What is this and want can I do about it?

[shiningthrough]

My family and I have had a hellish three years.
All sorts of things have happened, bereavement, lots of serious illnesses including children.
Enough really to tip anyone over the edge to the point that people tell me how brave I am.

There has been another recent difficult situation.

Can you tell me what you think this could be please?

It comes on when I am not doing much ie watching tv or similar.
I feel panicky and cannot calm myself down.
I am worried about everything, including irrational fears.
Sometimes my heart beats very quickly.
I cry frequently.
I find any interactions with other people including close friends difficult, I worry that I have/will say something wrong or stupid.
I can't relax.
I feel sad and even devastated.
My self esteem is suddenly, uncharacteristically low. I feel incredibly self conscious.

I am taking plenty of exercise, eating well drinking a bit but not enough to be a problem and I sleep for 7+ hours a night.

I have had counselling recently, I want to tell some people, close friends etc but I can't articulate the problem.
Except to say it's all encompassing fear and sadness.

I'm an idiot, aren't I?

It sounds to me like things catching up with you.

Did you feel that the counselling helped you? Perhaps you could arrange more counselling.

It sounds like you should go to see your GP .

It sounds like anxiety and panic attacks to me (although I'm not a medically trained professional). UnMN hugs, and here's to a better 2014 for you and your family.

Thanks for the hugs, I could do with one to be honest.
In fact, there are people in rl who would hug me but I feel if I asked I might fall apart and cannot explain what's wrong.

I went to see a GP in the summer when I started to feel strange, it's all but impossible to see my GP and I have to wait 3 weeks for an appointment with an alternative, she prescribed me something (beginning with a c?) that I didn't take.
She also referred me for CBT.
I had a phone consultation in October and then.....nothing.

Hi Shining,

These symptoms are typical of anxiety, which is totally normal given the recent experiences you have had. If you did not have a reaction it would be unusual!

The link below is fantastic- its an Australian psychotherapy website.
Each title is a module of educational material normalising what you are experiencing and giving coping mechanisms.

A book on amazon is Overcoming anxiety, is also very good..

If you need more help maybe further Counselling for adverse life experiences would be helpful. CBT is usually recommended for anxiety based disorders. Either approach would be good.
The book and some of the coping mechanisms on the website are based on the CBT approach.

Remember - you are having a normal reaction to a distressing situation.

www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/consumers.cfm

littlejoe I will have a look at that.

Also, I will go back to a GP and pursue the CBT option.

Does anyone know of anything that helps in the short term?

Mindfulness - try the Take10 app .

depends what you mean by short term - there is no magic wand.
Sometimes reading something you relate to can make all the difference - a light bulb moment.

The question isn't "what's wrong?" The question to ask someone struggling is "what's happened?"
Because it's always the case that something has happened and you've been through the mill it seems.

It's a normal reaction to stress, really unpleasant, but normal. Would you go back to counselling, just to chat about what happened and how you feel about it all?

IME we manage to'keep going' through the crap and then when we should be ok, thats when the anxiety kicks in.Try not to worry, it will pass but its worth going back to counselling as you go through it all.xx

Hi IME I am no medic but I suffer from intermittent depression and anxiety. I totally agree with others that your symptoms sound very much like anxiety, which is the medical name for fear, and feelings of panic are extreme fear.

I think that some of your symptoms sound like depression too, the crying bouts, not wanting to interact with people, feeling sad and "even devastated" and low self esteem. You are absolutely not an idiot - you are suffering from the effects of all of the stress that you have endured as others have said. You mentioned bereavements and loss (of some kind) is almost always at the root of depression.

Did the GP prescribe citalopram? I ask this because this is the anti-depressant that NICE guidelines suggest is prescribed for depression and anxiety. I wonder why you didn't take them. Many people are afraid of ADs and think that they will become zombies or something similar. ADs have been proven to be effective in moderate to severe depression and though like all drugs they have side effects, these vary between individuals. They don't work instantly and often take 2/3 weeks to "kick in" and you are usually started on a small dose and then increased to get the maximum benefit.

CBT can be helpful although it wasn't much help to me, but others speak very well of it. You usually get 6 sessions on the NHS and you could probably get a book (loads on Amazon) while you are waiting.

I do honestly think though that you should give ADs a try as they may well help you to recover your emotional equilibrium.

I've only just seen yesterdays posts.
I've just read them and they have made me cry.
I have had to be brave and keep going because my children rely on me and there is no-one else.

In my original post I alluded to my past three 'hellish years', if I wrote it all down here your first reaction would probably be disbelief, other than soap characters the run of bad events my family have experienced is astonishing.
I can't give you details on here because it would out me.
I can easily see (and other people have said to me) that these events would cause anyone to be mentally ill.
So I do remind myself that this is a rational reaction.

