anxiety/obsessing - will my GP laugh at me?

[littlemonkeychops]

Ok, please be kind, i can't talk with anyone in real life about this as i'm so embarrassed :-(

Basically i have an irrational anxiety about a minor health complaint (don't want to be specific but think veruccas or ringworm or something like that). I've been a bit obsessive about it since i had it when a teenager. Since then it's always been there to varying degrees. Recently my DH had a case of this minor ailment and it's causing me massive obsessive anxiety.

A lot of my day is spent worrying about it, cleaning and doing hot washes of clothes/bedding to stop it coming back. I get very anxious about visitors in case they have this ailment and are bringing it into our house, and likewise hate visiting and staying with other people. I have a mental list of rules that i get very very upset if they're not stuck to.

I know this is not normal behaviour, luckiky i have a v.understanding DH but i would love to not feel like this. I don't want my young DDs to pick up on my weird behaviour.

I've even thought i better not have another baby as that would be another person who might catch this ailment.

I feel like such a freak :-(

I wonder about seeing my gp but worry about getting laughed at, or that he'll miss the point and think what i want to talk about treatment for the ailment itself.

Sorry, bit long :-(

I don't think you'll be laughed at. You've described it really well in your post, especially the bit about not wanting treatment for the ailment itself. Say all that to your GP. You've already got a head start by the level of insight you have into your condition.
Don't forget... if you don't like what the first GP has to say, go to another. You know you need help so go and get it. It will be out there for you.
Good luck.

Thank you for replying Hope, you're very kind.

I've been crying most of today because i hate feeling like this and i feel like such a freak :-( My DDs and DH deserve so much more than this.

My DD has her 8 week jabs tomorrow so i will make an appointment with the gp whilst i'm there. I just feel so embarrased about talking about it as to any normal person it must sound ridiculous.

You certainly won't be laughed at. I think you are right to make sure that the GP understands you want help with anxiety rather than the condition itself.

There are things (medication and talking therapy) that can help you with your feelings and thinking.

Good luck with your GP.

Saw gp today, not my gp as it was urgent appointment, but she was lovely and didn't laugh at all. She didn't prescribe me anything (as im breastfeeding and also because she'd only just met me and spoken to me for 10 minutes) but has refered me to the natal mental health team (as DD is 10 weeks old).

I'm pleased i'll be able to talk to someone, just worried that they won't be able stop me from feeling like this :-( Today and yesterday it's literally all i'm thinking about, even when talking to DH about something else it's actually what i'm thinking about. I don't feel right in my own head :-(

Does anyone know if the natal mental health team can help with general mental health problems, not just baby focused ones? Because i'm pretty sure this is anxiety i havd anyway, the post-baby hormones might be making it worse but it's not the cause iyswim?

Ps i've got no appetite at all as i feel so on edge - is this normal with anxiety?

Well done for asking for help!

I was told yes, normal to not have much of an appetite. The gastroenterologist I saw said the 'butterflies' in your stomach are your body drawing blood from your stomach to give to your muscles etc so you can run away faster- fight or flight reflex. This can affect your appetite and digestion.

I was told to eat little, lightly and often, and as healthy as I could.

Thanks Zombies i will try little and often.

I just feel so edge and worried how long it's going to get help, it feels like it's escalating. I just keep repeating tovDHvthst i don't feel right :-(

I know it's really really hard. I've been where you are now.

Can you turn it around to thinking that you ARE going to get help, it is coming, you are in the system and people are now aware that you are struggling, that there is an end date somewhere in the future and you will feel better. Rather than going on and sinking deeper and deeper which would have happened had you not gone to the doctor (it took me years and years to go, so I am HUGELY in awe of how you are doing right now!)

Thank you Zombies, writing on here and reading about other peoples experiences does give me hope i can get effective help. Just wishing there was a quick fix, ate a small bit of dinner and now feel really sick.

Feel quite desperate really i just can'tcstop obsessing :-(

Do you have any Rennies or other indigestion remedies, that can help a lot with the nausea.

I can only tell you what worked for me - mostly counselling, but while I was waiting I

-tried my best to eat and sleep at normal times, drinking water when I remembered. A lot of stuff can be amplified by dehydration/hunger and tiredness. I know you have a little baby which obviously makes it so much harder!

-I stayed away from anything negative. Sad new stories, miserable music, pessimistic people. I only read and watched and listened to upbeat stuff, things that had happy memories or made me smile.

• I tried to relax for at least two minutes a day. Lying down, flat in my back, eyes closed, mind empty, breathing deeply in through the nose and out through the mouth.

-I used a tens machine to boost levels of endorphins in my blood

-I played a lot of ipad games, simple immersive ones that passed the time fast.

-I let myself cry/shout etc be really negative when I needed to' I bottled it all up bcuse i felt i had to pretend to be happy all the time and usually let it out every six months in a big cry/wail fest, but by allowing myself to be sad I got past those feelings pretty quickly. A weep can sometimes be hugely therapeutic.

