Worry Bucket Thread.

[HowlingTrap]

Its an Idea, it may work it might equally flop.
I have Depression, I had good days, ok days and bad, bad days, I have a diary which helps in a way but finding time is hard at times for some reason a computer seems easier etc, but it doesn't give feedback and sometimes I need it,
So I thought start this , see it if helps me or anyone else, anyone with any issue can type the mind rambles that aren't really coherent anywhere else, or just whinge or announce or talk about progress or lack thereof of it irl, I will be doing that a lot I feel I'm in the process of finally being treated adequately 8 years down the line , I;m waiting for blood tests to rule out thyroids etc which is necessary but urgh!
Did the NHS Depression test got 23/27.

Anyhoo, please let me know if people think this is a good Idea,

[ashamedoverthinker]

Its good you feel tablets are working.

I sometimes nap when toddler is asleep - I miss being able to sleep between 2 and 3 then alarm for school run.

[ashamedoverthinker]

sorry posted early - Im planning my week so i know what Im doing so I will have to get:

clothes
food cooked/eaten at home
money budgeted

[wetwetwetfan]

Booooo to the budgeting. I hate thinking about money... dh did an income outgoing thing this week and it looks dire on paper... he also spoke to a few creditors and sorted some repayment issues so I didn't have to do that. And sorted our energy supplier to save us a few quid. I am dreadful with it all. I never used to be. I used to run all the direct debits from my account and always had an idea of what money needed to go where but now I just flounder and forget to pay stuff.

Must be more organised this week at actually getting meat out of the freezer for dinners.... lost track of the number of times we've had to pop to the shops for something for tea because I forgot. Ends up costing more at the local shop.

Mind you, I should save a few quid by cutting the alcohol out. Day 4 today so that's probably two bottles of wine I haven't drunk. I can almost hear my liver sighing with relief.

[batterylow]

Well done on the budget etc ashamed, I am the same as wetwetwet and have really lost track of everything, got quite reckless too with all the stress and spent a lot last summer going out , clothes etc and we are still catching up.

Had some horrible down thoughts again this eve but only when alone and easier to deal with than before tablets, I hope the cbt helps me deal with when things pop into my head.

[wetwetwetfan]

My downs and horrible thoughts also tend to be when I am alone battery... not very much of that this week but back to school on Monday so will have too much free time in the day. Tbh I am a bit nervous about my own company. I am thinking of jobs that need doing to keep me occupied and hoping to be able to get out to work a bit.

Although i imagine i will just end up drinking copious amounts of tea and lurking on MN...(smile)

[wetwetwetfan]

[batterylow]

Dh has been off work and will be returning which has prompted it all I think. I hate thinking! I really thought I was done with the bworstof the thinking. It's nothing new and I have to just force myself to keep busy/think of other stuff I guess. The counsellor I saw for a few sessions said that I will get to a stage when I think of this period of my life and think yeah that was a really painful time but remembering it can't hurt me now. Hopefully I (and everyone on the thread) can get there.

I will try and pop on here Monday too. I find I am better on work days as my mind is too busy worrying about stuff there, I hate the car journey though just because I think too much! The way back is always fine though so it must do me good.

[wetwetwetfan]

Yay.... kids are back at school.... been for a swim today and went in the steam room for a while . Was lovely....only managed 22 lengths though because my headache was banging! Think i may have been a bit dehydrated (ironic in a swimming pool) but occurred to me that i didn't remember having a drink at all, all morning... doh!
will take more care next time.

Mood is quite good, feeling relaxed, nice and quiet at home, dh gave me my birthday present early so feeling the love, treated myself to a couple of new tops in the sale (always makes me feel happy) got work tomorrow afternoon for a few hours and looking forward to it.

Cannot believe the difference in mood from a few weeks ago.
It is almost like that was a really bad nightmare and now i have woken up, really bizarre.

I am having a dilemma about Facebook. DH offered to get rid because he knows i dont like it but i think that would be a bit too controlling of me. I know i have to let him just live his life and trust that he will make decisions that won't hurt/upset me, but fb just pisses me off so much, and if i am honest it is particular 'friends' that i dislike on there. Put it on AIBU and got a kick up the arse from the natives. So think i will just suck it up and worry about my own activities for now...

Think i might sign up to a zumba class... get me out, meeting new people, getting healthy, just for me.

