Can anti-depressants make you feel like you have fallen out of love?

[ComeInOrson]

DH got quite severe depression and changed over a few weeks and became quite angry / difficult / illogical / mean / uncommunicative / snappy / always crying and quite blaming towards me. Everything was my fault. I could do no right. Bringing up everything I had ever done in the past to annoy him (some stuff so petty like forgetting to fill the car with petrol)

I managed to get him to go to the doctors and he got straight onto Citalopram and about 10 days after taking them he told me he didn't love me anymore and felt nothing towards me and is completely numb and just wants to be alone.

I read online that citalopram can cause temporary side effects but it has been six months now and DH is still telling me he doesn't love me anymore. Doesn't want sex and is so distant.

I am really confused. We were still in the honeymoon period. Married only a year. It doesn't add up. We were really happily married and I have done heaps of online tests "how to know if your husband loves you" and before he was depressed or started these pills he ticked all the boxes. Bringing me flowers all the time, calling constantly from work to say he loved me, he could not keep his hands off me and we had sex every day.

I am really feeling confused. It was like he switched off all his emotions. Could this be the medication / depression ?

Is he in there somewhere?

He seems to hate me!

Orson, I'm just chiming in with a hand to hold. I've been in the same position with DH. On the tablets, he didn't feel depressed but he was totally devoid of emotion. He went from being affectionate to no physical affection. One time, I was crying and crying because I was trying to explain how unhappy I was (understatement) with the lack of affection and like I felt he didn't love me any more. He just sat there looking at me blankly, no emotion, didn't try to comfort me or say anything. He said "Usually, if you're upset it makes me feel upset but I don't feel anything towards you right now".

Living with depressed dh has been the worst, most stressful experience of my life. I found this research paper strangely comforting:

bjp.rcpsych.org/content/195/3/211.full

The only other advice I can give you, that has helped me, is try to talk to a close, trusted RL friend for support. To say that I sympathise is a huge understatement.

StarShank I'm being a it unfair on the counselling thing. He HAS gone on the waiting list for counselling with the NHS but hasn't heard back yet. They said we would get a letter. What he's refused to do is pay for it or to go back to the GP and say it is urgent. I understand he doesn't want us to pay for it as we can't afford it. He is doing self help strategies from daily vitamins to taking exercise and he is taking it seriously.

I do understand he is scared to adjust the pills when they have made him feel so much better and have taken away the suicide thoughts and I obviously want him to get better and not worse.

TellBent I could have written that post. My DH did the exact same thing in March when I broke down. I was sobbing, right next to him, explaining how I felt and how much I loved him and missed him and he just looked off into space with a blank expression, did not comfort me even with a hug. Then he said the exact same thing. That seeing me like that didn't arouse any emotions at all in him and he asked hat film I fancied watching.

Thanks so much for that post...! Feeling less alone.

In terms of the counselling what really bothers me is that if I make suggestions to hurry it up he says "no point", if I make suggestions to talk to his work who have medical insurance that might cover it he says "no point" and if I suggest going to our church who offer free counselling or one of the local support groups or marriage counselling he says "no point" or some variation to every suggestion. I know that's part of being depressed but I also think he's ashamed and scared. He's a really proud man.

He does tell me he will sort things in his own time.

Great article...thank you!!!

In our relationship I was the one taking citalopram, I exhibited all of the awful emotions and behaviours youve described. It nearly broke us. I took citalopram for nearly 3 years, as I didnt start feeling myself for 2, then my Dr wanted me to have felt 'right' for 6 months before taking me off them. I ended up paying for CBT privately for the final year and couldnt recommend it enough.
During the time I took them I knew logically that being with my oh was a good thing and that I cared for him, but that deep stomach twisting love and desire disappeared practically overnight. I've been off the ADs for just over a year now and its only recently my libido has returned, its still not great- but getting there. I'm also falling in love with him all over again (just as well as we are getting married very soon and ttc!). From everything id read I knew it was just a matter of time so we just carried on as if everything was fine.
I know its been very very hard for him and I feel such guilt!
I obviously dont know what the future holds for you, but wish you all the best. You know the man he was before, I'm sure he is still there.
Dont be afraid to take care of yourself - take time out to do things that make you happy, eat well, exercise, confide in friends.

Glad you found the paper and my post helpful - it's good that such a dreadful experience can be helpful to someone! When DH was doing the blank emotionless thing, I was actually kind of scared of him.

Thank you drinkyourmilk. That's given me some sort of hope

TellBent, thank you so much. Just to hear a real human who has sat and experienced the same thing. I know what you mean about it being frightening. I have sat there so many times and thought "how can you feel nothing? Can't you see what's happening" and no one understands.

Hi, I hope the NHS counselling comes through. He may prefer to keep those issues outside of your church and paying for it can be costly when debt is already an issue. I hope it is helpful.

Have you heard of CAP? Christians against poverty - ecumenical Christian charity offering free and non-judgemental debt advice. Worth an Internet search to see if any in your area maybe. And you could go alone - after all you are part of the income/expenditure in your relationship so even if get some general advice on your own even if he cannot accept/engage that debt/repayments/spending needs looking at.

Thanks Silverstars. Some really good advice here. I know my attention would be really well spent on trying to work the debt situation out.