if you feel those winter blues, move to our Village, spread the news!

[ThatVikRinA22]

new thread folks.....im losing track but i think this might be our 7th!

all welcome. old and new. This is a supportive place for anyone suffering with any type of mental health issue.

im on Sertraline (ADs) and have been since last December. I had 6 months off work with depression and anxiety and the ladies on these threads kept me going.

Feel free to post, to comment, to ask questions, or just to lurk and feel less alone.
everyone in the village is lovely.

Just wanted to post here, struggling but don't feel like it needs a whole thread, I just want to let my thoughts out somewhere safe.

I'm drowning in everything I need to do. I don't do it, so then it gets worse. I am such a stupid, rubbish person. I take things on and then let people down. I am useless at work and at home, I'm a bad partner, bad mum and bad friend. I feel like I never have time to do anything for myself, I am always trying to catch up on the stuff I still haven't done, but other people are far busier than me and they cope just fine. I have struggled with anxiety and OCD but they haven't been so bad lately, except for this voice that just always tells me how useless and hated I am. I totally despise myself, I wish I could just be someone else. Absolutely everything that happens just seems to be evidence of how bad I am. I know that this is probably irrational but I just can't talk myself out of it.

Sorry, rant over :(

I am queen of the levels.

I was also queen of a 5 day level 1 existence.

Pioneers - wow, you are hard on yourself! you sound like i do sometimes when i am struggling. It IS irrational, but if you aren't well, then you can't hope to talk yourself out of it. ARe you getting any help/support at all? It sounds like you are under a lot of stress - is that work related? is there any way you could lessen this? I think you need to go to your GP, maybe they could sign you off for a few weeks - that may be all you need to help you back onto an even keel. What about medication are you on any meds?

Hello everyone, lots of new faces, sorry i don't say hi just now - tired.

LEM - I'm not really getting much support at the moment but that is my fault because I'm not really being honest about how I feel. The stress isn't work related - to be honest work is where I feel least stressed at the moment. I am studying though and have other commitments that I am supposed to be doing when I'm not being so useless. I am not on any meds but I have got some fluoxetine left over from before. I am considering taking some but then I know I will have to go and see my GP and I don't want to talk to him really.

Sorry you are feeling tired :(

Pioneers I really sympathise as I really struggle to get practical stuff (or any stuff really) done. I'm not as hard on myself as you though saying you're a bad mum or a bad friend - I only occasionally realise that it might be easier to be someone else, and then only in the company of the mega efficient super women types - and only the ones I really like too

I was interested to see you end your post with "but I can't talk myself out of it" because I'm interested in cognitive therapy and writers like Dorothy Rowe challenging us to consider do we believe something (like what you wrote about yourself) 100% or could there be even 10% of you that thinks I'm an awesome woman, I'm a much loved Mum, I like being me ? Maybe talk to yourself about those ideas more and see if you can convince yourself ?!

Hope you get the idea, and that it might be a small help to you or others.

Oh, and the levels were interesting - like how they're based on attire
I've spent most of the year vaguely on 2 and am shocked how much faffing is involved in getting myself presentable to meet the world - for example yesterday when I went to a short committee meeting in London and even considered finding matching socks
I often have to squeeze a bath in before picking up the DC from school - though usually they come home on their own since September.

hi all

myboils - i think omeprazole hinders iron absorbtion - thats as much as i know! i am awaiting surgery to fix my reflux problem - its got quite out of hand. im having the nissen fundoplication soon.
try googling...?. (not too much though!!)

the levels were eds invention! level 1 is pjs....level 2 is scruffs, dressed but not well enough to venture out.....level 3 is properly dressed....we had bonus points for hair and make up....

i am mostly level 3 these days which is great - always level 1 following a night shift.
the puppy is giving me a new lease of life and forcing me out of bed in the mornings....he needs feeding and letting out.

i picked up the new specs today - i feel very trendy! and the varifocals are fab - i went to where i used to work. the varis are wonderful - i cant tell im wearing them.

i am currently supporting a friend who is ill - makes me realise how far ive come. Also definitely holding my own at work now.

love to all on here - old and new.
x

....and ive had a lovely email from our DV unit in praise of my last job. i got a man who was a danger to women put away.
it was complex and time consuming, but i got a great result. its nice to have that acknowledged particularly when ive had such a hard time fitting into the job.

Hi everyone and esp new people pioneers I think your post will have resonated with a lot od people here - it certainly did here.

I'm really struggling now. Just got in.

My sis and I go to my local occasionally and join in the pub quiz for fin (we are useless). I enjoy those eves so thought I'd see if some school mums wanted to do it.

Anyhow its not been easy to organise, someone dropped out, I had to find a new person. Timings tricky etc etc. Anyhow, just in from it. It felt contrived, conversation was stilted by the qns in a way it wasn't with me and my sis. Felt like they were all humouring me. One didn't even bother saying goodbye

I had thought it would be a good challenge to set myself as I never instigate social stuff, but I wish I hadn't. Dh has given up on me and gone to bed. One friend was talking about how great it was that his presentation today had gone so well, and it made me feel worse that I'm struggling so much with him at the moment. Just want to walk out the front door and keep walking.

Hi kim yep I'm familiar with those boxes too. Which mindfulness book do you have?

Oh yes I know the one I fell off the wagon at ch 6 but it was good.

I really should go to bed but I can't seem to get off the sofa. Part of me thinks just sleep here, another part says but you won't sleep well...

Therapy that involves eating chocolate? Sounds great

Sorry to hear some of you are struggling. Can identify with so much that has been written.

Because of work - customer facing - I have to be a level 3, but at home am mostly a 2, would like to be level 1 tho

I can't tell anyone how I feel. I Have always worried SS would be involved and my children would be taken away from me. I love my children so much, but the lethargy and depression mean I don't spend as much time doing stuff, properly doing stuff with them as I should - well, with youngest dd, the other two are adults now and have moved out. I try to hug and kiss them all as often as possible, so hopefully they will always know I love them.

Ed those levels are really clever. Such a simple way of gauging how you are doing. I kept wondering why I was living in PJs at the moment, just at around the same time I noticed I really had to up my dose.

Bit hacked off though, as when I am depressed I lose weight, I started a diet recently and was finding it unbelievably easy. Upped my dose and the carb cravings are like monster heads and tentacles - all reaching for the nearest starchy thing to stuff into my mouth.

One day there'll be an SSRI that doesn't make you put on two stone...

...and sleep for England

pioneer and Solid - it's so common to be overly hard on ourselves when we're ill. It's actually OK to have a day or two in PJs as you would with any other illness.

Solid, I think letting DC sit in front of TV and feeding them easy stuff like tinned spaghetti is absolutely fine when you are ill. That and your cuddles will make their lives better than 99% of the children in the world. Don't forget they get a lot of stimulus at school or nursery. It's OK to veg out when you are ill. Far better than setting up an impossible tasks programme to prove to yourself you're a good mum, then getting all shouty and upset when it's too stressful to manage.

Colouring you did the quiz. That was an achievement. Interaction can feel very stilted and unpleasant when we're ill, especially if there's any paranoia in the mix, but maybe they weren't as judgemental as you think. The main thing is - you did it. And that's a good thing.

Thanks giraffe I really appreciate that. Had a lousy nights sleep full of bad dreams so am planning a lazy chunk of the day. Do need to do the supermarket run tho.

Well I'm now top level dressed and about to put mascara on! Even ironed my clothes for the first time this year. Off to meet a friend/colleague who is in a really bad way - her life has collapsed in pretty much every area and she is the loveliest person. So I want to look like the strong, together supportive one, not the one who needs a spell in a sanctuary to recover from ordinary every day life

Children's TV is underrated too I think. CeeBeebies especially is full of quality programmes and engaging presenters. CBBC pretty good too with Horrible Histories and Blue Peter etc. I think as a backdrop to family life, especially if you can engage with it a little as well alongside the DC (ideally !) - with a on the sofa and the odd cuddle! - and maybe they go to nursery/ pre-school as well - as giraffe says I think that child can be getting everything they need.
BTW Anyone see the interesting programme last night about population by the Swedish professor - very thought provoking about how the rest of the world live - for example a lovely couple in Africa (with many children) who had been saving up for 2 years for a bicycle. Was great to see the father buy it at market after selling their crop of sesame seeds, and take it home to show wife and children. So inspiring!
Sorry for tangent just that giraffe mentioned children's lives throughout the world. Our DC don't have it too bad!

Yes I saw that programme - excellent I thought.

Pioneers I was like you - and still am. I believe I have ADD tendencies. I also think that it was the 'not getting started' that made me feel depressed - it's so frustrating. Flylady (adapted somewhat, as I hate routines!) helped quite a bit.

Occasionally I'd be able to keep it all together - for about 3 days. Then I would burn out. Now I'm retired and living on my own, things are better, but I still struggle and cope in rather a stop-start way.

Hey, I'm trying Spotify and loving it - am teaching it my 60's preferences and trying to clear up kitchen in between

Still at Level 1 though - and missed recycle day, although did think of putting bin out while still in dressing gown and nighty.

im at level 1 too but i might attempt to progress to level 2 later and walk the older dog....she s none to happy about the new addition.

i was meant to be seeing a friend ive not seen for 12 years for lunch today but she is ill.

im going to do a bit of housework i think, dh can play with the pup when he gets home - pup is soaked - he was playing with the hose pipe and i thought if i turned it on he would leave it......not a chance! GSD LOVE water! he thought it a fabulous game!

right id better move before i stagnate....

i also lived at "level 1" for weeks when first diagnosed. i found it quite healing and i naturally progressed to getting dressed etc as i started to feel better - but still need a level 1 day now and then.