health anxiety

[hopeliss]

has anybody ever found a cure for health anxiety. it has plagued my life for 7 years and don't see an end to it. awful day today.
ps never been on mumsnet before. sorry if this is the wrong place to raise this.

I'm currently freaking about ( might as well just get it out in the open) my little one having liver disease (after his preschool teacher mentioned his complexion was "yellow" compared to the other children; now I can't stop checking him for "yellowness". I wish she'd kept her mouth shut. His scleras are white as snow, so I'm sure it's just from eating too many carrots).
I'm also worried about having oral cancer, after noticing an assymetry on my tongue. I have an appointment with the ENT specialist on Thursday, but I'm basically planning my funeral already.
Before this, I thought I had a liposarcoma (there was a lump in my thigh) and that my baby had Kawasaki disease ( he had fever for four days, then a viral rash). And this is just last month!
Before that, I thought he had a hernia (I saw a lump near his groin that came and went), but the specialist said no. I thought I had uterine cancer (abnormal bleeding; turned out to be a benign uterine polyp, since removed).
That was in December.
If I listed all the diseases I have thought we had, it would take all night!
What I'm saying is, I always think we have some serious illness, and I can never be happy because of it. Even when the doctor says we're fine, it doesn't ease my mind, because I simply convince myself that the doctor doesn't know what he's talking about. The internet is full of stories of misdiagnoses.
So that's where I am at right now.
And yes, I have believed in the past that I had breast, cervical, lung, brain, bowel, and many other cancers, and actually believed I was exhibiting symptoms of these.
I am such a messed up person, and it is making me so sad.
My baby sees me crying and says, "Mama, bump head?"
He can't think of any other reason I'd be crying, and his innocence makes me cry even more. I want so much to let go of this terrible fear and anxiety, and just be happy with him. He is healthy and wonderful!

Basia so sorry to hear you are iaffected by this too , it probably is the carrots as my friend ate too many satsumas and she turned orange. I'm currently waiting for my dreaded period to turn up , I think it's late now I'm freaking out , been up all night worrying , I've got copper coil but read so much online where it's failed ppl now I'm convinced its failed us grrrrr. Good luck for you ttc hope it goes well

Aw listen to us. I alway try to tell myself that its going to something else next month. At the moment I keep incase I have a enlarged spleen!! Why do we fo this to ourselves

Lol Megan I have no idea :-/ I've got AF now so I told myself phew now what else was I worried about ? Oh yea that pain I had in my left but cheek I best google it , ffs it's beyond a joke now ! I'm keeping focused today

Glad I found this thread..now I know whats wrong with me..

All my life I've been healthy and never ever even thought about health issues , knowing I'm ok fit and healthy..

I get to 48 yrs old and I seem to be constantly worrying and checking.
It stems from a general women's health check I had where my bp and cholesterol showed a little high ...so panic set in and there it stayed

I took my own bp at docs the other day and because I was panicking it was high and got an immediate appointment to see the nurse....who was lovely ,calmed me down took my bp again and it was normal....
Hate being like this and I want to control it and be how I was.
I find work ..being busy , and long walks help a lot

Milkmachinemadness I ones thought I had cancer in my butt cheek cos I always got a pain there... It's ridiculous when I think back to all these things I thought I had.

Olivegirl next time u go to get your Bp taken sit down for 5 mins before and take slow deep breaths. I can bet you your bp will be normal. Today I'm a lot calmer but give it an hour when I'm sat alone and bord my mind will then start to wander and google

Oh ladies it's terrible :-/ I think mines increasing as I approach 30 , it seems to make me think cause I'm getting older I'm more likely to get cancer and die , or if I survive it I will still worry it will come back :( cancer rates are pretty low in my family too

I have GAD with health anxiety being a part of it. I am always back and forth going to my doctors at least once monthly. I just want to be 'normal' I guess.

Fluffy it's horrible . But looking back I've always been a worrier , even as a kid at school I remember being up all night worrying because something was coming up and I didn't want to do it like PE I hated that and I think a lack of confidence , I was not a confident kid at all. I'm wondering if any of you looking back were worriers as children ?

