we were all in the bed, this is the 2nd thread....roll over! roll over!

[ThatVikRinA22]

so we all rolled over and hellebelles told us to get our arses out of bed......

ive started a new one because there are only a few posts left on the old thread before it gets full.

nana ive described myself on the old thread just for you!

so.

nana hellesbelles mama ed silvery and basset and any one else who posted on the old thread or who relates to our experiences and wants to post on the new one....welcome to the new thread.

old one here

A thought - is there someone with a horse at livery who would teach you the basics? rather than a proprietor...

she has no liveries - so no! she has indicated that when i get mine she will have it on part livery for me but she has no other liveries - she is really a riding school and is limited to the amount of horses she has and wont do DIY livery....i think she would have mine as a favour really more than anything else.

ill get there. she is so busy she just really doesnt have the time to show me - but i have lessons so i will book a lesson just on grooming and tacking up. no excuse then not to tack up for the lessons etc which would give me experience.

Round here (County Durham, always been a horse county) there are loads of horses, I have no excuse not to get fit and go out for an amble some time this summer. Lots of ponies in fields, and a fairly high density of riding stables, livery places, and even race horse training.

im jealous....

i do find it therapy - just feeling a bit stressed thats its become a job rather than a hobby....i need to broach this with dear instructor - just not quite sure how to go about it.

must go to bed- absolutely shattered. need to sort these boundary issues out tomorrow with builders and take DD for hair cut....

The big difference between being an employee and a volunteer often gets forgotten. One of the good things about the CAB was that as a volunteer with depression problems, it was perfectly OK for me to cancel even at the last minute if too unwell to do my stint.

Anyway, sleep tight vicar and all who sail in this thread :)

Good morning everyone I hope everyone got sleep last night.

I think the meds increase is making me light headed. Hopefully it'll calm down after a few doses.

I've just had the clinic letter from my appointment on Friday, not a nice read and threats of hospital.

I am sure they aren't meant as threats, snowy - just stating the circumstances and the treatment possibilities according to the ongoing state of your mh.

Hopefully the lightheadness means the meds are having a beneficial effect. After my short psychosis in the summer due to completely fucked sleep pattern, I must say quetiapine was a great help in getting back to something akin to a normal pattern (which for me include naps :)) An hour after I took mine in the evening, I had to go to bed, as could actually feel myself starting to fall asleep on the spot.

I was like that on quetiapine too, I don't take it any more. The lightheadess is definitely the meds, I've had the same happen before. You're right, sleep is important.

Level 2 here.

having a rubbish day here - though am on level 3 with bonus points but ive just cried my eye make up off.

i had a lie in - woke at 9.30. got up let dog out, then went back to bed with the cat - didnt sleep but just rested with a curled up cat by my side.

got up at 11 - walked dog.
came back to find that DD had put her 2 best white T shirts into washer after i had washed some black suede riding accessories so they are now blue and she is crying and screaming in her bedroom.

then the builder came back to try and explain to the neighbours that my drive way wasnt going to interfere with theirs - long story but we had drive block paved and im surrounded on both sides by - as my builder said - dickheads.

one side erected a fence and then decided it should be six inches more on my side (they chuffing put it up!) and made us take 6" of block paving up.
then the other side have some old fence posts in - its my border and my responsibility but i asked if i could remove them out of courtesy. they said no. so my builder had to leave a gap - i lost a bricks width of garage and he had a gulley which he filled with pebbles. my drive had proper drainage in - its all got a 10yr guarantee - but now that neighbour is saying we should have taken the posts up after all and butted our drive up to theirs because they now think that my drive was supporting theirs and they are worried theirs will sink now. (its old old paving slabs - been there since 1964 and all broken anyway!!!)

so i just lost my rag completely out side in the garden with the neighbour, burst into tears and walked in - my poor builder.

so im sat here feeling flat, fed up, and tearful. dreadfully dreadfully pissed off with everything. The garden was an absolute eyesore before we did it - its been sorted and landscaped front and back, cost me almost 10k, and all im getting is flack.

