I can't stop shaking and I have to work hard to stop my teeth chattering from nervousness. My workplace are harrassing me on the weekend, things are not going well there, I have started taking antidepressents a few days ago and don't know what to do. My doctor gave me diazapan to help me transition onto the ADs, because they are known for making people feel more anxious at first, and so far today I have taken 15mg Valium but I still feel so terrified. When I think of going to work on Monday my heart speeds up and I feel like I cannot go in there. If I hand my notice in on Monday, can I get a doctor's letter to sign me off sick for the notice period?
I only have two friends here in this city and one is basically ignoring me and I don't know why. I suspect it is just thoughtlessness and being busy with her own life and exciting stuff she's doing but it still hurts. Other friend doesn't seem to want to see me either. I feel I have nowhere to turn. I texted my brother earlier asking if he still loved me even though I'm a mess right now, and he didn't write back, and again I know he's going away for the a couple of days with no phone coverage and probably just unfortunately didn't see my last text before he left, but I feel so alone.
I feel suicidal because I am so afraid of the future, even though I don't want to kill myself, and i know that doesn't make sense. I just need a break from the fear and some hope that somebody can love me.
I don't know what to do.