Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Mental health

Mumsnet hasn't checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you have medical concerns, please seek medical attention.

Original poster

had enough

38 replies

Katkins1 · 27/04/2014 21:08

That's it really. I've had enough. Had depression for a long time, final year student. Have been fighting an uphill battle. Today my laptop decided to stop working. With a lot of my work on. Still trying to fix it. Have an assignment due on Friday and presentation I've barely started due in on the 13th. Have done all of the reading but terrified I can't do it now because of my laptop breaking. Dissertation due end of May, and feel the same. I'm exhausted, a mess. I thought about self harming for the first time in a long time today. Have had to buy a new laptop, picking it up Tuesday. That was the last of my student loan. I owe my friend money I can't pay back because I got myself in trouble after my Grandfather died. Seriously feel suicidal. This is horrible. Sorry so abrupt, am typing on my kindle.

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 27/04/2014 21:24

hang on in there.
Things will get better.

i remember my entire dissertation being eaten by a public computer a couple of weeks before the deadline.

You will get through, take one thing at a time breathe and resist that self harming urge.

Do you have anyone in RL who can be with you?

Don;t forget to eat and take breaks too.

This is a hard slog but will be worth it in the end.

Original poster
Katkins1 · 27/04/2014 21:33

I knew there would be a story like that somewhere! Did you pass in the end? I think most of my work is backed up, it's referencing and stuff now. There are, but I don't like to ask too much. My dad has said I can go round tomorrow evening and work on his computer tomorrow evening and he will leave some cash for a taxi back for me and daughter, because I don't drive. I'm seeing a tutor tomorrow, maybe I should talk to them. I've left my work, even handwriting it, as I don't feel calm enough to right now.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 27/04/2014 21:39

Go and have a bath, a hot drink (not coffee!) and relax. You can't possibly do any work tonight in your frame of mind so take the pressure off. See it as an enforced break and switch off from uni tonight.

Do talk to your tutor - tell them what has happened with the lap-top, also tell them you are struggling and say that could you please have an extension IF you need it.

You will manage re the presentation, the reading is the hard bit so you are more than halfway there. Play with some ideas in your head until you are back on track with the lap top.

Make an appointment to see your GP, also does the university have a counselling service?

Final year is bloody tough - you are not alone in feeling this pressure - but you will be fine, i promise x

Original poster
Katkins1 · 27/04/2014 21:43

Do you know me in real life? Coffee is my all time favourite drink! Yeah I will go and ask about extensions, already have one for dissertation.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 27/04/2014 21:48

When i was in my final year, me and a friend used to sit down and work out how much any particular peice of work was worth in terms of points towards the degree class. So if something was only worth 0.5% (yep we worked it out to that degree - geeky muppets, but we were mature students so as you know, time is precious) it would get 0.5% of our time! So what i am saying is, focus on the stuff that is worht the most points. The dissertation is obviously a big chunk so more effort there. "that'l do" will be enough for the other assignments if they aren't worth many points.

Your university don't want you to fall at the final hurdle, so long as you are not taking the piss (you obviously aren't, you have a family and pressures) they will help with extensions etc.

I am a coffee freak too but i suffer from anxiety so its not good for me unfortunately.

Original poster
Katkins1 · 27/04/2014 21:53

I like that idea, working out the time! I have managed to rescue some files so far.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 27/04/2014 22:03

Brilliant re the rescue, you will no doubt be able to rescue some more - maybe call it a night now? get some sleep?

Original poster
Katkins1 · 27/04/2014 22:20

Yeah I will on a bit. I don't think I've lost as many files as I first feared, which is something.I am trying to recover the ones I need, as deadlines are fast approaching so if I can salvage some work that would be a start.

OP posts:
Original poster
Katkins1 · 27/04/2014 22:37

Ah, everyone is saying that they have printed and finished their work on Facebook, feeling relieved and going to hand in. That has made me panic mire now! I don't think that I will be able to do it, feel like crying. I've worked so hard and given up do much only yo have it so cruelly taken away at the last minute. I can't do it when everyone else is handing in already.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 27/04/2014 22:39

Anyone who hands in early is a plonker. Seriously they will be rush jobs and not proof read is my bet! You can do it.

Original poster
Katkins1 · 27/04/2014 23:11

I was on something like 're draft ten, just referencing and doing odd bits.I think I may have managed to rescue the files I need. It's just so pressured.

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 28/04/2014 07:29

well done on rescuing things.

Yes I passed....but Lemming is right, so much of my stress was on stuff that was worth very little...I've learnt since then.

talk to people, you will feel less alone and some may help!

Glad you can be at your Dad's tonight.

seriously NEVER believe what people post on facebook...too much posturing not enough real life!

You have a daughter too...most of the early hand ins (?don;t remember that ever happening when I was there!) will have nothing and no one else to think about. The only thing that matters is getting through, seriously in 8 weeks time will it matter whether someone handed in early or on time of got an extension? No it won;t. Aim to get the degree, nothing else. You aren;t in competition with these others, you are doing this for you and your DD.

good luck

Original poster
Katkins1 · 28/04/2014 23:46

Thank you. The university are going to loan me a laptop, and I stayed at my dad's tonight until almost ten, just to get the essay finished. Not much to do on it now, needless to say that I'm exhausted now though.

