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Original poster

Anyone Found Going Back to Work Helped Combat Mild Depression?

36 replies

WantToBeAnonymous · 27/07/2006 21:31

I think i might have mild depression - as i have (not extreme levels of) anxiety.

When I went back to work part time after Dc1, i really was a happier person for the adult enviroment and stimulation.

Going back to work after dc2 really seems like it will be much harder as busier household and DP will be around less.

Did anyone else find it beneficial. I hate that quiet and empty feeling when DP and dc1 leave the house in the morn, and the day looms ahead with not enough to fill.

OP posts:
noonar · 27/07/2006 21:40

i was off work for 6 mo with dd1 and 9mo with dd2. it was tougher going back second time round, but i'd have gone out of my head staying home 7 days aweek. i only work 2 days a week but find that the variety keeps me more sane than i'd otherwise be. sorry you are feeling low. i hope you come to a decision that's right for you.

beansprout · 27/07/2006 21:42

It worked for me. I was off for 13months and although I dreaded being away from ds, we soon adjusted and I have been a lot happier.

Original poster
WantToBeAnonymous · 27/07/2006 21:45

i feel i will really miss dc2. I went back to work properly when dc1 was over a year old. dc2 is only 6 months. It will be so hard leaving my baby. But i really think work will help me. On the other hand, it wont if i am too busy to run a proper household.

OP posts:
chonky · 27/07/2006 21:45

WOrked for me too. I don't think I was depressed as such, but had had a very tough ride with dd (she was born wih complex needs). Helped in my case to stop me navel gazing about what the future holds.

bluebear · 27/07/2006 21:53

Helped a lot for me - I found it very hard to have some sort of routine when at home with the kids, forgot to eat and stuff. One thing that was useful was making a 'to do' list each day so when you wake up in the morning you have a list of small jobs to do..and therefore a purpose to the day.
And by working part-time it means you end up with lots of jobs to fill the days when you are at home.

Original poster
WantToBeAnonymous · 27/07/2006 22:00

thank you all for being so positive.

i am feeling inadequate that i cant bring discipline and order to my life without work though - as life would be alot simpler and less rushed if i was based at home.

OP posts:
KatyH · 27/07/2006 22:18

Don't feel inadequate. You're just verbalising what alot of mothers feel. For me going to work was like respite care and it's definitely made me a better mother. Can't say I enjoyed the baby phase much and in hindsight I think I was definitely depressed. Before I had my dd I couldn't imagine why anyone would suffer from PND (I was a bit romatic about the whole thing!) now I'm of the opinion that PND is MASSIVELY under-reported!! I've found that it's only when I speak about my experience that my friends who appear like perfect mothers will divulge how difficult they have found it. Do you have many people around you who you can visit for coffee and sanity?

Original poster
WantToBeAnonymous · 28/07/2006 09:26

yes, thank you. But what i enjoyed about the social aspect of work was that it was a complete baby-free zone!

OP posts:
moondog · 28/07/2006 09:29

WTBA I'm not depressed but having been off work for 21/2 years (since before ds,who is 24 mths was born)can i just tell you that I am dying to get back to work in january???

My case is a little different in that dh is abroad most of the time,but i have done the home maker sahm thing and now i want a change.
Good Luck to you,it will be great!

maretta · 28/07/2006 09:31

I thought I'd find it easier sending my ds2 to nursery but it was so much harder. I think I felt anxious because I felt trapped. I wanted to go to back to work for a couple of days but couldn't imagine leaving ds2.
Of course once ds2 had been in nursery a couple of weeks, everything was fine. I couldn't see why I'd been so worried and was so much happier to be back at work.

horseshoe · 28/07/2006 10:06

WTBA,

I have gone back after dd2 and although I thought I would not be able to handle it I have really enjoyed the stimulation. I love having the money to be able to do what we want and if anything I am more organised. When I was at home...kids would lay in and so would I and then some days I could barely be bothered to get dressed. The kids would sit in front of the T.V. etc....(Not saying every SAHM is like this I'm just lazy)
Having to go to work makes me get up and go. When I get home I have the patience to cope with dinner bath and bed and we even spend time playing etc.....The kids have routine and go to bed at 7:30 and both (3yrs and 6months) sleep through the night. I then wash up, sweep up, put a load of clothes on but not much needs doing as I haven't been there to mess it up.

I have also brought a caravan to spend extra time with the kids at the weekend.

motherinferior · 28/07/2006 10:33

I went back four months after having my first baby (I'm self-employed so got virtually no maternity pay!); and it made a HUGE difference to my life, sanity and happiness.

FullOfTestosterone · 28/07/2006 10:39

As much as I feel very guilty for saying this... My depression improved immensely when I went back to work!

I am just not a very good mummy

You can always givi it a try and quit if you don't enjoy it!

Good luck!

