I think I'm building up to a breakdown.

[MySpideySenseTickles]

I feel that elsas song fits quite well.
Don't let them in, don't let them see
Be the good girl you always have to be
Conceal, don't feel, put on a show
Make one wrong move and everyone will know.

I just don't know how much longer I can conceal it all, The only thing hats kept me sane all these years is hiding all my feelings away but tey keep slipping to the surface, it's a cliche but it's like there's a big black dog in the corner and it's sucking the life out of me, I'm angry when I don't need to be and overreact to everything as soon as I'm alone I can't stop crying.

It feels like all the pain and hurt that I've buried over the years is swelling up like a bubble and soon it'll burst and then I don't know what will happen I can't afford to let people see that I'm suffering, I had depression a few years ago and Dh didn't want to know, he said I was too old to act like a stupid emo teenager said he would leave me if I didn't sort myself out and then refused to acknowledge it again, I had six months of anti depressants and then went cold turkey because I seemed better with them. Only this time I have a ds, he deserves better than me, I feel like a terrible mother most of the time and I know he'll resent me when he's older

I'm not asking for help I don't know why I thought this would help why I thought it would be a good idea to bare the black hole where my soul should be I suppose I just wanted it documented somewhere that my mind is broken, that I don't know quite how to function anymore.

O, can you please go back to your doctor and report feeling spaced out and the other stuff you say about feeling dizzy and I think, you said, not real or something along those lines, please? Sooner rather than later, too. Tomorrow if you can, please. What you have just said about the tram and feeling spaced out has really worried me, I've just come out of a physcotic episode and I said lots of the same things as you, including I've admitted what was wrong. I'm probably worrying about you over nothing, but I think there's something not quite right there feeling spaced out. And flooding your train of thought. Are your thoughts racing, feeling flushed or hot, talking too fast or feeling dizzy, limbs numb, anything like that? -having to sit down because you are dizzy, feeling as though everyone else is far away? These are very early signs of serious illness, please please don't wait, you need checking over if you have anything like that. Better to be safe than sorry.

It's not that bad katkins I quite often get the paranoid-semi panic I always have done, I promise if I start getting weird or weirder than usual I will go see someone straight away.

The yawning is pissing me right off though, it's always massive wide mouth yawns which show off all my dentures if I don't get a hand up in time.

Ooooh are you a knitter or crocheter? Both are supposed to be therapeutic & therefore good for your mental well-being. I think it's the combination of the rhythmic action, whilst also having to focus on the end result. Plus, it's just nice to know you've done something worthwhile.

Crochet, I'm not ver good though.
I feel really weird tonight like I can't really euxplain itv it feels like the 1/2 a second before you faint but then carrying on rather tha fainting oliyswom
I'm probably tired I don't sleep till 5:30 this mornfif.
I'm going to sent the dr in Monday I'm not like thes tablets.

Op, I'm very worried about you. You have all of the early warning signs of a physcotic episode, not sleeping, the way you have typed, feeling faint and dizzy and so on. I know because I've been there. I didn't want to scare you last time, but now I think I have to say that everything you have said is giving me cause for concern. I'm not a professional, but I'd say you need immediate help before it spirals out of control. It's not the tablets, you haven't been taking them long enough. Please go to a n e or your nearest walk in, explain everything you are feeling, and that you are concerned about psychosis. Tonight don't waste time thinking about it. Just go. Are you loosing track of your thoughts, your surroundings, feeling as though the walls are closing in? Any dizziness, numbness anywhere in the body or as strange as it sounds, pain anywhere? Feeling /flushed at all? Please do post back and say how you are feeling if you can. I'm quite worried about what you have said.

I'm a bit woozy like really tired ad my throt fell like sick but not sick. Can't go anywhere tonigt because I have ds and no one could watch uin when Dh drove me and I'm really probably find.

I think you should go first thing then. If your dh is there I'm less worried about you, because there's another adult in the house for your ds and you. Please do talk to him about how you are feeling. Doctor first thing, you have to. Stay safe and I'll be thinking of you.

Katkins I know you mean well but I really don't think you should be "diagnosing" MySST by telling her she has "all the early warning signs of a psychotic episode." We are not medics and so can't be so specific about another's mental health problems. Hope you are doing ok and managing your DD.

I said I'm nit a professional, nana, last thing I want to do is scare her, but so much of it rings a bell with me,I'd hate to miss it. I'm just worried about hee, I guess. May be I'm over thinking it a bit, but everything she's said dies warrant a check up, it doesn't sound normal to be not sleeping, feeling faint and so on on the meds. I suppose I was just keen for her to get checked over, so impressed my case bit strongly! I do hope she gets checked over sooner rather than later, though.

I'm sorry if I worried everyone, whatever it was has passed now.

It was frightening enough for me to ring the drs on Monday morning but I have to admit at the time katkins while I was feeling so weird and out of control I was petrified by your posts, I know it's not a normal thing to feel and I know it needs checking out by a dr.

I know, I didn't want to scare you, but I wanted to say it does need checking. I'm glad you are feeling better, what do you mean by weird and out of control?

I'm really sorry of I scared you op that wasn't my intention. I just don't want you to go through what I did recently, and some of what you said chimed. It could be nothing,could be depression, could be anything....our mental health is so linked to the physical isn't it? I was just worried because the typing was erratic, and you've said a few things I really do think would benefit from a health check. I'm glad you are going to see the doctor, make sure you don't leave anything out when telling them how you feel. You don't deserve to suffer like this.

I felt really dissconnected and like an adrenalin surge constantly, Dh thinks it was a panic attack, his mum had them in the past.
It started at mils house when I was getting all the stuff packed up to go home and ds didn't want to come home, he went and hid in mils neighbours garden, it started mildly and I set off to drive home and it got steadily worse all the time till it started to ease off.

It could be. Panic attacks have really physical symptoms, terrifyingly so. I hope you can get some help soon, be gentle and kind to yourself. I am so so sorry if I made you panic further, it didn't seem right to me at the time. I get very hot with my anxiety, chest pains, shortness of breath...I have medication that helps with it, though. I find it useful, I know others say mindfulness and meditation for anxiety/panic, too. Or breathing exercises.