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Suspected/Diagnosed/Struggles similar to ADHD support thread.

63 replies

BertieBotts · 28/01/2015 21:46

Inspired tonight by this quote I read on an ADD support group on Facebook:

Take the metaphor of an elephant in the room; in this case, the elephant stumbles into the living room and dies. Someone tells me to get it out of there. This, that and the other thing get in the way and I don't deal with it immediately. A few days go by and climbing over it becomes routine. Two weeks go by and it's really starting to stink up the place and other people in my life are complaining, why haven't we dealt with it? I said I would, why is it still here? I am realizing that I've forgotten it. Truly forgotten it. There's no saying that, no one is going to believe my air head has vaporized this task.

Yep. And eww. But yep.

Some links. Feel free to add more, these are just some I found useful/thought may be relevant.

Women, Girls and Mothers with ADHD

When your kids have ADHD too

UK ADHD Partnership

AADD - Adults with ADHD

ADHD Quiz

Why Procrastinators Procrastinate (The "How To Beat It" in part 2 is less helpful for repeated everyday tasks)

This tells you a bit about the different types

I, er... got distracted while writing this and can't remember what I was going to finish with, so I suppose I will leave this open ended. Discuss! Experiences, questions, support, interesting or helpful links, whatever you think is relevant.

OP posts:
antimatter · 28/01/2015 22:32

Signing in! Not much to add at this stage. Just saying hello!
A bit scared to go to ask my GP for medication. I am fairly high functioning self-diagnosed ADHD female.

Alabamarama · 28/01/2015 23:23

I'm in. This thread is a good idea, and I totally get the dead elephant in the room analogy! I've got dead elephants everywhere!

I joined a FB group recently, but I found it quite depressing, as most of the members just moan about what's gone wrong that day.

I'm quite optimistic and positive by nature, and I like to find ways to overcome the challenges of ADHD. I'm hopeless with money, so have downloaded Home Budget app, and have done another budget on the Money Advice Service site. I also could do with help with getting my house organised, so have been reading the Marie Kondo book and clearing stuff out.

Of course, both of these things may be abandoned for something else in a week or so!

Alabamarama · 28/01/2015 23:27

antimatter The first time I went to my GP about this, I was almost chased out of the surgery for being a 'high functioning, successful working mum, who was just doing too much'. Honestly, if you're high functioning now, you'll function even higher if you're found to have ADHD and are prescribed the correct meds.

BertieBotts · 28/01/2015 23:36

WTAF, Alababarama?? That has left me absolutely speechless! (And speechless is NOT like me! See, I can't even help commenting on how my lack of speech is so unusual Grin)

I am optimistic too, and one of the questions on the ADHD quiz which really got to me was "Do you start every day deciding to be organised?" It's not every day, more like once every few weeks, but it was like a punch in the gut to read that, TBH, because it is SO draining and demoralising every time. It's like a wheel. Decide to be organised -> Start being organised -> Slip on one thing -> Before you know it slip on everything -> Suddenly notice the dead elephant -> Feel really sodding depressed that this is the 10th dead elephant I've had to clear out this year, and they are starting to leave dents in the carpet. -> Back to beginning. Decide to be organised. Repeat. Forever.

Every time I fail it's more confirmation as well to that worldview "I'm useless, I can't do anything, I'm lazy, I'm never going to achieve anything at all".

I am not diagnosed, BTW. But the more I read I know I have to try because if there is medication for my brain, I need it. I've been trying to get organised for the last 10-15 years, and not one single thing has worked yet. I've lost count of the self help books I've read. It's like things which work to help other people become organised don't work for me, which, of course, makes perfect sense if I do have ADHD.

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Alabamarama · 28/01/2015 23:47

Bertie, are you me?

This is probably going to out me as I've told this story to loads of people, but when I went to the GP for the 3rd time, I was determined not to be fobbed off again. I filled one of those hessian shopping bags with all the self help books I'd bought over the years, I'm talking about 20 or more books - manage your money, manage your time, organise your house, Mind Gym, Focus, Eat That Frog, 7 Habits. You name it, I bought it, tried it, failed at it.

I said to the GP "this is how hard I have tried". The GP was a locum, and she thought I was right, and she referred me to the specialist who immediately diagnosed me.

Enpoid · 28/01/2015 23:56

Wow. I never considered ADHD. But I scored 42 on that psychcentral quiz. Hmm

Didn't see the question about starting each day decidng to be organised, though? which I do

BertieBotts · 29/01/2015 00:05

Oh hang on, I think I misread your post, the bit at the end was a comment to antimatter? I thought it was what your GP had said and they were refusing you medication on the grounds you'd become too high functioning!