I don't think I would go to counselling again, I got a GP referral and the woman I saw whilst very qualified and very nice was not very astute, I've become so good at hiding things that even when I tried to let them out in counselling I couldn't explain them.

I think it was Citalopram yes, I'm not anti drugs but I am frightened of them for myself.
It bothers me too that I wouldn't be able to adequately function in my job, which in itself is high pressure.
In light of your post NanaNina I will consider this again.

Thank you to everyone who has posted, I am still crying but that's a good release.
I am very grateful, could anyone hold my hand for a bit?

I am sitting here in bed thinking I should get up, but can sit with you a while and hold your hand and listen if you would like?x

Thanks cjel I don't have anything much to say really, I just feel so very alone.

That wasn't supposed to sound dramatic.

It wasn't dramatic - honest more like. that aloneness is horrid isn't it? do you want people with you to feel like you aren't or is the loneliness there when you have people around?

Reading those posts from others has opened a floodgate, I'm still sobbing.

It's not that I don't have friends - I do and they are lovely but I do find it difficult to tell anyone how I really feel.
I don't want to put on them and I'm afraid of being their mate who cries all the time.

Strangely, I don't feel lonely. Just alone.

Do you think tablets would help?
My thinking is that as this is all a result of outside influences my brain needs to process it all - that this is a natural reaction.

That said, I can see that I may be stuck and tablets could kick start a recovery.

I haven't spoken to anyone for days and I know I have at least 3 people who I owe a call to but when I feel like this I feel I will be a burden to them. My experience is thats not true and that when I do ring I probably don't let it all out any way, but feel better for having the contact!!
The very nature of the beast is that it is self centred, Friends don't live it so if you do say something once every few days they have all the time in between free from it.
Also find that I soon get bored of the crying and so in reality I'm not the friend who cries, its almost like the illness is deceitful and plays tricks on us to keep us low.
What set off the tears today?x

The tears today were set off by the kindness of people's posts on this thread.

Also, I don't often acknowledge that actually everything that has happened has been very tough to deal with.

When you post that you would feel a burden to them if you called my reaction (as a friend to others) is that if you called they would be pleased to hear from you and happy to help.
I would hate to think that someone was hurting and they didn't think I would want to hear it.

Make those calls

I know that I have never been disappointed when I have reached out!
sometimes I just don't feel 'in the mood' iykwim.I have a couple of threads on here that reduce me to tears when I log on and someone has asked about me!
Why do we feel that everyone else should deserve to reach out but we don't feel valuable enough to deserve it ourselves!

Ah, well isn't that partly the key? That we don't feel we deserve it ourselves?

I know what you mean by 'not in the mood' on the other hand, doing it would probably put you in a better 'mood', maybe?

I'm sorry, I haven't read your other threads so I'm coming to this without prior knowledge.
What are you doing for NY?
What do you want to do?

Clearly, you are 'valuable enough' you have improved my day immensely.

Don't start saying kind things you'll set me off crying again My other posts that I'm on don't mention my problems they are other peoples I've added to.
I find it a hard line to judge when I need to 'tuck in' and when I've done that long enough and need to reach out again.I don't really 'do' anything. Have spent last two years moving and leaving a30yr marriage,H got a girlfriend!! although it was abusive in every way so she sort of did me a favour. like you have had horrid family (deaths, illnesses and prem babies) stuff going on at the same time. moved to my own place a year ago and have renovated it. Do volunteering - toddler group, coffee morning, foodank, mentoring etc. but lots of free time!! Most of my life was with family and running a business with my ex.- 2 dcs and 5 dgcs but am aware I want to let them live and not be a needy mum!! Was 3yrs into training to be a counsellor but deferred a year and now they haven't run the course this year, but have sort of given up thoughts of doing that again!!
Have made some lovely new friends but like you say I sometimes feel they all have great lives and I don't want to bother them!!
It really does get better when you start to value yourself and learn to take care of your needs for a while, you are no good to anyone else if you don't

Ah well, if I can't say anything nice then I'll tell you you smell of wee

I think that sometimes letting people all is not ok with you is alright.
All the volunteering? You are clearly a lovely person.

Can you do the counselling course elsewhere? You are very good at this.

you're being kind again!!! I think you must be near here as I was just thinking I really must shower I have never stayed in bed so late so maybe I do stink but I didn't think it was that strong. Have you got any plans for today?x

Well, I have a fun filled day of cleaning to do
Ok, so it's not fun but I've been putting it off for ages, it does need doing and I will feel better when it's done.

Yeah, those kind people - they're bastards, aren't they?

Get up and enjoy your day.
But before you go please consider that counselling course again, I think you're a natural.
Thank you, you have made a difference and you have made me smile x

I don't know what you do for a living but you have mad my morning go with a smile too. thank you. I may also get up and clean. I can see dgs dirty finger marks on the wardrobe door from here for a start