been offline for awhile- just diagnosed with depression- need some advise

[vnmum]

hi, ive been offline for a while and have been having a few problems. i'll try and give you a brief explanation.

i had my DS in dec 05, after about 6 - 8 weeks i went to GP feeling low and wanting to harm DS. was told i was sleep deprived and DH signed off work for few weeks to help me. At the same appt DH admitted he was feeling depressed and suicidal and was given AD's. DH's depression is work related (armed forces) and he has since been off work and has been told he needs to move back to the UK (we are currently abroad)where he can get more support. He was also admitted to Psych ward for a while and i felt like i wasa on suicide watch for the first 5 months or so.

I have been trying to put a brave front on and be strong and supportive to my DH aswell as coping with DS and living in a flat that i absolutely hate. the neighbours are a nightmare and i dont like the area we have been housed in. underneath my brave front i have been increasingly feeling like i cant cope and am a failure. i have had suicidal thoughts on occasions. we were told we would be moved back to the UK months ago but still we have not heard anything, so we camre back to visit family a few weeks ago for a break. when it came to going back, i broke down and couldnt go leaving my DH to go back on his own while he is still on AD's and not completely better.

being away from the situation has made me realise how low i have been feeling and i now feel worse than ever. i'm shouting at DS for little things and feel overwhelming guilt for it, i feel like i cant cope and my life is worthless.

i went to a local GP who diagnosed me with clinical depression but is reluctant to give AD's as im still breastfeeding (4 feeds a day)

Dh wants me to return to him abroad and i miss him and dont want him to miss out on time with DS but i dont know how i'll cope if i return to that situation.

Today DH informed me that there is still no sign of a move back to the UK and that it could be 6 months or more before we are moved. At this news i broke down and now feel like my life cant go on and that i cant cope.

Should i return to GP and ask for AD's? which ones can i take while BF? i am also concerned with the side effects of some i.e Drowsiness, jitters inability to drive etc as i worry how i'll be able to look after DS on my own if i have these side effects, but on the other hand what damage am i doing to him by shouting at him and not having much interest in playing or getting him out and about

can anyone give me some advise or help, i feel lost

bump

vnmum - I have no experience of depression, but from what you have said I would definitely go back to your GP. In fact I would print off this post and take it with you, so that you don't forget to tell him anything that you have put down here.

I know that there are loads of Mn'ers who have taken ADs whilst bf, so I'm sure that one will be along soon to advise you on that.

Are you staying with family now? Do they know how you are feeling and can they offer any support?

I would also ask your GP about support groups in your area.

Hope that you can take some positive steps soon, and remember that your ds and your dh both need you to stick around .

vnmum
I'm really sorry, I have no experience of PND or ADs, but did not want your post to go unanswered.

Where are/were you abroad?

FWIW I think with ADs, as with any drugs, side effects are not inevitable (correct me someone if I'm wrong). This would definitely be something to talk to your GP about.

oh vnmum,you sound so down ,I'm sure there must be more your gp can do to help you.PLease pursue the ab's whilst breastfeeding,I'm sure there must be some that are safe.
Are you getting any support from your family?

so sorry to hear this vnmum

I thought you could take certain ones whilst bf?I take ads and rate them very highly. Your gp will advise hun. Don't worry about side effects as these wear off after a few days or a couple of weeks or at least lessen. The benefits outweigh this.

I hope you get something to help you as depression is hard enough to cope with without all this added pressure.

have quicklly skimmed your post as wanted to say quickly ..you will be ok

i had terrible PND for 4 years... but recovered

you say you feel life can;t go on and you can't cope....

ads can be prescribed to breast feeding mothers...

if you are so depressed..you need ads..if your gp is unable to sort this...see a different doctor..got to a&e and ask for crisis help from the duty psychiatrist

you should ask for the community psychiatric nurses to come out..again gp should sort this..

will post mnore when read it properly

im staying with my parents and they are aware of how im feeling and are being supportive.

We are posted in germany.

i feel so let down by the armed forces as i dont feel they have offered us enough help and support during this time. they just seem to want DH back in work regardless of if he is better or not and regardless of what is best for his mental state.

at the moment i cant face going back but i know i cant be away from DH indefinately as he needs my support too

where in Germany, vn?

thanks everyone, im in tears reading your supportive posts.

i community psychiatric nurese were mentioned but as i dont know how long i'll be staying here for ( as DH wants me to return to germany) im not sure if they would refer me. i feel DH and i need to discuss what is best for all of us at this moment. i do feel that AD's might help balance my mood and then enable me to cope better with returning to germany but i also dont want to risk harming my DS for my sake

osnabruck, FIT

you won;t be harming your baby....there are definittely ads whihc are compatible with b/f...the nurses should see you as they can do short term help - mine came weekly for about 3 monhts

you and DH need to be well so that your lives can move forward and any help you can get will move you forward....

vnmum - taking ads to make you feel better isn't just for your sake, it's for all of your sakes, and if you can find one that is safe with bf then you won't be harming him at all, you'll simply be getting back to the lovely calm mummy that you want to be to him.

