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Original poster

I am such a mess

29 replies

CuppaBiccieBliss · 27/04/2015 18:35

Today has been bloody awful. I have complex ptsd and spent most of last night in tears, scared to go to sleep because of nightmares. So today, I am exhausted, huge panic attack and now flashbacks that seem constant Sad

I really don't want to do this anymore, I am sick of fighting it. It's too hard. All I want to do is go to sleep and never wake up.
I am on medication but recently I just feel like I am going backwards Sad

OP posts:
Original poster
CuppaBiccieBliss · 27/04/2015 20:13

Anyone? Sad

OP posts:
differentkindofpenguin · 27/04/2015 20:28

Hi there,

Not much help I know, but tomorrow is another day. Be kind to yourself. Do you have anyone in rl to talk to? Any professional help?

I'm here if you want to talk

T8shy · 27/04/2015 20:28

So sorry you are feeling so bad :-( I have no experience other than acute anxiety at times so don't really have any knowledgable advice.

Do you have anyone youcan call? Do

T8shy · 27/04/2015 20:30

Do you think a visit to your gp may be a good idea? Perhaps your medication needs reviewing?

I hope you feel a bit better tomorrow xx

Original poster
CuppaBiccieBliss · 27/04/2015 20:35

Dp is here, he knows I'm not great but not how bad it is. I know I need to see the gp but (and this is where it gets even more pathetic) I am scared to. I barely leave the house anyway because of the anxiety so getting to the surgery seems like an unmanageable task.
I honestly don't think I have any fight left in me Sad

OP posts:
T8shy · 27/04/2015 20:41

It's not pathetic, you are poorly and need to enlist some help. Can anyone come with you to the GP? Would it help you to open up more to your partner?

Original poster
CuppaBiccieBliss · 27/04/2015 20:49

Dp would come with me but I don't want to burden him anymore. If only I was stronger. If only someone could make it go away.

OP posts:
BlackeyedPetitsPois · 27/04/2015 21:04

Sorry you are feeling so bad.

Please try and talk to your DP ,or someone in RL. How about phoning your GP and ask for them to call you back if you cannot face the trip to the surgery?

One step at a time Flowers

BlackeyedPetitsPois · 28/04/2015 06:51

How are you today cuppa?

Original poster
CuppaBiccieBliss · 28/04/2015 08:09

Well I managed a couple of hours sleep so better than nothing I suppose. Dp is going to phone the gp today

OP posts:
Original poster
CuppaBiccieBliss · 28/04/2015 13:49

No appointments Sad maybe it's for the best. What's the point in taking up an appointment when someone who deserves it could have it. I am beyond help anyway Sad

OP posts:
BlackeyedPetitsPois · 28/04/2015 14:41

Sorry cuppa been at work & no signal.
Glad you managed some sleep.

Can the GP phone you back for a chat? He/she could then ask you to come in for appt. they are sure to keep a few emergency appts back.

You certainly deserve an appt and you are not beyond help.

BlackeyedPetitsPois · 28/04/2015 14:43

Do you have a counsellor you can talk to?

Original poster
CuppaBiccieBliss · 28/04/2015 15:00

No counselling, the nhs wait was ridiculous, still waiting after a year! I did see a private counsellor for a while but it was just too expensive.

Dp is going to phone the gp back in the morning and demand an appointment, even a telephone one would be fine. I am struggling with the thought of getting through another night Sad

OP posts:
BlackeyedPetitsPois · 28/04/2015 16:54

It's good you have dp's support. Keep on at the GP to get an appt or a call back.

Try your best to relax tonight. If things get too much please talk to someone, DP or the Samaritans or even come onto mumsnet (there are always night owls on here). You don't have to be alone cuppa, and you won't be.

I have to go now to collect dd but will check back in later.

Be strong.

Original poster
CuppaBiccieBliss · 28/04/2015 20:42

Thank you Thanks

I am doing ok so far, managed something to eat and have come to bed with the ipad and netflix. The morning can't come soon enough.

OP posts:
BlackeyedPetitsPois · 28/04/2015 21:34

Hope you get some sleep.

Take care and don't be hard on yourself.

Flowers
BlackeyedPetitsPois · 09/05/2015 15:49

How are you cuppa ?

Catsahoy · 09/05/2015 15:57

Still folk here Cuppa. You ok?

Original poster
CuppaBiccieBliss · 10/05/2015 09:44

Pretty much the same really. The gp gave me a short course of sleeping pills, increased the citalopram and sent me on my way. I don't know what I was expecting but it just felt like a kick in the teeth. I am not coping and 3 days of sleeping pills won't change that.
So I'm back to managing hour by hour and self harming again Sad

OP posts:
sugarman · 10/05/2015 10:41

I think you may need more specialised treatment than anti ds and/or counselling for your PTSD.

I found EMDR extremely helpful. I was allocated 6 sessions but went from feeling as you describe to feeling relaxed and confident after only 3 sessions. For me the treatment moved the trauma from now to manageble so if I choose, I can think about it rather than feeling assaulted by it constantly.

Might be worth you looking into?

Original poster
CuppaBiccieBliss · 10/05/2015 11:07

Thank you Thanks I am on the waiting list for emdr but lord knows how long it will take. I have looked into going private but we just can not afford it.

OP posts:
sugarman · 10/05/2015 11:21

Oh Sad another anxiety.

It's all wrong. You need the treatment. Now. Then you can get on with your life.

Sorry OP

Miele72 · 10/05/2015 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miele72 · 10/05/2015 11:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.