-I tried to fight the intrusive thoughts a bit. If I felt I HAD to do some thing I would resist as long as I could. I'd nd up doing it usually but I built up my resistance slowly. I called it my common sense stubborn voice and imagined myself sitting on the floor pouting with my arms crossed, shouting 'no!'. I had to reality check with DH a lot e.g

'Did I turn the stove off, I need to go and check?'
'You turned it off'
'No, no I didn't'
'You did. Anyway we would have smelt gas or burning by now, you last cooked three hours ago'
'Are you sure'
'Yes. Besides didn't you get a drink an hour or so ago, did you feel any heat?'
Etc.

I let him help me rationalise it and after a while I started to try and convince myself using his arguments.

Don't know if anything there helps, I still use all these things to cope now, but it so much easier. Last August is when I asked for help and I actually feel 'normal' now, something I never could have imagined before.

Hey, so glad your GP appointment went well. My anxiety spiralled really badly when pregnant with DD and after she was born. My experience was that I was given CBT to try and change the thoughts, it's a slow process but lots of people find it really helpful. Something I've found helpful while pregnant with DS (mine seems to be really badly affected by pregnancy hormones) is mindfulness. Even just simple breathing techniques to distract myself and try not to let the anxiety escalate as badly. There's loads online about mindfulness and it is really respected as a technique - it's something you could be doing yourself while waiting for help, just reading up about it.
And I totally get the whole focussing on one thing, I think that's normal in anxiety. This time around I was really anxious about herpes as MIL gets cold sores so I wasted hours and hours thinking about what if she had one when the baby was born and wanted to see him when it's so dangerous but maybe she doesn't know and how would I have that conversation etc etc etc completely ignoring the myriad of other illnesses newborn DS could be exposed to

Great advice from zombie there!
I also notice a big difference when I'm eating and sleeping properly. Also getting out for walks as cliche as it sounds...

Thank you so much. Both of you for taking the time to reply.

Zombies i will try some of those things you suggested. I'm guessing they might offer me CBT, on the one hand i think great as it's supposedly so effective, but the anxious side of me says that it sounds like basically logically talking yourself out of the thoughts, and that if it was that simple i'd be able to do that already.

Galwaygirl that's exactly like me, mine and DHs ailment is clearing up but i'm sendingcevery waking minute agonising over whether it will come back, or whether either DD will get it in future and i won't be able to love them as i'll be too anxious stressing about the ailment. I feel physically sick at the thought of them catching it.

Did either of you take any medication alongside therapy?

There was an analogy I read on here about mental health issues feeling like you are sitting at the bottom of a hole.

CBT etc is like a ladder being lowered down. You still have to work hard to climb out but you have the tools to do it. You can still get out of the hole without it, but you'd have to build the ladder first yourself and if you have never built a ladder before it will be wonky, missing rungs etc. it would also take a hell of a lot longer and a bear might fall down the hole and eat you whilst you are working (sorry, can't resist a bit if flippancy).

Don't underestimate the effect of offloading to an impartial but interested and trained individual who doesn't know you and has no baggage related to you.

No, no medication. I was given it but DH and my family talked me out of it. They were very anti-drugs, stigma blah blah, I was weak. I also had some severe stomach problems at the time which the pills could have amplified, the doctor was umming and aahhing about giving them to me because of it. I wish I had given it go though, the climb up the ladder was reeeaaaalllyyy slow.

That's a great analogy Zombies and defnitely makes sense. Talking to the dr did help, i felt like yes i'm going to get help, for about half an hour and then the anxiety was back.

I'm in two minds about medication, if i wasn't breastfeeding i'd take whatever is recommended without much hesitation as i do feel i am clearly not well. But i'm not sure if the guilt/anxiety of taking drugs that might end up in my milk would make me feel worse (i know there are some drugs that are safe with feeding but as anxiety is pretty irrational that doesn't mean i wouldn't worry).

Thank you again for helping, like shining a torch down the hole so i can see a bit better tonight :-)

I found the 'yes I'm getting help, yes, I'm getting better' feeling lasted longer and longer after each session of therapy (once I had had a damn good weep). I used it as a base to build on each time, something positive.

The medication thing is hard, perhaps when you are starting to feel better it will be a decision you could revisit without the weight of the anxiety. I know some people get on with the pills and some don't, but it could be the equivalent of a rocket pack (or a hunky mountain rescue guy abseiling down and helping you up).

I'm glad I could help a bit, feel free to pm if you ever feel you need too.

