NotOK went to GP - now need some advice and support re. all aspects of depression

[NotOK]

GP wasn't one from the practice.

I went and promptly brokedown (but recovered well)

He answered his mobile phone half way through and held a conversation with someone for about 3minutes which I thought was particularly unhelpful. I even broke a smile at the lack of interest etc

He then bombarded me with questions to which I mostly replied "I don't know" rather weak and feebly, feeling rather stupid.

He wants me to go back in a week or two. I feel like the flood gates have opened can barely hold myself together. Feel labelled and like I have let myself (and everyone else) down. I felt like telling him this wasn't right and this sort of thing doesn't happen to me and all that stuff but I know deep down that is stupid iykwim. I feel like Bree(?) from Desperate Housewives who checked herself into the clinic all properly announcing that she was about to have a nervous breakdown.

I told him I didn't really want medication if it could be helped but I have agreed to try it after discussing some concerns. I'm not really sure how that happened actually

Feel all over the show and full of thoughts, could barely hold myself together in the car on the way back to work. I really need to talk but I'm not sure where the beginning is.

Has anybody been prescribed Citalopram(?) can I take this without anybody knowing? are there side effects etc. I havn't really spoken about this to anybody in RL and not sure I intend to tell anybody. Couldn't bring myself to take the prescription to the chemist or book the next appointment.

This is very muddled I'm sure but can't bring myself to preview or won't post it. I have so many questions.

I really have no experience but it sounds like he didn't help you much. Could you call the surgery back and speak to the practice head instead?

I think, aside from the phone call that he was alright actually. At least he didn't just test me for glandular fever again.

He told me that he thought I was suffering from mild to moderate depression and that he wasn't sure it was reactive (I think it might be as I might have glossed over some things). He said he would refer me for counselling but he wasn't sure it would help. He said when they prescribe mdeication they prefer it to be for a minimum 3-6 months and that it's not addicitve so he was quite informative but I don't want to google it from work.

i can google for you? do you know the name? citalopram? is that right?

yes that's the name.

he commented on the fact that I was 'obviously still looking after myself' which I thought was very odd.

OK - these might help for a starter

This belongs to the group of medicines known as selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitors (SSRIs).

Citalopram is used to treat depression and is also useful in treating people suffering from panic attacks.
Citalopram is available in tablet and oral liquid form.

It is also sometimes known as: Cipramil. You may notice the use of any of these names on the packaging of your medicine.
www.patient.co.uk/showdoc/30003676/

and

This medicine contains the active ingredient citalopram, which is a type of antidepressant known as a selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor (SSRI). This type of medicine acts on nerve cells in the brain.

In the brain there are numerous different chemical compounds called neurotransmitters. These act as chemical messengers between the nerve cells. Serotonin is one such neurotransmitter and has various functions that we know of.

When serotonin is released from nerve cells in the brain it acts to lighten mood. When it is reabsorbed into the nerve cells, it no longer has an effect on mood. It is thought that when depression occurs, there may be a decreased amount of serotonin released from nerve cells in the brain.

SSRIs work by preventing serotonin from being reabsorbed back into the nerve cells in the brain. This helps prolong the mood lightening effect of any released serotonin. In this way, citalopram helps relieve depression, panic and fear.

It must be taken for at least 14 days before the benefits of treatment begin to appear and you start to feel better.

What is it used for?

Condition of sudden attacks of fear, panic and confusion (panic disorder).
Depression.

community.netdoktor.com/ccs/uk/depression/coping/treating/medicine/article.jsp?articleIdent=uk.depression.coping.treating.medicine.uk_depression_article_1974

and this is a link for a forum where people taking it share experiences

www.uncommonforum.com/viewtopic.php?t=11777

sorry I cannot do links properly

It's not an odd question; many people with depression keep everything else going but don't look after themselves, which makes things worse. Many other people don't manage to keep things together at all.

I was on Citalopram for about a year, it didn't help me much but there are other people here who have benefitted from it enormously. The only person who knew I was on it was dh, so you can hide it from people if you choose. The initial side-effects lasted a couple of weeks, and for me they were nausea, constipation, diarrhoea and wooly-headedness. I did have one long-term side-effect - it gave me electric shock type feelings in my head every time I turned it, it felt a bit like constantly having an untuned radio in my head.

Apparently Citalopram is one of the most easily tolerated ads, has fewer side-effects and withdrawal is easier - I certainly had no problems coming off it. And it's definitely not addictive. The recommendation is that you take it for at least 6 months after you start feeling better.

I understand what you mean about feeling "labelled", but really it doesn't matter what label you put on it, it's something that you need help with so well done for taking the first step.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Citalopram

but tbh I'm not finding much else of use. Hope someone with more useful knowledge comes along soon.

meantime - hang in there. you're dealing with it and thats the best thing you can do.

Well done for having gone to see the GP, and I'm so sorry this hasn't been a positive experience. To be honest this doesn't sound satisfactory to me at all - a GP who spends 3 minutes on a phone call when a distressed patient is in the room should be reported to the practice manager (aren't you meant to get 6 minutes of undivided attention?). Secondly, his giving such a diagnosis on the basis of a short (and clearly for him, unfocused) meeting requires a second opinion. He seems to prefer meds to counselling - that needs a second opinion too, surely?

