over-awareness of self and own thought processes

[kitnkaboodle]

Can anyone offer any help on this?

I've suffered from this in small doses since I was a child. Get episodes when I am suddenly very away that I am 'trapped' in myself, in my own consciousness. It's almost like feeling that I am just a consciousness, unconnected from the person I see in the mirror. I'm not talking about feeling 'out of body' though. More that I am hyper aware of my own thoughts and consciousness, and feel quite isolated in that way.

I thought I had hit on it when I started reading about depersonalisation/derealisation, but now I don't think that either of those fit. I DON'T feel as if I'm detached from reality, I don't feel like I'm in a dream and I don't feel as if I'm in a play (or everyone else is in a play and I'm the only real one). It's more the opposite - a hyper-real awareness of self, and a consciousness about my consciousness that doesn't seem normal.

I hope I am making sense to someone else out there, as no-one else I've spoken to ever seems to connect with this or 'get it' What's a little scary is that the episodes seem to be getting more frequent and somewhat longer. I can almost always 'snap myself out' of it though - just by doing something mundane or talking to the kids, etc. I wonder if the increase in episodes could be anything to do with the menopause ..? I also read a hint somewhere that this could be somehow connected to OCD, which I sometimes feel as though I'm on the fringes of.

Any ideas welcome

Hello Sesame Street and milyruby. I suffer and suffered with this - started after I had my first child . I have always had anxiety but after having my first child I can remember suddenly feeling like something had changed in my mind and I was looking inwards / watching myself / super focussed on myself hyper aware of my thoughts- I still find it hard to describe now. Anyway it cause the most awful
panic for me as I thought I was going crazy or would he stuck like that. This was 10 years ago and there was less help - or at least I struggled to find help and the doctors were hopeless and made me worse . I also eventually found Paul David book and it was the first time I heard someone describe similar to me. I’ve struggled with anxiety on and off ever since - mainly caused by this feeling - I’ve since found another great anxiety guru - anxiety Josh - he also describes this feeling - he calls it depersonalisation. It’s helped me massively and now I do my best to ignore it and to focus on something else . Hope this is useful both

Thank you so much that was so helpful, I can remember and pinpoint the times it has happened to me too in the past that then caused a panic attack but then went away but this time it’s been a week & im constantly having the thought of I’m really distracted it isn’t there but as soon as I stop doing that thing I’m doing it’s straight back it’s like my brain shouldn’t know this & now I know I will never un know this, it has been a very stressful time & then I got vertigo & was so worried about feeling dizzy I kept checking to see if it had gone I felt so on edge, now I am so hyper aware that I am alive I am hyper aware of every thought & feeling it’s awful! I will look at those books xxxxx

Hi millyruby
I promise you u i have been exactly where u are now. Really. I know how frightening it is especially when it doesn't go for a while. It is all anxiety your brain is sooo tired from anxious thoughts and worry that all you are thinking about is yourself totally inward it then becomes hyperawareness of the hyperawareness in fact an OCD. It is not I believe depersonalisation that's a completely different feeling that's being outside yourself watching yourself this on other hand is like being right inside your body almost seeing from behind your eyes weird and horrible. It becomes a habit a way of thinking. What happens then is something else comes along and takes its place and its gone again without you even noticing. If you get a chance please try read the books start with Claire weekes, then Paul David but meanwhile please go on anxiety no more website type in hyperawareness of self and it will bring up loads of information. It's easy to say try keep calm don't worry when every action or thought you thinking is "there" instead just automatic it spoils things but honestly trust me it does go your mind is worn out thru worry and tiredness and so it does this to to you but in its trying help it brings on this horrible feeling. It will go soon and you won't know its gone it will just go. You see I am right .

Hi all, just writing to say I too have experienced this before for a few days before it wore off. That was a few weeks ago and now it's back. Just wondering how Millyruby you are getting on?

For anyone else suffering, this is definitely a form of OCD and you might find these links useful/helpful:

https://anxietynomore.co.uk/anxiety-feeling-hyperaware-of-oneself

https://www.sheppardpratt.org/news-views/story/navigating-hyperawareness-obsessions/

Hello,

I just found this thread. I'm experiencing these exact symptoms. It started out as what my therapist described as existential OCD, but it has since spiraled into this hyperawareness. I feel like I'm trapped in my body and it doesn't make sense that I exist. I'm super aware of my vantage point and how I'll only ever view things through this body. I feel strange looking at my hands and in the mirror. I don't know how to go day to day feeling so uncomfortable and scared in my own body. I saw a nurse practicioner with a psych background and she says it just sounds like depersonalization with heightened anxiety, but I was hesistant to label it as depersonalization. After reading this thread, it has given me reassurance that it's not depersonalization as I'm hyperaware. Has anyone had luck getting relief from this feeling? It's so scary. I'm currently on Luvox and I will be starting with a new therapist that works at an OCD and Anxiety center, so I'm hopeful she'll have more of an understanding. Any helpful tips would be soo appreciated!!

Hiya AliS717 hope you're well, to be honest I feel like what you're experiencing is depersonalisation, the hyper awareness part is linked to OCD , depersonalisation can also cause for a person to become inward and feel as if their thoughts are not really in their control any more . I've experienced this all and the way forward is to literally accept the sensations and you will become more habituated to the experience of noticing you're mind and being out of body . Hope this helps a little!

@kitnkaboodle - do you view these periods as a negative? Could they be a positive instead; a chance for you to get to know your subconscious mind?

Oops, didn't realise this was a Zombie thread. My bad.

Hi @Anisha123 ,

Thank you so much for answering me! Do you think it's still depersonalization if I don't feel out of my body though? It's just that I'm super aware that I'm in this body. I feel like a soul that's been stuffed into a vessel--which I know our bodies are ultimately just that, but it's just the hyperawareness that I'm stuck in it and that I'm a being on this earth that is very unnerving. I obviously always knew I was human, but it feels like I've woken up to the fact of how weird my existence is for the first time. It's even hard to look in the mirror because it freaks me out that the person having all these thoughts is staring back at me.

Again, thank you so much for your insight! This experience has been very scary.

@AliS717 definitely still sounds like an element of DP and some existential "intrusive" thoughts. I think the best way forward will be to accept this new way of viewing your existence as a passive observation and focus on your values (from an acceptance commitment therapy perspective) acceptance facing and letting time pass will be helpful for you xx

How are you getting on now? Currently experiencing the same and it’s horrible 😣

@AliS717 hey I'm doing okay, depersonalisation can make you feel all sorts, I have some days when the DP is more apparent these are days when I'm usually more stressed or have been through stress. Try not to worry or question feeling this way . I know it's really difficult,a change of perspective is what helped me eventually. Wishing you well xx

Can I private message you? X