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Mental health

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Original poster

I can't cope anymore, I've had enough

28 replies

nutcracker · 28/03/2006 18:15

The kids hate me, the house is a tip, I can;t keep on top of anything.

Dd1 wants her dad to come back and me leave instead and tbh i think it's a great idea cos they are obviously all hating being with me.

I can't keep up witt the house work, everytime i try i turn round and they've messed it all up.

I just feel so crap.

OP posts:

Original poster

nutcracker · 28/03/2006 18:17

I mean how much screaming, shouting and banging am I supposed to listen to from them until I explode ?

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Flossam · 28/03/2006 18:19

Oh, NC it was always going to be hard sweetie, sorry you are having such a rough time though. Your kids do love you, it is just that now it is you doing all the telling off, asking to do things etc. It means that you will always seem like the baddie. I don't know what your set up is, but probably ex gets all the fun times, where he can be nice. Maybe they could help you to tidy up? Hope you are feeling better soon.

mumatuks · 28/03/2006 18:20

The kids don't hate you, they are just upset and out to hurt. You're their mum and they are at home so know they think they can say what they want. (I'm remembering arguing with my mum)
So your house is a tip? Well, you're not the only one, is mine and I bet a good 75% of mumsnetters do not have tidy houses right now. No one ever died of a untidy house!! Don't worry, it can be done later.
You sound tired / worn out and pissed off as well as depressed.
Get them to bed and then sit down and think rationally. It is always worse when they play you up are screaming crying arguing.
Please message back if you can.

buffythenappyslayer · 28/03/2006 18:20

my lot are at it aswell atm!sorry your feeling so down.my house usually resembles a warzone!im sure they dont hate you.they'll try using your dp/dh against you.chuck them in the bath and straight to bed,get yourself a glass of wine and have an early night!bugger the housework,so what if its a mess!you sound like you need a break nutcracker.is there anyone who can take the kids off you so you can have some you time?

FrumpyGrumpysatonawall · 28/03/2006 18:21

Give up for now, pour a cuppa and start again after bedtime. My best to you honey.

Original poster

nutcracker · 28/03/2006 18:22

Thanks Flossam, i knew it would be hard but tbh i never thought it would be quite this hard.

I have asked them to help me tidy up but they just say no and laugh and walk off.

I feel so unorganised, lonely, fed up, grumpy and I know it is effecting them even though I try not to let it.

Perhaps he would be better having the kids.

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Cadbury · 28/03/2006 18:23

housework doesn't matter really, in the grand scheme of things - especially if the kids are just going to mess it up again. And as for what your dd said - my dd has said something similar to me. But you will be the one she turns too when she is feeling blue - she's just lashing out.

Be kind to yourself. You've done a really brave thing, starting out without your exp, but give your self a break and shut yourself in your room somewhere and make that your haven. Do you have a lock on the door?

Original poster

nutcracker · 28/03/2006 18:24

Thanks all

I have told them off so much today it's no wonder they hate me, i hate me too.

Unfortunatly there is no one to have the kids for me. My mum is busy at work this week and their dad is being a t**t at the mo so i doubt we'll hear form him for a few days at least.

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Original poster

nutcracker · 28/03/2006 18:25

No no lock hence the contents of my wardrobe being strew over my floor by dd2 and ds.

Dd1's easter pressie was in there and they have told her what it is now.

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BudaBabe · 28/03/2006 18:25

Oh nutcracker - you poor thing. They don't hate you really. They are just lashing out. And kids are experts are pressing our buttons.

Do the wine / early night thing. Everything will seem better if you are not tired. Sod the house.

How old are your children?

DumbledoresGirl · 28/03/2006 18:26

Nutty, your situation does sound very familiar, except that my partner is still with me. Our house is a tip, I no sooner clear one room than it is trashed again, my youngest especially takes perverse delight in asking for his daddy 20 times a day, yet (and here is the reason you shouldn't take their comments personally) the minute he walks through the door, ds3 won't have anything to do with him and wants me! Sometimes I just lie on the bed for half the day overwhelmed by the sheer amount of work there is to be done. When my dh is away on business, I long for him to come back and yet the moment he is back, all he seems to do is shout at the children and I wish he would go away again! In short, that is life with small children.

It must be so disheartening for you, but you cannot take what your children say and do personally. They must be very upset and confused at the moment.

Original poster

nutcracker · 28/03/2006 18:26

They are 8, 6 and 3 BB.

Have no wine so can't do that but will give them a bath and an early night and have a cuppa.

Hopefully things might seem better in the morning.