Dsis says im jsut too nice and should stop asking people and just do things.
she is right. im feeling such a mug on so many levels. i try to do the right thing all the time and i always end up suffering for it.

*i lost a bricks width worth of driveway -not garage. brain not working

Hugs to all, and sorry to hear about your sister's grandson UA.

I have been taking it easy and doing little and not too often but it has given me more space to do things.... if this makes sense. I don't feel overwhelmed and productive one day then worn out for the rest of the week.

Vicar, I have found a few books on PTSD and one goes into the rewind therapy in a fair bit of detail. I figured since I could do self hypnosis, I should try. So far, my anxiety about certain events is less but it hasn't really been tested. I am approaching with cautious optimism as it means one thing less to deal with; there are enough other areas which now need work on.

Over the last week or so I have been considering an unexpected offer of a part-time position. It is a tremendous offer and would mean I would be able to get a reference from a different last employer than the boss I had so many difficulties with and whom I suspect of not being in the least helpful of helping me move forward (seeing how 'helpful' he was when I worked for him).

Yay but it is terrifying me. I have forgotten what a work relationship is and it makes me incredibly anxious. So I am trying to deal with this and to figure some ways to cope and handle these feelings. I know I am competent and capable but the anxiety turns me into a blubbering wreck that suffers from an inability to do anything for fear of getting it wrong.... as whatever I did in my last job (even following instructions to a T at the cost of not making use of my experience and abilities) resulted in some form of getting told off or put down etc.

In some ways I feel that my challenges are much less than the ones that many of you are learning to live with and I do sometimes feel a bit of guilt posting if that makes sense. It certainly has been overwhelming at times but I find myself going into the same unhelpful pattern of thinking that wasn't so bad when things are feeling better.

Snowy, the healthcare team are concerned for you and the hospital is not meant as a threat but as a help. I can understand some of why you probably are reluctant (I would probably be in your situation to be honest) but I know deep down that if it were a good friend I would tell them to consider.

(Lobs a big rock at Nananina's HM; misses so pulls out a snake charmer's flute and blows a lulling melody)

Level 3 with bouncy curls

Oh Vicar. have a please and a

Can DD's t-shirts be replaced?

Neighbours - I am sorry about that.

1. enjoy your garden and don't let this detract from your enjoyment and pleasure at seeing its metamorphosis.

1. it's a shame that the neighbours originally would not let you move the posts and now want you to. I appreciate their concerns and you do not want to do anything which may cause damage BUT they didn't consent when you nicely asked.

1. the other neighbour doesn't sound quite as reasonable.

1. your dsis is right; you have been incredibly understanding and I think that you are possibly trying to keep everybody happy (which is difficult if they don't know what they want and change their minds). You have done what you could, based upon the information given to you and have been incredibly accommodating. Be gentle with yourself; you cannot please everybody (hope this does not read too harsh).

That does sound awful Vicar, people messing you around whilst you're being considerate. :( Look after yourself first.

Also, snowy it helps them to plan resources if they know you might need another place of treatment, in addition to or in place of your home visits and phone calls. So they need to put that in the notes.

Thanks silvery, I'm very suspicious of the medics at the moment, which colours everything.

I am now (faintly) scared. My CPN said to me that neither she nor my consultant are happy with how things are at present, and either she or my consultant will ring me tomorrow. I really hope they don't suggest inpatient, I really couldn't bear it.

MK do not feel guilty - the problem we all have in common is the disease. People can go through all sorts without getting depression but, for some reason, those of us here (and many others) can't because of something in our brains not working properly.

There are no levels of worthiness - though, having no trauma in my past does make me feel a bit presumptuous when I share.

If sharing helps you then post. You don't know how much it helps the rest of us when you do. That post you just wrote was written by your depression - it's the isolating disease for a reason

Vicar, you've gone above and beyond - they're taking a lend of you now. I know it's not easy but take the time to enjoy your garden and if they start having another go, remind them that the decisions that caused these problems were made by them and that they can sort it out themselves now and walk away with absolute serenity and the assurance you are right (because we all say so )

Snowy I really don't know what to say to you but didn't want to not mention what you must be going through. What is it, specifically, that puts you off in-patient treatment? If you don't accept in-patient treatment, what is it you would need to improve your current state of health?

