Waiting for the crisis team - support needed.

[Fluffydressinggown]

I have posted on the sertraline thread but wanted to post elsewhere.

I have been feeling increasingly unwell over the past few weeks and my self harm has increased. In the past week I have started to see signs from God that I should kill myself. I know that these are irrational thoughts but I am finding it hard not to believe them.

I saw my psychologist today and I was very upset because I feel so confused. I know what the signs are telling me but I am so scared. I don't know what the right thing to do is.

After I saw him I sat in my car for an hour outside the CMHT office, I couldn't move or do anything I just felt so stuck. The songs on the radio were giving me signs and I know that I have to hurt myself properly but I am so scared.

I went back inside and spoke to him again. He rang the crisis team and said that he had told them that while I am normally very high risk at the most they felt I was at a significant risk of harm that could only be managed in hospital.

They are coming out at 8pm to assess me for an admission.

I am so scared. I have been IP twice in the past six months. I feel like such a failure. I know I am seeing connections that aren't there, and my psychologist said that I am delusional but I can't shake it.

I am scared of an admission, scared of being at home and killing myself tonight. Scared. :(

I am not a bad person but all of these signs are showing me that I am.

[vacuuming]

Hi Fluffy, Hope you had a better day today!

[Sunnywithshowers]

Hi Fluffy, thinking of you xxx

[SnowyMouse]

Hi fluffy I hope today has gone ok, thinking of you.

[Fluffydressinggown]

I play words with friends yes.

Had an ok day I guess. Saw my psychologist today, I know that God is speaking through him.

Nice night staff on tonight.

[LoganMummy]

Hi Fluffy, hope you're doing ok.

Having looked at the amazing pics you coloured you inspired me to actually join in colouring in with my DS today - I'd forgotten how much I used to love it! Nowhere near as good as yours but I'll be making it a regular habit!

[bassetfeet]

No hurry Fluffy to do what you feel you need to do . So wait a while if you can . Let time flow .
So good that you have good nice night staff on tonight .It makes a difference for sure . Going to get a takeaway or watch a film with them? keep with other folk if you can and stay safe for tonight .
No hurry . just Let it Be as the Beatles say for now .....have a lovely sleep .

[OliviaMumsnet]

Hope you're okay fluffy

[pashapasta]

Hi Fluffy, another lurker signing in to say how amazing your colouring is! Hope you have a good restful night.

[pashapasta]

Hi Fluffy, another lurker signing in to say how amazing your colouring is! Hope you have a good restful night.

[Elderflowergranita]

Hi Fluffy, I've been following your thread. Hope you get a good rest rest tonight.

Your colouring is beautiful by the way.

[Elderflowergranita]

I think we're all in agreement about your colouring talents!

[Sunnywithshowers]

Hello lovely I'm glad you've got nice staff on. Massive hugs xxx

[Fluffydressinggown]

Had a bad night escaped from my constant and tgey had to cut a ligature off. I am so so tired. I am sorry to be so negative im just finding things so hard.

I appreciate all your kind thoughts here.

It feels endless

[Elderflowergranita]

We are all thinking about you Fluffy. Hope you get some rest tonight. Things are very hard for you right now but please try to take some comfort from the very many people here who are wishing you well.

[SnowyMouse]

I'm sorry life is so difficult, fluffy I hope you got some rest and/or sleep last night.

[Sunnywithshowers]

Big hugs, lovely xxx I hope you have a better day today.

[pinkyponk67]

Only just found this thread. I hope fluffy is ok.

[Maebe]

Hi Fluffy, just wanted to say hello and see how you are doing today. Thinking of you a lot and checking the thread. Please let us know how you are feeling today if you can x

[leelteloo]

Hi Fluffy, how's thing going today?

[essexmumma]

Will stop lurking and say I hope you are ok fluffy!

[Fluffydressinggown]

Hi on myphone so excuse slpellings. Off constants, feeling crap but am ok. My neck looks like shit which is depressong. Very snowy here x

[SnowyMouse]

Glad you're ok, well done, keep going. Sorry about your neck, hugs.

[Pancakeflipper]

Hello Fluffy.
Sorry you are feeling crap. You neck will heal, have you any nice moisturiser to rub in to help it along?
Snow is falling here. Far more than forecasted, it never turned into sleet or rain like they reckoned. Can your DH make it through to visit you tonight?
Did you see the consultant the other day? Did they say anything of note or was it usual expected words?
Take care Fluffy x

[leelteloo]

Arnica is very good for bruising, maybe dh could get you some in a cream for your neck. It's snowing here too: hate it! X

[Sunnywithshowers]

Hello Fluffy
I'm sorry you're feeling so crap, I hope you feel better in yourself soon.
I'm sure your neck will heal in a few days and look much better - bruising is good like that.
Big hugs to you lovely xxx