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Original poster

I've just been to the walk in centre

29 replies

CaulkheadUpNorth · 20/05/2014 19:05

I told them that I was frightened I was going to kill myself. I spoke to a doctor, who asked if I had anyone at home (yes), any counselling (private therapist) on any medication (ciraloptam). He then told me that I just needed to rest and sent me home.

So I'm now at home and feeling really frightened. Both of myself and just everything. I don't know what to do and feel like I'm being a burden and a nuisance.

So I'm now at home and feeling very very frightened (of myself,

OP posts:
nethunsreject · 20/05/2014 19:16

Sad, that's terrible. Well done for going, that shows great strength and courage. I've been there! It's a horrid feeling. You deserve better treatment. If you feel really in danger, go to a and e.
Meantime can someone sit with you tonight?
Well done keeping yourself safe, just keep breathing and get through each minute at a time. x

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 20/05/2014 19:19

I'm frightened if i go to A and E it'll be the same responce. No-one I trust to tell. best friends response will be that I'm attention seeking or something like that

OP posts:
puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 20/05/2014 19:20

Who do you have at home?

puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 20/05/2014 19:20

Who do you have at home?

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 20/05/2014 19:25

Two housemates, nice one out, weird one in.

OP posts:
Celestria · 20/05/2014 19:26

Phone nhs out of hours. Ask to speak to the on call mental health team. Don't be put off, tell them exactly how you feel.

OP these feelings are terrifying. Feeling afraid of everything is terrifying. I know, I have been there. But I am out the otherside now, as you will be too. But you have to fight for the help. I hate that it is like that but it is. Fight and fight hard.

Every day I am glad I didn't take my own life, now things are so much better. Hang on in there.

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 20/05/2014 19:27

im so frightened to call them because i dont know what theyll say or do.

OP posts:
FunkyBarnYardBroom · 20/05/2014 19:28

Do you have access to a crisis team within your local mental health team?

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 20/05/2014 19:30

No. met with community mental health team 6 weeks ago and told they can't support me, unless a psychiatrist chose to take pity on me as I have private therapist and GP happy with my medication.

im not meaning to sounds like im saying no to everything being said, im just scared. im sorry.

OP posts:
violetsrblue · 20/05/2014 19:30

It's awful to be in that state on your own. I wonder if you could go to a gp soon and ask for some diazepam? Or at least, discuss your meds, it may be that you need an increase in dose.

Keep posting here and try not to worry about upsetting anyone, put yourself first like you're your own nurse, if that makes sense.

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 20/05/2014 19:33

Would diazepam make me feel less nervous? i had a panic attack today (first in ages) and its thrown me so much.

i just cant imagine there being another day after today and then another and then another and still feeling so frightened

OP posts:
katykat5 · 20/05/2014 19:35

Could you phone the Samaritans and talk through how you're feeling? It might help to speak to a stranger who wont judge you.

violetsrblue · 20/05/2014 19:42

I've always found diazepam to be helpful with panic and anxiety. There's also other sedating a/d's like mirtazapine. Try not to think too far ahead or back, difficult I know.

I second the suggestion of ringing the out of hours team, or 111 (what used to be NHS Direct).

Will the housemate be able to sit with you or help you phone, when she comes back?

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 20/05/2014 19:56

I'm scared that if i stand up to get my phone i'll go upstairs and get tablets.
I know im being ridiculous, i just cant pull myself out of this at the moment. im never normally this needy. thank you for listening to me

OP posts:
violetsrblue · 20/05/2014 20:09

It's ok, you're not being ridiculous or needy, it's scary what you're going through.

Tiredemma · 20/05/2014 20:12

Go to A&E. Now.

they wont be the same as the walk in centre. you are more likely to be seen by crisis team

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 20/05/2014 20:19

What will the crisis team do? Will they just listen or will they give me something or what happens?

i dont have a car at the moment and getting a bus to the hospital just feels a bit impossible

OP posts:
SilverStars · 21/05/2014 00:34

You can email the Samaritans - so you do not need to get up and get your phone. Not same as a chat but another option?

You can get some prn medication from a dr to take at times like this as well, like diazepam which can help some people to take the edge off and makes some people manage ok.

To get referred to a crisis team a gp, or out of hours dr, as well as A and E staff can refer you. They will assess you and decide what they will do. Sometime they just see you that once and refer you back to a gp. Sometimes they see you for a short period of time - it is never long term. It is often done by phone calls. Most people do not have direct access - each time under crisis team it has to be by a separate referral. As they are 24 hr care it can take time to be seen as they often travel so that takes time. It is also usually a different person each day as they work shifts and not Monday to Friday 9-5. It is not talking therapy but crisis intervention - risk assessment, safeguarding, medication suggestions, tips to keep safe ( eg watch tv, to distract, take normal medication level suggestions as when in crisis not usually think of the obvious things).

Samaritans are great to chat to as they always there.

Hope you feeling safer.

Maybe talk to your therapist about tips for panic attacks in a later session?

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 21/05/2014 08:22

Thank you for all your support and kind words yesterday. I emailed the samaritians, which helped get everything out of my head, and then text my therapist who was really kind.

So I'm safe and calmer than yesterday. One hour at a time.

OP posts:
Celestria · 21/05/2014 08:51

Glad to hear you are safe OP. You should be proud of yourself, you helped yourself by speaking to the samaritans and texting your team. That takes strength. Im recovering from a breakdown and am in no way qualified to give any sort of advice but if you feel lonely, I can listen. Stay safe x

nethunsreject · 21/05/2014 10:14

Well done op Smile x

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 21/05/2014 18:56

To those who said it will get better, can you remind me that it will. Two bits of triggering news today and i need a bit of hand holding.

Honestly not as needing in real life as I am seeming to be

OP posts:
UncrushedParsley · 21/05/2014 21:57

Sorry you've had bad news. Not been on the thread before, but just been put on the same meds, and no-one else is here at the moment! I think there are good days and bad days. I am still suprised at how set-backs make me feel. More suprising when I feel like I've been coping well for a while. Are Nice or Weird flatmate in tonight?

UncrushedParsley · 21/05/2014 22:29

I have to go to bed now (RL starts at 0700 tommorrow). I will be back then though at some point. Hope it goes better for you.

Original poster
CaulkheadUpNorth · 21/05/2014 23:16

Nice flatmate was in. We ate pizza and although I don't talk to her about things (her request) it was a much safer feeling knowing someone else was in.

OP posts: