First baby 8 days old and I'm blue

[WinkyGirl]

My first baby is 8 days old. I am feeling very down, very weepy and unable to cope.

I had a long labour (33 hours) and spent a few days in hospital owng to a post-partum haemorrage and DD1 being in the special care unit because of meconium. Not sure if this is contributing to the problem.

All I seem to do is eat, sleep, breastfeed, comfort crying baby, change nappies and deal with chores. Am having to use breastshield as getting searing pain in nipples. DH is being wonderful. So is Mum. But I need some positive words from anyone who has got through this...
Please help.

Winkygirl, i vividly remember the moment I put on my breastshields after 1 week of breastfeeding agony - I said to my DH, that it was the best £3.50 (or whatever it was) I had EVER spent in my life. The pain was so intense that I couldn't face it without them. And my daughter easily switched to not using them once my nipples were healed and I felt ready to take them off (about 2-3 weeks I think?). And I went on to feed her for 9months, so please ignore advice to dump them before you are ready. For me they were a GODSEND

Hi Winkygirl, I'm nearly crying here reading your posts because it's like looking at myself six months ago. Keep your chin up luvvie, you've been through alot and the tiredness really plays with your head. Keep talking to your dp and your mum it really helps. I remember getting up one morning when dd was about four weeks and not wanting to cry. Hormones are funny little buggers and although some people seem to bounce back after having their babies some of us take a little bit longer. You're doing a great job with the feeding and everything and things will get better and everything will just fall into place for you. xx

You are doing really well sweetie like everyone has said forget the chores!!!!

One thing I found is that the tearfulness only stopped once I started spending more time with ds after dh went back to work and family stopped visiting as much. Apparently spending more time with baby can actually make this time easier easier. Also it helped me to realise that I could look after ds on my own without all the lovely helpers, get family doing the housework while you get back to bed and have lots of cuddles with babba!

winky - your descibing my first 10 days as well, as the other gals say NO CHORES!!!!! NONE!!! my house was such a tip mum came up after 2 weeks and sorted it out for me bless her - the washingwasn't done for 2 weeks and hte ironing was 6 weeks. main thing is u eat sleep and feed bubs, your DH/Partner can do the burping/winding/changing etc.

my m/w said to me when joey was 6 days old all I want u to do is sleep, feed and eat, give her the due at the time it's what I really needed - also found that when I was calmer and more settled I could manage Joey easier - now, mind, it's another case! lol.

ooh and agree with shifts - esp now once a week DH sits up with Joey in another room so I can have a full nights sleep - a good mela and a good sleep is pretty much essential.

keep going thou, you're doing fab, and try not to put too much pressure on urself - easier said than done I know!

WinkyGirl - I haven't really got anything wise to say, just sending you

You're doing fab, just you concentrate on yourself and your little bub. It will get easier - promise :)

Winky Girl

I can relate exactly to what you say.

As per your boobs and using breast shields do exactly what you need to!! I had exactly the same problem and I cried in anguish with the pain of breastfeeding. Everyone said it shouldn't happen. The midwife said latch was great, let down fine and DD putting weight on. It was just so painful I nearly gave up. Even NCT BFC couldn't work it out after a couple of sessions of sheer agony! I used the shields for a good few weeks and felt able to carry on.

So do what you need to to get through.

WinkyGirl, your posts bring it all back. I hope your visitors this afternoon give you some comfort. I feel for you and I think it's great that you're talking about how you are feeling, online and in RL.

OK, my point is that I used nippleshields from a couple of weeks in until the baby was oh goodness 8 mths (I got too chicken to drop them... my supply was absolutely fine). Shields are a faff, yes, and some people say they spell death to breasteeding, but that wasn't true in our case. Quite the reverse.

someone said to me b4 i had dd1 that i shoudl try and get some time in bed with the baby. didn't know what she meant then but now i have to remind myself and did occassionally take my babies to bed during the day and it's really lovely to be reminded why they are here and what you like about them, just focusing on their hands or feet or lovely little legs and forgetting aobut everythign else.

the other thing we did was dh wld say b4 he left for work 'if there's one thing you do today it's xyz' as i tried to do too much at first. an example would be 'post a letter'. that was how little i actually could do regularly, sometimes i didn't even manage the one thing.

luckily I had low expectations (once i'd realised it was quite hard) so it didn't get me down and I felt elated if i could actually do the one thing. I've heard that depression is often related to people having high expectations and reality not meeting up. don't expect too much for yourself and get excited if you get to the end of the road for an ice cream, that's been my life now for 3 years! this attitude is not so popular with my boss i've found.

First of all congratulations on your new baby.
Our littlun is 10 weeks and I can honestly say it does get much better from 6 weeks onwards and then way better from 8 weeks.

The first few weeks are utter hell. People are arriving with presents generally useless things like helium balloons (???) bunches of flowers requiring vases and water and items of clothing that are not baby grows. People on the street would stop me and say enjoy it they aren't little for long and I would be thinking enjoy what - changing dirty nappies, having no sleep and having a screaming baby. Oh then they would offer advice .I cried just about every day, I think it was also the realisation that my life had totally changed.
Like most other mums the only things I can say are make sure you go for a walk. Draft in the troups - don't feel you have to do everything and can cope with no sleep, your partner needs to get involved as well. I wanted my Mum to stay but without my Dad, I asked for that as well and it worked really well and improved our relationship.
It will get better and you will start to enjoy your new baby.

WG, first off, congratulations. Secondly, it is hard going at first but is does get easier. The first few months are a shitty survival test - but you can do it. What you are feeling is pretty normal - sleep deprivation, even if there is nothing else to contend with, can send even the sanest person bonkers. You've had a long, tough labour and now you're having to give yourself up completely to another little person, when what you really need to do is go to sleep for a week. And your boobs hurt! No wonder you're feeling down. Ask for all the help that you need, don't bother with chores, get someone else to do them. Just concentrate on you and your baby and, where possible, get some time to yourself where someone takes her and you can just sleep. Life will get easier, promise. :)

Winky - hope midwife and friends visit were productive for you today - thinking of you!

(not sure if i should say this - but having fed dd2 with nipple shields - she switched onto bottles for expressed feeds without batting an eyelash )

The midwife was great. She has totally reassured me re breastfeeding. Basically she said however I manage the feeding if it works for me and means that I could breastfeed I should just do it. I also managed a few feeds today without the shield but its back on now! Progress though, I thought.

Plus she weighed dd1 and she is back to her birth weight at 9 days so she is feeding ok.

She is going to get my doctor to visit me and keep an eye on me just in case this develops into PND. But my other visitor, a friend who treats women with PND, has reassured me baby blues and PND are two different things and one does not lead onto another.

Sorry for long post but THANKS everyone. I am so glad that I am not the only one. If only I had been better prepared. I will print this thread and keep it for my friends when they start families.

Much love, WinkyGirl xx

great news WG. So glad the midwife was helpful and positive. hope all continues well for you. xxxx

You are doing so well Winkygirl

Took my dd2 five weeks to get back up to her birth weight. I remember feeling after my first that there had been some sort of conspiracy of silence about how CRAP it can be. I think its just that you do move on and forget very easily as you get wrapped up in the next stage. Good luck and well done so far!

Hugs x

Had a little weep myself when i read your thread.You are doing really well and what you are feeling is perfectly normal.All those post birth hormones whizzing round mean you want to cry at the drop of a hat.Happened with both of mine I could cry at the most stupid things.The first few weeks are a blur and it is exhausting especially the breastfeeding and just remember what your poor body has been through ,factor in lack of sleep and the total shock of a new baby and its hardly surprising.Believe me it does get better.Accept any help from friends and family and rest if you can.Many hugs

Not read all of these but I was a quivering mass of tears and forlorn bleating for months after having both my girls.

You must remind yourself that you have created a life, a miracle and that your body and hormones will be all over the place (note: body may remain so).

