AIBU To be a bit depressed about my marriage?

[Shezzlefrezz]

Been with dh about 10 years. Sahm at the mo.

Here are my bad / unattractive points-,
I'm a bit fat/ old looking
I'm fairly needy- ie I like cuddles for comfort, I cry a lot about my past
I'm pretty rubbish domestically- not a great cook/ house cleaner
I have a temper on me when provoked
I can drink a bottle of wine very quickly and so at the moment about 4 times a week
I'm a secret ish smoker

Here are my good points

I look ok in clothes/ make up
I have a professional career that interests me and I'm good at
I have lots of friends
I'm a life and soul of the party sort
I throw a good party
I listen carefully and try to help anyone I can
I listen to and respect my kids, we have good relationships and they are happy and thriving at home and school.

Dh gets angry with me most days- for drinking and smoking especially. He tells me it's difficult to be kind to me when I'm drunk, emotional or needy- not all occur at the same time. I accept that I need to make changes with the drinking and smoking but feel very sad I can't go to him for comfort. We don't share a room and I'm often lonely. I'm trying to acceptt myself for who i am both good and bad points. I'd love it if h could do with the same as its really impacting on how I feel about myself on a day to day basis. I'm being unreasonable to expect this aren't I. Be kind if you can, I'm rather delicate.

Shezzlefrezz Please book yourself in an appointment with your GP.

I think you need to see your GP.

Morning Shezzle
How are you feeling?

My DH and I were both the life and soul of the party type and both drank and smoked a great deal (and enjoyed it).

I'm no longer interested in drinking and smoking but my DH continued to drink and party like before. It did affect our relationship, it caused a rift. I felt the drinking was more important than the family.

We spent a year working through it all and communicating, having as many heart to hearts as we could manage whilst everyday life happened around us. We engaged in counselling - separately and together.

Ultimately my DHs attitude towards alcohol and the amount he drinks has changed. We communicate much better and feel closer than ever.

When what was acceptable behaviour (such as drinking and smoking) becomes unacceptable to the other partner, making adjustments can be hard but they can be done.

I'm really worried that you've posted you feel suicidal, please phone the Samaritans if you feel you need to talk to someone about this

Hi Shezzle

We hope you are okay

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are also going to move this thread over to Mental Health shortly.

Shezzle please make an emergency appointment with your GP. I understand that what Rebecca said hurt you a great deal. I think this should tell you how much you need help - there is no shame in this. My situation was different but realising how much I needed help was a big first step. Can your friend make sure you have some kind of care plan in place before she leaves you today? Be honest with her about how ill you feel and ask her for help.

Things can get better for you, however much it doesn't feel like that right now. Things can change bit by bit so that you become happier.

Sorry all for any concern.
No booze today either. Couldn't face swimming.

I thought Rebecca's comment was extremely hurtful but I guess the internet is full of idiots with an opinon. I've calmed down and might post again, not sure. Got an appt with the doc on Monday. Thanks again to those who were kind.

Why did your husband want to eat a cake you made for the children?

Anyway. There is a long running thread on here which always has dry in the title, for people who are alcohol dependent and want to quit. There is also the brave babes. Why not see if either of those threads look like "you" and if so join in. It feels like this thread has zoomed in on your drinking and isn't really looking at much else - not all the posts obviously but many - and you really have a lot going on and it would be better to find an environment where you can talk about the whole thing with less judgement.

I wish you all the best

YY WhirlpoolGalaxyM51

OP, if you need direct links:

This is Dry 7

This is Brave Babes Battle Bus

Wish you well.

shezzle you say that you are often lonely. I think that a huge issue to have in any marriage and my heart goes out to you.

Have you thought about couples counseling. I did this with DH and it worked pretty well for us. (Did 3 years ago, now been married 15 years.)

As another poster has said, communication is so important. Not just what we say, but how we say it (eg blaming), or what we don't say at all, as well as physical contact and tenderness.

Sometimes I think we just get stuck in habits and don't recognise the distance creaping in, or the indifference. Anyway, not for everyone but just a thought.

How's things Shezzle? How was your lunch? Your GP? I'm glad you're taking positive steps, this is massive. Even if you still feel wobbly, to know you deserve to, CAN and WILL feel better is amazing. There's a sign in my local garden centre that says "to garden is to believe in tomorrow" or similar, it always makes me feel positive even though I'm not really a gardener!