What do I do now?

[Messupmum]

I rely on mn too much, but I've no one else I can be honest with. I've felt very bad this week, the worse I have felt for a while. Kind of knew tonight was going to be risky, on my own, been with people from school who I get paranoid around. I feel judged, I knew I would but took the risk and went out. It was a school night out, and I made things worse by just walking out!

I suddenly got overwhelmed, couldn't stand it and left. Texted friends with lame excuses. But now I'm on my own not feeling safe and never wanting to see them again.

I feel this whole week has been a blur, my life seems unreal. I want to tie something over the banisters. This isn't an impulsive thought, I've been researching knots this week. I know I should tell someone in RL, or go to bed, or think of others etc, etc. but no one knows how long I've been fighting to stay alive. How long are people meant to fight it? It's no fun for me or anyone around me.

When are crisis team due to phone or visit today? Remember people do know, you told e medical people who told the crisis team. You can hone them if you need them before their visit/call as you are now under them u til they discharge you back to your Cpn and usual mental health team.

Im disgusted with the present CRISIS system. There failing so many vulnerable people! Many will be statistics of the increasing suicide rate 1 million people die as a result of suicide thats 1 person Does every 4 seconds! Per year. Its the highest cause of death. Please dont add to this statistic, u must fight.
How r u now? Have CT been to visit you?
X

not a good time for stastics and politics Silver?

How has today been M? Thinking of you. Have just watched some relaxing and distracting sat night tv and wondered if something like that just helps pass time safely?

I'm still here too, MuM and hope you are feeling calmer and supported in real life as well as here xx

I'm seeing crisis at 3 today. I slept all night, I suppose I really needed to catch up. Feel strange this morning, really detached.

Silver has a point though. The paramedics were from another county and they were disgusted at the crisis team in this area. They couldn't believe I had to go through all that just to speak to someone. Wish I could tell them how long I waited for. When we got to the hospital the nurse said 'we'll look after her, she can have a side room, I'll make her a cup of tea'. Didn't happen. Even at the quiet times I was walked past while I was sat crying in an empty waiting room.

I've always had lovely paramedics, even though I refused an ambulance at first, they did their best. A couple of nurses are ok, but its the response from some that have no understanding that really hurts, and makes you feel utterly worthless.

I think they fail by not informing you what's going on, or reassuring you when you feel terrified. Then they keep you there getting more exhausted and upset, then send you home. I know I can ring them but its not something I find easy.

So once again I'm trying to be 'normal' for dd. I've got a headache and feel like I'm going to crumbe, but I have little choice. If someone said to me, stay sonewhere for a few days to keep safe and not have to worry about anything other than sleeping and eating, I would. But that's not going to happen. Life's not fair, but its my fault and my problem.

Sorry for the mistakes, guess I'm still tired and not thinking straight.

Glad you caught up on some needed sleep.

It was horrible the way you were treated but that is because hospitals have several processes they go through before they can get hold of the on call mental health workers. The staff have to wait for the mental health services to get involved, to assess you so you end up stuck there. They cannot just phone crisis team and say take this person on unlike a gp or cpn. Sadly especially at weekends nurses do not have the time to sit with patients. A few months ago I took a relative to a and e with excruciating pain, got triaged and given a chair to sit on for 90 minutes. Then nurse saw. Then a junior dr. Then a wait for a senior dr to confirm diagnosis and wait for blood tests. By 1 am I had to leave as my child was so distressed. They eventually were admitted to a ward and several days later had necessary surgery once space in theatre and bed in Available. It is just the way it is.

Seriously, if you or anyone ever so distressed again that needs help out of gp/CMHT hours best thing is to get an appointment with an out of hours dr, either at a walk on clinic or on a booked appointment. They can then phone crisis team with you in the room, or straight after they assessed you and then crisis team will visit you at home and that is it. Yes one needs to be able to drive or get a taxi but it is much quicker, calmer and a good way to get medical attention without paramedics, nurses and dr's all slowing down the process as each have different things to do before they can get a psychiatrist or duty worker to assess you at a hospital. Obviously if something needing physical attention then minor injuries or a and e is the best place to go if a gp or nurse at an out of hours cannot deal with it.

Hope crisis tea, helpful today, just knowing someone is coming to see you so a goal of time to get through.