I mean it's still ridiculous, but phew!

The only thing I'm slightly nervous about with medication is that they aren't usually compatible with pregnancy and breastfeeding are they? I'm not planning on getting pregnant in the near future, but in a year or two probably. And it might take a while for us to conceive due to DH issues so it could potentially be a long time I am off it.

Other than that... I am absolutely desperate to find something which will make my brain work more normally. I have to go to bed (I'm nearly 2 hours late already) but let me tell you a story from this morning.

I am an English teacher, I teach Business English at various companies. This morning's lesson begins at 8am and I'm always half asleep when I get there, because I wake up at 6.40, it takes me at least half an hour to come to and so I'm still half asleep on the train and freezing walking there too and I tend to zone out when I don't speak to people. I never speak to anybody between waking up and arriving at this class. I usually arrive just before or at the same time as my students. This mornings I resolved to be more awake and instead of opening the folder and not having a clue what I have planned until I see it, I started running through a new idea of how to teach a concept (yes, approximately 3 minutes before the start of class, how organised of me!!) and got quite excited about it. As it was a deserted road I even ran through the explanation out loud to reduce the zoning out from lack of speaking.

So I arrived in the classroom, before the students for once. Got myself a drink, felt ready, prepared, etc. Last minute before they arrived I briefly toyed with writing something on the board to begin and then realised I should get my phone out as I use it to keep the time during the lesson. So I stood up to get it, they walked in at this moment, which threw me and I forgot why I was standing up. In a bid to "be professional" I beamed a big smile and them and said "Good morning!" and even went to shake hands. Why?!?! I never shake hands with them unless it's been a long gap or there is a new student, and the one I offered my hand to was clearly a bit taken aback and said something, which I have now forgotten. In reply, I mumbled something about trying to be professional, except realised halfway through saying that that that wasn't the kind of thing people normally say out loud, so I just sort of trailed off, and started looking in my bag for something. There was nothing in there (Confused) so I sat down and busied myself with the signing in sheet and sort of hoped that nobody had noticed. In a tiny room with four people where the focus is on me. Right.

About five minutes into the lesson, I realised my phone was in my coat pocket. On my chair. I hadn't needed to stand at all. And to top it all off when I tried to write something on the board I wrote "both" under the heading of "both" instead of writing the actual verb that I intended to write. That, I managed to laugh of as "needing coffee".

I am actually a good teacher, honest. But things like this make me wonder how anybody takes me seriously at all! Of course, this also happened in an engineering company, where the employees could not be less ADHD if they tried. Sigh.

OP posts:
BertieBotts · 29/01/2015 00:13

It may have been on a different quiz or article. The ADDitude site definitely had that on more than one thing but I preferred the ADD central quiz because it tells you which type you are likely to be as well.

If you never considered it, what made you click on the thread? Wink

I do think there is a level of hypochondria inducement with these online quizzes. A lot of the phrases can be vague and easily apply to a lot of people. I tend to stick to the rule of thumb of "Does this seem to be a persistent or very challenging issue to me or does it seem to affect me more than it seems to affect other people" when doing them rather than clicking "yes" on everything when I really think, hmm, oh, perhaps. Every third Sunday, if it's raining I sometimes experience something a bit like that.

(I'm not saying that's what you've done, Enpoid, just rambling, as usual.)

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Enpoid · 29/01/2015 00:18

If you never considered it, what made you click on the thread?

Because I was bored and impulsive Grin

Yes, it's all to easy to diagnose oneself with everything on psychcentral. I do genuinely have issues with attention and impulsivity, but it depends very much on my predominant moodstate (depressed, I can't concentrate, too high, I'm impulsive). Perhaps ADHD doesn't fit after all.

I like your criteria for ticking "yes"; I will try again applying the same criteria Grin

Enpoid · 29/01/2015 00:22

35 Hmm

BertieBotts · 29/01/2015 00:27

Oh hang on that's more a sometimes/often/rarely one. Then that's more difficult to overdiagnose yourself on, I reckon (though it does take some thought as to what often/rarely/etc means for you).

Mood is pretty typical I think in ADHD but I couldn't tell you absolutely. But that sounds similar to bipolar as well, although perhaps with a milder spectrum of behaviours.

I am not that impulsive and not hyperactive, although DH doesn't let me drink too much caffeine because he says that me on caffeine is a frightening thing. Hmm I'm definitely inattentive. I don't know a lot about combined type but it's very possible that the swing is governed by mood. It might be that you tend towards inattentive when feeling low and tend towards impulsive or hyperactive type when feeling high. It might be worth doing the quiz twice; once answering for when you are in a depressed period and once answering for when you're in a happy or too-high (manic) moodstate.