Hope you are all well guys. x

[HowlingTrap]

ashamed good post, I often feel like that its not rage, deep sadness just you're entire life is 'meh'.

I have had a shit , shit couple of weeks

LO 13 months is full of cold and clingy, has been throughout xmas holidays.
i took away my lifeline convenient distraction for my eldest if I need a lot of chores out of the way. Because he is stilll not pooing on the toilet and everyone is piling on the pressure, I have tried everything , the anger , determination is drained out of me and I just feel so broken, theres nothing left, theres just emptiness.

I have been trying to get help for my depression long history,

first severe dip, 12 years old, dysfunctional family, things i wont divulge here.

13 , another

17, parents seperated

19, pregnant pre- natal an Pnd

21- another , moved out in with partner,

22- PND, PTSD traumatic birth.

I'm 24 now I have been trying to get medical after previous failed attempts since july, I can't have my eldest with me due to the nature of the issue. but trying to get a convienient appt or someone to take is a nightmare, I feel so helpless and powerless, it will never get better will it?
. I'm so forgetful now, it has gone untreated so long it is impairing my memory now, its so foggy.
this could have controlled, sorted much earlier

but nobody noticed or cared, or both.

So yeah, no light at the end of the tunnel.

[batterylow]

Wetwetwet I am tempted to come off facebook, it gets to me sometimes (issues around having a child with sn as well as the dh stuff, he isn't on it but SHE is so sometimes I am so tempted to look her up but I realised I could actually do that anyway even if not on their so its about my control, ugh) I really think excercise and keeping busy are thei way to go (if only I would take my own advice!!)

I had a real panic yesterday as I have a new job and been really excited but

[batterylow]

Sorry! But the health form came through yesterday and now I am panicking I will lose the job offer because of it. Everyone is saying I am being silly but I leant help worrying that they will see I am on anti depressents and retract the offer. Its one of those things where I don't even know if I am being rational!

Howlingtrap sorry you are not having a good time. It's so hard to actually make appointments etc isnt it because it makes you feel so groggy with depression. Could you get a phone appointment initially to explain it and then they will probably want to see you but you could explain the issue with having your eldest with you and see if there is a way around it?

[HowlingTrap]

I can understand you're worry batterylow, but a lot of people with depression don't work, look for work as much etc you are despite that should be seen as a plus.

[batterylow]

Thanks, spoke to the gp and she said out mild anxiety and depression on the form and she is happy to verify I am am emotionally stable for work etc so fingers crossed.

How are you feeling?

[ErrorError]

Hello all,

I'm currently active on the 'village' thread but will lurk about here if that's okay. I have moderate depression as well as bouts of anxiety that accompany it. Been on fluoxetine for 25 days and at the end of the current prescription having a review. Also awaiting blood test results for thyroid/liver function. This is my first lot of antidepressants after years of denial and desperate to get my life back.

Current worries include:

Have finally admitted to work I have the 'D Word' and though a bit relieved I'm also very fearful about what they think of me and often feel like a crap employee.

Money worries. This is probably a general anxiety that a lot of people have, but for me it's exacerbated by the fact I still live with my parents at 28 and see no hope of getting out of this rut cycle until I am better. Luckily they are very supportive of me but it doesn't stop the anxiety.

Been single just over a year after long term relationship, he was an emotional blackmailer and manipulator and partly responsible for my current situation. I am comfortable being single and in no rush for a new relationship but feel incredibly daunted by having to start from scratch with my life, and things not turning out how I expected/planned.

Not ready to apply for any jobs yet but really to get out of my living arrangements I need a new one. It's a bit chicken and egg really, do I get better first then look for a job, or do I just start looking even though I'm not ready, in the hope that a new job will improve my mood. I fall at the first hurdle on that one and lose motivation before I even have a chance to look.

I hope to get a shower this week! Attainable goal if I have something to get up for. Showering not a worry itself, but lack of hygiene is one of my relapse warning signs so I know I have to force myself to do it.

Hope my ramblings made some sense, that'll do for now. Peace to all.

[HowlingTrap]

I can relate with ErrorError about forcing yourself to have a shower etc, being busy with 2 very young dc i end up having to have a sinkwash all over , so I do make sure the basics are done, but I've had a horrendous few weeks with illness etc especially youngest one and forced myself to have a bath last night, even though I knew I'd fall asleep.

after 10pm, when you're that tired its easier to flop in bed.

