Advice sought

[mum1966]

Hello All

I am a newbie to the forum, but have been watching from the sidelines for quite some time

I am writing about a friend of mine, as he has gotten himself into a bit of a pickle and im trying to help

I got together this guy 18 months ago and we really get on well,( we plan to live together after xmas) im a single mum of 3 and he has been BRILLIANT, i want to point out that he is bi-polar, but deals with it remarkably.

prior to my meeting him, he was a lad about town, and quite often ended up in trouble with the police, 20 years ago it was quite serious he ended up in prison a couple times, but he has straightened himself out in the last 5,

in 2010 he hit on hard times and had to claim benefits, as he just couldnt manage, we werent together at this time, he was going to come off benefits in 2011 but his home was burgled and he really found it difficult to cope, he therefore carried on claiming housing benefit, to help with his rent, he told the council that he was earning only £120.00 per week as a driver,although he was getting somewhere between £180.00 and £220.00, this was before he had to take out his expenses such as fuel running costs of vehicle etc, he was renting a trading name from someone who took a percentage of his incomings, in cash!

Things started to change for him this year and in August he contacted his council and notified them that as of september he wouldnt be claiming any further benefits, and on the 1st September he went into the housing benefit office and cancelled his claim in writing.

In August, he had a bit of an email arguement with someone, and they contacted the police stating he was harassing them, unfortunately he was arrested in september, and the police took away his laptop, even though he admitted to sending this guy 7 emails, the police put him on bail and told him to return in 6 weeks, he is now in a proper state because he is worried that the police will see his invoices on the laptop and get the council involved, even though he has already cancelled his claim, he never expected this to happen

I am deeply worried about him now, he isnt sleeping properly or eating, he thinks he is going to end up in prison, as this seems to be the norm of anyone convicted of benefit fraud, I just dont know what to do or say to help him, I tried to convince him that has he cancelled his claim before any of this happened, it will be ok, be he wont accept it, i really need help please, anyone who can advise please do, please dont write to tell me how wrong he was for doing what he did, we both realise this, thank you for reading my post

You sound like a lovely person, just the type of person whose heart would go out to someone like this, because they have so many problems to overcome

However, regardles of your feelings for him, he isn't your responsibility, your three children are.

He is a convicted criminal who only stopped committing benefit fraud six weeks ago and since then has also managed to find himself in the middle of a criminal investigation for a completely separate crime.

This is not normal behaviour.

Either he is a habitual criminal offender

OR

his bipolar is not being managed at all and he needs serious medical intervention.

Either way, he sounds a very alarming person for you to be involved with

There is enough info on tax returns to let people offset their expenses without entering the incorrect amount for earnings. So he commited benefit fraud and is now scared of getting caught? Really finding it hard to be sympathetic here.

please dont write to tell me how wrong he was for doing what he did, we both realise this, thank you for reading my post

I'm not sure you've come to the right place OP. There is often harsh, even unwanted advice given on here. It's not always easy to take but is definitely worth listening to!

Perhaps, and I mean this in the nicest possible way, it would be better to let this grown man who has committed a crime worry about himself, and concentrate on whether your children should be involved in something like this!

Either way, good luck.

kalisi it would not be unusual to have weekly taxi fee's of anything from £100 to about £250 a week and thats before petrol some companies will even charge £350 pw but those would be concidered high costs.

if he is ill and it impacts on how often he works ect it is highly probable that he has commited no fraud

As sock said, also it can be very difficult for someone who is unwell to sort out their finances never mind filling out tax returns. This is something his cpn should have been helping him with.

It's also common to fixate on things so even though his emails may not have been threatening if they are unwanted contact they will be classed as harassment, which he may find difficult to understand if he is unwell

If he hasn't lied about his earnings then he has nothing to worry about. I suspect by his reaction that is not the case!
That being said, the police won't be looking at his invoices so don't worry he won't get caught. Shame really.

hmrc get a bit about taxi drivers who declair less than about 14k(obviously changes every year but these are relivant for this tax year) a year after deductions as thats the income they would usually see happening.

i would normally be at anything less than about 19k (that would be based on approx 18 years of co-owning taxi companies for that read i owned but as i had other work exh delt with all taxi stuff bar accounts)

normally any taxi driver who told me they earnt less but worked fairly normal taxi hours i would be quite happy to either call them a liar or tell them they were obviously doing it wrong.

however given that we are talking about a person who is ill and does have issues it is entirely probable that they have had a caotic work approach or not worked hours that would be concidered normal for a taxi driver or even been out 'working' but really hiding away in a side street no where near any customers. and that would not be unusual with a person who had bi polar when on a downer. it sounds strange but is something i have noticed with drivers who have problems.

chances are he only thinks he has defrauded but actually hasnt its not unusual for a person with bi polar to belive they have done something wrong when they havent. and a huge ammount of benefit depts often during a investigation will find no wrong doing even if the person thinks they have done something bad (im basing that on an aspect of my other work that heavily involves benefit advocacy).

It does sound very much like the stress of everything going is triggering a manic episode. So as some others here have suggested, I would urge him to contact his GP and perhaps you'll get more sympathetic responses if you post in Mental Health. It really is just a wait and see situation regarding the claims/emails etc, but as far as his mental health is concerned, you cannot 'wait and see' how that will pan out, he needs help now and then when stable, will be in a better position to deal with the other stuff. (Speaking from experience of family members with severe mental illnesses.) Hope things work out for you both.

You sound like a lovely, kindhearted person op. I would however be wary of bringing this man further into your children's lives. Maybe you should keep him separate from them.

Helping to rehabilitate someone is brilliant but not at the expense of your innocent children.

I have reported in mental health
Thank you

I think it is really inappropriate to be considering moving this man in with your children at this stage. He is still having problems staying on the right side of the law, is still involved with the police, and is still struggling with his mental health. Don't bring that drama into your home.

As for the laptop, it seems unlikely the police would think anything of the invoices. There isn't anything you can do about it now either way.

I hesitate to use this phrase normally...but he really doesn't sound like much of a catch .

Hi Everyone,

Thanks to all who have drawn our attention to this thread.

We see that the OP has just re-started this thread in Mental Health, so we are going to substitute it by moving this thread. It does seem a better fit.

OP we will drop you a mail.

Thanks for all your supportive posts.