What is this bad feeling?

[Deadswan]

I feel bad, sometimes so bad I am suicidal. Medicines (diazepam/antidepressants/antipsychotics) don't take it away. It is not depression or anxiety. I wonder if some one has experienced the same. Psychiatrist does not understand it.

I know exactly what you mean with the different intensity thing. Sometimes when I was really poorly it'd get so bad it was unbearable and I'd need to just go and be on my own.

Would it help to see it as a kind of tension?

Are you worried by it or just sick of it?

Did you get rid of the feeling (and how)? I had it last time I was ill but it disappeared itself.

I am worried that it will continue and continue. I am also sick of it. Just wondering if this med increase will do anything at all.

It comes back when feeling tense.

It DID go away so there's your hope that it will go away again.

I didn't go down med route as to me it confuses the issue in that I wouldn't know if it was the meds causing it or not.

My kids are 3 a and 5. Stressful times. Maybe my cup is indeed full.

Is it possible that it is all due to being plain worn out?
Have you said this suggestion to anyone?

Any chance that you can have breaks when it does happen, to see if it makes any difference?

I just had a week long break and the bad feeling lingered. Interestingly when I was depressed the feeling was less prominent. Maybe it was covered by depression feelings.

But were you around the kids?

How is it when you're alone with time to yourself?

I was on holiday alone meeting friends for a week.

Hmmm. What about diet, exercise and sleep?

When do you find it's least?

You say it went away when you got otherwise better.
If you dont mind saying what did you get better from?

I feel it least when I am concentrating on something fully. Like interneting. I can't read long articles/posts though, because my concentration is so bad. oh yes, talking to a professional helps, too. That's why I think therapy will be good. Not sure about these meds. they just makes me feel foggy.

My exercise consist of pushing a buggy (a lot per day). Diet is fine.

Perhaps it's 'just' a case of managing it as when you feel it it feels unpleasant for you - and that's what matters.

Hormones?

Is it affected by PMT etc?

Do you work? I've found being a work has helped me massively as, like you say, it focuses you.

I don't work. I chatted with cpn again and she said she had told me already twice that psych thinks it is psychotic. Hard to believe.

What is a cpn?

I did read that weird 'feelings' can be psychotic.

It's strange though as even though I tried to tell a psychiatrist about my 'strange feelings' it was ignored and I was told it was anxiety - and yet I'm sure someone else would have said psychotic.

Very subjective isn't it?

Do the other psychosis type things still happen or is this feeling the only thing that lingers?

Cpn is community psychiatric nurse, who visits now and then. I see things sometimes but not as much than before starting meds last summer.
I have been also thinking it could be anxiety, but when I am anxious it feels different.

But can you ever really define anxiousness?

I can't. I think I know how it feels but every time it hits it seems to have morphed which is why I can never fully say 'it's just anxiety' just in case.

Since suffering my MH issues I've experienced all kinds of bizarre and indescribable bad feelings that don't seem to fit into any description. I'm sure a diff psychiatrist on a different day may have said psychosis.

You just need to find a way back to feeling like the old you more often :-) look at it as a journey.