Aw good batterylowglad to hear it.

Need to make an appointment now well a convenient one.

[ashamedoverthinker]

howlingtrap Ive just skimmed thread as I have to force myself to get ready for a midday appointment - Ive just done school run in PJ's (pass for casual wear) under my coat!

SO, get that appointment - are you on meds? you sound like you need a boost along to get started as you've been suffering since such a young age. Like I said up thread, you are still developing your identity at this stage. Anyway - there are a lot of self help stuff you can do, its slow and hard to get started but once you pick up momentum youfeel the benefits.

I have been crying a lot that last few days tearful because Ive seen a new house and trying to sort mortgage - I know its supposed to be stressful but I keepign thinking is this normal to get so emotional.

Right I'll catch up with others later

[takingnoprisoners]

Hi I need to join this thread, been struggling for a while and went to drs today and got prescribed citalopram. Not looking forward to going through the side effects, but have only been given 10 mg dose which from what I have read is very low, what kind of dosages are others taking?
Just want to start feeling a bit better.....

[wetwetwetfan]

hey there takingnoprisoners ..

Glad to hear you've been to the doctors and got some medication. That's the first step..

I am on 50mg sertraline but my dh was on 10mg citalopram a while ago when he was suffering with anxiety. Worked for him.

It is hard going for a little while with side effects but it does get better. I did find that in the first week I actually felt worse than when i started... this also is normal and although my instinct was to stop taking them i persevered. Side effects faded after a few weeks. I am on week 5 now and feel so much better and in control of my own mind.

Howling i hope you are feeling better and managed to get that appointment sorted... i know it is hard but try not to worry about other people opinions of what should be happening with your dc.. if you have concerns speak to the health visitor.

error I wonder if you should wait to get a job at least until you are feeling a bit better... it's still early days with your meds and you should make smaller achievable goals (like a shower) to build up your esteem a bit.

battery if the stats are true then a third of the people who already work there will have mental health issues. I had nothing but sympathy and support when i told work. They know better than to discriminate!

ashamed new house and mortage...yes i imagine it is very normal to get stressed and upset. But at the same time how exciting a new home. :)

OOhhh get me, giving out advice and stuff... a few weeks ago i couldn't even cope with getting out of bed. I am giving myself a smiley face sticker!

I went to work yesterday afternoon and this morning and have had a lovely time. Was a bit anxious on the way there but as soon as i got there i was fine. Although i am very good at doing the swan thing of appearing serene when i am pedaling like mad in my mind. Can't really afford to stay at home and not work at all so i am doing it for financial reasons but actually it does give me a boost to do something purposeful.

Hope you are all doing ok xx

[HowlingTrap]

no available for next week or so, gotta ring up tomorrow for cancellations

No, ashamed never had any treatment whatsoever, bloody awful really.

Thats over 10 years of depression, 6 severe bouts and nothing done , all this time and I feel like damaged goods now.

[ashamedoverthinker]

Ring today howlingtrap

[HowlingTrap]

How is all
having a bad night, a lot of bad things from a long time ago , resurfacing I feel like being sick but I don't :/ , I wanna/ need to sleep but can't, feel like a panic attack coming on.
How are you doing ashamed?

[HowlingTrap]

On my second cup of the morning, had massive panic attack last night

I'm exhausted had no sleep, kids not sleeping well still have the remnant feeling of sickness all the time and tight chest.

[ashamedoverthinker]

Hi howling I'm ok kept myself busy with all that house busiess. Now just been doing budgets as we gonna wait. Ive been out today for a coffee. Im trying to go out and save money.

I get your first post - its like a build up physically like you need to let it burts out but it doesnt and it is absolutely draining. Do you know what triggered it? If things comes back that upset you (this happens to me) I have to be still and breathe and I tell myself 'that was then this is now....and I repeat it over and over i my head. If its intrusice thoughts I tell myself but it is not ctually happening, again over and over. I find these things help me. Try reading to distract yourself or play an online game like candy crush!

Have you been to GP yet? you need something to help you with those symptons you may get prescribed beta blockers -Im not medically qualified mind just know someone who use to take these.

Ring the GP Howling

How are wetwet and battery*

Hello to error and taking this is a slow gentle thread so do pop back now and then how are you getting one with meds and getting ready each day. Small steps. Its ok to have a bad day too.

[ashamedoverthinker]

How are you today howling?

[ashamedoverthinker]

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