I found reiki very helpful

I'm not saying it would cure how she feels, but it's a gift in a similar situation that helped me...

Was just thinking about you and your sister: I am so sorry to read your update OP.

Thinking of you.

Thank you notquite, that's really kind of you.

We are still battling on, she is home now but still exhibiting some worrying behaviour I feel. I saw a To Do list that included some things she wants to do relating to tidying up her affairs and she has been doing those things bit by bit. I feel like I'm doing all I can but its still not enough. The freight train is coming closer and closer, it feels like. It's awful to see how resigned she is.

This sounds terribly selfish but I'm not sure how much longer I can cope like this. I do have support (DP and a couple of friends) but I'm constantly in a state of high anxiety, jumping every time the phone rings, desperately trying to think of ideas and give her something to hang on for. I am the only family member who she will "deal with" although there is one other (father) who wants to help but is pretty hopeless about actually doing anything useful. She feels so let down by him and past actions that she has pushed him away. We have both gone NC with our mother.

Gosh all a bit of a waffle, sorry. It's just good to have somewhere to vent.

OP I know you said therapy had failed for her..but could you find a different therapist??

You need to 'click' with your therapist for it to work...I paid to see a 'life coach' once...she was really nasty! so insulting I went home crying and feeling worse than before. When you find someone who is really good it is so different!!

I got a couple of guinea pigs shortly after being discharged from hospital the last time, as everyone was convinced it would be great for me to have something to stroke and be responsible for.

Actually, it was just one more thing I had to drag myself out of bed for in the morning and at night - another reason I had to remember to go to the shops, another job to do, cleaning out the hutch and grooming them - the stress and anxiety it caused me was unbelievable.

When we moved house we rehomed them and I was so happy. I still some days think about getting a dog, but I know that within days I would regret it - most days I don't want to leave the house and having a dog won't change that, I'll only resent it. If I can't stay alive for my children and family, a dog/cat/rodent isn't going to change anything.

Exactly Rumpy, if you feel bad about yourself, that won't be changed by pets, babies, new clothes etc...even being loved by someone else...external things basically!

Learning to like & love yourself, talk back to your self-critical thoughts, so you self-esteem increases is what worked for me.

...or should I say 'works' for me..it's a constant ongoing process tackling me thoughts.

not 'me', 'my'!

In case I wasn't clear above there will be no pet bought especially now due to her second attempt.