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I Give Up

46 replies

Butterflywings168 · 21/05/2015 23:44

Sorry I keep posting on here. I just want to vent, no-one needs to feel obliged to reply.
I have actually given up on getting any help from mental health services.
I am desperate.
Frankly I do nothing for the world and it wouldn't matter if I wasn't here.
My life is ruined. I have no chance of having a decent career or dc, for objective reasons.
I have nothing to go on for.
About 3 weeks ago I tried seriously to end it, requiring medical intervention, but was just allowed to leave hospital with no extra help. I feel they don't care, think I was just attention-seeking, or both.
I am under CMHT which is more than some people get, I don't want to be ungrateful but I need more help atm.
I went back to A&E a week ago, hadn't done anything to harm myself but felt on the verge...no point. Psych liaison guy clearly just wanted the BPD freak out of there. Fobbed me off with a diazepam. I was very anxious, socially anxious so I hate going and being expected to spill your guts to a stranger anyway...was scared of being sectioned...I just never know what to say to be taken seriously, but not so seriously it goes towards admission etc when I don't need that atm. Also I just got a cat, so can't be admitted Sad poor baby deserves a better cat mummy than me anyway.
He patronisingly told me well done for coming in and not doing anything as according to him I have 'been impulsive' in the past and all that shit Angry um, actually what happened was I tried and tried to get help before I acted, was dismissed, and they seem surprised and think I was impulsive when I finally did act Angry Confused Hmm
My care co-ordinator won't take me seriously either. She means well enough I guess but does the 'look on the bright side' crap - atm I can't. I just want her to acknowledge that I feel awful and am a risk to myself.
I get no other help. I have physical health issues, CMHT don't seem to believe this. I had an awful bug recently, throat infection, just knocked me out to the point I couldn't move from sofa...I missed psychiatrist appointment due to this...of course CMHT are punishing me like a naughty child by shortening next appointment which isn't for ages anyway and I really need help...in tears typing this.
I must not be speaking English. I have said to them so many times I am genuinely suicidal, and been dismissed. I can't keep doing it.
I am tired of life.
I don't know, I probably should never have been born.

OP posts:
ancientbuchanan · 04/06/2015 23:43

Nah. Think what her life would be like without you. Feral, non existent, no warm loving butterfly wings to knead, sick up fur balls onto, etch furniture for, provide butterfly wings with a gracious acceptance if her acceptable offering,, bearing in mind that caviar is scarce and mice require action.

Begone, depression about cat. Go and buy a catnip Or mint toy plus ball for her. Cat is bloody lucky to have you. I want to be adopted by you when I get reincarnated.

ancientbuchanan · 04/06/2015 23:44

Star adopter

Butterflywings168 · 09/06/2015 21:20

Aw, thanks ancient.
Anyway.
I have got nowhere.
I am so tired of fighting the MH system that is supposed to help us. Of the vicious lies that I know my notes contain. Why? I see it again and again, nasty, incompetent idiots putting their energy into NOT helping people who are vulnerable and powerless against systems.
I don't really want to be alive.
I would go to A&E but they will just minimise, refuse to listen to a word I say or believe me, and demonstrate their utter contempt for me. It only backs up my beliefs that I am a bad person and have no future.
Sad

OP posts:
Butterflywings168 · 09/06/2015 21:26

Care co-ordinator is coming tomorrow. Waste of time. I have tried to tell her how depressed I am and got nowhere.
I feel she thinks of me like a naughty child who just didn't try hard enough if I express any negativity, let alone my utter despair. Proactive?! I ALWAYS tried, over and over again, to get help before serious harm to myself or suicide attempts. For weeks. And yet they are somehow surprised when I actually do it and think I was impulsive Hmm Angry Sad

OP posts:
Butterflywings168 · 09/06/2015 21:38

Oh and on my physical health, I had blood tests, got a call from GP but missed it...called back, made to feel like I was asking for the world asking for him to try again. I can't always answer the phone, it just feels yet another thing I can't escape, I am impatient but obviously something is wrong...I am so tired of being physically ill as well.
The same physical health issues CMHT don't believe I have, and are punishing me for. Often it is all I can do to get dressed and go to the shops, so yes, sometimes I am late for or miss appointments. But of course they think I am just being a difficult BPD pita.
Support worker is away and is frankly patronising and useless...British Gas messed up my bill and I don't have the energy to fight them, it is unaffordable. I would rather I didn't eat than my cat didn't. I just might as well end it, end all this pain and crap.
None of them expect me to make anything of myself. I had potential once...I am just also a freak. Sad

OP posts:
ancientbuchanan · 09/06/2015 22:33

If you feel that they feel contempt, then actually you are subconsciously reacting to their inappropriate value judgment of you. Focus on that. And yes, the nhs can be infuriating. . But use it for what it is.