KatyH · 28/07/2006 15:11

Surely it's better to go back to work and be a happier mummy? Still, although I know it's the right thing for me, I do feel guilty when people express astonishment when I say I work full-time. I feel like I'm always having to justify my decision and can't say it's because it keeps me sane. Usually I say it's for financial reasons, when it really isn't I doubt very many men beat themselves up about this though!

Verso · 28/07/2006 16:04

Me too, KatyH. I feel 100% better being back at work full-time than either part-time or being at home. Thing is, I always knew I would, because that's what my Mum felt and she and I are very similar workwise (v different in lots of other ways though). I think she had it even harder because in the late 60's, early 70's you just DIDN'T go back to work, let alone full-time...

Made it easier for me, having her total support, and my DH's.

(Antidepressants are good too, though .)

KatyH · 28/07/2006 20:43

Perhaps we should all just start being more honest, then people might get used to the idea that not every woman is a natural born earth mother who only feels completely fulfilled when she's with her children...you go first though!

Norah · 28/07/2006 20:50

Me too - absolutely !

Was off work with dd for 11 months and had resigned at end of mat leave due to temporary insanity ! Realised when she was about 3.5 that I had PND - although to this day my dh does not know ! I had antidepressants which helped but I loathed taking every single one !

She went to nursery part time from 11 mths and I did bits of consultancy from home - but it wasn't enough - I needed the contact and dare I say status that being back at work brought ! I only got reinstated last year which coincided with her starting school - so it is working out well apart from the nightmare of after school care and my long commute - BUT - I am feeling 100% better about everything !

Have come to conclusion that I am not really mummy material ! I can put on a good show and talk a good talk - but it's not me - it just isn't !

Totally agree about honesty too - I wouldn't have admitted this in real life to friends or family !

KatyH · 28/07/2006 22:13

God Norah, that's sad that your DH doesn't know . That's a pretty heavy burden to bear on your own. Mind you, I was much the same and continuously denied I had PND when my dh confronted me. I think work helps in that you know what you're doing (well...most of the time!) and it reminds you of the person you were before you had kids i.e. it's a bit of a comfort zone.

Norah · 28/07/2006 22:18

DH told me when I was pg that he "didn't believe in PND" ! So I couldn't really face telling him how I felt ! I was pretty OK - just miserable in the day - evenings and weekends were better with his adult conmpany - he has no idea how much I cried during the day !

Would never have believed it myself - am just not the kind of person people see as being depressed - as I said - am good actress !

Thankfully largely over it now - but it does bother me that he didn't notice ! Did he not care or was he just too self obsessed ? Maybe he noticed but didn't know what to do to help ?

I might do counselling - as it worries me !

KatyH · 28/07/2006 22:42

I'm much the same, in fact everyone tells me how I'm always so happy and seem so together...pah! Like you I cried practically every day and even although I was often in tears when dh came home, he never really forced the issue. I don't think they realise just how lonely it can be stuck in the house with a baby every day, although to be fair, it must be pretty difficult to handle a partner with PND. However, I still feel quite resentful that despite his concerns I didn't get any more support. It's definitely put a bit of a rift in our relationship, one that he's probably not even aware of! I think the counselling idea is probably a good one. I find just being on MN is quite cathartic! Maybe if he knew the lengths you went to to cover it up, he might believe it more, although I strongly suspect he probably had a good idea anyway...no-one is that good an actress!! Do you have a counselling service nearby?

Skribble · 28/07/2006 22:56

In a word, yes. It meant I was me not just mummy! People wanted to talk about things like music and men not just babies and when did you wean etc. Made a big difference after my first baby.

fennel · 29/07/2006 21:30

I went back to work fairly early 3 times and each time felt a burst of happiness actually when I did so. Didn't exactly not enjoy my maternity leaves but really I enjoyed the subsequent part time work and part time at home with baby much more.

FairyMum · 29/07/2006 21:44

Had PND after my fist baby (also anxiety issues)and found it lifted once I got back to work. With the next 2 I knew I had to go back too, but actually stayed home longer because I knew more what to expect. I knew that once I get back to work I would be fine again and I was.

Original poster
WantToBeAnonymous · 29/07/2006 22:44

thank you everyone for all your input. I feel so bad for you Norah that you had to keep it to yourself, it must be quite a load to bear.

It seems most likely that i will be going back part time. I can always stop it if it doesnt work out! That being said, i look at my baby and think doesnt he deserve to be with his mummy all the time at this point in his life? Obviously a happy mummy is a priority, but i wish i could have all the outlets work brings without leaving him.

OP posts:
VeniVidiVickiQV · 29/07/2006 22:50

Ive had PND. Went back to work in May and found it helped. My children a bit older than yours but I dont think it has had a detrimental effect. In fact the time we have together now has more "quality" because I seem to appreciate it more.

They get the added bonus (if there is one) of getting out the house to a new environment a few hours a week - 6 in total I think it is.

Good luck to you. You and your DC's will be fine.