Worry Bucket Thread.

[HowlingTrap]

Its an Idea, it may work it might equally flop.
I have Depression, I had good days, ok days and bad, bad days, I have a diary which helps in a way but finding time is hard at times for some reason a computer seems easier etc, but it doesn't give feedback and sometimes I need it,
So I thought start this , see it if helps me or anyone else, anyone with any issue can type the mind rambles that aren't really coherent anywhere else, or just whinge or announce or talk about progress or lack thereof of it irl, I will be doing that a lot I feel I'm in the process of finally being treated adequately 8 years down the line , I;m waiting for blood tests to rule out thyroids etc which is necessary but urgh!
Did the NHS Depression test got 23/27.

Anyhoo, please let me know if people think this is a good Idea,

[wetwetwetfan]

Bad day yesterday... missed taking my tablet the other day. Felt ok at first but seem to have a delayed reaction. Really feeling low, withdrawn, wanting to remove myself from my own life. Caused an argument with dh the next day because although I was feeling better, he was still feeling shit about me withdrawing from him. Ended up having a massive crying session. Haven't cried for weeks so it felt quite rubbish to be feeling like I was falling apart again. Better today. Definitely need to make sure I take meds every day!

Hope you are all feeling ok. Xxx

[flyingbebe]

Sometimes you need to take a step back and that's fair enough.

I'm glad telling your Mum went well, it's always nice to get a good response, even if you were expecting one, it's still a little bit of a surprise (had a similar situation with my Mum though not to do with this).

Thanks again for this thread, Howling. I felt ten times better after I posted even though it's been a bit of a good-bad week.

[HowlingTrap]

Welcome flyingbebe. :)

Yeah i think putting off things like coursework is a very common part.

[HowlingTrap]

hi everyone hope you are all okay.

sorry I feel really ignorant not replying sooner, been off here about a week.
Been a rough/wierd couple of weeks,feeling a bit clearer.
It got a bit much on here with some of the cliques and I just needed break before I bit,if anyone gets what i mean.
I have an appointment next week,
And....I finally told my Mum, pheew Scary bit over, she didn't minimise or dismiss she was very much like, i know you've had this for years.

[flyingbebe]

Hello everyone. I saw this thread and felt quite relieved. I'm pretty sure that I've got either depression/anxiety but I haven't gone to my GP because that is actually admitting that something is wrong and having to explain this out loud and to someone's face gives me the same anxious feeling I get all the time. So, this thread is a Godsend.

Basically I feel anxious all the time. About people mostly. After I talk to someone, when I'm next alone, I will overthink absolutely everything. It's been family, friends, complete strangers in shops when I make polite small talk when I'm buying things, even people like yourselves on the internet.

This has always been a problem for me for years but it's gotten so much worse since April last year. I thought it was the stress of my university course (placement, dissertation, essay) but then when everything was handed in and finished at the end of July, I felt ten times worse. I didn't want to go to sleep a lot of the time because the next day would come and it would just be another day where I completely failed, so I would stay away until two/three and then sleep in late and wake up feeling like I had lost half the day so why bother doing anything. There were a few times where I found myself thinking about how I could kill myself without anyone knowing it was suicide (I didn't want to make my family worry about what they could have done). I thought about driving into a tree but I didn't want anyone else getting hurt and it probably wouldn't kill me anyway. I don't have those thoughts now.

In September it felt a bit better but over Christmas, it just got worse again. Not like in August, but still really not myself. It started to impact on my daily life. I don't want to go out to the shops, I don't want to walk the dog, I don't want to go to my part-time job and I just don't want to leave the house. I just look over my interactions with people and think that I shouldn't have bothered and I said that wrong or I shouldn't have said and so on. I'm still doing all the things I need to do but I really don't enjoy them anymore and it's such a relief to get back home and hide away again.

I even feel anxious posting this here on this thread, where it's pretty much guaranteed that I'll be believed, but it's the first time I have verbalised this in any way. I want to try and get my diet and sleeping patterns sorted (both are awful) and see if actually talking about it helps at all before I go to my GP. It's not as bad as it was before but I'm terrified it's going to get like that again.

[wetwetwetfan]

mmm? I'm not sure which bit i'm most resistant to. The actual talking and thinking about things is hard and i find myself soooo tired by it all but that tiredness and the emotional low/anxious feeling lasts for days. It makes me dread going back in because i don't want to feel like that.

Once i had decided that i was not going to go i just felt massive relief.

It may also be the counselor. He is very nice but he is a very young man and I guess i find talking to females easier. When i first spoke to a counselor it was at work and a slightly older lady. I could have told her anything and felt really comfortable with her.

My dh thinks perhaps i should have 'proper counselling' to deal with things from my childhood before i go to CBT.

The meds are working well though and i am more able to consciously make decisions about what i am thinking..if that makes any sense.

Hope you are doing ok... been a bit quiet on here.

[ashamedoverthinker]

That all sounds positive wetwetwet re getting out the house and your friend.

What's up with CBT it can take a while to 'click' you have to undo habitual patterns of thinking. It can be very emoationally demanding raking over everything and I used to feel drained afterwards.

Or are you not sure about your counsellor?

[wetwetwetfan]

hello everyone...

hope you are all doing ok. Still up and down at the moment but better than i was.

Saw a friend this evening who commented that i seem much more like my 'old self' than when she saw me before christmas. Been six weeks now on the meds and they are helping so much.

Exercise is also good, Zumba class on monday got me out and talking to new people.. swimming on Thursday evening. Really needed it after an argument with dh. Swam for the whole hour to clear my head.

Can't face going back to cbt though...think that i need to chat to doctor about some other kind of counseling.

[ashamedoverthinker]

bump

[ashamedoverthinker]

How are you today howling?

[ashamedoverthinker]

Hi howling I'm ok kept myself busy with all that house busiess. Now just been doing budgets as we gonna wait. Ive been out today for a coffee. Im trying to go out and save money.

I get your first post - its like a build up physically like you need to let it burts out but it doesnt and it is absolutely draining. Do you know what triggered it? If things comes back that upset you (this happens to me) I have to be still and breathe and I tell myself 'that was then this is now....and I repeat it over and over i my head. If its intrusice thoughts I tell myself but it is not ctually happening, again over and over. I find these things help me. Try reading to distract yourself or play an online game like candy crush!

Have you been to GP yet? you need something to help you with those symptons you may get prescribed beta blockers -Im not medically qualified mind just know someone who use to take these.

Ring the GP Howling

How are wetwet and battery*

Hello to error and taking this is a slow gentle thread so do pop back now and then how are you getting one with meds and getting ready each day. Small steps. Its ok to have a bad day too.

[HowlingTrap]

On my second cup of the morning, had massive panic attack last night

I'm exhausted had no sleep, kids not sleeping well still have the remnant feeling of sickness all the time and tight chest.

[HowlingTrap]

How is all
having a bad night, a lot of bad things from a long time ago , resurfacing I feel like being sick but I don't :/ , I wanna/ need to sleep but can't, feel like a panic attack coming on.
How are you doing ashamed?

[ashamedoverthinker]

Ring today howlingtrap

[HowlingTrap]

no available for next week or so, gotta ring up tomorrow for cancellations

No, ashamed never had any treatment whatsoever, bloody awful really.

Thats over 10 years of depression, 6 severe bouts and nothing done , all this time and I feel like damaged goods now.

[wetwetwetfan]

hey there takingnoprisoners ..

Glad to hear you've been to the doctors and got some medication. That's the first step..

I am on 50mg sertraline but my dh was on 10mg citalopram a while ago when he was suffering with anxiety. Worked for him.

It is hard going for a little while with side effects but it does get better. I did find that in the first week I actually felt worse than when i started... this also is normal and although my instinct was to stop taking them i persevered. Side effects faded after a few weeks. I am on week 5 now and feel so much better and in control of my own mind.

Howling i hope you are feeling better and managed to get that appointment sorted... i know it is hard but try not to worry about other people opinions of what should be happening with your dc.. if you have concerns speak to the health visitor.

error I wonder if you should wait to get a job at least until you are feeling a bit better... it's still early days with your meds and you should make smaller achievable goals (like a shower) to build up your esteem a bit.

battery if the stats are true then a third of the people who already work there will have mental health issues. I had nothing but sympathy and support when i told work. They know better than to discriminate!

ashamed new house and mortage...yes i imagine it is very normal to get stressed and upset. But at the same time how exciting a new home. :)

OOhhh get me, giving out advice and stuff... a few weeks ago i couldn't even cope with getting out of bed. I am giving myself a smiley face sticker!

I went to work yesterday afternoon and this morning and have had a lovely time. Was a bit anxious on the way there but as soon as i got there i was fine. Although i am very good at doing the swan thing of appearing serene when i am pedaling like mad in my mind. Can't really afford to stay at home and not work at all so i am doing it for financial reasons but actually it does give me a boost to do something purposeful.

Hope you are all doing ok xx

[takingnoprisoners]

Hi I need to join this thread, been struggling for a while and went to drs today and got prescribed citalopram. Not looking forward to going through the side effects, but have only been given 10 mg dose which from what I have read is very low, what kind of dosages are others taking?
Just want to start feeling a bit better.....

[ashamedoverthinker]

howlingtrap Ive just skimmed thread as I have to force myself to get ready for a midday appointment - Ive just done school run in PJ's (pass for casual wear) under my coat!

SO, get that appointment - are you on meds? you sound like you need a boost along to get started as you've been suffering since such a young age. Like I said up thread, you are still developing your identity at this stage. Anyway - there are a lot of self help stuff you can do, its slow and hard to get started but once you pick up momentum youfeel the benefits.

I have been crying a lot that last few days tearful because Ive seen a new house and trying to sort mortgage - I know its supposed to be stressful but I keepign thinking is this normal to get so emotional.

Right I'll catch up with others later

[HowlingTrap]

I can relate with ErrorError about forcing yourself to have a shower etc, being busy with 2 very young dc i end up having to have a sinkwash all over , so I do make sure the basics are done, but I've had a horrendous few weeks with illness etc especially youngest one and forced myself to have a bath last night, even though I knew I'd fall asleep.

after 10pm, when you're that tired its easier to flop in bed.

Aw good batterylowglad to hear it.

Need to make an appointment now well a convenient one.

[ErrorError]

Hello all,

I'm currently active on the 'village' thread but will lurk about here if that's okay. I have moderate depression as well as bouts of anxiety that accompany it. Been on fluoxetine for 25 days and at the end of the current prescription having a review. Also awaiting blood test results for thyroid/liver function. This is my first lot of antidepressants after years of denial and desperate to get my life back.

Current worries include:

Have finally admitted to work I have the 'D Word' and though a bit relieved I'm also very fearful about what they think of me and often feel like a crap employee.

Money worries. This is probably a general anxiety that a lot of people have, but for me it's exacerbated by the fact I still live with my parents at 28 and see no hope of getting out of this rut cycle until I am better. Luckily they are very supportive of me but it doesn't stop the anxiety.

Been single just over a year after long term relationship, he was an emotional blackmailer and manipulator and partly responsible for my current situation. I am comfortable being single and in no rush for a new relationship but feel incredibly daunted by having to start from scratch with my life, and things not turning out how I expected/planned.

Not ready to apply for any jobs yet but really to get out of my living arrangements I need a new one. It's a bit chicken and egg really, do I get better first then look for a job, or do I just start looking even though I'm not ready, in the hope that a new job will improve my mood. I fall at the first hurdle on that one and lose motivation before I even have a chance to look.

I hope to get a shower this week! Attainable goal if I have something to get up for. Showering not a worry itself, but lack of hygiene is one of my relapse warning signs so I know I have to force myself to do it.

Hope my ramblings made some sense, that'll do for now. Peace to all.

[batterylow]

Thanks, spoke to the gp and she said out mild anxiety and depression on the form and she is happy to verify I am am emotionally stable for work etc so fingers crossed.

How are you feeling?

[HowlingTrap]

I can understand you're worry batterylow, but a lot of people with depression don't work, look for work as much etc you are despite that should be seen as a plus.

[batterylow]

Sorry! But the health form came through yesterday and now I am panicking I will lose the job offer because of it. Everyone is saying I am being silly but I leant help worrying that they will see I am on anti depressents and retract the offer. Its one of those things where I don't even know if I am being rational!

Howlingtrap sorry you are not having a good time. It's so hard to actually make appointments etc isnt it because it makes you feel so groggy with depression. Could you get a phone appointment initially to explain it and then they will probably want to see you but you could explain the issue with having your eldest with you and see if there is a way around it?

[batterylow]

Wetwetwet I am tempted to come off facebook, it gets to me sometimes (issues around having a child with sn as well as the dh stuff, he isn't on it but SHE is so sometimes I am so tempted to look her up but I realised I could actually do that anyway even if not on their so its about my control, ugh) I really think excercise and keeping busy are thei way to go (if only I would take my own advice!!)

I had a real panic yesterday as I have a new job and been really excited but

[HowlingTrap]

ashamed good post, I often feel like that its not rage, deep sadness just you're entire life is 'meh'.

I have had a shit , shit couple of weeks

LO 13 months is full of cold and clingy, has been throughout xmas holidays.
i took away my lifeline convenient distraction for my eldest if I need a lot of chores out of the way. Because he is stilll not pooing on the toilet and everyone is piling on the pressure, I have tried everything , the anger , determination is drained out of me and I just feel so broken, theres nothing left, theres just emptiness.

I have been trying to get help for my depression long history,

first severe dip, 12 years old, dysfunctional family, things i wont divulge here.

13 , another

17, parents seperated

19, pregnant pre- natal an Pnd

21- another , moved out in with partner,

22- PND, PTSD traumatic birth.

I'm 24 now I have been trying to get medical after previous failed attempts since july, I can't have my eldest with me due to the nature of the issue. but trying to get a convienient appt or someone to take is a nightmare, I feel so helpless and powerless, it will never get better will it?
. I'm so forgetful now, it has gone untreated so long it is impairing my memory now, its so foggy.
this could have controlled, sorted much earlier

but nobody noticed or cared, or both.

So yeah, no light at the end of the tunnel.