I've posted here a lot in past few days. I am sinking. I had a very intense and close supportive relationship with a therapist, and we finished a few weeks ago. My decision because it was rocky and inconsistent.
Last night my child sex abuse memories would not let up and I had to cancel a week at a conference I just couldn't go. I got in touch with old therapist begging to come back and she kept saying no. I have no dignity left, I can't make myself care about that though I just need somebody to love me and she mustn't do anymore. I don't know what to do. I got an emergency prescription for valium off my doctor and I have taken three tablets which is a high dose and still panicking and going out of my mind with intense pain.
I am not suicidal but I can't bear living. The thought of the morning coming again and the same feelings every minute. I just don't know what to do. Nobody loves me. Nobody wants me and I can't bear it anymore I am so lonely. What the fuck can I do?
I have dreams and goals and I depereatly want to do them but I cannot focus on anything because I am so panicky at being totally alone and having nobody to rely on. There's no point going to a and e because I am not going to hurt myself, I don't want to, but if this feeling stays for many more days I am going to be desperate and start to feel suicidal. I can't believe i am back here, I was doing so well, but I can't live without any love.