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Original poster

AAARRRGGGHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

42 replies

NASWM · 12/03/2006 18:47

I want to scream and I know some people on here will understand. AAAARRRRRGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DS has had operation this week. All was going well then on Friday he got ill. Today he seemed v good and was desperate to go out, so we went out for a bit. Then when we got home he was really ill again. Feel guilty for taking him out. Probably overdone it.

And my damn washing machine keeps filling with water so dont know how to clean all the stuff.

And I'm knackered

And I couldn't get out to church this evening. My one evening a week off duty from the kids

And I want to run away and hide. Bad mother that I am.

Feel so angry with everything. Angry This afternoon was lovely, all of us together and now I feel like all the crap has come back again. :(

OP posts:
misdee · 12/03/2006 18:48

re:washing machine, do you mean it won't drain the water??

Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 18:49

yes. It has been washing ok but I put some tumble drying on and it just filled with water.

OP posts:
misdee · 12/03/2006 18:49

oh its a washer-dryer??

fastasleep · 12/03/2006 18:50

Operations throw schedule and normality out of the window don't they Sad it'll get better soon, honest!

And I bet there's a nice MN trick to fix that machine!!

Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 18:50

yes. Is this trying to get me to think about something else. It's working!

OP posts:
Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 18:52

thanks fastasleep. But he was doing so bloody well. He's had other ops this year and not reacted like this. Although he has been ill pretty much all this year so it all muddles in to one.

Wish I didn't want to run away. Wish I could cry. Wish I didn't have sick kids. Wish I was a better mother. wish wish wish

OP posts:
misdee · 12/03/2006 18:53

:) Its Sparklymieow here not Misdee BTW, she has been on my PC...
Eat some chocolate and sit down :)

sparklymieow · 12/03/2006 18:53

whoops!

fastasleep · 12/03/2006 18:54

You're not a bad mother, you've stuck with your DS and supported him though every operation, taking him out isn't being bad - I mean, trying to please him is hardly a bad mum thing!

I wanted to run away the second I found out about DS's kidney problems, only I couldn't as he was in my uterus!! Grin

You're doing great!

Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 18:54

couldnt eat choc if I wanted to right now. Just waiting for DH to finish bathing other DS and getting in bath myself. Took full brunt of last attack.

OP posts:
fastasleep · 12/03/2006 18:54

Have a nice bubbly soak (and a glass of something!)

Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 18:56

think I will have nice bath. couldnt drink anything eiter right now. Had too much last night as well

OP posts:
Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 18:59

fastasleep - how do you keep smiling when you want to scream out loud but cant becuase everyone needs you?

OP posts:
fastasleep · 12/03/2006 19:04

You secretly pin the insides of your mouth up so you look like this all the time Grin

and then you hide under the covers every night and sob your heart out!!

It will get better, you can do this, I promise you'll look back at yourself from the future and be amazed at how strong you're being... xxx have a lovely bath, just relaaax, take a book? Or a magazine?

Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 19:06

When though? I am SOO tired of everything. I;m not cut out for this. And i dont cry. Wish I did. Dont know how to. Feel like I need to. Put on a brave face for so long it doesnt happen any more

OP posts:
fastasleep · 12/03/2006 19:09

Yeah I know how that is, sometimes I had to try really hard to just squeeze the tears out so I could get some kind of 'release'!

Have you tried having a good screaming and kicking fit in your bedroom with the pillows? That might just be me who felt better after that though!! Blush

Sorry you've not got much time to yourself Sad

Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 19:11

Might try that fastaleep when I am clean. DS1 oout of the bath now so nearly my turn. Typical, we had had such a nice time today , all of us together and DH and I were getting on so well we had 'arranged' an early night.. typical

OP posts:
fastasleep · 12/03/2006 19:12

You'll have better days soon :) you will

Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 19:14

Bath free so am going to get clean. Thansk for listening Fastasleep - and otehrs. Still shaking and want to scream but it has been good having you listen. (And DumbledoresGirl on MSN at same time)

OP posts:
fastasleep · 12/03/2006 19:15

:) Anytime

Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 19:17

just remembered the damn washing machine. sparkymieow where are you to distract me again! :)

OP posts:
Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 19:17

see I am still smiling. :) even if I am Angry and :( inside. That is typical of me though, adn others too I guess

OP posts:
DumbledoresGirl · 12/03/2006 19:18

NASWM, you know I am there for you whenever you want me to be. Even if I am not on msn, you have my number, use it.

Was looking for a prayer I used to take comfort in:

Lord grant us a quiet night and a perfect end.

It says it all for me really.

Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 19:19

Thanks DG. It brought a lump to my throat. You get soome rest tonight too. Tell the kids and DH what I said and go to bed. I'm okay. Dont you go worrying about me.

OP posts:
Original poster
NASWM · 12/03/2006 19:20

Need to log out now or DH will be able to see what crap I've been saying while I am in the bath.

OP posts: