over-awareness of self and own thought processes

[kitnkaboodle]

Can anyone offer any help on this?

I've suffered from this in small doses since I was a child. Get episodes when I am suddenly very away that I am 'trapped' in myself, in my own consciousness. It's almost like feeling that I am just a consciousness, unconnected from the person I see in the mirror. I'm not talking about feeling 'out of body' though. More that I am hyper aware of my own thoughts and consciousness, and feel quite isolated in that way.

I thought I had hit on it when I started reading about depersonalisation/derealisation, but now I don't think that either of those fit. I DON'T feel as if I'm detached from reality, I don't feel like I'm in a dream and I don't feel as if I'm in a play (or everyone else is in a play and I'm the only real one). It's more the opposite - a hyper-real awareness of self, and a consciousness about my consciousness that doesn't seem normal.

I hope I am making sense to someone else out there, as no-one else I've spoken to ever seems to connect with this or 'get it' What's a little scary is that the episodes seem to be getting more frequent and somewhat longer. I can almost always 'snap myself out' of it though - just by doing something mundane or talking to the kids, etc. I wonder if the increase in episodes could be anything to do with the menopause ..? I also read a hint somewhere that this could be somehow connected to OCD, which I sometimes feel as though I'm on the fringes of.

Any ideas welcome

I know this is an old thread but has anyone had any luck with beating this hyperawareness of thinking OCD?

Hi everyone. I know this is an old thread, but I am experiencing the exact same symptoms as the original poster, down to the last detail. It's very uncomfortable when it happens, and now I'm living with the fear of it happening again, which in turn seems to cause it to happen again. It's very comforting to know there are others out there having the same experience, but I wanted to ask, has anyone had any luck overcoming this? What steps did you take? Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Hello I am still experiencing this along with acute anxiety . Let me know if you see this

!!! I understand, Ive only ever been able to describe when asking people if they've experienced it as "Looking in the mirror too long." The first time this happened to be I was about 7, and I was just staring in the mirror. Its somewhat of a hyper-awareness of consciousness maybe? An awareness of literally being, how the hell did I get here, like recognizing SELF i guess, but more literally than anyone could possibly explain. I'm not sure, Its har to put into words, I can avoid it, but can also force it. My mother is the only person I've had say she understands, but she won't even talk about it with me because she hates the feeling.

There may be another answer.

What is being described here is what in spiritual circles could be called awakening.

Check out the video's on you tube of Rupert Spira, Eckhart Tolle, Adyashanti, Sadhguru.

I have this and I am very comfortable with it. Happy with the fact that consciousness reflects consciousness.

I cant believe it... Its an actual thing. I thought for a long time that I was the only one that would ever understand this. I thought I would be alone in feeling this for the rest if my life and whilst I hate that other people have to go through this, I am a little comforted by reading all of the replies.

Now, I dare say these are linked, but my mum left me and my brother when I was about 4 years old. My youngest memory is of watching my mum get up and leave and walk out of the back door. I then had a step mum who was mentally abusive. Then my first girlfriend mentally abused me in many ways.

The first time I felt ultra aware of myself and of my thoughts was when I tried to shout at her in frustration, but I instantly had this feeling of "You are shouting" "You are frustrated" - a kind of sub-conscious dialogue that pointed things out before my 'normal consciousness' became aware of them.

This how it manifested throughout the years. The way I try to describe it is, imagine you are suiting there and somebody draws an invisible circle around you without telling you. A normal person would be like "what are they doing, why are they being weird?" - but then the person who draws the circle says "now your in the circle, and you cant get out". This is how I feel/felt (important) in my own brain.

I would forget that I was in the circle while I was pre-occupied with activities, but then, without any trigger or warning, my brain would say "your in the circle" (the circle is a metaphor for me becoming hyper-aware of my own thoughts) - I would then be doing my chores but not seeing what i'm doing, just thinking about how I will never not be able to stop thinking about the circle (thoughts).