My advice is to get a calendar and mark each day off with a black marker pen, after a couple of months it WILL GET BETTER. And on crappy nights you can look back and see how far you have come.

Chores - ignore

Just sit on the sofa and feed feed feed and enjoy this early stage.

Also, instruct your wonderful dh to prepare you breakfast before he leaves in the morning - I got hot toast, chopped fruit, water and a cup of tea every morning. This meant that I could lounge around until noon at least and not move from the bed. RECOMMENDED.

xxxxxxxxxxx

winky I was a mass of tears a couple of weeks ago (dd3 is 6 weeks). I rested loads and it went after a few days (to be replaced by acne, nice!)

I get like it whenever I get super tired adn use it as a way of reminding myself to rest!

Winkygirl, I remember also being a big pile of tears after DS was born at about the same time. I haven't read the whole thread, but def agree with:

NO CHORES AT ALL!
Stay in bed and cuddle and feed your baby as much as you can.
Accept any help offered!
Get DH/your mum to cook really nice meals - get them to do extra portions and freeze some so that when DH has to go back to work/your mum has to go home, you can just defrost stuff and put it in the microwave.
The feeding will get easier - both you and DD have to learn how to do it. DS lost loads of weight after he was born and we were all quite worried, but I ended up with so much extra milk that I considered donating to the hospital! (instead, kept it in the freezer, and DS got breast milk for a month after I stopped feeding him myself at 6 months!).

Good luck! And remember what you are going through is totally normal, and you are not alone.

Xxx

Winky girl, I really admire your perserverance with the breast feeding. I didn't try with DS but tried to with DS1 and DS2 but unfortunately ended up stopping after a couple of days. After all of my births I have had the same feelings of despair. Even though I know that things will get better, each time I find myself feeling that my life has changed and I will never feel normal again. But after a few weeks the feeling passes. This time (DS2 9 weeks old) has been extremely difficlut as he was also in special care then transitional care for the first week so it has taken extra time to get over the trauma of that.

You just have to give yourself time to adjust to your new life with your beautiful baby. This time is precious and you must make the most of it. Whenever you feel weepy have a lovely cuddle with your baby to make you feel better.
Hope you feel better soon.

How are you feeling today, Winkygirl?

EmmyLou - not really, I feel so miserable. tired and keep on getting anxiety attacks. Dr saw me yesterday and I asked for some homeopathic medicine (sepia) Had a good evening (ate all my dinner) but back to square one today.

This is so hard...

Honey, some people on here say sepia is wonderful. Have you told HV/GP that you're having anxiety attacks?

Personally I don't know what all the fuss is over nipple shields. I fed my son for nearly 6 months using them, and it was the only way I was able to breast feed him.

He piled on weight, didn't lose ANY after he was born. The HV couldn't believe his weight gain when she weighed him at 2 weeks old. At the start he put on 1ib a week.

My son seemed to prefer them because without them I was in so much pain when he latched on, that I tensed up, and I think he sensed it. On the occasion when I didn't use them, he didn't latch on as well.

Agree they are faffy but they are worth it. I didn't like breastfeeding in public anyway so it wasn't much of an issue for me.

If using nipple shields helps you to continue breastfeeding then use them, don't take any notice of what anyone else says! The only reason the 'professionals' don't like them is because they aren't perceived as 'natural', and HVs these days aren't allowed to recommend anything incase they get sued. (Mine couldn't even recommend anything for colic or nappy rash fgs).

Also, don't feel under pressure to get dressed by a certain time each day. Although it may make you feel better to, some days don't feel guilty if you just want to stay in your pj's.

That should say 1lb!

Thanks Marie12. I am bravely trying not to use the shields but do when needed. I will not feel guilty about it! Its amazing that decisions I have made to make my life less hell (shields, formula feed in the night) are so frowned apon on the net/in official guides. But both the doctor and the better midwife that have visited me have said its fine.
And DD regained her impressive birth weight (9lb 10oz) in 7 days...