OP posts:
foolonthehill · 29/04/2014 08:26

exhaustion will pass.

plough on. Not too long to go now.

you will get through this

LEMmingaround · 29/04/2014 09:40

Well done - you doing really well xx

Original poster
Katkins1 · 01/05/2014 01:27

Thank you :) I managed to get my one due in on Friday done. It can be printed and submitted tomorrow. Well, today. A girl in my class was extremely cruel to me re: taking one extension today. She asked whether my Grandfather died or did I, which was the reason for me taking it in the first place.

She then suggested that I am getting extra time for working just as hard as everyone else, and that I don't deserve it. Something like I get three weeks extra for working just as hard as them, or words to that effect. But I have been really poorly, I was planning to end my own life, and it was very difficult for me. Apparently, I claim to do more work than anyone else, all of which is not true. It's so upsetting to think that I will have to take extra time, and that most of the class will be judging me for it.

OP posts:
TequilaMockingbirdy · 01/05/2014 01:40

Keep going you'll do it. Make sure you take a step back from the uni stuff and make some time for you. Even if it's just having a nice long bath and a glass of something nice, that's an order!

TequilaMockingbirdy · 01/05/2014 01:42

And ignore them stupid ignorant comments they know nothing. I've been off college for two months because I had a breakdown. One of the comments I got was 'god I wish I could just take two months off college for nothing'. Yes because being mentally unstable and feeling like chucking oneself out of a window is 'nothing'. But people are idiots! Sooner we accept that the better Wink

foolonthehill · 01/05/2014 10:15

None of these people matter. They are just background noise and I doubt they have ever had a proper challenge in their lives. their time may come...but now all you need to do is to look after you, your DD and make the best of what you have.

better have an extension and pass for all your hard work than mind what they think and waste your studying

keep going

foolonthehill · 01/05/2014 10:16

PS well done on completing one task. Look at you, you are succeeding!

Original poster
Katkins1 · 01/05/2014 23:17

Ah well, I handed one essay in. The friendship with the lady who made the comment is definitely over. We had a chat, a lot of things were said because emotions were running incredibly high. From both sides. But we don't have to see each other except in passing so I think it's best to let it ho maybe. I still have two assignments to go now too.

OP posts:
LEMmingaround · 02/05/2014 11:51

Katkins - you are fucking awesome! Your "friend" was very mean spirited to say those things to you. I do relate to the horrible competitiveness at finals time where one person may get an extension and another might not - this can go on the understanding of the tutor. Just ignore her - she has her own issues by the sounds of it and you need to be focused on you and getting through the next few weeks.

You are doing brilliantly well, i know how hard it is to complete a degree with children and my DD was at school and my parents used to look after her all the time and give her dinner. Also had supportive DP.

I got through the last months of my final using red bull Blush and focusing on what i was going to do when it was all over - that was NOTHING, i made a mental list of all the crap TV i wanted to watch (then didn't actually watch it because it was just grass is greener syndrome - rather be watching eastenders than be swotting up protein structure - bleauuugghhh). So, summers on its way - you will be so very relieved when its all over. The feeling when i walked out of the exam hall on htat last exam is indescribable. You will feel that too.

So you have two to do? You had three so you are a third of the way there - thats a big chunk of the cake. Decide how you are going to do it - will it work better for you if you do a bit of each one before the final push, or will you just do one then the other? Allocate timings (based on what the peices of work are actually worth - rather than what one you would prefer to do, or do the most difficult one first, remembering your time limits - self imposed, no pressure). If your degree worked anything like mine, coursework marks were marks in the bank, so took the pressure off of exam time, but when they are weighted it can really only make a small amount of difference, so a 1st for an assignment and a 3rd - would only make a difference of .005 or something equally tiny. This is how sad i was that i worked out what it was all worth, but it really helped. Especially if there were bits i couldnt get my head round (There was quite alot of that!! Grin).

Keep going Katkins - you are doing us proud x

Original poster
Katkins1 · 02/05/2014 18:42

Well, she was awful and I told her so, which she didn't like. She's not used to people answering her back, and prides herself on being "blunt" but she pushed it too far.I have a presentation, viva and dissertation to finish
All in the next month. My supervisor said it doesn't matter about the extentension. She's marking it. So nothing they say changes the marks.

OP posts:
Original poster
Katkins1 · 02/05/2014 20:33

I do feel rubbish though. Have been almost in tears all day because of what she said. It was quite a horrible thing to say, even if she was pressured. Apparently I'm not being considerate to her feelings because it looks as though I'm doing nothing. But I'd rather not be feeling like killing myself and battling that. I'd rather be handing in on time with everyone else. Only, I'm so tired that I can barely type, never mind do anything else.

OP posts:
TequilaMockingbirdy · 02/05/2014 20:37

Don't feel rubbish, what she has said is just a bunch of hurtful words that have no power over you - so don't let them have that power. There's no excuse for her to say them, so she's making excuses.

I'm in a similar boat to you katkins although I'm at college not uni. I'm 5 assignments behind because I've been off with depression and it's not nice but I'm just trying to battle through them. Take your time, just do what you can when you can. Get some sleep, thats the most important thing right now if you're tired.