Worry Bucket Thread.

[HowlingTrap]

Its an Idea, it may work it might equally flop.
I have Depression, I had good days, ok days and bad, bad days, I have a diary which helps in a way but finding time is hard at times for some reason a computer seems easier etc, but it doesn't give feedback and sometimes I need it,
So I thought start this , see it if helps me or anyone else, anyone with any issue can type the mind rambles that aren't really coherent anywhere else, or just whinge or announce or talk about progress or lack thereof of it irl, I will be doing that a lot I feel I'm in the process of finally being treated adequately 8 years down the line , I;m waiting for blood tests to rule out thyroids etc which is necessary but urgh!
Did the NHS Depression test got 23/27.

Anyhoo, please let me know if people think this is a good Idea,

[wetwetwetfan]

hello everyone...

hope you are all doing ok. Still up and down at the moment but better than i was.

Saw a friend this evening who commented that i seem much more like my 'old self' than when she saw me before christmas. Been six weeks now on the meds and they are helping so much.

Exercise is also good, Zumba class on monday got me out and talking to new people.. swimming on Thursday evening. Really needed it after an argument with dh. Swam for the whole hour to clear my head.

Can't face going back to cbt though...think that i need to chat to doctor about some other kind of counseling.

[ashamedoverthinker]

That all sounds positive wetwetwet re getting out the house and your friend.

What's up with CBT it can take a while to 'click' you have to undo habitual patterns of thinking. It can be very emoationally demanding raking over everything and I used to feel drained afterwards.

Or are you not sure about your counsellor?

[wetwetwetfan]

mmm? I'm not sure which bit i'm most resistant to. The actual talking and thinking about things is hard and i find myself soooo tired by it all but that tiredness and the emotional low/anxious feeling lasts for days. It makes me dread going back in because i don't want to feel like that.

Once i had decided that i was not going to go i just felt massive relief.

It may also be the counselor. He is very nice but he is a very young man and I guess i find talking to females easier. When i first spoke to a counselor it was at work and a slightly older lady. I could have told her anything and felt really comfortable with her.

My dh thinks perhaps i should have 'proper counselling' to deal with things from my childhood before i go to CBT.

The meds are working well though and i am more able to consciously make decisions about what i am thinking..if that makes any sense.

Hope you are doing ok... been a bit quiet on here.

[flyingbebe]

Hello everyone. I saw this thread and felt quite relieved. I'm pretty sure that I've got either depression/anxiety but I haven't gone to my GP because that is actually admitting that something is wrong and having to explain this out loud and to someone's face gives me the same anxious feeling I get all the time. So, this thread is a Godsend.

Basically I feel anxious all the time. About people mostly. After I talk to someone, when I'm next alone, I will overthink absolutely everything. It's been family, friends, complete strangers in shops when I make polite small talk when I'm buying things, even people like yourselves on the internet.

This has always been a problem for me for years but it's gotten so much worse since April last year. I thought it was the stress of my university course (placement, dissertation, essay) but then when everything was handed in and finished at the end of July, I felt ten times worse. I didn't want to go to sleep a lot of the time because the next day would come and it would just be another day where I completely failed, so I would stay away until two/three and then sleep in late and wake up feeling like I had lost half the day so why bother doing anything. There were a few times where I found myself thinking about how I could kill myself without anyone knowing it was suicide (I didn't want to make my family worry about what they could have done). I thought about driving into a tree but I didn't want anyone else getting hurt and it probably wouldn't kill me anyway. I don't have those thoughts now.

In September it felt a bit better but over Christmas, it just got worse again. Not like in August, but still really not myself. It started to impact on my daily life. I don't want to go out to the shops, I don't want to walk the dog, I don't want to go to my part-time job and I just don't want to leave the house. I just look over my interactions with people and think that I shouldn't have bothered and I said that wrong or I shouldn't have said and so on. I'm still doing all the things I need to do but I really don't enjoy them anymore and it's such a relief to get back home and hide away again.

I even feel anxious posting this here on this thread, where it's pretty much guaranteed that I'll be believed, but it's the first time I have verbalised this in any way. I want to try and get my diet and sleeping patterns sorted (both are awful) and see if actually talking about it helps at all before I go to my GP. It's not as bad as it was before but I'm terrified it's going to get like that again.

[HowlingTrap]

hi everyone hope you are all okay.

sorry I feel really ignorant not replying sooner, been off here about a week.
Been a rough/wierd couple of weeks,feeling a bit clearer.
It got a bit much on here with some of the cliques and I just needed break before I bit,if anyone gets what i mean.
I have an appointment next week,
And....I finally told my Mum, pheew Scary bit over, she didn't minimise or dismiss she was very much like, i know you've had this for years.

[HowlingTrap]

Welcome flyingbebe. :)

Yeah i think putting off things like coursework is a very common part.

[flyingbebe]

Sometimes you need to take a step back and that's fair enough.

I'm glad telling your Mum went well, it's always nice to get a good response, even if you were expecting one, it's still a little bit of a surprise (had a similar situation with my Mum though not to do with this).

Thanks again for this thread, Howling. I felt ten times better after I posted even though it's been a bit of a good-bad week.

[wetwetwetfan]

Bad day yesterday... missed taking my tablet the other day. Felt ok at first but seem to have a delayed reaction. Really feeling low, withdrawn, wanting to remove myself from my own life. Caused an argument with dh the next day because although I was feeling better, he was still feeling shit about me withdrawing from him. Ended up having a massive crying session. Haven't cried for weeks so it felt quite rubbish to be feeling like I was falling apart again. Better today. Definitely need to make sure I take meds every day!

Hope you are all feeling ok. Xxx