I can't stop crying

[paperchaser]

I'm not depressed, but I didn't know where to put this.

I'm in the process of seperating from DP. We're dealing with our financial issues and all the other practical things. I instigated the split and am mostly looking forward to him moving out and both of us being single again.

I just wish I could feel excited about my new life. I don't want to continue with the relationship, but I feel like I've got nothing to move on to. It's bloody miserable!!!!

WTF am I gonna do with myself all day when he's finally gone? All my friends are in relationships. I need to get a life and have some fun, but how?

How do I meet people? Will I just rot away indoors?

Anyone else out there with some idea of what I'm going through? or someone that can cheer me up a bit?

I know exactly what you are going through, can't offer anything to cheer you up right now cos Im feeling a bit pants myself and oh shit I've just burnt dinner!!!! Be right back!!!

Do you go out to work at all? could you? how about the local mums network, is there one?
or how's about a college course?

Hi, I haven't been through this, but it sounds very hard. You feel you want to move on and have fun, but it's normal to feel sad and upset as you need to experience the pain of ending the relationship.

Do you have family around? How many children do you have?

Don't feel bad about being upset, the good times and fun will come soon!

Bo*cks. Its brnt gotta start all over again! Anyway where was I...... oh yeah I know it sounds shit and cliched but you will meet other people and have fun again, the thinking about it is far scarier and moe horrible than the actually doing it, do you know if there are any mners near you??

i only have one chid. DS is 4 and autistic.

oops - sorry about your dinner fym.

I just want to have some fun. I'm bloody lonely and feel really ugly. No idea if there are any mn'ers near me.

Hi paperchaser, I went through that once after a break up, the first year wasn't easy but it was really nice and fun eventually!
Do you have kids?
You might find people closer to you situation in the "lone parent" topic.

Hang in there, it will get better!

Where abouts do you live? I'm in the I want to have a laugh and stop feeling like shit mood at the mo too

i'm in sw london

Might be good to get a break away maybe, some neutral space?

that would be great, but impossible really

Ah you poor thing, if you needed just a day away I'm in super sunny southend! Did I make it sound good!?!

Guess not! But the offer is there and we're always here for a chat and some kinda support should you need it

sorry fym - DS went into meltdown mode (autistic) and i was away for ages.

Had some great days in southend as a kid

Hiya
You're not alone, there are LOADS of mumsnetters in London!
Sorry about your relationship but if you know for sure you're doing the right thing carry on and do it
It's hard but does get better, being alone and it's better than being in a rubbish relationship imo/e
Welcome to mn. You're not alone here anyway.

Morning! have changed nickname cos the other one (funnyyummymummy) sounded like i was up my own bum! Anyway, just to reiterate you are not alone and things can only get better, remember you are in control now and can lead your and ds' lives how you want to. I was in your position and didn't know what I was going to do/how I was going to cope with dd & ds, but now I realised I am truly in charge I'm quite excited, starting a law degree in Feb, going to meet a few mums through mn and so things aren't as bad as I imagined they would be. Try to keep smiling

I know exactually what you are going through, as I am in the process of seperating from my H atm, & am experiencing a lot of these feelings.
I cannot cheer you up atm, I'm afraid, but I can empathise 100%.

Can you not arrange a girls night out with some of your friends?
I know you say they are all in relationships, as are the majority of my friends, but I am sure they would be happy to get out & have a girls night & leave their OH's with the children.

Thanks girls

I'm feeling more positive today. Have made a list of a few things that I want to do when DP has left and that's made things seem more real.

I just want him to move out now, but for financial reasons he'll probably be here until the beginning of September. It feels odd right now cos we're still relying on one another for support, yet there's this obvious resentment between us and guilt on my part.

I really need to get a social life, but I feel like a fish out of water. I hate the way I look now. I need to lose weight and start looking after myself again. It's all gone out of the window since DS was born. Cringe at the thought of getting ready for a night out. I really, really want to change the way I feel about myself.

LW - sorry to hear you're going through it too.
B&Tmummy - How long has it been since your seperation?

I am in a similar situation, in that H hasn't moved out yet. He will not move out until the house sells & it feels very surreal at times, as he is still here, but at the same time he is not. I feel I cannot move on.
Glad to hear you are feeling a little more positive today though. Your list sounds like a good idea.

