Please please help - I am so frightened

[OnTheCoverOfAMagazine]

I think I am suffering from depersonalisation, on quite a big scale and I am absolutely terrified. I went through the most traumatic experience a new mum could possibly go through a few months ago. I have been ok, well - as ok as I can be under the most stressful circumstances I think anyone could go through, but in the last week to ten days I have experienced more and more bouts of these episodes and have had 3 today already. it feels like an "out of body experience", like I am detached from my body, like I am watching myself. My voice sounds weird, my face looks strange in the mirror. I get confused very easily and I get very frightend I can't remember basic things. The world seems loud and very scary. Every little problem is accentuated and magnified a million times over. I feel like I can't breathe properly.
These episodes come on suddenly with no warning and no real pattern. Within anything from 10-40 minutes they are gone, and I am left exhausted and tearful.

I can't possibly tell anyone - I really can't, I can't risk it. But I am so so frightened that I am going to lose my mind entirely and that these episodes will become my life. God I am so so terrified.

Has anyone experienced this before and could anyone tell me how the hell to make them stop? I am on meds for pnd/ptsd - Sertraline 50mg - and have honestly been ok for months.

Should say - I've had 'panic attacks" before, this is not them. Panic attacks I can handle, and control using CBT. Is definitely not that.

Ok I didn't want to read and run but I have no experience of this but I would really really urge you to see your. Gp. It sounds really frightening and your gp can help you. In the meantime big hugs and I'm sure someone with some good advice and experience will be along soon.

Ok, this is obviously not normal and as you quite rightly guessed its a response to having a traumatic event in your life.
The fact you know it's not right is a good thing.
Do you think you need urgent help tonight?

Are you alone?

Thank you quiet x
ledkr - I don't think I need urgent help tonight, I think I just need reassurance and to know if anyone has been through this or can offer any support. I can't go to GP.

My teenage dd is here but oblivious

Oh love, it is scary but you know there is a reason - I think understanding what is happening and why can be helpful.

Is there anywhere you can go tonight for help? Do you have someone who can support you?

I suffer from depression and anxiety and thankfully have only had similar symptoms at a very low levels. Would distraction help until someone could be with you or you could see a doctor? I find trying to get my head into a funny book does at least take the edge off, but it sounds as if you might need more than that.

You really must go to the GP. I know it's hard but they deal with these things regularly and want to help you feel well.

I've seen more docs than I can count over the years for D & A and they have all been nothing but sympathetic and supportive.

DSS - thank you x there isn't anywhere I can go tonight and I can't tell anyone in RL (I have very good reasons for this that I can't get in to but believe me, I cant'). I will try a book - that's a good idea, thank you.

I don't really understand why this is happening now. I've coped ok for months with the trauma.

Are you having any counseling in addition to the meds you're on?

You must need to see your GP for ADs - perhaps you could just say you don't feel they are working as well as they could be and see if they can up the dose or change the meds?

If you've got a Kindle and haven't read it yet the new Bridget Jones is good .

I have counselling twice a week, I've tried to mention this once but the counsellor frowned when I started to talk about it so I shut up quickly!
I see my GP once a month yes, I will definitely ask for dosage to be increased. I will also try the new Bridget, love a bit of bridge.

Why does this happen does anyone think? Does the brain just get overwhelmed? I am oscillating between wanting to scream and scream, to wanting to cry my eyes out. I will do neither though, will just continue to stare at the tv. It's the first time I've felt this bad in years. I feel so alone. I was in the supermarket this afternoon and honestly felt like just dropping my shopping and walking far far away until I couldn't walk anymore.

Sorry, I had to pick up dd.
It's a horrible feeling the disassociation but anyone with any mh knowledge will recognise it and help you, so tell your gp and if he doesn't respond then ask to be referred.
I've had something to a much lesser degree and I was pleased that I could recognise it as being abnormal and I just dealt with it as it happened by distraction or relaxation techniques.
How are you feeling now?

How long ago was your traumatic event?

I ask because I used to have intrusive thoughts bit it was after a miscarriage and I had a massive hormone imbalance and wondered if that could be the same for you?

I will pm you my ridiculous thoughts if you think it would help you feel better.

Also over tiredness can make it worse, are you tired?

try not to panic about it.
I think it might be because of the trauma you had before and your mind might be tired.
I read somewhere its your body's defend mechanism when feel overwhelmed and you start feeling detached.
are you tired atm?
I heard it happened to other people and they dealt with it with mindfulness.
don't panic about it, I don't think it is permanent.
but see a doctor-who really knows about it, not any doctor, to make sure.
and check your meds, side effects, how long have you been taking them, did depersonalization start with them?
enjoy your new baby:)

thank you both

ledkr - it could be a hormone imbalance, the trauma happened a few days after baby was born. I am tired at the moment, but I've been tired for months. haven't had another episode for an hour now so am starting to 'come down' a bit, thank god. I am still very frightened though that it will happen again.

bluebell - I've been on Sertraline since baby was born so 7 months, don't think it's that. My sleeping is a bit all over though so I think that might not be helping. Mindfulness normally helps me, you're right.

