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Original poster

Bipolar relapse? Reduced meds.

80 replies

TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 14/10/2014 19:21

I have bipolar, and have been trying for months to come off my medication to try and manage it without Lithium and Aripiprizole. I know coming off meds isn't for everyone, but I wanted to try. I have been fine for literally years now on the meds, and fine on a reduced dose for months - in fact, I'll be honest and say I haven't been very faithful with my meds at all.

But these past few days I've noticed myself getting obsessive, not sleeping, listening to music all. the. time. Barely eating.

Have I failed? Has anyone come through the other side of this and worked through symptoms without having to up their meds again? I confess, I quite like where I am, I just know it's not going to be helpful in the longterm and could lead to me doing something stupid.

OP posts:
GirlWithABrokenSmile · 17/10/2014 13:04

I'm unmedicated.

It's a bad idea. Take your meds. I keep building things and destroying them. I can see it happening, I can predict it, I can't stop it.

Unfortunately, organ failure means I can't take any meds. I've tried hundreds, they all end up not being filtered, my liver starts to fail, and I have to be hospitalised.

I take mass amounts of propanolol, but that's started to affect my heart.

It looks so good. You're so productive, so happy, you can do anything. That surge of fire only ends in ashes, though.

Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 17/10/2014 17:36

Well, that was a bloody nightmare. A friend took me and sat in with me as an advocate. I was soundly told off for not taking the meds, and referred to home treatment team. I was also given a script for lorazepam, which, predictably, sent me to sleep by the time I took it. But on the way home, just as we turned into our street, there was a big kerfuffle and a dead, knocked over black and white small cat - identical to ours. I went absolutely batshit hysterical and it wasn't pretty. So they dosed me up and sent me to bed. Feeling really loose and woozy now, but I've not heard anything for a while, so that's a plus. It wasn't our cat. She came in later for her food apparently, not a scratch on her.

OP posts:
Khalessi · 17/10/2014 19:12

Poor cat, what an awful experience for you. Good to hear you've got the home treatment team looking after you.

TheSilveryPussycat · 17/10/2014 20:14

You have coped well, you asked for help when people you trust suggested it might be needed. And you have not been admitted. I think that all counts as a result.

The cat thing would be hard for anyone, even if they didn't even have a cat Sad

Mitchy1nge · 18/10/2014 02:37

God that's so horrible about the cat :( hope the lorazepam is helping x

Mitchy1nge · 19/10/2014 12:03

how are things tea?

Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 19/10/2014 15:34

pretty shitty if truth be told. The home treatment team have been delayed today, DP had to go out to fetch our eldest daughter from church, and was about an hour and a half (turns out it was communion) which I got really arsey about cos, you know, I might have liked to take communion too. So now I feel like the social pariah he can't take to church as well as the embarrassment to my kids. I had a lorazepam at 2 and still feel like I'm bouncing off the walls. Still, the house is nice and tidy. I keep hearing whispering voices and they're reallly irritating, and I just want to stab them out of myself, which I ain;t going to share because I know where that leads and I'm not really going to do it.

So I'm piling on the make up to mkae myself presentable, which will probably be more coco the clown than coco chanel, but nevermind.

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 19/10/2014 17:36

home treatment came finally. Had a chat. Told me my voices weren't real. Asked if they came out the telly which was weird as they have come out of the radio before now, but I didn't mention that. He thinks I need to see the psych again tomorrow, no kidding, as things don't appear to be having the desired effect.

OP posts:
Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 19/10/2014 18:26

is anybody there? I know you've all got kives and kids and stuff, and god knows so have I, but could someone just post unmumsnetty hugs, i'm really scared

OP posts:
Mentalpsychiatrist · 19/10/2014 18:31

Have a hug from someone who knows exactly what you're going through (((teaspoons)))

Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 19/10/2014 18:34

thank you so much. That means a lot. xx

OP posts:
TheSilveryPussycat · 19/10/2014 18:37

And another hug. Seeing the psych tomorrow sounds to be needed - hang in there!

Mitchy1nge · 19/10/2014 23:40

and a cuddle from me, hope you get some sleep x

Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 20/10/2014 10:34

DP wants me in. He thinks I'm in danger. I've tried to explain what's going on, and be honest, and all it gets me is more suspicion and a threat of an admission. I'm so so sorry. I didn;t mean for this to happen.

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 20/10/2014 11:00

you have nothing to be sorry for, please don't feel guilty

good luck with psych today, will be thinking of you x

UncrushedParsley · 20/10/2014 18:36

How are you Tea?

Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 21/10/2014 12:31

I'm fighting th idea of an admisssion tooth and nail. I know I'm not well. Well, I know most of the time, but I don't want to go back into that dingy place with god knows what that might happen to me (I've been raped in a mental unit before now) and I would rather be at home, but no one thinks I;m safe enough here.

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 21/10/2014 12:44

am sorry and horribly sad to hear that tea, is this something your team know about?

Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 21/10/2014 14:38

no, but they did reassure me that I'd have my own room. Oh I don't know, I don;t think they know what they want to do, any more than I do. Right now I'm worn down enough to go along with whatever is suggested.

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 21/10/2014 14:41

when have people ever not had their own rooms anyway Hmm you WILL feel better again soon, one way or another, the joy of an episodic illness is that change is the one constant

what did psych say yesterday?

Mitchy1nge · 21/10/2014 15:09

(wasn't pulling a face at you, just at their weird inducements to get people to agree to an admission, like my consultant saying that my meds would be free on the ward!)

Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 21/10/2014 15:47

the psych wants to put me back on olanzapine and everyone else is in agreement. I feel like slashing my arms until they bleed in frustration. I can't go back to being that person again, I just can't.

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 21/10/2014 17:38

long term or just for now/until lithium levels are up and running again? Is abilify no good for mania? Sorry you have such difficult choices, I can imagine how you feel about olanzapine - I would press for something less obesigenic but maybe they are less effective?

hugs xxx

Original poster
TeaspoonAndAnOpenMind · 21/10/2014 19:29

short term they said. And they want me in for the self harm but there aren't any beds.

OP posts:
Mitchy1nge · 21/10/2014 20:01

if it worked for you before it does make sense to use it again at least in the short term where hopefully the positive benefits will outweigh its less desirable effects? you could figure out a longer term strategy together when you're feeling better

wish things were easier for you