I have always had this sense of self. Since about the age of 9-10. I have had OCD since I was about 9. The first OCD I remember having is

• sitting in a car as a passenger, with the radio on, the second beat of a song had to happen when the wing mirror was adjacent to a street-lamp. (very peculiar).

from there I developed several other OCD's

• doing 48 press-ups (13-14 yo)

• blinking my eyes and breathing fast 8 times

• touching things again when my brain tells me to. say I touch a coin, sometimes my brain would let me do it on autopilot, but then other times my sub-concsious would interject and say "you just touched a coin, touch it again"

If I didn't do these OCD's, the consequences would be that my brain would NOT LET ME FORGET. If I said "no" to touching the coin again, I would NOT BE ABLE TO SHAKE THE FEELING OF "I SHOULD HAVE DONE THAT".

then we roll on to now. stay with me.

I still consider myself as having OCD, but it has evolved into something much different.

if im watching a TV program, and someone says something (im a writer and music producer and these arts are my life) - my brain bugs me to think about that particular thing, through their eyes.

Its consistent. My brain will challenge me to think things and If I try to put that challenge to the back of my mind, my brain would persist. Sometimes, I ould wake up in the mornings being conscious of refusing to think a particular thing from yesterday; like a sub-conscious punishment. And it would take a long time to shake that feeling of awareness.

So.… I said fuck it. Im changing. Whenever I had a tic... (I honestly think OCD is related to Touettes in a mild way) I verbally said "no". Then I would become conscious/aware of saying no... then I would get paranoid about being stuck in this state of mind forever.... then, I would have clarity. I would have autopilot back.... literally. It worked.

I swear down it works even now. Its like my inner journalist has given up trying to make me do OCD things. Its like he is bored of trying. I am afr less aware of thinking, and of doing things like washing up or making the bed. It does come and attempt to stay, but by treating it as a "thing I can control" I simply say to myself "ride it out" - then it goes. I am back to thinking without being ultra aware.

Sorry for the long post. I hoper that this can help - it is extremely poignant and depressing and in have often dabbled in such thoughts as "if a house was on fire, id think there is a house on fire, then id think, im thinking about thinking that there is a house on fire, and im scared that I cant grasp the situation because my ocd is making my mind foggy".

I often think that telling people can make them aware of their thoughts, my girl friend thus has no idea.

It is a lot better now, plus I have accepted it as who I am - a quirk if you will.

Hi there! I have experience EXACTLY this since the age of 16. I am 33 now. I'm not sure if this is something you still experience, or if you have found healing/resolution with it. I'm wanting to start an online support group for this exact "condition" (probably a type of anxiety/OCD). I've been looking for people online who report a similar subjective hyperawareness of one's "consciousness," or sense of self-existence. For me, it was quite terrifying, and yes, I felt like I was "consciousness trapped in a mind and body" (the realest version of myself). Usually it's accompanied by hyperawareness of one's own cognitive processes. If this is something you'd like to communicate aboutif it's still relevant to your lifeplease feel free to contact me at [email protected]. I'm tired of running away from this, and I'm trying to find others in order to create a support network. Thank you.

Hi there! I have experienced EXACTLY this since the age of 16 (hyperawareness of self/mind). I am 33 now. I'm not sure if this is something you still experience, or if you have found healing/resolution with it. I'm wanting to start an online support group for this exact "condition" (probably a type of anxiety/OCD). I've been looking for people online who report a similar subjective hyperawareness of one's "consciousness," or sense of self-existence. For me, it was quite terrifying, and yes, I felt like I was "consciousness trapped in a mind and body" (the realest version of myself). Usually it's accompanied by hyperawareness of one's own cognitive processes. If this is something you'd like to communicate aboutif it's still relevant to your lifeplease feel free to contact me at [email protected]. I'm tired of running away from this, and I'm trying to find others in order to create a support network. Thank you.

