Oh shit, they really think I'm losing it...

[windchimes23]

Had psychiatrist appointment today. Rocked up on time, feeling ok, filled in all the forms and mood charts and wrote the letter he asked me to write. I have done everything asked, attended appointments on time. Did the homework, took the tablets.

So I go to my appointment and after going through everything he drops the bombshell. He's been talking to my GP and counsellor, they think I need to go to a psych ward, GP has taken my side and said no she is better at home (private healthcare so cost not her consideration).

All this because I confessed to cutting myself. They are all talking behind my back and I was being open and honest. What is the point in being honest if they are talking without involving me and then calling it a duty of care. Surely I should be part of their care plan, thank god for my GP, sometimes I wonder if the private side are just trying to suck money out of my insurance. Or maybe I'm paranoid, but I don't think so?

I agree that if that is the only issue, you're safer being at home.

Don't worry, OP. Sometimes health care professionals get the wrong idea, but it is pretty much always with good intentions

I don't think being IP is that helpful for SI, that said I /have/ been on a psych ward for SI so it does happen. If they strongly suggest you go in or they will assess you under the MHA then def go in but if that doesn't happen stand your ground. Acute psych units are not easy places to be.

Keep being honest and emphasise that you want to be at home. Ask for home support from the crisis team (through the NHS)

Take care x

Does sound unusual - definitely in most of NHS if someone self harms, no mind about mentioning it, there is no admittance to hospital - as no beds unless someone is really ill.

Are you in the UK? Why not say, yes, I will go into hospital but only on NHS and not use my private healthcare ( which probably has a limit to how much treatment you can have before pay more?) That way you will know it is not about money?

I am in the UK, have private psychiatrist and counsellor doing CBT. GP is NHS as my insurance doesn't cover general illness but I have 100k a year for psychiatric illness. So saw myself as a cash cow.

I did cut myself pretty bad, but it was better than killing myself. With hindsight I think it was more about them being worried about harming myself and my children. I promised not to self harm (and assured them my children were safe) and then ended up doing it again and needing medical help. I think they just all went into overdrive and it was with good intentions. I need to look at this in a different light, it was an initial shock.

I am in a much better place than I was 6 weeks ago, the last SI was 10 days ago and I think it was down to them ramping up my meds.

I would not ever want to spend time in a psych ward unless I was in real danger, or a danger to myself. Which I'm not.

Thanks for your advice and if they get on it again I'll say I'll only accept NHS treatment.

I have needed medical attention for SI and the NHS has NOT wanted me in hospital so please don't worry about it. Def say you want NHS treatment (although The Priory is probably a damn site nicer than your bog standard NHS ward!!) and they won't admit you. Take of yourself xx

[Warning from MNHQ. This post contains graphic injury details]

47 stitches in my left arm (two layers) and a glued leg. What a mess, I didn't even mean it, I just went down stairs like a zombie at 2am and got my special sterile cutting stuff out, hit an artery and all hell broke lose. In hindsight I can see why they freaked, but my GP is sensible and said doubling my meds could have just flipped me over and I'm no danger to my children so I should be at home. Jeez I am such an idiot sometimes. And I don't fancy a stay on a psych ward anywhere, I want to be at home. I have learned a lesson from this, there is a line and I overstepped it. No point in drip feeding, I fucked up big time and I know that the next time will mean getting sectioned.

I need to work harder in therapy and opened up properly on Friday. It was scary.

It sounds scary. Definitely wor calling their bluff - if they want to send you to an NHS psych ward then you know you need it and time to use your private funding ( but be careful and ensure you know what it is costing to ensure you got budget left for private psychiatrist and private counselling as those things sound ideal to have privately and continuously! ) Lots of great stuff in places like priory to make it a "nice stay" but those extras will add up.

A&E will always risk assess parents who present with self harm injuries so if you have children under 5 they often contact HV, who do not always contact parents as they know they are getting treatment.

Next time does not mean getting sectioned - as sections such as a 28 day treatment section or a 6 month section 3 ( which I doubt you have the insurance for) are not entered into lightly if someone is not a serious risk to self or others - so voluntary admittance is often preferred!! However it is more likely the risk assessment will trigger more interference than you would want!

Sorry should say, hope you get some useful coping strategies taught by your counsellor and perhaps they can help you by seeing you a bit more ( like the NHS crisis service) over next few weeks as an alternative to hospital?

NHS uses a home treatment team/crisis service which is a 24/7 cover and usually a visit or call a day - but often with different people every shift so no continuity! Helpful for emergency meds, family can contact them if concerned and helps prevent inpatient stays and gives people more support at crisis times.

Hi itisnt, am really sorry to hear that you are going though this.

Indont know you of course or the details of your illness/treatment but I wanted to say please don't. Discount IP admission.

47 stitches constitutes a serious potentially life threatening injury ( particularly as you hit and artery). Your care team will be very worried about you and concerned that whilst you feel you will. Not SH like this again, you may not be able to keep yourself safe.

Another good reason to suggest Ip admission is to enable your meds etc to be adjusted in as are and controlled environment! again if your event SH s triggered by changes in meds this might seem like a safer and sensible option to the care team.

Have you been in iP unit before? If so was it Nhs or private? Private facilities are very different to nhs wards. In my experience much more one to one and therapy and environment let's face it is pleasant and comfy. Not knocking the Nhs as I work for them but it's worth saying!

That is a serious injury and I can understand why they are concerned.

Like SiverStars says admission does not mean being sectioned (unless you don't agree to go in!) they can take you in voluntarily and you can have home treatment.

I'll be honest and say I am currently sectioned on an NHS ward and it is chaotic and noisy and hard work, I would not recommend it. But in saying that I have been here for similar SI injuries and at the time it did help - it was a safe place for me to sort my head out - I really went into myself and focused on recovery.