Hi there glad to hear you are feeling more positive today, I've been separated for just over a year, it doesn't seem that long tbh but then again I have had a baby and moved house 3 times so I've been quite busy! I know exactly what you are feeling about going out again, I am itching to get a social life but when it comes to the whole getting ready and actually doing it I cringe, I want to look and feel the same as used to but my confidence and get up and got has taken a big wallop so it may be a while yet, I'll get there tho, maybe by wearing some sexy support belly squishing pants!?! I didn't look after myself for a while just made sure babies were looked after, I have started now tho, had my hair done, started to wear make up again, even had my nails done the other day, great fun with nappy changing so may lose them again soon! But it has made the world of difference, just taking small steps will make differences, just wish there was a way I could reassure you more because I know how you are feeling

First plan is to make sure you agree with him how many nights a week he'll have your autistic child to stay so there's some kind of chance of you forging a new life. My ex husband has never had any of the children to stay and that has a huge impact on my life now obviously as I also work full time and support us all.

Hi paperchser how are you doing today?

Today's been a bit pants really. I've been desperate for DP to go out so I could have a good cry and post about it on here. He's finally gone to the bedroom to watch a DVD so I'm getting stuck into the vodka.

This is embarrassing but I'm anonymous on here so sod it. DP went out with DS this morning and I expected him to be gone for a few hours. I was still in bed when he came home unexpectedly 10 minutes later. He burst into the bedroom, ripped the covers off me and saw my vibrator . I'm really sorry for lowering the tone here, I'm too embarrassed to talk about it in real life but I need to express how bloody angry I am about having my privacy violated.

At first he was angry and actually accused me of being turned on by men that I've met on the internet and fantasising about them. I don't talk to men on the internet but I have been secretive lately whilst I've been on here because I've been talking to friends about our relationship and I haven't wanted him to know.

Then he calmed down and said he was disappointed that I wasn't going to him for sex when I obviously wanted it. I was so angry with him but cos I was also really embarrassed about it all I couldn't argue with him. He hasn't let it go all day. He's taken my mobile to check my text messages and has been on the PC for hours trying to guess my password so he can check my emails. He's convinced I'm having an affair and he's been discussing it with my neighbours husband. I feel bloody humiliated. I'm not having an affair. I haven't even been out of our flat without him or DS for bloody years.

He's never understood my need for privacy and it's always been an issue between us. I just want him out of here now. I feel like he's watching me all the time and coming up with theories about why our relationship is ending. He swings from blaming himself 100% to being convinced that I'm having an affair. The truth is that we don't get on, we don't have a laugh together or enjoy each others company and we piss each other off. I just want him to understand that.

Xenia - I think DP will be reasonable when it comes to taking care of DS. I think the main difficulty will be getting DS to adapt to a new environment though.

at him bursting in like that, how rude and inconsiderate and even more at him getting annoyed at it. The relationship is over right? and at going through your phone and trying to guess password.Sounds like he can't accept it and is a little insecure imo (could be wrong) In my exp men dont like to be at fault and need a solid reason for things going wrong, that could be why all this random things are going round his head. Is there anyway you could spend some time apart?? maybe he could stay at friends/family so you and ds aren't disrupted?? Or if possible you and ds stay with family where ds is comfortable?

Yes he probably could stay with friends and family. Well he could at least ask around, but he won't. He's adamant that he needs a 1 bed flat which means that he has to get about £1500 together for deposit, first months rent and admin fees. It's going to take weeks to get the money together, but he won't rent a room in the meantime. It's laughable because he say's that he needs his space. Neither of us are getting any space while we're still living together.

I'm not sure if anyone could help out for accomodation for me and DS. I'm reluctant to even leave him here for a few hours at the moment because of him snooping at everything. There's never been another man but we've been distant with each other for a couple of years now, and I have kept secrets from him. Not big secrets but private thoughts in diaries. I feel really creepy about him having a good nose through my stuff when I'm out.

Things eased off last night and we had a big discussion about everything. I was so tired and didn't really feel like going over everything with him again, but I stayed up because I thought it would help things. I thought everything was sorted but this morning it all started again. I've got an MSN buddy who's on holiday in Australia and I got a postcard from her today. I've never mentioned her to DP as I'd never seen the point. I've never had any intentions of meeting her and she's just a woman I chat to. First off he was convinced that it was from a man pretending to be a woman, then he got angry cos the postcard is addressed to me and DS, then he was angry that I'd given our address out to someone I met on the internet. I just wanted to scream 'mind your own f*cking business'. I'm so sick of him trying to control me and jumping to conclusions.

DS has been at my SIL'S today and I really wanted to get on with things, but instead I've spent another day talking about our relationship with him again. It's been a complete waste of time and energy.