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my son is 22 today

75 replies

igotaway · 16/07/2012 19:26

and he hasn't left his room all day. His cards are here and gifts and a lovely cake made by my friend and he hasn't left his room. i am crying for him as he feels no point to life at all. He is OCD he has chronic insomnia, he will not seek help. I am beside myself with worry. He is so sad, so lonely, so bloody intelligent, but he see's no point to life. What am i do do to help him? It is his bithday today. what am i to do

OP posts:
saggarmakersbottomknocker · 17/07/2012 20:11

Oh this sounds dreadful Sad

Hopefully you've made a tiny breakthrough. Perhaps you can try to insist he eats with you each evening to begin with? Some structure to his 'day' even if it's just that one thing and then move on from there. But do call some of the numbers posters have given here, for your own mental health as much as his. You need support in order to support him.

hihohiho · 17/07/2012 21:26

I remember the sheer joy I felt when mine left the door ajar, tiny steps x

blondiedollface · 17/07/2012 21:33

Baby steps :) bit-by-bit Xx

toptramp · 17/07/2012 22:43

Hi OP; I speak as someone who has been sectioned albiet voluntarily. It saved my life it really did. I'm not suggesting that you will have to resort to this but please get some psychiatric help before he does something silly.

OnLineCBTTherapist · 19/07/2012 10:34

Glad the links have been useful - let us know how he and you are...

WowOoo · 19/07/2012 10:44

Have only just read this igot.

Can you get out of this house with him? To a beauty spot, a park, forest or beach and have a long walk and fresh air (if it's not raining where you are!!).

A neutral space might help him open up a bit and you can listen to him and he can listen to you.

Him opening his curtains is making me think of that song by Elbow that has the line 'throw those curtains wide'. Youtube it - it's very uplifting and may move him to positive action.
Really hope things start to get better soon.

OnLineCBTTherapist · 19/07/2012 12:01
igotaway · 20/07/2012 12:28

well here i am again. just to say now that things have improved. we have talked about how low he is feeling and the reasons why. I know why he gets so down, and I know why he can't lift himself, it will take time for him to believe in himself and not feel so hurt when other people let him down. I can only describe it as disapointment with human nature. This brings out the whole 'what is the point?' question.

first of all we addressed the sleep issues - he has been up in the day from midday to midnight. His door has to be open, the blackout curtains open.
secondly we have to eat at the table which we started on wednesday, which was a miracle!

yesterday we went for a walk with the dog. We are very lucky that we live in the countryside, the thing is when you live there you never 'see' it. But he made the effort to walk about for a while which was good.

like so many have advised, baby steps are the thing, we WILL get there.

Thanks so much.

OP posts:
saggarmakersbottomknocker · 20/07/2012 17:45

That's fab igotaway. Keep at it with him. Smile

chipsandmushypeas · 20/07/2012 17:58

What a great update :)

thenightsky · 20/07/2012 20:02

I'm so pleased ig. Well done you!

fairyfriend · 21/07/2012 14:04

Good on you. You sound like a wonderful mum, and he sounds like a very lovely young man. I'm sure you will get him through this. What a fantastic relationship the 2 of you appear to have. I hope I can be as supportive as you if my children ever go through similar issues in the future.

worrywortisworrying · 21/07/2012 14:10

Igotaway - I'm so pleased things are looking brighter.

You sound like an amazing mum!! (and Happy birthday to your son)

igotaway · 06/08/2012 08:45

Back again.
last night he broke down again and cried and cried..i am heartbroken, he is so sad. he is 6ft 2ins - a beautiful boy in tears.
sorry back later

OP posts:
igotaway · 06/08/2012 09:33

he has agreed to go to the GP this afternoon. I told him to write everything down for the GP to read, the insomnia, the purchasing of anatrypaline from the internet, the constant taking of neurofen, constipation, vomiting, not eating, (he has lost half a stone at least) his ocd, his sadness. But being a boy, he might not give over the 'list'. So does anybody think i should go to the GP this morning and give him the list, so he knows whats coming?