See I worry but wont go to docs. Im a watch a waot person wich makes the whole worrying worse! I havnt been to docs abput my swollen node I just watch and wait

I flick from both I wait for a while and sometimes forget about it then when I feel/check another time I just freak and think maybe I should go to A&E

MilkMM, yes. Even as a child, I worried.
I have two severely disabled sisters- epilepsy and cerebral palsy- and maybe that was the start of it.
I distinctly remember being about eight and being convinced I had cancer and was going to die, because I found a small lump in my wrist.
I had never known anyone who had cancer, but I read a lot, so I knew what it was.
Another time, when I was about ten, I kept picking at a mole on my arm until it bled, and then I actually became so convinced it was cancer that I managed to convince my father, who took me to the doctor (it wasn't, of course).
But that just illustrates how great my conviction is. I believe I am ill so strongly that I am able to convince other people, which of course scares me even more.

As I mentioned, I am currently convinced I have oral cancer, because I have a rough, bumpy patch on the side of my tongue. I have an appointment to see the ENT specialist this Thursday.
I am scared to death. I seriously cannot function right now. I am 41, and smoked for years, so this time it seems like a real possibility.
If I keep worrying about everything all the time, then someday I am bound to be right, after all.

I am half afraid the doctor will say it is nothing (because I won't believe him, and I need this torment to END), and half convinced he'll recommend a biopsy, because I'll probably drop dead of fear while awaiting the results.
I am so, so, so scared right now.
I feel as though I'm walking through the valley of the shadow of death. And the terrain is quite familiar, because I've been here many times before.
Each time, I swear it is the last time I will wind myself up like this... but there's always a next time.
I am not afraid to die. In fact, I half wish I would. I am afraid of pain, mutilation, indignity. In short, illness.

It doesn't help that the internet is full of stories about people who kept being brushed off by their doctors and told it was nothing, and then it actually turned out to be cancer (late stage, of course, because they wasted so much time trying to get the right diagnosis).
It makes me not trust doctors at all.
But I do not know who else to turn to for reassurance. Sometimes it makes me want to exaggerate my symptoms, though, just so they'll be sure and take me seriously.
But then, that's really sick, isn't it? Munchausen's Syndrome, it's called.
Munchausen's by proxy is when you invent or exaggerate your children's symptoms. At least I have never been guilty of THAT.
Of course, with Munchausen's, I've heard they do it for attention. When I've been tempted to exaggerate, say, the length of time a particular illness or symptom has gone on, it's simply because I am SO CONVINCED that I am seriously I'll, and I want the doctor to take it seriously and leave no stone unturned.

I'm sorry Basia you are going through this right now. I too was convinced I had BC twice had ultrasounds and they said urs all breastfeeding related but to go back when we have weaned ...... Well I don't want to wean now cause I'm terrified they will find something ! I can't watch cancer adverts , I feel the tv rams them down our throats 24/7 I know cancer exists but does it need to b on tv , magazines , posters everywhere like there is no escape. I also am
Not afraid of dying , I'm afraid of leaving my children but I always think if I am dead I don't have to go through the pure terror if worry everyday , it is terrifying , I know exactly how you feel. I nearly broke down up at the school once collecting the kids , I had to call DP to come and help me get home . It's debilitating , I also think it's turning into OCD as its constant checking , once I'm fixated I have to keep checking trying to convince myself it's nothing but then
I tell myself but it is it is something and it's going to bad this time :(

I'm glad I've found this thread because it makes me feel just a little less alone. I suffer from general anxiety with health anxiety playing a big part in it. For the last month I have been to the doctors at least once a week. The first week I was there four times. I am utterly convinced myself or my kids are about to die. The anxiety has reached a level where it has caused physical symptoms which in turn makes my anxiety worse. It's a vicious circle. I've bad blood tests, an ECG and countless examinations for lumps, bumps, aches, pains and a fast heart rate. The GP prescribed me diazepam to get me through "my crisis" which didn't work. I'm now on antidepressants and have been referred for counselling, but due to budget restrictions I can't been seen until April.

My anxiety reached a new level yesterday when my youngest son feel from his brother's top bunk and walloped his head on the floor. I took him to a&e and he was given the all clear, but I'm watching him like a hawk because I'm terrified they missed something and he has damaged his brain. I then found a bump/ridge on my forehead. I saw the nurse practitioner this morning and apparently it's very normal and nothing to worry about. I'm not reassured and still worried.

Anxiety makes me feel alone and worst of all I feel like a burden to my family and friends. I have tried to think of where it all stems from and I have no idea. I've always been a worrier and a thinker, but not to this level. It's the scariest prison to be trapped in a mind that doesn't let you rest. I hope the meds will start working soon and I can get some peace.