I'm not an expert. But have you talked eg to The Samaritans?

Butterflywings168 · 13/06/2015 02:55

I do call the Samaritans now and then ancient, but I can't always face talking to some stranger who may or may not have any empathy. I don't always have the words.

I called crisis line earlier actually. Had to physically force myself to even speak. Felt they got impatient with waiting, and got into they must think am a total moron, hate me etc spiral and hung up. Sad Sad Sad

I almost broke down in Tesco. Was creeping along, in that anxiety state nothing feels real. I snapped at the assistant, chose self-service precisely because I wasn't up to human interaction, but it acted up and the guy got into my face...I couldn't reply at first so he clearly thought I either didn't speak English or was special Blush so I got annoyed. See, I am a terrible person.

The CMHT never see me that bad and won't believe me if I try to explain.
I naturally minimise, and then they think I am a bpd drama queen and exaggerating so they then minimise that.
Confused Hmm
I haven't showered in Blush I deserve to be dirty. I am.
My lovely cat deserves better.
I have awful intrusive thoughts of harming her...please believe I would never do it...I hate myself for it, see I am bad.

The police already want me.
Dead, that is. They follow me and are planning to set me up.
I can't forget them manhandling me, shouting at me I was just attention-seeking.
I can't tell anyone, CMHT already think I am evil bpd bitch and would easily believe I would hurt her. They would call police and I can't deal with that. I should just return my darling cat to CP for her sake Sad Sad Sad Sad

I am sure she's lost weight and her fur has thinned. I know I am evil and bad so make her nervous. She lay on me last night in bed, I was almost asleep and needed to turn over and did without thinking Sad making her run away Sad She must feel so unwanted. I will put out enough food, 2 clean litter trays, toys and let CP know to collect her if I do what I should and need to.

OP posts:
ancientbuchanan · 13/06/2015 07:59

If your cat came to sleep àlongside you, she trusts you and is fond of you. And just turning over wont have hurt her.

Think of her affection.

IonaMumsnet · 13/06/2015 17:00

Hi there Butterflywings. We're sorry to hear things are so tough for you right now.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources - here. You can also go to the Samaritans' website here, or email them on [email protected] if you find the phone tricky for this sort of thing.

Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We really hope things improve for you soon. Best wishes, MNHQ

Butterflywings168 · 14/06/2015 18:28

Cheers ancient. Yes rationally she must not hate me Smile
Thanks Iona Smile
Had proper panic attack last night Sad

OP posts:
elementofsurprise · 14/06/2015 19:35

Heya, I don't really know what to say but I 100% understand what you have written. There's something very nasty and insidous, the nasty side of human nature showing through with a lot of MH staff, and the whole way the system is set up. I think some of it is the "just following orders" mentality, where they have to turn so many people away due to funding that they sort of make up reasons in their head and pin it all on the patient, they have to justify to themselves what they are forced to do.

It's disgusting though, I think they should be honest, and write in the notes that you need X help but there is no funding for it/you don't tick the zillion contradictory access criteria. But I experienced awful things from services ten years ago when there was more funding - some really nasty staff and ethos. IME the actual staff have got better - just with times changing and newer staff joining - but budget cuts make the overall access to services the same.

I also know what you mean about police. I find them, on the whole, ok round here but where I used to live they seemed to really have it in for me. I was criminalised over something very questionable (as in, whether I'd even broken the law/whether it was in public interest to prosecute/whether I was of sound mental state etc) whilst when I was attacked in my own home and thrown out in the street (November, rainy, no shoes) they wouldn't come and called me a "drama queen". Thank fuck scary tough pub landlady got onto them and made them come. I awoke to intrusive memories/flashbacks about this today. Just because it happened doesn't mean I deserved it, but it is frightening and leaves scars, and people don't understand because in their world that stuff doesn't happen.

I do understand. I wish I could scream from the rooftops about what's happened. Or make a hidden camera documentary, or a film, and get the public on side. It's so hard though because it's so complex and subtle in many ways - they can say "In our clinical opinion" and that's the last word.

Are you having any therapy? The only most helpful thing CMHT did for me was writing evidence letters for PIP, and I use the money to pay for therapy. Sounding like a psychopathic nutter in your notes actually comes in useful here...

