Arguing with dh over me wanting to take drugs.

[selfdestructivelady]

I've had enough of feeling this way I just want a break in my teens I took drugs and it stopped the pain. I just can't take feeling this way no more and it's either drugs or suicide. I've been like this since dd was born 2 years ago. I just want a break from everything and drugs will do that.

and when you come down?

what will happen then?

what drugs are you talking about?

its like you're deciding to embark on becoming a drug addict

you have a two year old
get yourself to the doctor

Cannabis I just need a break.

I've been to the doctor I have a psychiatrist and access to crisis but they don't help the meds are only taking away the edge I don't intend on becoming a addict I just want one day feeling ok.

I understand where you are coming from

the just wanting one day to feel ok thing

but you really don't want to go down that route

I'm assuming you know someone who can give it to you
but do you really want to have it in your house with a young child

do you want to make your life harder by introducing the possibility of ss getting on your case?

Doesn't cannabis make mh problems worse? It might make you paranoid? If ss did have to get involved, they'd find out about it. You don't need more issues to deal with x

I suffer psychosis anyway that's why dh is so against it as he feels it will make me worse in the long run. He is probably right tbh. But I just want a break today. I grew up the child of a addict and dealer and know people who take cannabis so yes I can get hold of it. I would send the Dc down my mums. But I really don't want ss involved and I don't want to be like my dad. But having taken it before I know it temporarily stops the pain and right now the urge is so strong.

I'm so confused.

time to go back to the GP, explain how you feel - that you need a break. they might be able to give you some strong sleeping pills maybe?

I think cannabis will only exaggerate your feelings, not help - the come down will be horrible for you.

ok I get it totally but please think about it as a bad idea in the long run

when I can't cope anymore, I just go to bed (daily)

could you somehow make it so that you feel better by doing something else?

I sound mad and I don't know if you get me but I used to drink to feel better so when I gave up drinking 20 months ago, I had to find something else to help

now I go to bed and listen to the telly really snuggled down and safe
I have cuddly koalas too

I have cuddly pandas Trinity

I listen to music in headphones so it drowns out the voices I hear. Or I take my sleeping pills and have a sleep watching the same DVD every night to fall asleep.

The cuddly toys made me smile.

That sounds great - I'm glad sleeping pills do help you, can I ask what the DVD is? I hope it's a good one!

I have plenty of pandas if you wanted me to post you one self-destructive? They used to take up the whole bed but since being married I'm only allowed a few in bed each night and i'm running out of places to put them...

It's Harry Potter Prisoner Of Azkaban.

Cannabis will probably make your symptoms worse though! That won't help. There must be other things you could at least try? Have you mental health team given you any ideas?

Thinking short term, how about taking a nice bath, listen to some music or something?

Have you heard of mindfulness? That can be helpful for people feeling anxious or distressed.

GotMyGoat I have a cuddly two year old ATM.

Fair enough, that's a bit terrifying for bed with the dementors isn't it? I'm a sensitive soul and can only watch U or PG films though (God - honestly I am a grown woman, making myself sound awful!)

Msrisotto im on a waiting list for mindfulness.

I find two year olds too fidgety, too many elbows and too many knees. Just putting mine to bed now.

Now I'm quite sensitive but I can watch sci fi or fantasy no problems I just can't watch anything else that resembles rl as it triggers me. So no soaps or dramas and specially no news.

I feel like I NEED something sometimes. I don't do well with drugs though, I suffer from anxiety anyway & it makes everything worse.

Can't you just have a drink (or a few) in the evening? That's what I do.

A lot of people exercise - run & run until they're utterly exhausted and it gets rid of lots of feelings. I wish I was a person who turned to exercise.

The earlier use of cannabis could very well be the reason for your psychosis now, so what use would it do, going down that road again? Do you want your child to grow up as the child of an addict as well?

Listen to Trinity, she is talking sense.

I know I know but I just feel it's the only way to get a break for one day. I suffered psychosis before the cannabis though but it was worse after I started taking it. My dh is also a ex addict from before I met him and he confessed he doesn't want the temptation in the house. I guess I'll stick my ear phones in and get on with it.

I find that i am the same when i read etc, i either have to read sci fi or historic fiction so that is far enough away from "reality". Much the same for TV, can watch gory horror but anything real and i can't watch it - no soaps and definately no news.

There is a thread on mental health that i post on - banishing the winter blues in the village (something like that). There are a few people on there who have problems with voices. We are all very supportive, so please feel free to come and have a chat there if you want to talk to folk with similar issues.

I think the problem with the cannibis is that the modern strains are prone to cause psychosis so you really really don't want to go there as i think it will make you feel worse not better. Maybe have a word with your psychiatrist to see if there is anything else they can give you or tweak your doses - mixing "drugs" with medication is really dangerous. So your DH is right and has your best interests at heart.