I think the comment re looking after yourself just means you haven't got to the stage where you no longer care about your appearance, can still get up in the mornings, wash etc. This happens to some people suffering from depression, but not to everyone. My sister is atm recovering from serious depression. At no point did she lose the desire to 'look after herself, even when she took her overdose last August. She still got up, washed, went to work etc, etc.
She is now on a less than half dose of the medication they put her on at the time she was in hospital (2xtabs per day, now one every other day or two days, so a gradual reduction while the mind rights itself iyswim) and she doing very well. The medication boosted her seratonin levels and had no awful side effects.
This is definitely an illness which can be recovered from, but it takes time, particularly if it is serious, but it seems your depression is mild/moderate and I'm sure the medication will help. It really takes a few weeks to notice any real difference though, so be patient. I hope things improve for you soon. HTH

Sadly, toadstool, most GPs do prefer meds to counselling - in my case, because the waiting list for counselling is about three years so they prefer to get treatment started while/if you're waiting for counselling.

I do agree that the consultation doesn't sound hugely satisfactory though. Can you go back and see a different GP - maybe book a double appointment so you know you will have time to talk everything over?

OK, NotOK is me. I'm not going to keep changing my name, it's nothing to be embarrassed about after all.

Firstly thank-you for that research meowmix and thank-you all for your responses.

I walked passed a number of chemists today without going in but have decided I'm going to get the AD's tomorrow. I'm not going to tell anybody, at least not for the time being but might talk on here, I might tell dp later but it depends how I feel I think.

The GP is going to put me on the waiting list for counselling but apparently it's very long, he did say that private councessling was available but I'm not really sure that's an option. Feel better this evening than I did this afternoon and I'll book another appointment with the GP like he suggested in 2 weeks.

You know you can always offload here MOH. There are plenty of mners who've been in your shoes. Well done for making the first steps towards recovery.

Hi NotOk. I'm on Citalopram and it's really helping me, with minimal side effects. I was worried it would make me all hyper or odd or something, but as far as I can tell, no one would even guess.

There are a couple of threads about citalopram on here which touch on side-effects etc. For me, the mild side-effects (slightly dry mouth, clenching teeth, vivid dreams) are really worth it for feeling a bit brighter overall. I may need to change my dosage as they're wearing off a bit after a couple of months, but I have no regrets at all and I was really worried before taking them.

You have taken a big step in going to the GP, by the way. Well done. It's really hard to do - I know that from experience.

(((hugs)))

Thanks guys.

I don't feel like there's anything wrong with me as such, it's weird I guess.

I told dp last night, he didn't say much, I asked him not to tell anybody and he said of course he wouldn't in an almost disgusted tone. no cuddle or anything, well I had to ask for one! So I am distinctly p'd off with him at the moment, glad I won't be seeing him for a couple of days.

Have to go and get my prescription today, still feel like a fraud.

Message withdrawn

We're not married, he's had the hump a bit lately cos I've gone off the boil iykwim - I think that's shocked him a bit as we've always had quite a physical relationship. I do think he could have been a bit more sympathetic.

I guess I just don't want people to think of me differently you know, treat me differently. I've always been the happy go lucky one, take it on the chin one. I'm the one who other people rely on when they're having a hard time. I wouldn't want them to think I was attention seeking or anything. I do sort of feel like I've let myself down by letting things get on top of me.

I'd like to tell my boss but I'm torn between not wanting things too change at work but also feel like maybe them cutting me some slack might be a good thing but that doesn't go hand in hand so I'm keeping schtum at the minute.

Message withdrawn

Well done on going to the GP anyway - and on "coming out". There are lots of lovely mumsnetters with experience of depression, and I hope that you will get all the help and support here that you need.

Take care,

xx

poor you

your dp doesn't sound massively helpful (although my dh would be exactly the same)

what has brought this on? did he not suggest counselling?

I felt as though I was going mad a few years ago when we discovered my brother was addicted to heroin and I had a 3 month old baby. At the time I didn't even consider those to be reasons for feeling so bad as I am such a 'coper' normally. I had some CBT sessions which were fantastic - I hate the idea of anti depressants although looking back on it I think my fear of them was almost part of the problem - all to do with loss of self-esteem and losing control of my life.

keep talking x Enid

Thanks folks

I don't think dp means to be unhelpful, he's just a simple bloke iykwim.

Enid, your comment re. losing control and loss of self esteem really struck a chord, that's pretty much how I feel.

I think I might be entitled to counselling through a work scheme, I might look into that at the weekend if I remember. So much going on at the moment I've got to the point where I don't know where to start and can't focus on anything.

Citalopram is my saviour. I think it is bloody fantastic stuff. I have taken it twice now & the effect it has on me is impressive. It turns me back into the person I usually am. It returns my good humour & my ability to cope with life. Instead of being paralysed by indecision and apathy, I feel like I can take on the world again.
On both occasions, it has taken 3/4 weeks for it to kick in. I would happily stay on it for the rest of my life & feel no shame whatsoever about taking it.
That is only my experience though - don't know if it helps Mascara.

I've had counselling & found that it was really useful. I worked through all sorts of stuff that has happened to me & I did learn better ways of coping with certain difficult things in my life & also how to feel better about myself.
However, the counselling did not remove any of the stress in my life & even with a better sense of self-worth and improved coping strategies, I have still found myself becoming very depressed. So, while I am a keen advocate of counselling - I am not sure it is always a remedy for depression.

hey MoH - I really hope this works for you. Re the focus thing - make life easy for yourself. One big/really important thing each day max, its a baby steps time.

I had a phase like this after some pretty cruddy family stuff and being me just went workaholic, 18/20 hour days and constant travelling. Not a sane way to deal with that feeling of loss of control and ended up making me physically ill too. Baby steps were my saviour.

Your dh is probably just confused about what you need from him. He's a boy, they get penises instead of empathy.

have you got your prescription yet?