Can i just second the fantastic post made by Hoophopes there, OOH is deifnately the way to go - but definately OOH doctor. Having had to bang heads together yesterday for my mum who was in AGONY in A&E all day untiil i got there and demanded pain relief - she had a broken back FFS, what did she get - paracetemol. She was discharged, i said, if you dont give her something for the pain im walking out now and you can deal with her. Amaing how quickly some pain relief appeared - its not the nurses fault, or the doctors, but the system where a nurse comes examines, then a student doctor, then an actual doctor, who then refers to relevent specialism, x rays, then junior doctor who has to trot back to the registrar etc etc - Its not good enough :(

MuM please do not take my post the wrong way. It is just I had a spell when I ended up at a and e for hours at a time, exactly as you describe. Eventually I had a senior psychiatrist from the crisis team get very frustrated at me, saying I was not asking for help early enough and to use my Cpn on a Friday who could then assess me, or the duty Cpn, if I needed more support rather than use so many staff at a weekend to ultimately get under the crisis team which is always the end result!! I was a bit of a serial offender for a while and I guess it took me ages to realise that a gp, a Cpn or out of hours dr can refer straight to other services of they felt I needed it and I did not need to go through the very lengthy route I had been doing. Ultimately I had to take responsibility for getting help at an earlier stage they told me, such as using my medication ( prn stuff prescribed just enough for a weekend), using services in office hours or out of hours gp.

Actually when I eventually did use my prn medication, out of hours gp etc as my care plan told me to then it did calm things down for me and helped. So Inam just sharing my story.

Why not tell your Cpn what happened this weekend and work with her a way that suits you and your children and family to access help at an earlier stage or how to access it in a less stressful way for you. As an ambulance, a and e at a weekend will pretty much usually be like how you describe. Because even if you go straight through to a bed because an ambulance brought you in, you are still triaged for when treated so instead of waiting 3 hours in a chair in awaiting it is 3 hours in a bed in treatment area but with no staff assigned unless a high priority. That was how it was explained to me by the crisis' psychiatrist who told me there were less stressful ways to ask for help. He also told me that only the crisis team can assess for a psychiatrist bed and not the normal hospital staff. Yes the on duty approved mental health social worker can come and visit you and assess for a psychiatric bed but not the a and e staff. I know I have had to wait hours for an approved MHSW to assess me and send me home because if I was well enough to get myself to hospital I was not as bad as others they were dealing with!!!

I'm not offended, you make sense and I have no idea why I didn't go to the out of hours as its much closer. I was scared and panicky. It's in my care plan to call out of hours, and I did it to be put through to crisis team and see them or speak to them over the phone. But I guess I was unsafe so they wouldn't leave me alone and it all happened and i had no choice. I asked to go to out of hours but they have to take you to a&e.

I think I got confused as I went to out of hours after od'ing once, and got told to go to a&e. And actually last time I phoned out of ours with similar thoughts the paramedic took me to walk in centre and I was seen by a psych there?! So you can't blame me for being confused, especially when in that state.

Got a headache, can't face crisis team but grateful for the support as I admit I can't do this alone.

Also I had a bad experience when I badly broke my arm this year so I think a&e is just a nightmare anyway, unless you're young or elderly, who I find are treated differently, not that I begrudge that.

I feel a bit in shock about it all and cry when I think about Friday.

MuM - it's so good to know that you are getting some help now, even if it took an enormous amount of your energy to get it. You've had some good advice here which will hopefully be useful if you need it another time. Admitting you can't do this alone is a huge step forward, and I'm sure things will start to change for the better now that you have reached out. Keep posting if you feel like it, and let the MH professionals help you. I'll be thinking of you xx

Good luck for later.

I can see your confusion. It depends on what you tell the assessor on the phone. If someone has taken an od then they need to go straight to a and e as the assessor has no idea how much someone has take and they will need blood tests etc to check for damage. Which cannot be done at out of hours. Equally if someone needs attention for wounds.

If you phone out of hours to get through to crisis team it is tricky. Tell them too much they will send everyone to a and e, or phone police as they are the only options left of the person says they are not safe on their own. If phone and say have mental health issues and need to talk to an out of ours dr to assess for crisis team support ( and say you want an appointment in person) then they should give you an appointment. It is all about risk. If one person tells them they are so much at risk then they will send somewhere to a place of safety which is either a hospital ( where they will assess risk and put crisis team in place often) or a police station which they try not to use, but will send police it if person not go to hospital sometimes.