In many ways it's like an abusive relationship with them - they have all the power, you have to please them to get what you need to survive, and so on. Sometimes it's time to walk away, at least mentally. I'm constantly trying to keep in that mindset with them... they discharged me and won't touch me with a bargepole now, though. It's actually easier though, I find. I think it's very rare they can ever give someone what they truly need, simply becaus of the nature of services and funding. So we have to find other ways of doing that.

Is there anything you fancy doing? I've been looking at OU courses - I say this as someone who's spent most of the last 2 weeks curled up crying, by the way.

I should end by saying something wise and encouraging, but the mood I'm in I'd want to punch myself in the head for my own twee-ness, so I won't... Wink
Flowers

Butterflywings168 · 26/06/2015 22:54

Hi element. Sorry for delayed reply, the words/ arsed-ness to come on Mumsnet and use said words wouldn't come, I know you know what that's like.

Heh, yes, I recently got PIP. I got a letter a few weeks after sending the form in, opened it expecting a no and actually had to read it several times to take in that I got it without even having to go to an appointment!

I guess sounding like a psychopath won't help otherwise though...I have basically given up on having DC because I know I have no chance of keeping a DC with my notes full of distortions and lies about how horrible a person I am SadSad

I'm sorry you have been treated so appallingly - basically targeted - by the police. Are you me? I was criminalised over something dubious too Sad - basically went a bit bunny-boiler on (abusive) ex, it wasn't OK of me but he had messed with my head when I was vulnerable...one prime example, offering to come and see me in hospital after an OD and then claiming I had manipulated him into it, he didn't want to but felt obliged to etc...he would constantly decide he wanted space from me because I was so difficult, bad etc then change his mind when I begged enough the twat and I was supposed to know when he actually meant it? I needed mental health help, not criminalisation. Basically handed the BPD diagnosis to them though, didn't I which meant I wasn't considered ill enough. I can't really write any more, can feel I'm getting panicky.
And yes, the police weren't interested when I was basically violently mugged when ill and drunk...just victim-blamed. Bastard(s) actually bought Dominos and other takeaways with my stolen cards but it was too much effort for them to investigate. I still feel anxious when out and about, like the bastards who did it must see me around and laugh at me. I was illegally evicted and I suspect the two are linked.

My PTSD is actually related to the police and courts when I was prosecuted. They went out of their way to be abusive to a terrified, vulnerable person. I get intrusive memories of it. CMHT aren't interested, no point making a complaint, who believes those labelled with BPD, oh that's right, no-one. I know exactly what you mean about people not understanding or believing that these things happen, because they don't in their little worlds.

Well done for looking at OU courses. I get that that doesn't mean you're OK. I did a psychology degree back when I was well, I would like to use that and train as a counsellor or something, to help other people like us...but I guess a criminal record gets in the way of that.
Which is part of the reason for my suicidal feelings.
SadSadSad

Sorry this has been such a rant. Thanks for not saying anything twee Wink it helps to know I'm not alone.

OP posts:
Butterflywings168 · 02/08/2015 00:08

I can't do it. I want to die. I genuinely do.
All I get from CMHT is disbelief. Because of my label. I can't mean it, right. I do.
Jumping at everything.
I think it's them coming for me if I hear police sirens or see police.
There is no point in my life.
I ruined it.

OP posts:
Butterflywings168 · 02/08/2015 00:22

My existence doesn't matter to anyone. No-one in the world wants me.

OP posts:
lowra · 02/08/2015 04:38

Butterfly, your existence does matter and you are important. You're illness is making that hard to believe but its true. Are you taking your meds, could you go back to your gp? Flowers

Butterflywings168 · 04/08/2015 23:31

Thanks lowra.
I don't feel like I'm ill. I have been there. I'm 'just' sad and hopeless. It's not irrational.
Yes I am on meds and taking them. I am under CMHT so GP won't get involved as it's their job. CMHT aren't interested in reviewing meds. Tbh no meds can help anyway. I don't want to be medicated to be able to bear my crappy life.
Sorry I sound so negative.

OP posts:
Butterflywings168 · 05/08/2015 18:44

Called duty worker at CMHT earlier.
Wonder why I bothered.
I might make a bingo card.