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mumatuks · 28/03/2006 18:27

How old are your children?> Are they old enough for you to get them together, sit on the settee, or bed and have a chat with them. Tell them straight. If you wind mummy up, she gets angry with you, but if you all work together as a team everyone is happy.?
Sorry that hasn't sounded like I wanted to, I hope YSWIM.

essemvee · 28/03/2006 18:27

Nothing to add to others' wise advice, just my good wishes and hope it will get better. Hang in there...

mumatuks · 28/03/2006 18:28

oops X post and answered my question!

Feistybird · 28/03/2006 18:29

Get a huge saucepan and a something to bash it with to et their attention, then announce you're having a family meeting.

I don't know what ages they are, so you will have to adjust the info accordingly. Be honest with them, tell them that you know it's hard since their dad left, but now all the jobs, telling off, organising stuff is up to you and you are finding it hard tough too.

Give them all jobs, then arrange something nice for when it's all done - hot choc or someting. I know it won't last but it will see you through the next few hours.

Sorry it's so bad for you atm.

Original poster

nutcracker · 28/03/2006 18:29

No i know what you mean mumatuks and i have tried that with the elder two but they just think it's funny that I am stressed.

We have a few good days since xp left and i've said to them 'look how it can be' kinda thing but they lose interest, running around shreiking and whacking each other seems to be better.

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buffythenappyslayer · 28/03/2006 18:29

SNAP dumbledoresgirl!!your life is exactly like mine!!dd3 screams for daddy all day,and wont go near him when he gets in.all he does is shout at the kids and tells me hes sick of them not listening,even though hes only seen them for 5 mins and ive had them all day!!

Original poster

nutcracker · 28/03/2006 18:30

I feel like such a cow. I mean i wanted kids for gods sake and yet i don't enjoy them at all right now.

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mumatuks · 28/03/2006 18:33

Right this is the only thing I can think of. Next tiime they start up running around, give em a cushion or pillow each, and one for you, then all beat hell of each other, therefor exhuming energy, getting rid of pent up anger and hopefully all feeling better!!
Yes, I know violence isn't the way to go, but its only pillows and if mummy is seeen having fun maybe she won't look like the bad guy.
HTH!

Original poster

nutcracker · 28/03/2006 18:33

Right i'm going to take a deep breath and go chuck them in the bath and see how we go.

Thanks all it means alot that there are people there listening to my moaning

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LIZS · 28/03/2006 18:34

Agree you need some time ot yourself -does ds go to a playgroup now ? If so allocate pat of your "free" time to clearing up and shopping and some to do something for yourself.

As regards the tidying it sounds as if you have to get some sort of system going - they are old enough to help at least - insist on them putting things away before tea or tv, or ban toys from downstairs if practical, so you don't have to look at whatever they leave behind. Can you get a box (or one per child) into which you chuck anything left downstairs or out of place when they have gone to bed, take it upstairs then they have to reclaim the contents or you can distribute int he morning when they are at school. Mind you I'm a fine one to talk - still got Christmas toys in our lounge !

Also use kids' bathtime as a chance to give upstairs a wipe around or sort laundry. Work out what in your mind you can achieve in 10 minutes , so you can say put the dishes away, wipe the kitchen surfaces over or dust the lounge in bursts or while you are on the phone and feel as if you have achieved something.

Good luck, it sounds tough atm.

DumbledoresGirl · 28/03/2006 18:34

I do have to say though Nutty that your 8 and 6 year olds really should be made to tow the line a bit. I have an 8 and 6 year old too (and a 9 yo) and I do make them do some things like laying the table, tidying their rooms (at least enough so I can walk in there!) I keep thinking I should make hem do more as I am getting very frazzled running around after them all. Even my 3 yo can be asked to tidy up a toy or puzzle although I find it works better if I do it with him.

Don't let them laugh at your stress. Is there something you could take away from them if they fail to do as they are asked? My 9 and 8 yos have gameboys permanently attached to their hands so that makes a great threat: the confiscation of the gameboys.

Feistybird · 28/03/2006 18:35

and if it all kicks off again read \link{http://www.mumsnet.com/Talk?topicid=1375&threadid=159554\this}
made me smile

FrumpyGrumpysatonawall · 28/03/2006 18:37

Try not to blame yourself either, they'd probably be like this even if your relationaship problems didn't exist. My house is the SAME, DD and DTs - crazy mess and drives me NUTS!!

Right now DTs in the bath and DD in the shower so best save them before they drown. Believe me though, the noise is right up there. Stay strong, we're here for you when they're not.

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