Hyper Self-Awareness Disorder

This post is for those of us out thereand I know we existwho struggle with hyperawareness-induced fear, anxiety, and depression in regards to our consciousness/awareness/existence, and/or our mental processes. This condition might also include hyperawareness of bodily functions (primarily involuntary), for example, excessive focus on breathing that causes distress. As I see it, this is the essence of our painful struggle: we are hyperconscious of being conscious, of being a conscious-self “located” in the brain. We are painfully hyperaware of that principle which allows us to know we exist that is, existence or consciousness itself. For reasons we can’t easily explain, and over which we have little to no control, this intense experience of our pure existence, the very awareness of existing itself, can be confusing, terrifying, even despairing. (It took me many years to realize it can be a profound source of joy, mystery and wonderbut I won’t go there now in this post.)

I first experienced this “meta-awareness” (awareness of being the one who is aware) when I was 16 years old. It was terrifying and traumatic, and continued to be so for years. My conscious mind became hyperfocused on itself (and on my body, at times), on various mental processes (thinking, memory, comprehension, and so on), and also on my conscious sense of “I-ness.” I became aware of the mental vacuum from which thoughts mysteriously arise, even my own self-identify, and I frantically ruminated in my head: What are thoughts, and how do they arise in the vacuum of my mind? What if I can’t think thoughts? What if I lose my ability to understand and comprehend my thoughts, language, etc.? I felt like a distinct consciousness, a point of “I am-ness,” trapped in a terrified mind and body. I couldn’t escape, because how can you escape your mind and body? I felt like a point of awarenesswhat was most real about meexperiencing a mind/body but, in essence, I was not my mind and body; however, my conscious-self was completely dependent on my mind and body for its survival and self-expression. What if something scary happened to my mind or body? What if they ceased to function? Would I self-annihilate? Would I find myself in a psychological abyss of terror with nothing to moor me to anything solid or concrete? Very few could see this on the outside, as I learned to hide it well. But I was tortured on the inside, and no idea where to turn. I visited a few mental health providers but no one was of any help or benefit.

Eventually I was diagnosed with obsessive-compulsive disorder, which I definitely agree I have. Although there isn’t much psychological literature out there on hyperawareness anxiety/OCD, some does exist. Some OCD professionals refer to it hyperawareness-related OCD as “sensorimotor OCD.” While I acknowledge I have OCD, for which I take medication (and that helps reduce anxiety, improve focus), in my opinion, there is something significant about this condition. Unfortunately, some individuals afflicted with this condition will be labeled as “depersonalized,” “derealized,” or “dissociative,” but, in my humble view, these labels don’t fit the actual experience. I don’t feel “unreal,” “detached from reality,” or like I’m “in a dream or movie, watching myself.” However, my conscious self does feel like its experiencing the brain or body in which it resides, which sounds like dissociation, but it’s like I’m experiencing the truth of what I am--consciousness.

Here’s where I’m at now. I have learned to live with it, and the intensity of anxiety has decreased over the years, although I still have mild to severe flare-ups. I’m a mental health therapist and yoga instructor, both of which have given me tools for self-soothing and self-grounding. This experience has been a gateway to walking a conscious spiritual path, and I have developed a spiritual framework that has helped me make sense of my traumatic experiences, and to heal and grow. But this is something I continue to live with every day of my life.

I want to find others like me. We need to find each other so we can form a support system. This is really difficult stuff to understand oneself, let alone trying to explain to others. I want to hear about your journeys and, to the extent that I can, offer you support and guidance. Maybe you can offer me support and guidance, as well. This condition is something I want to study and understand more.

Let’s find each other. We need all the support, kindness, and understanding we can get. I see you and love you and I know everything you’ve been through. ([email protected])

John

That all makes sense to me, kitnkaboodle. I've often been the same - since I was a child. It comes and goes in phases but it is very a very weird feeling.

Yes I totally get this. I used to experience it frequently and it would last quite a while and I'd panic that I wouldn't go back to feeling normal again..but always did, during that time I was quite anxious and had OCD which I had cbt which worked wonders.
I only experience it on the odd occasion now, when I'm very tired or stressed or has too much caffeine.
I'm also pleased you have asked about this as I haven't met anyone who has experienced it!!

