Why do I do this?

[jayho]

I can't do things for me. It's hard to explain, a current example, I need a new passport, i want to take my children away on holiday during the summer, no objection from their father, I have all the forms, I can't filll them in. I regularly miss deadlines to pay bills and have to pay penalties. I'm a single parent but work full time and earn a decent salary, I can afford all my out goings.

I know this is a psychological block but don't understand it.

Any comment/advice would be gratefully received because I need to break this cycle. I feel genuinely disabled to do stuf until it hits crisis point and need to understand why.

thanks

Is it a kind of self-sabotage? Feeling that you're not worth doing things for? Counselling might help. I'm a bit like this. Very connected to how I was brought up. My feelings came last, and other people had their needs met first. Any bells?

yes, it's like i'm not worth it, even when it comes to doing things for myself

This is me too. It is due to anxiety and it is pants :(

The good news is that you can get over it.

My anxiety is severe so i am on medication. I have also benefited from cbt
counselling.

I find that i just have to do things NOW! else the procrastination demon wins.

i can do stuff for other people. advise others etc. When its for me and to a lesser degree my family i struggle.

What do you need to do? can i help?

How do I stop? Give me a coping strategy. I've got a boag of 'stuff to do' I carry round with me and ignore until it reaches a crisis....

Prioritise the list : Now-ish, soon-ish, sometime-ish. Less over-whelming that way.

I used to suffer terribly from anxiety attacks that were related to travel - going somewhere rather than any particular mode. I have that under control withoug medication. It's transferred itself hasn't it?

Ive suffered from anxiety for years, since a child and I'm the opposite now. I used to be like you but now I do things straight away or it makes me more anxious and keeps me awake. I used to hate lying awake knowing I had a ticket to pay :(

you''re right sponge but i open post, freak and hide. I need to get over that first hurdle which I think is how I feel about me not the piece of post.

Thanks Fugg, I know my anxiety would be less if i did that I just can't seem to take that first step

there isn't a magic button. The fact you overcame your anxiety before means you can do it again.

Don't be hard on yourself - everyone procrastinates.

My list would be prioritised differently. 5 minute job that you can do with no extra info. Get that done. Feel good about it. treat yourself. Tick it off your list. You don't have to do the list in order.

Just one thing. That's enough for now. Maybe something you can do online? they often have help buttons to explain things that are unclear.

What helped me was setting reminders on my phone, so it flashed up - pay ticket today! And I would force myself to sort out two things a day - one in morning after brekkie, the next after dinner when kids asleep. Little steps

As for the forms - do the bits you know. Name. Address. Age etc. Thats a big step.

Dyspraxia? (Just a thought - the self loathing thing could be secondary)

thanks both, you know, writing this down and thinking through, maybe part of the problem is that I dont have anyone to vlidate what I do, ie
'I've got the new paspsorts/paid the bill'
'oh, well done'

how do I validate/congratulate myself?

Why do I need this - yes it's probably about my mother

dyspraxia - no am very co-ordinated an sports able, personally clumsey but as a result of thinking of other things and being lanky rather than in built

phone makes me more anxious btw fugg, panic that tech is watching me ...

You don't have to have gross motor issues to be dyspraxic - there ar varying presentations;

www.dyspraxiafoundation.org.uk/dyspraxia-adults/

i can TOTALLY relate to the validation. I constantly seek this.

I think its my mother too - everything was just ok. birthday presents ftowned at. school projects not quite good enough...i could go on.

Doing the form has its own rewards. 1. Its no longer the elephant in the room. You WILL feel relieved when its done.

1. It gives you and your dc freedom.

You get to reward yourself with something nice. Glass of wine. bath. anything you choose that you'll enjoy more knowing the form is done.

Does your local post office offer a checking service? They will make sure its all filled in before its sent away so you don't have to worry about mistakes

If you do make a mistake you just fill in another form i needed a few :)

if you are anything like me you allow these things to have more power than they warrant. Then afterwards that big thing feels simple?

Do you want to just fill the basics in?

we no longer have a landline as i couldn't handle unsolicited calls

Make a list. Things that need doing. Things that a treat.

Then put it in your diary. Start time, finish time,the lot, something that has to be done, then schedule a treat.

Tick off at the end of the week.

are a treat.

Thanks all, lots to think about

I got a replacement marriage certificate, ive got all the docs to get my passport including a photo I'm reasonably content with

I can relate to this. I really struggle to get (some) things done, to the point that I sabotage so much, make things 100x worse, by procrastinating, etc etc
I'm having therapy and we are working on a hypothesis that it's partly due to a lack of support when I was tiny and completing important (to me) tasks and partly, as alluded to above, due to over criticism from my mum. It's a work in progress though!

fantastic !!! that is a huge achievement. well done from a fellow anxiety sufferer.