Has anyone else seriously contemplated leaving their children?

[fourthattempt]

and, if so, did you stay? At the moment, I think I'm only here because a) they would be so sad if I wasn't and b) I seriously believe DH couldn't cope with them on his own. I'm needed but it doesn't make me feel good. It just makes me feel desperate.

Sorry.

Message withdrawn

fourthattempt - I skimmed through and couldn't see how old your children are. If they are pre school then things will get lots better when they start school. If not, maybe you need some professional help.
I didn't feel as trapped as you, but I was VERY grumpy sometimes and ended up feeling terrible when the children were so sweet to me afterwards.
You certainly aren't alone in feeling as you do.
Just by 'talking' this through on MN you will feel better about it. Keep posting - you'll get a lot of support.

As they often do, things seem a bit better today. Had a reasonable night's sleep, put my ear plugs in and couldn't hear DD coughing in the room next door. DS at nursery today and DD gone to school (no coughing this morning). I've just had my hair cut and am about to go shopping. So, yes, a little 'me' time is very therapeutic. I often think about leaving my family, but don't really believe I'm close to doing it. Just thinking about it makes me feel crap, though, cos its tragic to feel depressed by the one thing (or in my case two little things) that also make me the most happy.

I read through a lot of posts on MN, which I find a little bit addictive btw and am also guilty about the amount of time I spend on here, and feel ashamed of myself when I see the horrible situations other posters are facing which are far worse than mine. Feeling depressed makes me feel depressed IYSWIM.

But thank you for the messages of support. I know there will come a day in the not too distant future when we all have a really good day together and I will feel much more like my old self.

And I have got an appointment to see my GP, anyway, about a phobia that is really stressing me out. Part of my wanting to get away is tied up with all that, so if I can overcome that, even just a little bit, then maybe I won't feel so trapped in a life I don't like very much.

Rambling and droning. Am going to make myself sign off now. Am thinking of all the rest of you who are a tough time at the moment.

fourthattempt, glad you are feeling bit better. empathise about reading threads and feeling depressed. i spose the joke thread, if there is one, might be good therpay too?

oh fourthattempt, I can very much sympathise with the way you're feeling. I also can understand women who take their own lives and take their children with them - I never thought I would but I can.

Phobias have a nasty habit of making you feel more trapped than you really are. It's the old chestnut of knowing that actually it's your brain that is making you feel that way - it's like you've opened the jail cell, walked in and locked yourself in. Going to the GP is a good idea - I hope they help you.

And I've said it a million times recently but my goodness, small children are incredibly tiring. And their long bouts of sickness often coincide with the darkest/most miserable time of year which doesn't help anyone with the way they are feeling.

I think perhaps you need to make a plan if you can, possibly go through the things you want to change in your life - starting to sort out your phobia, ways to have some more time to yourself, getting out a bit more.

Thank you foxinsocks. Did you know, btw, that you and Schneebly have the best names on Mumsnet?

That's not just my opinion, it's official!

fourth attempt - I can relate to your situation too. I have contemplated walking out on my dh, ds and dd but so far not acted on it - also suicide taking the children with me. I know my depression is getting bad again when I find hours passing whilst I lurk on mumsnet (like today).

lurking on mumsnet, time flies, isnt it just being lazy?

my mum left us (i was 6, brothers were 4 and 2)
didnt see her for a year, had to move house and school so my aunt could help my dad look after us.

after a year saw her one weekend each month, she does not feel like my mum (she has my boys loads) she feels like an aunt

feel left out sometimes not having a mum, maybe my life would be different who knows, have a great dh now and 2 sons, love my dad to bits but would not be upset (i dont think) if my mum died

fourthattempt - don't ever think that you shouldn't feel unhappy just because other people are worse off than you!
If you followed that logic, we'd all have to walk around with big grins on our faces unless we knew someone who was dying.
No... your feelings are real and you need to help yourself come to terms with them. If you make yourself feel worse by being guilty about the fact that your life OUGHT to be ok how will it help?
Young children are exhausting. Whatever your phobia is, you can get help. It may even be something as simple as being prescribed a few valium tablets for the journey. I don't know how bad it is, of course, so sorry if that wouldn't help in your case.
Look after yourself

my dh has left me and our dd due to his depression. he's done it 3 times now.

i struggle to understand how he can do it when he claims to love us so much.

some of the responses on this thread have given me some insight into his state of mind so thank you.

magnolia1, your story sounds similar to ours except in reverse iyswim. thanks for sharing it.

fourthattempt, i really hope you feel better soon and find some treatment to help you get over your phobia.