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PTSD and being unable to talk about what caused it

70 replies

whathasthecatdonenow · 02/08/2012 18:42

I have PTSD and severe depression stemming from an incident in my past. I've had counselling and psychotherapy as well as Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing. I've tried lots of ADs. I can't get better because I can't actually say out loud what happened to me. I freaked out badly during the EMDR when I had to relive the incident backwards, and ran away from the psychologist, resulting in the Police coming to find me.

All of the professionals I've seen have given up on me because I can't get better. I try to say it out loud but it is like a physical block and I just throw up. The flashbacks are getting worse and I'm really at the end of my tether. I'm on holiday now, but I'm dreading going back to work in September. I just don't know what to do. It has been three years and I can't see anyway out from this black hole.

Has anyone got any advice?

OP posts:
whathasthecatdonenow · 03/08/2012 19:35

I could afford private therapy, but I don't really know where to start. I'm severely depressed as well as having PTSD and it all feels like such a struggle to get nowhere. I'm terrified of EMDR after last time, and I don't know how I can progress if I don't 'buy into' the therapy. My sister had ECT but it has left her with memory problems and that would make my job impossible.

OP posts:
yellowraincoat · 03/08/2012 19:36

Could you start by looking at the BACP website? You don't have to decide on anything yet, just have a look about and see what's in your area.

LastMangoInParis · 03/08/2012 20:02

whathasthecatdonenow I've PMed you. I hope that's OK.

The posts on this thread about how awful it can feel when counsellors/therapists insist that you 'should be able to' talk about traumatic events have really resonated with me. (I though it was just me who'd had this experience. Glad it's not.)

I've found it really useful to read this thread, although of course I feel quite angry too.

Very helpful to read about other people's experience and posts from therapists who don't use this approach, though.

whathasthecatdonenow · 03/08/2012 20:25

I think it is me, not the therapists, I don't want anyone to be put off from seeking help. Six different professionals have given up on me, so I think I may be beyond help. I can barely motivate myself to even post on here, let alone actually get better. Perhaps this is just what is meant to be, some sort of divine punishment for being who I am.

OP posts:
mosp · 03/08/2012 20:28

You are not unhelpable. At least, I really hope not because that would make a lot of us unhelpable too!
What part of the country are you in?

whathasthecatdonenow · 03/08/2012 20:30

I'm in the North West of England.

OP posts:
mosp · 03/08/2012 20:32

You know, I so desperately want to be helpful here but I just can't because I am a mess myself. My thoughts about myself are just nearly identical to yours so it feels hypocritical to contradict you. But I will anyway: you do not deserve this. It's not a punishment. Our experiences form us and we are the ones who decide if we fight on or break to pieces.
Please keep trying. Is there anyone in rl who can support you?

mosp · 03/08/2012 20:33

Ok, I just wondered if you were anywhere near me (nottingham) as there is a trauma centre here.

whathasthecatdonenow · 03/08/2012 20:39

No-one knows what happened, or how depressed I am. I plaster on a smile and avoid people as much as possible.

I'm sorry you feel like this too, I honestly don't know where to go from here. If six therapists can't make a difference, why would a seventh?

OP posts:
JuliaScurr · 03/08/2012 20:41

Art therapy?
Spiritually based retreats?

I and a friend (seperately) had these
retreats could inolve speaking but maybe not

mosp · 03/08/2012 20:49

Maybe a seventh could... It is worth trying. You could maybe write down the issue you have - being unable to speak directly about it. Then they are prepared.
Do you think it is the 'formality' of a therapy situation that makes it worse for you and more pressurised to 'cooperate'?
I find that true for me, and also people I am friends with.
Can you think of a hypothetical setting where you could get it out? E.g. With a nice stranger in a bar, drinking a glass of wine?
I'm not suggesting you do that by the way, I'm just projecting a scenario where I would be most likely to open my mouth.
Just trying to understand you.
Sorry I am not helping.

mercibucket · 03/08/2012 21:03

Keep on looking for the person whose approach matches yours. Maybe tell them upfront that you don't want to relive the events themselves and see what they say. There are many different approaches, not just a one size fits all approach. If you can afford to go private, this will help.

I also had ptsd and (think) I am ok now, without counselling. It did take a long time but I am better now. Obviously counselling is far better I'm sure but I just wanted you to know that you will not just stay stuck forever as you are now, even if you don't find a counsellor whose approach matches yours. Having said that, I still pretty much can't talk about it, but I don't have to and I don't get the flashbacks any more

Selks · 03/08/2012 21:30

Dear Whathasthecatdonenow, I really urge you to seek out Narrative Therapy, if you can afford some private therapy. It is a healing, strengthening therapy and it will not insist on you talking about the trauma. I am a mental health practitioner and therapist myself, although not in narrative therapy, but worked closely with a lovely narrative therapist in my old post and I feel that this kind of therapy would be beneficial for you.
Here is a link - pants website, but Hugh Fox is a well renowned narrative therapist, and I'm sure he'll be happy to discuss any questions you have re narrative therapy and point you in the direction of narrative therapists in your area.
Best wishes

Selks · 03/08/2012 21:38

This is a piece of writing that describes trauma symptoms via a narrative therapy viewpoint.

whathasthecatdonenow · 03/08/2012 22:08

Thank you. I have had a look on the BACP website and will check out the other links and advice.