Of course a doctor isn't likely to be interested in the results of an online test anyway and would presumably use their own methods to determine type or whatever, anyway.

Really really really going to bed now :(

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BertieBotts · 29/01/2015 00:28

Oh Grin

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BertieBotts · 29/01/2015 00:28

I sound/feel manic or hyper myself, now.

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Enpoid · 29/01/2015 00:32

Sleep well Grin

Enpoid · 29/01/2015 00:38

Great thread BTW

antimatter · 29/01/2015 06:36

I scored 45!
I am a mix 25 indicating inattentive.

I know I am seriously underperforming/underachieving as most ppl at work who are senior than me are picking up my ideas and make them happen and the latest one became our company policy!!! On this occasion it was CEO who saw it being useful and announced it and she was very honest and mentioned my name during announcement.

I just can't take them further and further and be able to be rewarded for thinking up them. I was always "a big picture" person and can see trends and have different point of view, but am too gobby for most managers as I say as it is. Not a drop of political blood in my veins! As you can imagine this isn't liked a lot. Luckily I am in the company where we are quite open about various things but still.... I should have learned by now to be less feisty if I see lack of professionalism.

So many of those things you are writing about ring the bell. Maybe I should take that bag of self help books I haven't donated to charity shop yet to show to my GP that I am really in a need of some help?

I have few smelly elephants in my bedroom at the moment. I made a lot of effort in the house in the last 6-9 months so am not afraid to have people over. But not yet in my bedroom Grin

I have very understanding boyfriend (split with my ex 5 years ago) but I am not even divorced yet! I could if I made some/more effort.

I am very optimistic person and I think this is coping strategy but a good one (this I think we have all in common). I don't get upset by small things unless I overanalyse and see that what I am complaining about is really down to my lack of organisation skills.

Going late to bed is a big issue for me as I work crazy hours and commute by car, just yesterday Iwas so tired I was falling asleep driving on a motorway! That made me again stop and think - I either bloody go to bed at 9:30 at the latest (managed 10:30 yesterday and working from home today to get bit more sleep) or have to change the job and use public transport (I am on the outskirts of London so that's possible). I really like my job and can learn a lot there but I don't want to kill myself in the process!

Me not putting my keys in the same place every time costs me probably on an average 20 min of my evening every day, I walk my dog, I take kids to few activities etc. - it's very stressful. I spent 20 min 2 days ago in the evening looking for them as I really wanted to go for a run!

I was got diagnosed and got medication I would be able to see results very quickly I think.

What is the medication you are on Alabamarama?
How did it improve your day to day life?

I can hyper myself up if something is going well and I see that things are going as I predicted (either way positively and negatively).

I think I am good mum. I toned down my little niggles which I guess all kids are creating. They say I am the most positive person they know! I never really moan about anything aloud, I do some in my own head, but always see the big picture and what causes my low mood. I am able to explain to myself why I am in low mood and move over.

I stopped drinking coffee 2 months ago. My sleep is much better but then again I was never addicted/dependant on it.

blackheartsgirl · 29/01/2015 16:07

Ive been fobbed of everytime i go to myy docs. I tick all the boxes and i just dont feel right and i never have.

Here, its virtually impossible to get a diagnoses let alone medication if you are an adult, you are laughed at.

antimatter · 29/01/2015 16:20

I read on aadduk.org/forum/ that some people go privately, get diagnosed and then some GP's accept that diagnosis and keep prescribing those meds

BertieBotts · 29/01/2015 16:31

That's not a bad idea. I live in Germany, so I have the luxury of being able to choose a doctor... which would be perfect if it weren't for the language barrier :) However I have some friends to ask here, so we'll see.

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antimatter · 29/01/2015 18:10

I just learned that there's an "acquired ADHD" which doesn't respond well to medication.

I had serious skull injury when I was 2.5 years old.

A year after my mother died (sie died of natural causes with septicemia when pregnant with my brother) my father who was an alcoholic took me with him for holiday (I was looked after by my GP's on my mum's side), he had a partner who was also hitting a bottle and she was very jealous of me. When after one of drinking sessions he fell asleep with me on his lap she (in drinking stupor) took a picture off the wall and hit me with it. She confessed later.