Please talk to your GP about the ADs tomorrow.

oh, that's a long way from me - I'm in germany too (not armed forces), which was why I asked. Are the neighbours Germans?

One of your most acute problems right now seems to be 'stay in the UK or go back'. If you do go back I'll do whatever I can to help you - help with cultural/language issues/accessing local health services if you need them/sending you letters/little parcels/a visit if I can manage it (a big if, but I would try).

Post in the 'Breast and bottle feeding' forum ablout the ADs. I know that some are bf compatible.

Thanks for that FIT. if i return i will have access to the army health services which includes CPNs, and if i were put on AD's now they would just take over the care i presume.

the neighbours are all other forces families and they have no consideration for anyone else. we do have germans close by but they are not a problem, if anything i would have thought they would be fed up with the noise too.

i will keep you all informed as to my immediate progress and when i have been back to see GP. Thanks agin everyone for your encouraging and kind posts. i knew i could rely on mumsnetters

Vnmum - agree with the other excellent posts. Just wanted to support you in what you're going through xxx

ooh poor you, sounds awful, horrible.. big hugs.
You can take ADs whilst breastfeeding. The best ones are Amitryptiline or Seroxat. You don't get jitters with AMitrptiline-don't know about seroxat. I had severe anxiety when pregnant, and had to see a maternal psychiatrist who deals solely with with pregnant and breastfeeding mums, and she told me these were safe:straight from the horses mouth! Why are GP's so useless about this? I was on ad's all pregnancy and have perfect daughter. best of luck sweetie.

hi everyone, after a bad few days over the weekend,my GP appointment finally came round and i have been given Seroxat (paroxitine). the GP was very understanding and said treating me was much better than not treating me. he said that the AD is safe while breastfeeding so no issues there. i now actually feel abit of releif in that i feel i have some help now to get better and out of my black hole. i just hope the tablets suit me and i can cope with the situation better when i return to germany.

i know its not going to be an overnight thing and i expect many more highs and lows to come but i know i can come to mumsnet for support.

thanks again guys and i'll keep you posted

Remember to give it a few weeks for the ADs to kick in. Hope you start feeling better soon.

Glad to hear that the first steps to recovery have been taken vnmum. Do keep us updated, and remember that we're here to talk as and when you need us.

thanks again. ive just read the leaflet with the tabs and the possible side effects are abit scary, like not being able to drive, feeling dizzy, shaky and blurred vision or sleepy. i worry that if i have these then i'll not be able to look after DS properly on my own. hes just started cruising and is getting into everything and falling etc and i worry that my reaction times might not be quick enough. am i just being abit over dramatic about it all? any advice? does anyone know if these side effects last all the time you're taking the meds or just initially?

vnmum - have you been in touch with SAFFA (forces help people) - they are normally based at your local HIVE/Community Centre. I had a friend who was having problems (both mentally and physically coping with her baby once her DH went back to work after paternity leave) and they helped write a 'case' for her DH to be posted somewhere else which was near her family. This meant she was able to get family help. They heard (and got a move) within 2 months of making the 'case'. Not sure completely how it worked but I would give them a call - you have a VERY good case for a move asap!

VNmum I remember you from being due in dec 05. I have suffered very bad depression for the past 3 yrs[since DS was born]. All medication has a ton of side effects listed but reality is that they rarely come and if they do then see about changing meds. My depression was classed as pnd at first but is now severe and enduring. Probably not helped by fact I keep getting pg [DD born dec 05 and am due again jan 07]. You have been very brave to get help hun and it will only make you stronger. If you want to email me to chat then feel free as I have been at the depths of depression while looking after a young baby/toddler and can understand your fears etc.
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take care

hi everyone, this is just an update really. i have been taking my AD's and have moved back to germany. only been here a few days and am feeling abit low but i feel i might be able to pick myself up now im back with DH who is getting better also. i still feel isolated and that i have no friends which makes it hard for me to get myself out and about but im just going to have to bite the bullet and go to a mum and tots group. i hope i'll be able to update you all again soon saying im feeling better but i know i'll still get ups and downs

Hi!!! glad to hear you are both doing a bit better.....i joined a mums and tots group knowing one person there a year ago ! i help run it now! it is really worth 'biting the bullet' as you say......give it a go..you do sound more positive....xx (hug)