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Original poster

1st day back at work, and dp making snide comments about how i won't be spending any time with ds

35 replies

PanicPants · 04/09/2006 19:59

Having a moan about dp, and the fact I'm back at work after a year on mat. leave.

Been gearing myself up for this for months, on ad (citalopram 20mg) and was feeling really good, practically back to my old self again and am coming off them.

Anyway, today go into work, have a good day,then go to pick up ds from my sisters and he doesn't want me to hold him and puts up his arms for my sister to have him constantly. So thats ok, I realise thats just because he's been with her all day, so we come home and then dp comes in.

Asks if ds has walked anymore today (he took his first steps ysterday) and then makes a comment about how I wouldn't know about that as I won't be spending anytime with him.

And then later, when I'm annoyed as I stupidly brought some work home with me and left it in the hall so ds has got into it, dp says to ds that he should get used to Mummy being in a bad mood now I' m back at work.

I can't win, feel exhauseted and so demoralised. I never wanted to go back to work, but my flexible working hours application was rejected so I only have the choice of full time or resign. We can't afford for me not to work so I have no choice.

Ok, moan over.

OP posts:
Original poster
PanicPants · 04/09/2006 20:14

.

OP posts:
lemonaid · 04/09/2006 20:19

Can't think of anything constructive to say but wow, what a git he sounds like .

beansprout · 04/09/2006 20:20

Sorry, but I think your dp is out of order. Going back to work can be hard and it sounds like you are doing really well. Please don't let him get to you. Come and talk to other working mums on here and please don't listen to someone who, I suspect, is saying all this from the comfort of knowing that he will never be expected to be at home all day with a child and can run off to work!!

WideWebWitch · 04/09/2006 20:23

well, I think it's unkind and unpleasant of him. How would he feel if you did the same to him? I'm glad you're enjoying work, don't feel guilty about it. Hey, why not trying leaving him with his child for a couple of days, just you know, so he gets the idea?

Original poster
PanicPants · 04/09/2006 20:29

It's not as if I wanted to go back, just feel like I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.

OP posts:
TheArchangel · 04/09/2006 20:33

You poor thing. It sounds as if your husband is being unreasonable. I would have to thrash it out with mine if he behaved like that but I don't know if that's something that everyone would want to do.

Good luck.

Original poster
PanicPants · 04/09/2006 20:45

Not sure why he's being like it. Honestly don't think he understands just how hurtful his comments are. He's being perfectly normal with me now and I know he's probably thinking 'why is she being so quiet'.

OP posts:
Original poster
PanicPants · 04/09/2006 21:13

It seems like there's always a reason for 'my behaviour' and he is never it.

It's always because of my pnd, or because I'm lowering my dose of ad, or now it seems that it's because I'm going back to work. Of course, it's never what he's done or said to me.

OP posts:
Steppy1 · 04/09/2006 21:18

Hi PP...glad your first day went well...Tell DP to off...then promise to cut his B**s off if he continues to be so unsupportive !!!!!!

You need his support at a time like this.

Well done you for getting through your first day anyway.....

Steppy1 · 04/09/2006 21:19

Hi PP...glad your first day went well...Tell DP to off...then promise to cut his B**s off if he continues to be so unsupportive !!!!!!

You need his support at a time like this.

Well done you for getting through your first day anyway.....

Original poster
PanicPants · 04/09/2006 21:21

lol, steppy you made me smile

Am going to flounce off to bed now for an early night.

OP posts:
kate100 · 04/09/2006 21:22

PanicPants, was really to read that this was you. I had no idea you were feeling so bad.

I think your dp needs to support you a bit more, you've devoted yourself to your little boy for a year and made sacrifices to do it. Surely he must realise how hard it is for you, he goes to worl every day and leaves your ds and must miss him.

You have a stressful enough job already and your dp needs to make it easier for you not harder.

Steppy1 · 04/09/2006 21:22

...and if he thinks that an "early night" means something else after his comments today then it's definately "off with the goolies " night night...I'm off too..busy day tomorrow !!

Twiglett · 04/09/2006 21:23

oh just tell him to FUCK OFF!

threebob · 04/09/2006 21:23

Go up really close and whisper in his ear "WTF is your problem, can't cope that you can't earn enough for me to look after ds myself huh!"

and then get on with something else and don't mention it again.

Original poster
PanicPants · 04/09/2006 21:31

Definitly going on my own!

Kate, don't normally feel so bad, it's really well under control now, definitly much much better than when ds was a month or so old. Feel just like my normal self now so don't think I've ever needed to mention it on 'our' thread.

Guess it's just the combination of dp being such an arse today, 1st day back and also came on yesterday which doesn't help at all!!

Feel much better now I've had a winge and moaned to mumsnet! Going t.o look forward to my day tomorrow

Thanks girls.

OP posts:
possumhead · 04/09/2006 22:31

Hi PP
Sorry to hear that DP is being an arse!! Just ignore him! I send DH to the garage to play with his motorbikes!
But glad your first day back was ok.
Mine went Ok too, and i've been on the computer doing stuff since putting Georgie to bed! Only just got onto mumsnet for quick look b4 bed and saw your post, obviously couldn't ignore you.
I didn't realise you're on ads, you always seem so happy
How exciting that James did his first steps for you b4 starting work
Georgie is finally cutting that tooth now.
Speak soon and meet up for coffee?

SherlockLGJ · 04/09/2006 22:33

And you are married to this man......................WHY ???

colditz · 04/09/2006 22:34

OMG what a cockhead!

Angela2005 · 04/09/2006 23:50

Poor you!

Can you explain to him (when you're both feeling calm) how hurtful you find that kind of comment?

If that doesn't work, go with Steppy's idea!

suejoneziscalmernow · 04/09/2006 23:53

Have you tried kicking him in the head? (DH not DS) Would be most satisfying I think.

threebob · 05/09/2006 00:27

My mum says stuff like that to me - it's more her problem than mine.

lizziemun · 05/09/2006 07:44

panicpants sorry your dh isn't being nice, i think i would say next time is makes a snide remark about you working perhaps you should suggest that he goes and get a better paid job so that you can either part time work, or that you can give up work and look after your ds.

mummymelling · 05/09/2006 08:05

AND HOW MUCH TIME DOES HE SPEND WITH DS????????

SSSandy · 05/09/2006 08:09

Maybe what he is really worried about is whether you'll have much time left for HIM. Men are just oversized little boys sometimes, but they can assemble Ikea cupboards so best to keep one.