I was diagnosed having cracked skull only 3 months later. My aunt (fathers sister) saw that I was neglected and brought me back to my GP's (they were 80 miles away in the village whee my DM grew up). I was covered in scabs and had serious chest infection. GP's also told me that my behaviour changed dramatically and local family doctor couldn't diagnose me as at that point they didn't know anything about me being hit. In the end he sent me for an X-ray which showed healing cracks in my skull.
I wonder if this contributed, I guess I will never know. But it makes me angry and sad at the same time that it might have.
Ever since I remember I always have had my hands shaking slightly (more when tired).

unlucky83 · 29/01/2015 19:43

Currently waiting for my DD1 to be assessed so filled in a similar 'quizz' for her as part of the pre assessment
I suspect I'm also ADHD - I think I have been self medicating for years - I'm a caffeine and nicotine addict -both stimulants which have been investigated as ADHD treatments...I think coffee calms me down - definitely helps me concentrate...
Anyway I had this massive questionnaire to fill in for DD1 I kept pushing it around my desk and then thought I have to do it - if I don't do it soon it will be too late - I just have to do it now ...quickly... so I did, posted it off and then realised I'd not put a slip I was supposed to in with it Blush had to send it in a separate envelope...had said that I suspected I had ADHD too ...I guess that sealed the deal Blush Blush
Anyway filling in the questionnaire made me realise that DP had lots of characteristics too...I told him and his reaction was well everyone is like that...
So we have both done the online quizz - I scored 37 - DP - who was struggling to complete it scored a rather impressive 44...Hmm
I'm now actually slightly concerned about DD2 too- I consider her to be the quiet placid one but am noticing more and more in a crowd of similar aged children she is the loud one -struggling to concentrate in dance class...she's just not as 'bad' as DD1...

antimatter · 29/01/2015 19:53

Yes. There's inherited ADHD too...
No one on my mum's family has ADHD.

I would like to know in case there are some strategies I could use for myself. Even though I am 48 I still have to learn new stuff for my work and will do so until I stop working as I work in IT in very technical role.

unlucky83 · 29/01/2015 20:26

anti I wasn't saying it couldn't be acquired too...sorry if it came across like that ...actually I hadn't seen your post before I posted (I started my post then had to take DD2 to an activity - and had more than one tab open and then I found it half written so I finished it and posted ...)
I am functioning really (I'm 47) ...
I am not 'hyper' - usually knackered..(my mother used to call me 'hyperactive' as a child though) but I can struggle to concentrate.
Just thinking I am probably am has really helped me - I don't beat myself up about being crap as much...
I once posted on a thread here about being late ...(I am often late) I said 'I lose track of time' and got flamed - that really brought it home to me - unless I am really making an effort to concentrate/pay attention I drift off - I can be brushing my teeth and thinking about things and suddenly find 5 to 10 mins of my life has disappeared...to me that is 'normal' but now I know it probably isn't to the general population ...but that's fine really...

antimatter · 29/01/2015 20:39

unlucky I didn't mean to be snarky - sorry. I should have used better punctuation Grin

I think I have some symptoms. Not all. But my working memory is apalling. I am loosing keys, earphones, put things away and then look for them forever (may as well give away half of the content of my house ) Smile

BertieBotts · 29/01/2015 22:25

Antimatter that's awful :( Poor little baby you! I hate to hear of kids being stuck in situations like that. I hope your life is much happier now. Flowers I wonder if it's worth seeing a neurologist for something like that, for a kind of assessment to see if there is any historical damage.

I am often tired too, unlucky, and I don't know if it's lack of sleep or restless sleep or what - if my brain is working something over when I go to bed then I get "chatterbox brain" and can't sleep. Tiny noises bother me too - I can hear the fridge humming when I'm in bed (FFS!) and although it's so quiet you wouldn't even hear it in the daytime, at night when I'm trying to get to sleep it seems so loud that it's like it's filling the whole room. DH wears ear plugs, but I couldn't because I don't like the feeling that my ears are blocked up.

I lose stuff - I was so paranoid about losing my engagement ring that I asked DH to buy me a chain so that if I ever took it off, e.g. to wash my hands, I could put it on the chain. That worked, but I lost my wedding ring just before our first anniversary, and it's gone :( I think I must have dropped it in the snow because my fingers shrink in the cold. The worst thing is I did the same thing 10 years before with another sentimentally valuable ring.

Does anybody have an issue related to task/to do lists. I will have an idea in my head of things that I need to do. e.g. book flights, post letter, phone Mum, etc. Then I will do something which means that I no longer need to do one of the things, like I'll get a phone call out of the blue which negates the need for the letter. But later, I'll go and post the letter anyway, because I will forget entirely about the phone call and only remember the feeling of "Shit! I have to..."

I have booked the same flights twice, on two occasions. How? How does somebody do that?!

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