I now have it to down to a fine art. My dp phones out of hours as my care plan says if think I need crisis team. Then they want to talk to me, but we say no, I a, too distressed and need a dr. Get an appointment. Go to out of hours, they contact crisis. I go home with diazepam etc and crisis visit me. All over in few hours. And this is what the crisis team and dh's want as basically I was taking up too much hospital time when hospital could do nothing for me- no medical attention needed and They just do what out of hours do. I used to get more distressed by being ignored at hospital as well. But in reality a and e staff do not have time to sit with upset people. They barely have time to deal with people needing surgical or medical assessment as I have discovered.

Why not ask your Cpn for help in getting out of hours appointment - what to say, what to ask for etc and to know when that is appropriate and when a and e is appropriate?

I find the walk in centre even better. Find out your nearest and opening times. Ours is 8pm. No need to tell anyone on phone why need appointment. Just turn up and sit and wait for appointment with an out of hours person!!

Has crisis team been and helped?

You sound a lot like me *Hoop'. Thank you for sharing your experiences, it's help to know someone understands me.

I hate the thought I was taking up hospital staffs time, and in the ambulance I was thinking how much I was costing the nhs and I felt guilty. I wanted to leave but was threatened with police, more than once. It scared me. I don't think I expected someone to sit with me, just any kind of acknowledgment would have helped a bit. Two other patients asked if I was ok though, and one gave me a tissue. That was all I needed. I wasn't shouting for attention.

Saw a nice lady from the crisis team, it just helped to talk, and am seeing them again tomorrow. She had some suggestions of what to discuss with my cpn.

Keep crying out of the blue, feel so on edge. Even worried that I haven't put dd to bed in the correct way?! Nothing makes sense, nothing is easy. I think I've tidied up, then turn around and it's actually a right mess. I don't know where today has gone, I certainly don't feel like I was part of it.

Keep using th crisis team. Glad they suggesting practical things. When I a, under the crisis team, or was ( very proud that only been under 2 times in last 18 months!!) I found the practical things most helpful. As remembering to drink and eat literally was too much at times. That is why they say have a cup of tea, as many people need to be told!

Seriously a and e is not the place to be when mentally so unwell. As what we want is support, care and nurture. And what we get is an over stretched NHS a and e dept. no fault of a and e. Just the way it is, too many demands on too small a service. As they do not need to treat, as in blood pressure checks, scans, blood tests etc all a and e tend to do is keep people there until the right person made the decision about the patient. They too busy treating people who need medical treatment ( that is broken legs, car crashes, etc etc). Not ideal but how it is.

That is why my CMHT told me to phone the duty worker on a Friday if I was really bad as they can refer to crisis team without a night on a chair at a and e!!

And for the record as you were classed ( and were) as so ill you needed an ambulance they would use the police to put you under a police section and keep you in a place of safety until an approved Mental health assessment happened as they nurses would not have the time or skills to chase you etc and it is all about their risk assessment!!! Believe me I have had police find me, take me etc. So it is really worth talking with Cpn, getting access to a one day supply of prn medication to help for a night. As in the day much easier to go to a walk in centre and request crisis team in a calm manner.

Oh and MuM you need to be honest with crisis team you stopped your medication. That may have led to this crisis so you need to sort that out. I say that to you as I needed someone to be blunt with me once.

Having a police section, a trip too many times to a and e and social care involvement taught me a lot!!!! Right. Now will need to name change as outed myself!!!

I just had a call from social services. I knew it. I shouldn't have believed all the people over the weekend that have said their are no safeguarding issues. I just wanted support that night. I did wrong and now this is happening.

I feel dizzy and panicky, in a state of shock and petrified. I don't know what to do. This isn't good at all.

Try not to worry, you wanted help and now you will get it. they are on your side . you all want dd safe and can work together to make sure it happens.Don't panic, breathe, you don't have to do anything just wait and see what they' re offering youxx

It is standard practices in most a and e departments ( but not out of hours gp's) to consider contacting social care teams. However this is a great chance for you to get more support. There is funding in the social care budget, so they can link you up with whatever you need to help you. You know you are struggling and need help. Well social care is just part of how the NHS provides help and support. Just as getting free counselling and therapy and prescribed meds and crisis support is. They just come from different teams.

My recommendation is you are honest with them. They will have access to records from the paramedic right through to a and e staff so no point denying how much you were struggling. Why not turn it around and ask them how they can support you!!!

Oh and social care are not just there for safe guarding issues. Children with complex needs, young teen mums etc all can be supported by social care. As can the elderly. Or mums with mental health issues.