Will the GP just roll their eyes?

[ourglass]

Taken a lot to come out with this.

Have finally agreed with DH this morning that I need to see the GP about my mental health issues and bite the bullet.

A bit of backstory.. I have been very angry since the age of 11. I started self harming around that time and also had a bad relationship with my parents, a long with lots of disordered eating.

From the age of 15 I became very promiscuous and put myself in lots of unsafe situations, and at 17 I was raped horribly by a friend.

About a year after that I very nearly killed myself and was sectioned for a little while.

After coming out of the section I met my now DH and we have a couple of children.

The bottom line is, I am so low. Every day. Terrible self esteem issues, I would rather not go out. I binge drink and binge eat. I don't sleep well. I'm so angry. I have panic attacks, I fly into rages. I self harm, I cry every day and will often breakdown sobbing on my DH's shoulder. I regularly think about killing myself but wouldn't do that to my lovely DH or my children.

In my eyes I've been depressed since I was 11, so way over 10 years. I'm finally ready to confess all and tell the GP I need help. But I am worried that social services would be involved or the GP would think I am attention seeking. Please tell me they will give me something? Something really is wrong with my head.

Thank you for listening.

The gp won't roll their eyes. You're ill and you could benefit from treatment I'm sure. Did you have any useful treatment after you were sectioned?
Be honest with you gp and insist on getting a mh referral. Take dh for support if you need to.
Good luck x

Thanks so much for replying.

It was all a bit of a haze but for about a week or two afterwards I went to a day centre. To be kept an eye on I suppose. I had a few chats with people but I've always felt reserved about spilling all my secrets (which is what I need to do in actual fact).

What is a mental health referral? With they give me anti depressants?

They would probably give you antidepressants if you wanted them.
As for a mh referral, I meant either to counselling, or a community mh team or to a psychiatrist.
What kind of help do you think you would like?

Also very unlikely they'll call social services unless they really believe you are a danger to your children and it doesn't sound as if you are.

I think that they gp will not call ss unless you are a clear danger to your kids.

Well done in getting help.

Thank you both.

I'm going to make an urgent appointment tomorrow morning to see the GP.

What exactly do I say, what I said above? Then that I want some CBT and anti depressants? Can they refuse me? I just want to get better.

I think you shold describe your symptoms and say that you think you need professional help.

I went to my GP recently as I was becoming depressed.
Similar back ground to yourself as well, self harm from a young age slept with many people, attempted rape at 19, followed by an overdose six weeks later.

I told the GP that I wasn't feeling well, that I had started self harming and I wanted help. He asked if I had tried antidepressants before, which ones had helped me, had I had counselling, gave me the phone number to refer myself for counselling, asked if I had any suicidal ideation.
He gave me a prescription for medication, told me to come back in a week, which I did, got a script for two weeks, then one for a month, and now it's on repeat. And I'm feeling better.

See the doctor. This is what they're there for. It's fucking terrifying putting yourself out there, being so honest and vulnerable with a stranger, but it's helped me and I really hope it does for you as well.

Thank you both so much.

I'm so sick of feeling like this, I've put up with it for so long and it seriously affects so many aspects of my life and even day to day things. I want to live. I'm tired, so tired, you know?

I guess I'm scared of being turned away empty handed so to speak?

It's completely understandable to feel that fear, but the only thing to do is face it. That's what makes it scary. It's worth it though. Having a life that is better is worth facing the fear for x

You are so right, thank you.

As the other posters have seen you will definitely not be turned away or have eyes rolled. No way. That's what GP's are there for and see this kind of thing on a regular basis. No reason they should deny you medication or counselling or whatever you think will help you. And they should arrange to follow you up soon. Don't see any reason social services would become involved. Definitely call tomorrow!

Thank you so much for your support x

I have an appointment today for 4.45pm. I've written down what I want to say. I'm going to ask for anti depressants and talking therapy. I am so nervous. I've barely slept and have had diarrhoea. It has to be done though - enough is enough isn't it!

That sounds great - please try not to be nervous, it's natural to feel like that to an extent but I promise that the GP will have heard it all before and they should be able to help you. Good luck. Have a in the meantime!

Thank you

If I hadn't written this post I probably wouldn't have made that appointment today. I need to do this for myself and my family or my lovely DH will eventually no longer be able to put up with it - and why should he.

Is there a chance they could refuse me medication or therapy? I need both I am desperate to change.

Sounds good to me. Take what you've written down as well, cos I got all tearful and snotty and blubbed out rather a lot, a written list/letter of how I was feeling would have been useful! Let us know how you get on.

Thank you.

I'm going to blubband probably wail - is that ok? Will they hold me? I feel so pathetic. I'm meant to be a mature married woman but I've lost the plot.

They would only not give you meds if they didn't feel it was clinically appropriate. That's why you talk it through with them, so they can know your symptoms, how you feel, how it's affecting your life.
Therapy wise, in my area it's all self referral, it's just a number you call, you don't need a doctor to refer at all, it's called IAPT in my area (east Leeds) but I don't know if that's nationwide, maybe have a google?

I blew snot bubbles :) he just gave me a tissue and gave me time to collect myself.

They are used to people crying and being upset. They will probably have some tissues!
Can't say exactly what they will say about meds/therapy - will depend to an extent how bad they assess your mood etc to be, and your past medical history/other medication. But from what you have said on here I think it unlikely that they would refuse you.

You haven't lost the plot. It takes strength to ask for help like this, well done.

Thank you. Snot bubbles are inevitable I think! I'm sure if I explain how much this is holding me back from a normal life they will help me. Otherwise I don't know where this will go.

I feel like I want to back out. I don't really want to open it all up, I will be a mess for days won't I? I'm feeling so embarrassed that I will walk out of that surgery with blood shot eyes and a red face. I might not be able to open up to them and then they might think I'm trying it on. God, make me go I just want to cancel it.

Who cares about someone elses face at a surgery? People go there not precisely because they are feeling great! And i am sure you can go to the loo and get yourself together.
Have a cuppa. Count to ten. Think about your future.

Honesty, fuck everyone else who might see your slightly bloodshot eyes.
Their opinions don't matter, you matter, your future matters.
They probably won't even notice anyway.
Now, get yourself up that doctors and tackle this head on, this is the hard part, you've made the appointment, you've realised it's the best thing to do.
Be kind to yourself, you are most definitely worth it.

The best thing I did was go and get help when I was in this situation. I walked out the doctors surgery after 40 minutes and very bloodshot eyes and red face but the relief was incredible!
They will give you the help you need