  • You're always suicidal (not true)
  • Use your coping strategies (if they were working I wouldn't need to call) - When I said the above I was told well the 'stress management' course I am on the waiting list for and might get on sometime before 2020 and which will be the same patronising crap anyway will teach me how to cope. I bow down to this superior knowledge of course.
  • You have an appointment on Monday.
  • If you say you really can't stay safe we'll just call the police. (I HAVE PTSD ABOUT THE POLICE! I HAVE TOLD THEM THIS. They have not listened.) And anyway that's a crappy position because we either invalidate ourselves - oh sorry, no I am just a loser who can't cope with emotions and not really all that suicidal - validating all their crap about BPD or you get a traumatic emergency intervention you don't want (and probably called attention-seeking by police. Yes, that has happened).

It's always our fault. No-one ever abused us in their minds, oh wait even if they did 'you can't change the past, just the way you deal with it' Angry Considering the way I'm NOT coping with it involves nightmares, intrusive memories and panic and paranoia...eg today I forced myself to get dressed and go into town like a good mental patient who is trying to get better. There was a police car on the road I was about to turn up. It stopped and I was sure it was for me. I couldn't go up that road. I took another route and had to duck behind bushes and check the police weren't around.

I bought meds. I am trying not to harm myself, that's not a threat/ cry for help - it just is.

No-one in the world - except you lovelies of course - just listens and allows me to feel like utter shit.

OP posts:
Butterflywings168 · 05/08/2015 18:44

Called duty worker at CMHT earlier.
Wonder why I bothered.
I might make a bingo card.

  • You're always suicidal (not true)
  • Use your coping strategies (if they were working I wouldn't need to call) - When I said the above I was told well the 'stress management' course I am on the waiting list for and might get on sometime before 2020 and which will be the same patronising crap anyway will teach me how to cope. I bow down to this superior knowledge of course.
  • You have an appointment on Monday.
  • If you say you really can't stay safe we'll just call the police. (I HAVE PTSD ABOUT THE POLICE! I HAVE TOLD THEM THIS. They have not listened.) And anyway that's a crappy position because we either invalidate ourselves - oh sorry, no I am just a loser who can't cope with emotions and not really all that suicidal - validating all their crap about BPD or you get a traumatic emergency intervention you don't want (and probably called attention-seeking by police. Yes, that has happened).

It's always our fault. No-one ever abused us in their minds, oh wait even if they did 'you can't change the past, just the way you deal with it' Angry Considering the way I'm NOT coping with it involves nightmares, intrusive memories and panic and paranoia...eg today I forced myself to get dressed and go into town like a good mental patient who is trying to get better. There was a police car on the road I was about to turn up. It stopped and I was sure it was for me. I couldn't go up that road. I took another route and had to duck behind bushes and check the police weren't around.

I bought meds. I am trying not to harm myself, that's not a threat/ cry for help - it just is.

No-one in the world - except you lovelies of course - just listens and allows me to feel like utter shit.

OP posts:
Butterflywings168 · 07/08/2015 00:23

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Butterflywings168 · 08/08/2015 00:33

Oh great. Thanks MN for that Hmm Sad
For the record I did NOT talk about methods or say I was definitely going to end it all.
I am trying hard to survive.
There was a lot else there. I can't find the energy to retype. I barely had the energy to get dressed. Angry

OP posts:
GourmetGold · 08/08/2015 17:50

Butterfly, you actually sound very caring towards your cat!..just the fact that you were worried about the effect of the smoke alarm on her...shows how caring you are!!
Please don't think you don't matter, you matter to your cat, you matter to yourself, no one is measuring how important you are to the world, we all matter, we all do make a difference to the world in own little way Smile

Sorry that you are having a tough time, it does sound like, from what you have said that you are not getting nearly enough help from the authorities, especially after trying to take your life.
I hope they do better to help you. Keep on at them for help!
I am always harking on about on other poster's threads, when they say how hopeless and depressed they feel...so here I go again!... but there is this book that really helped me with my depression (& suicidal thoughts)..probably saved my life. It sounds like you do need additional outside help too, especially with but there is certainly no harm in getting this book:

www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-New-Mood-Therapy/dp/0380810336/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1439049076&sr=8-1&keywords=feeling+good+the+new+mood+therapy

Also, I am guessing you might be taking Lithium for BPD? Have you had your Thyroid levels checked?

I am NOT medically qualified, have just done a lot of reading, due to my own Thyroid problems and I have read that Lithium might affect the Thyroid and a 'TSH' blood test of over 1 is an under active Thyroid, which can cause depression too. I think some people with BPD take Thyroxine, alongside other medications, to help their Thyroid. Kelp tablets are also really good (I take these).
Obviously do NOT stop taking Lithium or any other medication you have been prescribed!! But might be worth asking your doctor for a thyroid blood test.

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