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Mental health

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Original poster

What do I do now?

70 replies

Messupmum · 27/09/2013 22:14

I rely on mn too much, but I've no one else I can be honest with. I've felt very bad this week, the worse I have felt for a while. Kind of knew tonight was going to be risky, on my own, been with people from school who I get paranoid around. I feel judged, I knew I would but took the risk and went out. It was a school night out, and I made things worse by just walking out!

I suddenly got overwhelmed, couldn't stand it and left. Texted friends with lame excuses. But now I'm on my own not feeling safe and never wanting to see them again.

I feel this whole week has been a blur, my life seems unreal. I want to tie something over the banisters. This isn't an impulsive thought, I've been researching knots this week. I know I should tell someone in RL, or go to bed, or think of others etc, etc. but no one knows how long I've been fighting to stay alive. How long are people meant to fight it? It's no fun for me or anyone around me.

OP posts:

HoopHopes · 28/09/2013 00:05

And bed is a good place t be. It is safe and things often look a tiny bit brighter in daytime.

Sijeunessesavait · 28/09/2013 00:06

Well done for making that call, lovely MuM. Maybe you could show them what you have written here? xxx

HoopHopes · 28/09/2013 00:11

Great you made the call and they coming to you. Hope they can offer some helpful suggestions. It might be worth letting them know what your professional support is so they understand how you are and what treatment you getting.

Could you perhaps tell them you not taking any medication. They may be able to offer something to help?

cjel · 28/09/2013 00:20

Hope they will be with you soon, How you doing?

silvermirror · 28/09/2013 01:50

have you prepared a ligiture to the bannister?

Original poster

Messupmum · 28/09/2013 02:24

The crisis team wouldn't come to me or phone me so I had no choice, they brought me to hospital. I was told if I left the police would bring me back, but I've no idea who I'm waiting to see or how long I'll be waiting.

I'm so stupid for thinking these things, but also stupid for ringing out of hours. I knew it would escalate. I don't know what's going to happen but I'm not in control anymore.

OP posts:

silvermirror · 28/09/2013 02:42

so relieves u have updated, the main thing is you are safe. Has a nurse been to assess you, the nurse will register you and the own hospitals mental health Team will assess you if the crisis Team refuse you assessment. It can be a Long slog waiting, so you may get more distressed and walk out. If the police r concerned if u leave they could detain you on a mental health act called a 136. And you would be forced to wait for a mental health assessment.

3asAbird · 28/09/2013 03:06

Hope you better op and get treatment you need.

Hang in there it will get better.

silvermirror · 28/09/2013 03:28

R u still at hospital?

Original poster

Messupmum · 28/09/2013 04:14

Yeah I've been here four hours, seen a nurse, waiting to see a doctor to say the exact same things. I've had no sleep, on my own and I know they will just send me home, but I'm 45 mins away with no money or transport.

It's really quiet, it's horrible. I don't feel any better, just going to feel worse as had no sleep. I didn't want this to happen, wish I was just normal.

OP posts:

HoopersGinger · 28/09/2013 07:52

Ask for something to help you sleep and get some well earned rest. You did the right thing last night. You kept yourself safe.

Original poster

Messupmum · 28/09/2013 07:58

I'm still here, in a side room now. Waiting to see crisis team. Hoping they let me go home, I just want to go home. I'm scared, really scared of what might happen that will be out of my control. I've missed a whole night sleep so scared of the effect of that, the floors started moving.

OP posts:

cjel · 28/09/2013 09:33

Morning MUM, try not to worry about missing your sleep, you will rest when you are able and your body will recover from it. People lose a nights sleep all the time and the effects pass. You aren't stupid for the thoughts you are having , they are normal for someone with your illness. they also will pass and you will feel differently and even happy with yourself, can you see t his time as a time of illness and a time of wellness will follow. Your counselling will work but it is common for it to get worse before it gets better as you have to face painful things during the sessions. if you feel meds weren't right for you then ask about alternatives. you can always been in control if you keep yourself safe, the reason you feel out of control is because others are doing what they think is right at the moment to look after you and keep you safe. How are you now?x

Sijeunessesavait · 28/09/2013 09:35

I'm so glad to hear you are safe and being cared for this morning, MuM. You were very brave last night. It might be good to let others take control of what happens to you for a little while, so you can concentrate on feeling well. Sleep if you can, though I bet it's really noisy in the hospital. Thinking of you xx

LEMisdisappointed · 28/09/2013 10:17

You have done the right thing, i know its horrible to be waiting in the hospital and not know what is going on but you are safe. You will get some sleep later, tell them you want something to help you sleep. Even if its to take home with you so you don't knock your sleep out of synch.

Glad you are safe xxx

Original poster

Messupmum · 28/09/2013 10:22

I can't sleep on a chair. I am being ignored by the nurses, there was one lovely nurse.

Got interrupted, seem crisis team and going home to be supported by them there.

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LEMisdisappointed · 28/09/2013 10:26

Glad you are going home - hospital is a crap place i think when you are having a shit time mentally as they are just not equipped for the care that you need. But it keeps you safe so served a purpose and now hopefully you will get the support you need. Remember we are all here for you - will keep checking in x

cjel · 28/09/2013 10:58

glad they feel you are ok to go home.Hope you can have a restful day, put tv on and stay in front of it on sofa? catch up on your restxxx

Sijeunessesavait · 28/09/2013 11:00

It's good that you're going home and even better that the crisis team will support you there. Let them help you, MuM, try not to resist as you know you want to be there for your DD, just as we are here for you. Keep posting, we are listening xx

HoopHopes · 28/09/2013 11:01

Sorry for such a horrible night. Not that it helps but for future times if you need crisis team support the quickest way to get it when gp surgery is closed is to phone out of hours and ask for an appointment with out of hours dr. So you go to where out of hours dh's are based instead of a hospital. Wait as long as a dd's or nurse appointment is there and they phone the crisis team to refer you and then the crisis team have to visit you that night. Yes it may mean two taxi's or driving but much quicker. As a and e are noisy and busy places and not quiet and calming. I have spent hours with a nurse with one to one care at out of hours but never more than a few minutes at a and e as they have deadlines and targets and lots of patients.

Have crisis team been? Hope you can get some sleep.

Queenofknickers · 28/09/2013 11:16

Hello MuM, how are you doing today? Sorry I had to go last night - meds kicked in and I fell asleep bit you were my first thought this morning. I'm so glad you reached out to crisis team - that was a courageous and right thing to do. are you being supported now? Thinking of you

Original poster

Messupmum · 28/09/2013 12:39

I don't feel too great to be honest. In bed but no one knows so I need to carry on as normal later. I don't see any other way. I can't blurt it out now. I'm my own worse enemy but I can't change. I'm too tired to really post proper sentences. Might try again later. Sorry though, and thanks for getting me through one of the scariest nights of my life.

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Original poster

Messupmum · 28/09/2013 12:50

God im crying again, didn't think I had any tears left. I hate this.

OP posts:

OrangeFlower7 · 28/09/2013 13:34

Hi there, I just read this and wanted to write and say don't worry about the mums night out. I too have left suddenly from one of these feeling as you did. At the time i was worried, but since then I found I don't think anyone noticed. Lots of people could do the same say if they got a call about their children or the babysitter needed to go or something. I remember being at one of those and wanting to get up and say i needed to go and being anxious about saying something. Hope you're feeling a bit better after a bit of sleep xx

OrangeFlower7 · 28/09/2013 13:35

Hopefully someone can come out see you at home soon xx

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