Level 1 this morning, level 3 this pm. Walk with pal. Still have yesterday's washing up to do

Hi HB I can't handle being around so many people, and being watched all the time, I hope they remember that. The letter I got earlier today said that they would respect my wish not to go into hospital, but that they were concerned about the level of risk. There isn't really anyone offline that I can talk to about this. I think they want my mood to lift and for the voices to be less strong or not there at all, and for the suicidal thoughts to go. Congrats on level 3!

snowy can you tell us why you are so scared ? I can only imagine how much inpatient treatment must scare you .....we need our safe havens for sure like home . But maybe your recovery can be better managed and quicker as an in patient? Formal letters always scare the beejeeus out of me also. it is the way they are worded . The lack of warm support . See it as it is Snowy ...a standard careful worded letter to all they care for . Covering their back as is the way in todays world . I am thinking of you lots . See you on Fluffys thread supporting so much .

Mama so good to see you post and your wise words . I do hope you consider this part time work . You sound intrigued by it and want to do it ?
A long time ago I was given a cassette tape by a friend by someone called Robert Farago ..........talking 15 years ago but still use these words so often .
I still use the mantra [it was kind of self hypnosis ] most days if uneasy.
" No More Worries . No More Worries . The Past has gone . The Future is only Conjecture "
True isnt it ? Your appalling treatment by your arse boss is in the past lovely lady . The future is a clean slate and we must try not to scare ourselves by past experiences . Hope this doest come across badly . It helped me hugely when at work latterly and wetting myself at the day ahead to mutter this under my breath on the bus.

Helles you are inspiring . You really are . I dont have trauma in my past either [although I suspect we share maybe narcissistic parents] . The retreats you mention are very interesting and would like to know more when you care to .

Vicar re neighbours . You know what? You are damned if you do and damned if you dont these days . Being decent and asking in advance and being gentle and friendly .
Had similar issues with mine over the years and truly am very adverse to confrontation . Live peacefully and with tolerance as you do .
There is something about borders and fences that get the most placid of people raging .
My nemesis was an ancient old disease ridden Elder tree that straddled both properties . I love trees but this poor thing was pleading to be felled . Nope said the neighbour and it stayed and got sicker and blighted all around it .
New neighbour felled it years later without asking .........got the wine out that night . The other neighbours get itchy if any climbing rose tweeks its way through the fence and get tweezers out to remove any sign of growth .
just smile and do what you need to do in your own garden and boundary Vicar.......please dont cry . The nice folk always get trampled on .
Hey maybe we can have a gardening theme to the next thread .

Bit worried about Nina and Ed today . hope you are ok ladies .

Waves to all who I have not mentioned ..........got to go tea needs making .

basset the old CAB adviser in me feels compelled to tell you that any bits that your neighbour cuts off the roses on her side must be returned to you

oh how we used to love it when a client came in about a neighbour dispute (not). I blush to say that my DB was involved in one regarding the leylandii he had let grown - glad I was well out of that one.

snowy at least in my neck of the woods, in-patient psych hospitals are good at understanding the need to be alone, with individual rooms, and quiet rooms, and women only quiet rooms. So they understand and try to cater for people who feel as you do.

I can appreciate your concerns about being watched snowy what would work for you instead?

bf the retreat I go on has a really long title that includes:
north, east, younger, women's and methodist but not necessarily in that order and I've forgotten a few words. One of the sessions this year was that God doesn't make rubbish which was hard to take in. I give myself such very good advice, but I very rarely follow it!
a lot of enters do a range of open retreats as well as individual retreats for peaceful meditation. I heartily recommend them and wpuld gp on more if I could.

Thanks all. I've been inpatient before, I usually find it quite overwhelming, there are shared rooms in my local hospital. Hopefully that wont happen, I'm sure even if they wanted to admit me they'd have to wait for a bed.

HB, I'm hoping I can stay in the community, with the support of the crisis team.. That retreat sounds great.