OP posts:
incidentalcontinental · 06/08/2012 14:28

Just saw your post Igotaway - my heart goes out to you. Just wanted to say you're doing an incredible job and your son, when he gets better (not 'if' but 'when' - stay positive) will remember what a brilliant mum you were to him when he needed you most. The fact that he's not had therapy or meds approved by the doctor yet means these options are still there, and will hopefully help.
How did he get on at GP? Did you manage to get the list to the GP?

igotaway · 06/08/2012 19:57

Incidental, thank you, I am doing my best. His father who I got away from is no support at all. He is, without doubt, the emotional abuser of all time, he just says...send him too me and I will tire him out, he just needs a kick up the backside. I don't think so!! Anyway the doctor saw him and the list and prescribed mertazapine. So all I can do is wait and see..has anyone used this

Thanks for reading

OP posts:
incidentalcontinental · 07/08/2012 10:35

Sounds like his father is actually the one who needs a kick up the backside - with steel toe capped boots. I haven't taken mirtazipine myself, but have heard good things about it in terms of it being helpful for sleep and calming. Maybe post a separate thread to ask for other MNers' experiences with mirtazipine? I know it's quite a commonly prescribed AD. Getting that prescription is most definitely a step in the right direction, even if it's still tough at first. It's great that he's beginning to be more willing to accept help and I'm sure you've already told him how brave he is for doing so and that you are proud of him.

I'm a few years older than your son, have suffered with horrible anxiety and depression, and my mum has been my rock. She's been exasperated, and doesn't always understand what to do with me (not her fault) but the fact that, at my lowest, I could just crawl into her bed in the morning with her and have a cuddle and a cry really made me feel like I wasn't alone. How are you supposed to know how to cure your son of this? You're not - you just do your best, take all the help and support you can get, and you will get through this, together.

PeopleAreAfraidToMerge · 08/08/2012 22:54

I found Mirtazipine really helpful with insomnia in the past, OP. All I'd say is don't just settle for medication- if there is therapy on offer to be had, he should take it. Together, they will probably be really helpful. Alone, I've never found medication as effective

All the best of luck to you and your DS

orangeandlemons · 16/08/2012 20:54

Mirtazapineis fantastic for sleep and a good ad. It isalso very good against anxiety.

Clomipramine is the best AD for OCD

thunksheadontable · 16/08/2012 21:18

Well done to you and your ds. I just want to say that while you can make every effort to be there with your boy and to connect with him and to ask him to seek help, please know that if he ever does harm himself it will not be your fault. He is a grown man in legal terms and if he chooses not to seek or accept help it will not be your fault. I know as a mother you will never ever feel that way but it's not fair to suggest this is for you to resolve. I think you are doing everything you can do, talking to him and being there and suggesting he seek help and talking it through with him.

butterfingerz · 16/08/2012 22:38

Hi op, I've suffered depression on and off for years, I'm 27. At your sons age, I did go through periods of unemployment and it is so so demoralising, I don't think there is anything worse. What got me through was a few good friends who I was lucky to have, my sisters and my mum did exercise some tough love. She would, gently, pester me about jobs, showing me the job ads in the paper, encouraging me to do applications. I found it highly annoying but I guess looking back it helped.

Depression, sometimes it's like a safety net, it protects you from engaging in real life. It's almost like you don't want to recover because then you'd have to start engaging with new social connections, new experiences which is scary! Especially if you've had knock backs in the past. If he likes reading, maybe you could encourage him to read something like 'The Road Less Travelled', 'Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway', even 'Who Moved My Cheese'!

Would he be interested in taking up an Open University course to help engage his mind into something positive? It would look good to prospective employers too. Is he one for doing sport? Could he join the gym? Like another poster said, her son was helped with focusing on driving lessons, can your DS drive and if not, could you sponser him with that?

There are natural remedies I find really helpful too, my main ones are Magnesium supplements. Google magnesium and depression, it's very enlightening. It also is supposed to help with insomnia. I use a liquid magnesium supplement and a mag oil spray as you can absorb it through skin. I dont think I could do without it now. It's a natural laxative too as you said he suffers in that area. And a vitamin D3 spray, particularly if hes not getting outside.

rubberglove · 19/08/2012 14:02

You have to get your ds some help, he is not well.

fuzzpig · 19/08/2012 14:17

How's he doing now OP?

MrsTomHardy · 19/08/2012 14:44

How about therapy for him, someone outside the family who doesn't know him, someone he can talk to??

Hope things get better for you and your son soon

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