And I am sure the priory is much nicer!!

Please PM me if you want to talk about this some more. xx

Thank you all, I am zonked on meds. That will ensure that I am safe. Enough is enough, I've crossed the line this time. I will post more to each individual response tomorrow, but now I am going to get some rest. Sleep tight all x

Sleep well, it is helpful.

Sorry for any distress caused to anyone with graphic details. Have agreed to go IP for a 28 day assessment. Will sort out the admission tomorrow. I accept that it is the only way and I am not well and possibly paranoid about other peoples well meaning intentions. I will update if I feel up to it, right now I am just waiting for tomorrow and scared of what it will bring.

Have they put you on a section 2? Lots of luck xxx

Yes, section 2, I will see my GP tomorrow and agree to it (everyone has spoken today, DH has given consent and I guess I've given up responsibility) that will kick in the whole process. I asked for today for just one more day at home. But I have agreed to it all so not as big a deal as being dragged off, just GP to tick the box tomorrow at 8am. Saw my psychiatrist on Friday so they can get two docs to agree within 5 days. I am scared but need to focus.

What I did was wrong and not normal. I have accepted this now, DH told me if I kick off again I'm out of here, I don't blame him. This is not line stepping (I'm an expert at that, I like to do that little dance on the line between sane and not) this was really wrong and I need to give up playing the game with all the nice people who are genuinely trying to help and properly try to sort this out.

I am ready to try, 20 years of playing the game to escape them (escape who, really, myself ???), because I need to self destruct. It is time to end this charade, I am too old for this infantile behaviour and my children need me. I may not post for a while, not sure if they will let me have my phone and iPad?

Yes, section 2, I will see my GP tomorrow and agree to it (everyone has spoken today, DH has given consent and I guess I've given up responsibility) that will kick in the whole process. I asked for today for just one more day at home. But I have agreed to it all so not as big a deal as being dragged off, just GP to tick the box tomorrow at 8am. Saw my psychiatrist on Friday so they can get two docs to agree within 5 days. I am scared but need to focus.

What I did was wrong and not normal. I have accepted this now, DH told me if I kick off again I'm out of here, I don't blame him. This is not line stepping (I'm an expert at that, I like to do that little dance on the line between sane and not) this was really wrong and I need to give up playing the game with all the nice people who are genuinely trying to help and properly try to sort this out.

I am ready to try, 20 years of playing the game to escape them (escape who, really, myself ???), because I need to self destruct. It is time to end this charade, I am too old for this infantile behaviour and my children need me. I may not post for a while, not sure if they will let me have my phone and iPad?

I don't understand why you are being sectioned when you agree to go in? I am here on an S2 as well because I do not want to be here.

I am allowed my phone and laptop and have a WIFI Dongle.

Because my DH has to give consent consent at GP tomorrow, apparently I'm not capable as I disagreed? I will do what they want tomorrow first thing, but I don't want to go. Just wanted one more night to put my babies to bed and read them room on the broom. DH has had enough of me and 'my antics'

Phone and laptop sounds good. I have been an arse and tried to fight them. No point now. I may as well just give in to their threats.

Oh ok so you didn't agree to go in until they sectioned you?

Do you have some stuff packed. I can recommend some bits to bring.

I was just arguing the toss as usual. All fine here, just tickity boo haha, but not what they say though. My DH is at the end of his tether with me but can't even find a dummy for the baby or load the dishwasher. I don't think he realises. What do i need to take, I have charger and phone and iPad. Wtaf will happen?

Ok I hope this isn't too long :)

Shampoo, body wash, sponge, a decent razor (they will watch you use it) and a wash bag to keep it all in.
Nice PJs (see if you can get some nice new ones - I always do when I am IP which is frequently) because you do tend to to hang around in PJs. They won't let you have the cord to your dressing gown so I recommend cardis/jumpers to wrap up to keep warm. Nice slippers.
Comfy clothes (bring about 3-4 days worth), I wear leggings and dresses most days, you do a lot of sitting/lazing around.
Snacks - crisps, grapes, chocolate, sucky sweets etc. The food is not great and on my unit they don't have many snacks. Small bottles of water/coke etc.
Books (I have my Kindle which is a life saver), magazines - crappy ones for when you don't want to concentrate.
Take a small handbag so you can carry your bits and bobs around with you (a drink, cigs, book etc)

They will take all cords away but should charge your phone/laptop etc for you. Some places are funny about aerosols so take roll on deoderant. Most units have hairdryers and straightners you can use. Keep you room locked and your stuff on you as things go missing. If you smoke take it plenty of cigs and take some cash as the staff will go to the shop for you until you get leave.

Remember that a S2 is for UP TO 28 days, not for 28 days, they may take you off it before that, especially if you agree to stay and have treatment.

Hope this helps xx

Thank you so much, you know what I was most worried about were cigarettes, I just started again (three years stopped) and need them. My DH can bring money I have plenty of pj's and stuff, I'm packing now, just got my pregnancy flip flops out of the wardrobe. Best get sorted out.

It is flipping weird, my two year old is sleeping next to me snoring softly and my dog is at her feet snoring too. Everything is calm and quiet. Nothing is wrong but everything is effed up.

I don't want this, but I do too? But they can take responsibility because I'm done. Just need to get my head sorted and push forward I hope.

Thank you, I am just pissed that DH said you're out of here you've crossed the line but I know deep down he is right x

Yes packing to go in can be weird. You will be fine just don't get involved with the drama of the ward and keep focused on recovery and you will be fine xx

Oh and you will find that most people smoke! Here we can have one whenever we want but I know in some places is one an hour type thing it just depends. Same as phones etc different hospitals have different rules.