Hi can you ask your counsellor to teach you grounding techniques? These are what I use when have the early signs of things similar to what you describe. The more they are practised the easier they become to use. I use simple things like rubbing the arm of the chair I am sat in, to ground myself. If a private counsellor and they do not understand such techniques they can look them up, or perhaps find a different counsellor if they cannot work with you, if NHS they should be familiar with them. And help you use them in sessions if that happens.

If would be worth telling your gp because the medication prescribed to you may be making certain symptoms appear or worse and they cannot prescribe effectively without knowing everything. No fear in telling them, if it is NHS counselling you are getting the gp will know what level of support you are needing and therefore not be surprised. And can ensure medication helps alleviate and not worsen symptoms. I am not saying medication is the cause but dr's are the experts of which medication helps different symptoms.

I agree with the other posters that tiredness may well be an issue.

I came off Cipramil this time last year. I didn't feel depressed after stopping them (which is what they were originally prescribed for), but I had terrible trouble sleeping due to anxiety.

I kept plodding off thinking it would settle down but just before we went on holiday last August I had a massive panic attack. For the whole of the week we were away I felt like I was having a low level panic attack and a sort of disassociation - like I was watching my own life happening through a waterfall is the way I described it to my GP. I went back on the meds and started to feel better within a couple of weeks although there's been a few ups and downs.

GP is a bloke in his mid fifties and has been absolutely amazing - I see him every 4-6 weeks for a moan and a check up and (touch wood) feel like I'm finally making progress.

I don't know if you've suffered with this type of thing before, but I find it helpful to keep reminding myself that I've come through it before and there's no reason to think I can't beat it again.

Check out www.anxietynomore.co.uk (I think). He explains depersonalisation I suffer gad and at my worst felt like this constantly. The book made a lot of sense for me ( but our circumstances sound a lot different). He helped me understand y I was feeling like I did at first I thought all the reviews were rubbish but I ended up buying the bookend now read it when anxious, panicky or feeling like I'm going to have a set back. It is a hid diols feeling and I hope you feel better soon. I also take sertreline and recently increased to 100mg as 50 is a low dose that along with CBT and this book helped me

Hi Silver, thanks for your msg. I think that sounds like excellent advice - thank you. I have vaguely heard of grounding techniques before but have never been taught them, thank you I will ask when I see counsellor this week (and Google in the meantime!). Rubbing the arm of the chair sounds perfect. Did you find these episodes scary? I was absolutely terrified earlier. I have come right "down" now and feel a bit silly for getting myself in such a state. I feel like me again now - god its a nice feeling! I sort of feel "what the hell was that about?!"

Hi dss - you have it absolutely spot on, it is exactly like watching your life through a waterfall! I was so bloody scared though earlier, it had such an effect on my senses! I know exactly what you mean by a low level panic attack too! it's not like the acuteness of a panic attack - but like a heightened state of anxiety? God it is just the weirdest thing. Did you change your meds at all after your holiday as a result of feeling like that all week?

Sorry dss - just re-read that you went back on meds after holiday - forgive me. I think I feel confident enough now to approach GP about maybe trying an increase in dosage. Have always been on citalopram previously but am still bfeeding so Sertraline it is

teawomen - hi, and thank you! I will look that site and book up now, thanks. it's really good to know it's helped you

Glad you're feeling more positive now. It does sound very similar to my episode on holiday - I felt like I didn't know what to do with myself - I wanted to be alone but that scared me, being with people was distracting up to a point but equally scary as DH is not very good at dealing with my issues and I didn't want 9yo DD to realise I 'wasn't right'. I wanted or scream, cry, run away and curl up in a ball under a duvet all at TT he same time. I spent every second we weren't physically doing something with my head in a book.

It is conquerable though - a thing to be beaten and you can do it with a bit of help.

Congratulations as well on your new(ish) arrival

Thank you I think I forget I gave birth a few months ago and just expect self to be fine!

You have really helped to reassure me this evening - thank you so much, I was so frightened! I'm taking your advice and going to bed with chocolate and a bit of Bill Bryson to totally distract myself. Plan to catch up on sleep as much as possible and try and put together a plan of action tomorrow for when (and if) this happens again! Going to mention this to GP too at next review in a fortnight. I was being a bit dramatic to think I couldn't before, but I was just scared.

Am so glad to feel like me again, that was bloody awful. Thanks again to everyone for support and advice

Hope you are ok. We are all here for you when it gets tough.
Remember its just feelings. Xx

Thank you so much xx