I was on fluoxetine too as I had 'low mood' as well. I'm not sure how much they helped or if it was a natural improvement but I wasn't bf-ing so didn't have that worry. My DH made a comment or two about not believing in taking drugs and after getting it in the neck never said it again. So easy for someone not experiencing the problem to be anti something that could help!!!
This time round I was hoping to bf and they gave me sertraline which has apparently been around years and is well tested.
I grew up with a parent who refused to take help for depression leaving us feeling the effects so I think that made it easier for me to decide to take the drugs. I would say try and think of the bigger picture, also if you are highly anxious is baby picking up on this and being affected anyway so an effect from the drugs might not be worse if its balanced with a calmer mum? I hope you can understand what I'm trying to say as finding it hard I word!
I had counselling too and found that great, it was through a charity initially and only moved to NHS a lot later. The charity I had counselling from had a crèche facility and everything - it was the perinatal mental health team who put me in touch with them.
I do think CBT helps you challenge your thoughts better than you can do yourself. I struggled with it though as in order to challenge the thoughts you need to be able to see they are not right but I really believe/believed my concerns are valid...
The mindfulness helps me sort of take a break from the panic escalating and thoughs spiralling away which really helps especially when you're trying to challenge yourself by letting go a little on a strict 'rule'.

You should be really proud of yourself for asking for help. Remind yourself of that and the fact that you can get better. I'll never be the chilled out, relaxed mother I would like to be and am having to accept that and just try to be the best version of me that I can. Try not to beat yourself up about this as that just makes it harder to focus on changing your thoughts.
Anxiety is a control issue so counselling can help you understand why you need that feeling of control.
Sorry this is a bit all over the place - DS has been keeping me up!

Well done for asking for help - you have done what is probably the hardest thing to do.

IME the natal help team who looked after me ware wonderful. Flexible, tolerant, non-judgemental.

I, too, did not take medication - too much anxiety over it. I've tried various forms of talking therapy and the out-and-out best was CBT. I've been referred for it again, 3y after completing the first course, and I am really looking forward to it as I know it will help me clarify my thinking. Don't think this means it doesn't work! Any major behavioural change generally needs several attempts or topping up - think weight-loss or giving up smoking.

An aspect of anxiety is the tendency to over-think problems. One strategy I have found helpful is to write things down. If I am overwhelmed I write down what it feels like physically and emotionally, and if I can't stop thinking about something I write my thoughts down and promise myself to read them again at a time of my choosing. Theprivate off-loading really helps, and I get to decide what to do about it when I am in a better frame of mind.

HTH

There is a way out of the forest. You will find your path eventually and there is no shame in asking for guidance or trying different paths.

Thank you everybody, reading your stories really helps me believe it will get better (i'm scared to think i'll always feel this way and what it would mean for my DH/DC).

Woke up feeling sick and had a bad morning obsessive cleaning. Galway you're definitely right that it's a control thing, i feel panicky and on edge and if i just do xyz that'll fix it. So i bleach the floors again and hoover thinking i'll feel better, but i don't, i then just think of what i need to do next, it's never enough to take the anxiety away.

I'm quite open to medication i think if they can reassure me a bit about feeding, as at the moment i don't think i'm functioning properly. Scared about having to look after the DC on monday whdn DH is at work. Got the dr monday morning so at least i'll have to leave the house.

And Galway funny you mention the creche, i am a bit worried that there'll be help available but i won't be able to take it because of DD. She's only 10 weeks and i've got no one who can watch her :-(

Hi a peri natal unit will have a specialist psychiatrist who can discuss medication with breastfeeding so do ask for an appointment or for them to talk about it with you. If you want cbt from them do ask as they can offer a range of services. If they do not think it is post natal they can always refer you to the CMHT. Peri natal teams do pass people onto CMHT once the baby is older if ongoing help is needed and it is not post natal but would need to assess you first.

Thanks Hoops. I'm guessing perinatal is always the first step if you have a baby, but i wad wondering what would happen after my initial assessment as i'm not sure this anxiety us baby related iyswim (maybe a small baby, sleep deprivation, hormones etc is making it worse but i'm nit sure it's the cause).

I will definitely ask about the medication and cbt, thanks.

Great advice from zombie

I have anxiety, depression and OCD. I had CBT and am on a tricyclic antidepressant that is safe to be pregnant and breast feed on (after much experimentation and research and discussion with doctors). It has been hard, but worth the baby steps.

The fact that you've been to talk to GP is brilliant. Well done for taking that first step.

Thanks RNJ, it did feel a relief telling the GP.

I haven't told anyone apart from DH, i'm embarrassed, not because i'm anxious but because of the focus of my anxiety. If they asked what about and i told them i'm not sure they'd look at me the same way ever again as it sounds so absurd :-(

Anxiety is not absurd. I have taught myself to believe this. My OCD and anxiety are triggered by the oddest things. I thought I was crazy, but apparently not.

I'm sure my issues are far more eyebrow raising, if that helps!

Hi OP. I've just had two sessions of hypnotherapy for a specific medical anxiety issue (being knocked out for IVF egg collection). It's too soon to say for sure, but I think that it has helped enormously. Only the next egg collection will tell for sure, but I can think about it without tensing up, which is progress. It addresses the cause of the anxiety rather than just covering up the symptoms as drugs would. I think I am a convert.