I think I might know what you mean- is it like everything within you is enhanced and more clear like your awareness has stepped up a gear and you are too aware? Where as other times it's more dulled down?

cookooiamnot, just reading your post has given me hope. I am in complete dispair with this and haven´t even been able to describe what it is I am experiencing. Just to see something written down that goes some way to explaining how I myself am feeling has helped. It is like I cannot stop thinking about thinking, and being aware of every single action that I do during the day, and every single thought- even though those thoughts are of nothing, not being able to turn off the constant awareness of self. I too believe it is some form of anxiety but whenever I look for this symptom, it doesn´t appear, which then adds to my fear that I am going insane. I am going to check out the Jon Hershy blog and hope it helps. I have no idea who to talk to about this. any words of help you have will be greatly appreciated as I fear I cannot continue in this internal torture

You are making sense, I've been like that all my life! I thought it was normal if somewhat over the top.

I know this is such an old thread but I absolutely had to comment. I made an account literally just for this. I was reading all these comments and loudly exclaiming "yes!! oh my god yes that's it!! that's exactly how I feel!"

This will be a bit lengthy so bare with me, I haven't been able to quite share this experience with anyone who might understand.

I would have small and fairly insignificant episodes of this for a very long time, but recently they've become quite bothersome as they don't truly go away. About a month ago, I had this really strange and quite traumatic episode I decided to call an anxiety attack for the lack of a better word but it felt a little different than that. I was just on the computer watching a video, when all of a sudden I felt off. It is very hard to describe. It was like I instantly became hyper aware of everything around me and myself, and I had this palpitating feeling in my chest. I felt really uncomfortable and completely lost interest in what I was watching. Everything, even breathing, felt strange and sort of unreal, or just not right. I couldn't snap out of it for the life of me. I tried going outside to breathe in some fresh air, get some sunshine. Nothing helped. This made me panic as the feeling wouldn't go away, there wasn't any "trigger" for it and I'd never experienced anything quite like it. I ended up having a full mental breakdown almost, I started crying and begging for it to stop, I was so horribly distressed. I called my mom and told her I really wasn't feeling well and did my best to explain, she brought me some herbal medication to calm me down. She also checked my heartbeat which was 100 beats per minute. Her company helped calm me down a lot, but my body felt restless still. She had me take some more pills to get my heart rate down which exhausted me, the rest of the day and night I spent asleep.

Next morning I woke up with a bit of fear left over that it would happen again, but I did my best to stay calm. Then hours later, I suddenly got these really bad intrusive and irrational thoughts that something might happen to my mom. I couldn't control or get them out of my mind, I barely managed not to break down again due to them. As days went by, I started improving and they slowly went away, but not completely.

Right now, the feelings are mostly gone, but I still have this sense of being overly aware of everything around me. It's like I'm not fully immersed in reality, I'm sort of spectating and in a weird way, kind of isolated. I try to ignore this feeling or escape it by doing activities, but it always remains at the back of my mind and as soon as I'm alone, it amplifies. Today I finally figured out a word to call it, "over awareness" and looked it up. That's what led me here.

I'm generally a very mentally sensitive person. The smallest things I find very distressing and I'm also quite overly empathetic. This is due to some psychological abuse from childhood and other things. I have a hypothesis for what caused that initial attack from which I still haven't fully recovered. I suffer pretty badly from painful period cramps, and I used to take birth control to aid me. At some point I stopped but that month I decided to start again as the pain was getting too much to handle. Birth control as I'm sure you all probably know is supposed to be taken daily at the same time, and abruptly stopping isn't recommended. About the 6th or 7th day of taking it though if I recall correctly, I couldn't find the pills anymore. I always left them in the same place, but I just couldn't find it and didn't have any other packs. I decided to do what was in hindsight a really dumb decision and wish I could go back on, and said "ah screw it" and just stopped taking it. It was the second day after I stopped taking which I'm sure messed with my hormones quite a bit when that episode happened. I feel this might've had something to do with it.