Betty, as for the head bump- I've been there too.
My youngest fell and bumped his head awhile back, and I took him to A&E.
They said to simply observe him for 72 hours for signs of a concussion. Now THAT is terrifying. Awful three days. On the third day, he vomited, and I rushed him back, only to be told he just had a stomach bug, not a concussion.
When I'm afraid my chi!dren are sick, I always bargain with god, ask him to make me sick instead of my children. But then when I'm afraid I'm sick, I'm terrified too. I'm such a wimp.
I swear, I'd this tongue thing turns out to be nothing, I'm going to do something about this anxiety. Maybe I will have to get on meds.

And Betty, just to slightly reassure you, hopefully (because I researched all this a lot when my son bumped his head) even if he had a concussion, brain damage is extremely unlikely. Many kids get them, and nearly all recover fully... and without any treatment.
The real danger of head bumps is when a person gets multiple concussions, getting one before another is fully healed. This is why boxers and professional athletes sometimes end up with brain damage.
The odds are truly one in a million that your child would suffer permanent damage from a single head bump.
I know reassurance doesn't help too much, but that is what I learned when I was in your same situation, so I wanted to share it with you.

As far as the obsessive "checking" of whatever body part I currently believe is diseased, I go back and forth between checking obsessively (like every five minutes) to convince myself I'm okay or to make sure the problem isn't getting worse... and being afraid to look at my body at all, whatsoever. I do not, for instance, look at or touch my breasts. I also never look at the paper after I wipe (even if I only peed) for fear of seeing blood when there should not be any. There are many body parts that are now off-limits for me to look at, because they scare me too much, or have in the past.
This is no damn way to live. I'm envious of everyone else in the world- even fat ugly people, homeless people, everyone- because I imagine they are healthy and cancer-free (which I am too, but I don't feel like it) and also not afraid of the bodies they inhabit.

Thank you, Basia. That does help and makes a lot of sense. It's so scary when you're not in control and it's something that's happening to your child

It all got abut too much for me this afternoon. I watched a piece on TV about a young woman with pancreatic cancer. I was absolutely terrified. I was in tears and decided to ring the Samaritans. I just needed someone to speak to that didn't know me. It's made me feel a little better and I had a good cry too which helped too.

Basia u sound so much like me. I never check tpilet paper and never look down the toilet! I do self check every day or even 10 times a day!!! But god knows y cos id never go fo docs

Basia I am heading that way I think . I very stupidly prodded at my boob again and before I know it I've found 2 lumps in one and one in the other ffs y do I do it , no doubts poor boobs will get cancer from all the poking and squishing I do. I once made one completely black with bruising it really looked terrible , I then had a full blown panic attack whilst I was on holiday over it convinced it was cancer which had made it this colour even tho it was me from prodding and squishing constantly ! I wonder if squishing and poking all the time will cause cancer ? I hate that word hate it ! It's taken over my life I just want it to eff off and leaves alone just go away stop following me stop taking me over I want to be able to be happy and not have these thoughts of dread rushing into my mind . I know I will be up all night checking its ridiculous . But if I've had them ultrasound scanned twice eve tho I was breastfeeding so they would have been full of milk they would have seen something wouldn't they? And if they didnt it wouldn't have developed this quick would it? And how come my GP thought it was cysts but they didnt mention cysts at the scan ? Y is this even bothering me now , this was back in August last year :(

Oh and hello Betty , I sometimes panic if any of my children have bruises thinking it's lukemia :(

hi everyone - sorry I don't post regularly but sometimes the only way I cope at all is by Not Thinking About It (or anything).

I've had an okayish month - coped with my mum being ill, ds2 going to the paed (had a wobble when she said the thing I was most worried about wasn't actually that rare but she doesn't think he has it), dh having weird symptoms (I was scared it was MS turned out to be something silly). I even had a let up in IBS symptoms. Then I found a weird thing my my armpit - been twice to the GP in two days, they think it is an infection but have referred me to the breast clinic. I now have to survive 2-3 weeks for an appointment. I'm running to the loo with IBS diarrhoea every 20 minutes & have that cold wash of adrenaline flooding through my body. So many intrusive thoughts all the time.

Arse.

one positive thing I've done is night wean ds2 though - dh is doing nights now & I am getting much more sleep. Tiredness is a massive trigger for me - I'm also getting fewer headaches & less weird tingly face/scalp symptoms. I've started taking vitamin D & B12 (I'm vegetarian) supplements religiously too which might help with general low mood & aches & pains.