NotOK went to GP - now need some advice and support re. all aspects of depression

[NotOK]

GP wasn't one from the practice.

I went and promptly brokedown (but recovered well)

He answered his mobile phone half way through and held a conversation with someone for about 3minutes which I thought was particularly unhelpful. I even broke a smile at the lack of interest etc

He then bombarded me with questions to which I mostly replied "I don't know" rather weak and feebly, feeling rather stupid.

He wants me to go back in a week or two. I feel like the flood gates have opened can barely hold myself together. Feel labelled and like I have let myself (and everyone else) down. I felt like telling him this wasn't right and this sort of thing doesn't happen to me and all that stuff but I know deep down that is stupid iykwim. I feel like Bree(?) from Desperate Housewives who checked herself into the clinic all properly announcing that she was about to have a nervous breakdown.

I told him I didn't really want medication if it could be helped but I have agreed to try it after discussing some concerns. I'm not really sure how that happened actually

Feel all over the show and full of thoughts, could barely hold myself together in the car on the way back to work. I really need to talk but I'm not sure where the beginning is.

Has anybody been prescribed Citalopram(?) can I take this without anybody knowing? are there side effects etc. I havn't really spoken about this to anybody in RL and not sure I intend to tell anybody. Couldn't bring myself to take the prescription to the chemist or book the next appointment.

This is very muddled I'm sure but can't bring myself to preview or won't post it. I have so many questions.

Thanks

Meowmix, I haven't got my prescription yet but am feeling pretty cool about it right now so I think I will try and get it later and start taking them as soon as.

Bugsy2, you've made me feel better also you described how I feel really.

The stress isn't going to go away, I have no way of removing it and think I cope pretty well with the mayhem.. just wish there were more hours in the day sometimes!

The GP said counselling might not be a great solution for me as my depresssion didn't seem reactive, there was no one thing that seemed to trigger it (that I could think of). He asked if anyone in my family suffered depression and I think my mum might but has never been treated. Its not one thing that happened but I think maybe lots of things that have never been dealt with that I sometimes think about it are probably the root cause.

I think loss of self-esteem is a major cause of depression

Yes possibly, I have become a bit introvert lately, even to the point where I pretty much had turned into a lurker here as not really feeling I had anything to contribute.

Went out for the first time in weeks a couple of weekends ago and it was so nice, everyone was really great asking why I'd not been out for ages and I realised how withdrawn I'd become. One of the guys even said how worried he'd been about me because I'd seemed really down when I bumped into him in the local shop. made me realise.

got my tablets. Read the leaflet, bit worried now as live on my own too with dd.

Also worried about the vivid dreams thing. I took a course of strong antibiotics a while back and had the most vivid dreams and they were all horrific, really awful.

and what's all this about not drinking?!?!?!? gp said I'd be on them for 3 to 6 months... how rubbish is that.

Having second thoughts about taking them.

DP just replied to a text I sent him saying I was reading the leaflet and all it said was "do you really want to take them?" WTF is that supposed to mean?? that he doesn't think I should?

Message withdrawn

Message withdrawn

Hi, thanks for thinking of me. I'm OK thanks, have been here on and off but only just seen your post.

I've been taking the Citalopram since Saturday and no major side effects but have felt weird. I'm not sure if the feeling has stopped or whether I'm getting used to it so notice it less.

I feel a bit more upbeat about it all now.. I have thought about posting about stuff but I just don't. I'm still at the right it and delete it stage.

Dp helped me fold my sheets the other day (never helps with house work) and which actually had a giggle, I can't remember the last time I wasn't sniping at him about something. He cooked dinner too that night (which is v. out of character) although I haven't seen as much of him as usual I don't think it's related to me starting the a/d's although it has crossed my mind.

The constant feeling of about to be pushed over the edge has gone, I only realised today but I think it wasn't there yesterday either.. I don't know if that's the a/d's or just having donbe something about it iykwim(?)

Made a mistake at work the other day though and can only put that down to being so spaced out. I nearly told my boss when I had to explain myself, I was so tempted but thought it would just sound like an excuse so I kept my mouth shut which I'm glad about 2 days on.. not a great way to start a Monday morning though espcially when it's the first Monday morning after being diagnosed and starting the tablets.

My dd was 4 yesterday so it's been an upbeat and very busy week, I think that has helped. My house is out of control though!

sorry that looks long, that's if you've got this far!