I am grateful even if I don't appear to be so.

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NanaNina · 03/08/2012 22:18

Hmm sorry selks I found your links difficult to understand and I think I am at least of average intelligence - will try again when I'm less tired!

whathasthecatdonenow · 03/08/2012 22:21

Narrative Therapy looks interesting, I will see if I can find someone in the general area.

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Selks · 03/08/2012 22:27

Yeah, Blush, sorry if I posted a link that didn't help explain Narrative Therapy very well. The concepts do sound a little odd until they make sense Grin then it becomes apparent that it is actually one of the most person-centred and empowering kinds of therapies going Smile, and not at all hard to 'do'.

Selks · 03/08/2012 22:30

There aren't that many narrative therapists in the uk yet....it's a (fast) developing therapy globally, with its origins in Australia. You could email here, they might be able to provide a list of practising narrative therapists in the uk.

Selks · 03/08/2012 22:33

'What is Narrative Therapy'

Hope that helps.

I'll shut up now! Grin

thisthreadwilloutme · 03/08/2012 22:40

I just saw you are in the North West, there are some fantastic therapists in Burnley who work with horses, the therapy is for you not the horse! I bet they could really help you. You can contact them through the wellness centre.

Hope you find something that helps.

evansthebread · 03/08/2012 23:30

I feel the pain of everyone suffering here.

I have had PTSD for 16 years and can acknowledge what caused it, but cannot talk about something that happened to me as a child and that only re-surfaced after the 16 year-old incident.

I'm now largely agoraphobic and have severe anxiety and depression. I've also had several counsellors who just tell me that if I "really wanted" to get better, I would. My last OT wanted to report something that happened 12 years ago to the police and I went absolutely ballistic. None of the other 3 counsellors I've had, nor the private one I've had for 4 years, have ever suggested that! I told her that if she did, I would tell the police I'd made it all up. All that would do is re-start the low-level harassment my family and I put up with until 2 years ago and the police could do nothing about. She also wanted me to attend her "confidence" group, despite me telling her by phone before seeing her that I did not want any group anything! Oh, and she wanted me to see her along with two male staff members, despite me telling her beforehand that I did not want to see men under any circumstances.

Halfway through my sessions with her, her colleague intervened, telling me that I was NOT depressed/anxious (she took the tick-box form off me halfway through and finished herself, "oh, you're not like this, you're not like that") but she'd give me PTSD, and her best advice was for me to "go home and drink a bottle of wine" as it'd help my hysteria. Cracking bit of advice for someone who takes 3 types of painkillers and 2 anti-depressants, along with other medication. Not to mention that my self-harm habit is at it's most rampant when I've been drinking so I now don't drink.

I've now been handed on to another counsellor/CPN who rang me for a "get-to-know-me chat. She immediately suggested I take up running (I'm on crutches). She also got VERY aggressive when I said I declined the OT's group sessions, repeatedly asking me, "Why do you think she wanted you to do group sessions?" My appointment's in September, I'm seeing my GP in a fortnight and will ask that I be taken off the list. I don't think anything that I've been offered has "helped" me. So what now?

Where do people who are suffering with this condition go for real help? What works? I have no idea, and I don't think anyone who doesn't have it can really understand the nightmares and flashbacks, the immense fear, the physical reactions of nausea and needing the loo - now! Maybe group therapy does work (coming here anonymously certainly helps), but I could never sit in a group and chat about my experiences - I can't even tell my family.

The experiences of people here that are being written off by professionals is appalling. Do these people think they are helping when they lose patience? I could slap them!

Whatsthecatdonenow - I know exactly what you mean, and behave exactly as you do. I was brought up in a business family and the first rule was "customer first" so we all had to smile/be polite/show nothing but concern with the customer even if we were dying inside. "Smile and the world smiles with you, cry and you cry alone" was my mum's favourite saying - she did us no favours with that gem, I can tell you.

Can I suggest, as others have, writing things down as a first strike against the PTSD? Write as far as you can and if you get upset, burn or delete. You might get a bit further each time, you might not. Don't put yourself in a pressured position. Tell yourself that you are in control at all times when writing. If you hate the words, you have the power to destroy them. I must admit, this approach helped me more than any therapist (though I've never kept any of the words I've written), but I'm nowhere near beating it.

It's a slow process, however you try to get over this horrible condition, and I wish you luck with anything and everything you do.

hellymelly · 04/08/2012 00:05

0207 530366 that's the number for the traumatic stress clinic on Charlotte St. Please give them a ring or get someone to call them for you, I feel they will be far more help than your GP. I'm so sorry you feel at crisis point, things can get better, really they can.

ImperialBlether · 04/08/2012 09:20

I'm so sorry you're having such a bad time and so sorry too for whatever happened in the past.

Just one thing that isn't any help at all, but why on earth were you having therapy for something so upsetting just before you were expected to go to work? I know not everyone can have a 5pm appointment, but you seem to be the obvious choice for one.

yellowraincoat · 04/08/2012 09:34

thisthread the horse therapy sounds great. I don't think that talking about stuff is always necessarily the best way especially with complex things like PTSD. Surely the point is to be able to make peace with yourself, live your life normally again - I think it's a very narrow attitude that says talking is the only way to do that.

The trust that my lovely dog puts in me, the fact that he doesn't judge, doesn't care about any of the stuff that has happened to me or that I've done has been one of the most healing things for me.