I also recently have been thinking that I've been showing some OCD like tendencies and am a bit worried I may have a mild form, which may also explain the hyper awareness. A lot of times I become hyper aware of a body part, usually hands or feet and I have this strange urge to press on it or twist it until the feeling goes away, which it usually doesn't until I distract myself and forget about it. I've had this for a while. I've had trouble with a hand mouse for computers because I get weirdly distressed or annoyed when both buttons on it aren't clicked at an equal time or number, but this doesn't happen with laptops which is what I use. I've not payed too much attention to these in the past, but with this new hyper awareness bringing a bit of unnecessary distress in my life, I'm thinking about it more.

It might also be worth noting that as I said I am mentally sensitive, which means I'm very prone to falling into a bad mental episode or falling into a mental illness if I'm not super careful about what and how I'm thinking. I've suffered with depression as well and have once in my life experienced a derealization episode due to extreme mental stress, but the hyper awareness episode I've talked about was nothing like it.

Anyway, this was very long. I'm not even sure anyone will read it. But it felt incredible to learn that others go through this too, that it's normal and I'm not going insane. Thank you for this thread and I hope we can all hopefully beat this weird phenomenon or at least not be so bothered by it.

Anyone here still experiencing hyperawarness of their thoughts? I'm going through the same just needing some advice, Im aware it's a form of ocd and acceptance is key .anywhere here overcome this?

This is strange reading for me, because some posts I'm thinking "I've totally had this" whereas some are completely off.

I'm not hyper aware of anything outside myself, basically. In fact, I'd go as far as saying that sometimes I'd get so far into myself, I'd start to panic that this was actually what a mental break, or a coma, or even death felt like and I'd never find my way back?

I made a post on Mumsnet about this years and years ago. It started when I was a very small child lying awake in bed at night, and I'd kinda ask myself this question- what am I? I knew I was bones and muscles and organs etc, what what was I?

What was I, the thing that wasn't flesh and blood?

Anyway, that's how it would get started and then it would just go deeper and deeper inside it until I'd completely freak out that I was lost.

I think on my old thread someone linked a Wikipedia article about it from another culture, wish I could remember the page (pretty sure thread was in chat or 30 days only).

I think what you experience not experiencied is completely normal especially having existential thoughts. It's natural to be curious but when we attach meaning to why were having these thoughts that can cause more thoughts? If that makes sense.I have depersonalisation and have had thoughts like this also, I don't want to say anything on here that may give you additional thoughts or triggers but whatever youve experienced is to me normal x

** experience and experienced

I am. It’s been a long time but have just started experiencing it again. Nobody understands what I mean and it’s a little reassuring to see I’m not alone in it. It really unnerves me when it happens, I find it quite frightening

Is it just the oddest strangest thing? To be able to be aware of everything in your consciousness. I get freaked out also but then ive been learning to accept it and not give into all the thoughts im aware of. So only accepting the helpful thoughts and just disregarding the unhelpful intrusive thoughts

Not sure if anyone will reply as this thread is so old but does anyone still suffer with this? Or if you suffered did you find a way to get over it? I have suffered with hyperawareness of my own though process/hyperawareness of my conscious on and off for 7 years. I remember as a child thinking a little bit about how weird it would be if you couldn't move on from one thought and it just got stuck there. As I grew older that thought would come up and I would almost challenge myself to show that I could 'forget' it. Every time I would, and that was 'proof' to me that I couldn't just get 'stuck'. This all changed one day when I was cleaning the house and that thought came up, but this time I clung to it and didn't get side tracked and forget about it like I used to. I felt tremendous panic and the anxiety went into total overdrive. I literally became terrified of not being able to move on with my thoughts (without the awareness about them being there too) and that's when it all started. I was 'stuck' for a full year not knowing what the hell was wrong with me. I could still do other things and think about other things but this constant 'awareness' of my thoughts and mind was ALWAYS looming there at the same time and every second of each day. After a year I think I must have just started to accept the problem and it gradually faded away. I thought it was all over, but 2 years after that the episodes started again.

When I have it, I become stuck for weeks/months at a time where I can get really really pent up on it and I end up feeling terrible 24/7 (mainly headache which comes on like a switch as soon as I get latched) When I say 24/7 I mean that too....the though loop pounds you every minute of every day. when I say thought loop the thought isn't about anything in particular it's more just like an awareness siren going off NON STOP reminding me that I'm aware. Anyone who has this knows that's not an impossible statement!

I have always managed to come out of it and gone COMPLETELY back to normal (which is reassuring because it means it's just a state of mind that leads me to being 'stuck') but then over time it comes back. It comes back due to an insecure thought saying 'maybe you'll slip back into that again'. I hate it so much that the fear of it coming back then it starts it off again. In the past I've managed to keep it at bay for a couple of years. I'm not saying I'd never have the thought about it but I just felt confident I could handle it if it did and then it wouldn't set in. This is obviously key...accepting it even if it does come back, but I just can't seem to keep that mindset every time which is super frustrating! It's like my hatred of the experience over rides the ability to accept it each and every time.

I also feel it has lately switched up in intensity so I won't just be hyperaware of my consciousness/thoughts, but my mind literally reminds itself every few seconds that I am aware of every though entering my mind (I don't have to be thinking about anything!) it still does it. I find this the hardest symptom to accept and be at peace with because it's so intrusive and annoying and just won't stop. Obviously the more I try push it away the more intrusive it becomes.
I know it's a form of sensorimotor OCD from soooo much research I've done over the years. I've also had obsessions that latch to normal bodily functions but they never stick for long as I clearly don't fear them as much as the hyperawareness of my mind/thoughts...probably due to the panic I created of that particular sensation 7 years ago. Sometimes I develop depersonalisation with it too but not always. Any help from someone who's dealt or dealing with this would be helpful. I know deep down the key is acceptance but I really struggle with this as mentioned and wondered if anyone has any tips on how to 'snap out of it' quickly so I can stop letting it latch on so hard each time.

I am experiencing the EXACT same thing it is so strange I have recently had a baby 4 months ago and I can’t not stop obsessing over the fact I am constantly hyper aware of my mind and knowing I am actually right here right now do you think it is worse in times of anxiety and stress? Could we chat about this as it is causing me so much anxiety xx

Hi I am so sorry to hear you have this its horrible!!! I have had this on and off since I was 16 and I am 40 years older now!! I used to ask people " do you know what it's like to be yourself" it was the only way I could explain it but of course no-one did. I have always suffered with anxiety and depression even now. Over the years I have had this feeling many times it is so frightening and I can remember every one of the really bad ones. I remember walking up stairs carrying clean washing when it flooded over me that this was me carrying up a bundle of washing. I renember making cup tea and it coming over me as I filled the kettle. There was nothing to be done i dreaded them coming and they always seemed to feel this way when something important was happening in my life and I remember each time too many to write here but they always wear off and you don't realise they have gone.

I had many symptoms of anxiety this was the worse. Then I started to read Dr Claire Weekes books old fashioned now but much of what she said in those books written in l960s are used now. She was the first person to mention this feeling it was like magic to me!! She calls it "brain fag" caused because of constant worrying and fretting and ruminating being in your head so much so that your brain stops you worrying anymore but that in turn makes you so aware of all the ordinary mundane things we Do like washing up, walking, every action and thought it makes your stomach turn. Her books really helped me so much. Since then I have read lot more about this there is a book called At Last a Life by Paul David and he has a whole chapter about self awareness in fact he says that you can become hyperaware of being hyperaware! It's pure anxiety and fear combined with OCD. You become obsessed with the feeling. And as you have small you are probably tired which anxiety loves also your hormones affect OCD i was told that by a psychologist when you are pregnant and then have baby your hormones all over place plays right into hands if OCD ir post natal depression.

If you go on Internet to anxiety no more site this is selfcawareness is discussed loads. I used to be so worried that I had some depersonalisation or derealization disassociation order and i knew I didn't it was exact opposite of that.

I still get it now and then comes out of blue but I promise it always goes no good trying not to think about it just do what i do and say "brain fag". Try reading Claire weekes books, Paul David books and try anxiety no more site. Sorry I couldn't give you a magic answer or cure but I hope it's helped.